Shmiras Einayim - Revision history

Wikiadmin: /* Other tips */

2021-01-06T12:00:41Z

Other tips

Wikiadmin: /* Davening for the Person */

2021-01-06T11:58:14Z

Davening for the Person

Wikiadmin: /* Techniques */

2021-01-06T11:56:58Z

Techniques

Wikiadmin: /* Techniques */

2021-01-06T11:53:25Z

Techniques

Wikiadmin at 11:05, 1 January 2021

2021-01-01T11:05:53Z

Wikiadmin: /* Techniques */

2020-12-24T08:58:52Z

Techniques

Wikiadmin: /* The Three Second Rule */

2020-12-24T08:51:53Z

The Three Second Rule

Wikiadmin at 21:32, 6 December 2020

2020-12-06T21:32:48Z

Show changes

Wikiadmin at 02:27, 3 December 2020

2020-12-03T02:27:16Z

Wikiadmin at 02:20, 3 December 2020

2020-12-03T02:20:06Z

@@ Line 63: / Line 63: @@
 === Davening for the Person ===
-* Weiss, D. (2000). 101 Freedom Exercises: A Christian Guide for Sex Addiction Recovery (3rd Ed). Tip 14 - Pray for those we objectify.
+* Weiss, D. (2000). 101 Freedom Exercises (3rd Ed). Tip 14 - Pray for those we objectify.
 * My favorite tool for<nowiki/> getting the thoughts out of my head is ignoring them. I have discovered that I really am the ba'al habos of my head...sometimes. If '''that'''<nowiki/>' does not work, I make sure to try and do the diametric opposite of whatever my lust is: Meaning, instead of worshipping or sexually devouring the person or image or whatever, I pause and pray (with actual spoken words, in private) for the person or institution involved me'umka deliba as best I am able right then. Not for them to 'finally see the light and stop being so provocative or promiscuous` - that judgementalism poisons me no matter how much my morality agrees with it. It is ''more'' than useless. Rather, I daven that Hashem should give them health and comfort in this life and whatever is afterward, and that He grant them a progressive awareness of Him and of all the good in their lives, and that He give them clarity in how all the good in their lives comes from Him, and that he even grants them acceptance that all the hard times they may have in their long futures is a ''gift'' from Him somehow, and that they also have peace of mind to really do right by themselves and by G-d. Then I may ask for all the same for me: Health, Comfort, Progressive awareness of Him in my life, and Peace of mind.<ref>#Dov - Excerpt from <nowiki>https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/80197-getting-the-urge-OUT-of-your-head-the-thread#104007</nowiki></ref>
@@ Line 76: / Line 76: @@
 == Other tips ==
 * See [[Situation-focused reappraisal]] (includes nice study about 2 methods)
 * Commit not to look around curiously, and that you're only goal is to get to your destination. (והאר עיננו עמ' ו)
 ** Same idea in Positive Vision Day 61.
@@ Line 194: / Line 195: @@
 * Sex addicts (just like the rest of us) are not in control of the thoughts and ideas that pop into their minds at any given moment. What they can control, however, is how they act when they unexpectedly encounter problematic thoughts, triggers, or ideas. For instance, after recognizing that there is an unexpectedly attractive or seductively dressed person on the street, for example, they can train themselves to do the following, rather than allowing themselves to “get into” addiction thinking (try it, it works well). 1st Second—Take one second to acknowledge that this is an attractive person or situation that you find arousing and a turn on (sexual attraction is a natural part of being human that must be acknowledged, not shamed or avoided). 2nd Second—Look away. Look down or away, take this second to appreciate the sky, your surroundings, anything other than the object of your desire. Let yourself be aware that you are struggling; that you would rather keep staring at that person or get something (sexual) going with them or someone else. Allow the feeling, but instead of acting on it, take an opposite action by choosing to look away. 3rd Second—While still looking away, imagine in your mind that person as someone’s daughter, granddaughter, nephew, son, etc. See them (in your mind, not by looking at them a second time) as a genuine, spiritual, real person, worthy of love, who doesn’t deserve to be used sexually or romantically and then thrown away. Then keep moving on. By allowing the feeling, choosing to turn away and then de-objectifying the person, you get to stay in the world and feel okay about yourself, as a healthy person with healthy sexual desires, who does not act on them every time you feel them, and as someone who appreciates that people are people, not objects. The more addicts practice this simple exercise the easier it becomes to “be” in the world with less temptation and more hope. ''Weiss, Robert. Sex Addiction 101 (pp. 210-211). Health Communications, Inc.. Kindle Edition.''
 * If we see something inappropriate (on the first look), we can implement the "three-second rule." Doing so involves three steps: alert, avert, and affirm. The first step is to realize that we're seeing something inappropriate. That's the "alert" stage, and it may take a second or two. The second step is to close our eyes or look away. That's the "avert" stage. These two steps should take place within [about] three seconds. The third step is to give yourself a mental "pat on the back" thinking something like, "I saw that by mistake, and I quickly looked away. I'm still clean and, G-d willing, I'm going to build on that, one day at a time." That's the "affirm" stage. This is crucial, because as addicts, it's often the first slip that does us in ("just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid the first slip"). Many times we feel, "I looked away, but maybe I waited a drop longer than I had to". Then the Yetzer Hara makes us feel guilty when we’ve done nothing wrong at all, and that can lead to further slips and falls. The "three-second rule" recognizes that it may take a second or two to realize that something is amiss, and only then are we expected to look away. ''The GYE Handbook''
-* Weiss, D. (2000). 101 Freedom Exercises: A Christian Guide for Sex Addiction Recovery (3rd Edition).  Tip 13 - The '''One Second Rule'''.
+* Weiss, D. (2000). 101 Freedom Exercise (3rd Ed.).  Tip 13 - The '''One Second Rule'''.
 '''The Beard Test'''

@@ Line 63: / Line 63: @@
 === Davening for the Person ===
-* My favorite tool for getting the thoughts out of my head is ignoring them. I have discovered that I really am the ba'al habos of my head...sometimes. If '''that'''<nowiki/>' does not work, I make sure to try and do the diametric opposite of whatever my lust is: Meaning, instead of worshipping or sexually devouring the person or image or whatever, I pause and pray (with actual spoken words, in private) for the person or institution involved me'umka deliba as best I am able right then. Not for them to 'finally see the light and stop being so provocative or promiscuous` - that judgementalism poisons me no matter how much my morality agrees with it. It is ''more'' than useless. Rather, I daven that Hashem should give them health and comfort in this life and whatever is afterward, and that He grant them a progressive awareness of Him and of all the good in their lives, and that He give them clarity in how all the good in their lives comes from Him, and that he even grants them acceptance that all the hard times they may have in their long futures is a ''gift'' from Him somehow, and that they also have peace of mind to really do right by themselves and by G-d. Then I may ask for all the same for me: Health, Comfort, Progressive awareness of Him in my life, and Peace of mind.<ref>#Dov - Excerpt from <nowiki>https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/80197-getting-the-urge-OUT-of-your-head-the-thread#104007</nowiki></ref>
+* Weiss, D. (2000). 101 Freedom Exercises: A Christian Guide for Sex Addiction Recovery (3rd Ed). Tip 14 - Pray for those we objectify.
 * I also tried the davening approach; so I prayed for her, but I was praying that she and I would be holding hands by the Kosel (thru the mechitzah of course), both of us fervently praying that this relationship should last.<ref>#Trouble - https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/330962-Mickey-Mouse-Approach#330962</ref>

@@ Line 193: / Line 193: @@
 * Sex addicts (just like the rest of us) are not in control of the thoughts and ideas that pop into their minds at any given moment. What they can control, however, is how they act when they unexpectedly encounter problematic thoughts, triggers, or ideas. For instance, after recognizing that there is an unexpectedly attractive or seductively dressed person on the street, for example, they can train themselves to do the following, rather than allowing themselves to “get into” addiction thinking (try it, it works well). 1st Second—Take one second to acknowledge that this is an attractive person or situation that you find arousing and a turn on (sexual attraction is a natural part of being human that must be acknowledged, not shamed or avoided). 2nd Second—Look away. Look down or away, take this second to appreciate the sky, your surroundings, anything other than the object of your desire. Let yourself be aware that you are struggling; that you would rather keep staring at that person or get something (sexual) going with them or someone else. Allow the feeling, but instead of acting on it, take an opposite action by choosing to look away. 3rd Second—While still looking away, imagine in your mind that person as someone’s daughter, granddaughter, nephew, son, etc. See them (in your mind, not by looking at them a second time) as a genuine, spiritual, real person, worthy of love, who doesn’t deserve to be used sexually or romantically and then thrown away. Then keep moving on. By allowing the feeling, choosing to turn away and then de-objectifying the person, you get to stay in the world and feel okay about yourself, as a healthy person with healthy sexual desires, who does not act on them every time you feel them, and as someone who appreciates that people are people, not objects. The more addicts practice this simple exercise the easier it becomes to “be” in the world with less temptation and more hope. ''Weiss, Robert. Sex Addiction 101 (pp. 210-211). Health Communications, Inc.. Kindle Edition.''
 * If we see something inappropriate (on the first look), we can implement the "three-second rule." Doing so involves three steps: alert, avert, and affirm. The first step is to realize that we're seeing something inappropriate. That's the "alert" stage, and it may take a second or two. The second step is to close our eyes or look away. That's the "avert" stage. These two steps should take place within [about] three seconds. The third step is to give yourself a mental "pat on the back" thinking something like, "I saw that by mistake, and I quickly looked away. I'm still clean and, G-d willing, I'm going to build on that, one day at a time." That's the "affirm" stage. This is crucial, because as addicts, it's often the first slip that does us in ("just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid the first slip"). Many times we feel, "I looked away, but maybe I waited a drop longer than I had to". Then the Yetzer Hara makes us feel guilty when we’ve done nothing wrong at all, and that can lead to further slips and falls. The "three-second rule" recognizes that it may take a second or two to realize that something is amiss, and only then are we expected to look away. ''The GYE Handbook''
 '''The Beard Test'''

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:53, 6 January 2021
Line 202:		Line 202:

	* Reference: Ch. 11 - Your Red Light Guy: Change Sexual Energy into Positive Behavior Collins, George; Adleman, Andrew. Breaking the Cycle (p. 140). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.		* Reference: Ch. 11 - Your Red Light Guy: Change Sexual Energy into Positive Behavior Collins, George; Adleman, Andrew. Breaking the Cycle (p. 140). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.
		+	'''Rubber Band'''
		+
		+	* Rubber Band - See 101 Tips by Weiss Tip 11 - Retraining the Brain (for fantasies)

	== Notes ==		== Notes ==

@@ Line 75: / Line 75: @@
 == Other tips ==
 * Commit not to look around curiously, and that you're only goal is to get to your destination. (והאר עיננו עמ' ו)
 ** Same idea in Positive Vision Day 61.

@@ Line 194: / Line 194: @@
 '''The Beard Test'''
-This is an exercise that you can do in a few seconds any time it’s necessary. [When you catch yourself objectifying a woman.] Run your open palm across your cheek, moving from your neck up toward your eyes (opposite the way your facial hair grows). If it makes a noise, you’re a man. I call this the Beard Test. It’s something I do when I occasionally catch myself objectifying women or I notice myself feeling young or immature. It’s a simple test you can do anywhere and at any time to remind you that you are an adult. Try the Beard Test or find your own version. It works if you work it. You don’t have to live in reaction to your history. There are no pimples on your face anymore. You have a beard now, and when rubbed, it makes a noise.... I also do the Beard Test when I spend more than three seconds looking at a woman. I call this “The Three-Second Rule.” Sometimes I don’t even know I’m doing the Beard Test. It has become a positive, unconscious behavior that I do to correct my old addictive story line. It would be helpful for you to use the Beard Test or to create your own reminder ritual.  ''Collins, George; Adleman, Andrew. Breaking the Cycle (p. 64). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.'' <blockquote>The Beard Test, and the Three Second Rule In Chapter 5 of Breaking the Cycle, I explained something called the Beard Test and the Three Second Rule. These are simply little reminder rituals that I use when I begin to feel the pull of my compulsive behavior trying to take over. For the Beard Test, I simply run my hand along my cheek to feel for whiskers or stubble. When I feel them, and hear the sound it makes, I immediately remind myself that I am a MAN...NOT a little boy. I can be in control of my own actions and do not have to live in service to this regressive thinking. The Three Second Rule is another tool I use. If I catch myself looking at (or objectifying) a woman for more than three seconds, I remind myself to look away. This is a way to catch myself and to create a filter. These techniques work like a porn blocker on the computer. ''Collins, George. Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame - The Workbook . Neulia, by Compulsion Solutions. Kindle Edition.'' </blockquote>
+This is an exercise that you can do in a few seconds any time it’s necessary. [When you catch yourself objectifying a woman.] Run your open palm across your cheek, moving from your neck up toward your eyes (opposite the way your facial hair grows). If it makes a noise, you’re a man. I call this the Beard Test. It’s something I do when I occasionally catch myself objectifying women or I notice myself feeling young or immature. It’s a simple test you can do anywhere and at any time to remind you that you are an adult. Try the Beard Test or find your own version. It works if you work it. You don’t have to live in reaction to your history. There are no pimples on your face anymore. You have a beard now, and when rubbed, it makes a noise.... I also do the Beard Test when I spend more than three seconds looking at a woman. I call this “The Three-Second Rule.” Sometimes I don’t even know I’m doing the Beard Test. It has become a positive, unconscious behavior that I do to correct my old addictive story line. It would be helpful for you to use the Beard Test or to create your own reminder ritual.  ''Collins, George; Adleman, Andrew. Breaking the Cycle (p. 64). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.'' <blockquote>The Beard Test, and the Three Second Rule In Chapter 5 of Breaking the Cycle, I explained something called the Beard Test and the Three Second Rule. These are simply little reminder rituals that I use when I begin to feel the pull of my compulsive behavior trying to take over. For the Beard Test, I simply run my hand along my cheek to feel for whiskers or stubble. When I feel them, and hear the sound it makes, I immediately remind myself that I am a MAN...NOT a little boy. I can be in control of my own actions and do not have to live in service to this regressive thinking. The Three Second Rule is another tool I use. If I catch myself looking at (or objectifying) a woman for more than three seconds, I remind myself to look away. This is a way to catch myself and to create a filter. These techniques work like a porn blocker on the computer. ''Collins, George. Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame - The Workbook . Neulia, by Compulsion Solutions. Kindle Edition.'' </blockquote>'''First Thought Wrong'''
 == Notes ==

@@ Line 188: / Line 188: @@
 ==Daily ''Chizuk''==
-== The Three Second Rule ==
+== Techniques ==
+'''The Three Second Rule'''
 * Sex addicts (just like the rest of us) are not in control of the thoughts and ideas that pop into their minds at any given moment. What they can control, however, is how they act when they unexpectedly encounter problematic thoughts, triggers, or ideas. For instance, after recognizing that there is an unexpectedly attractive or seductively dressed person on the street, for example, they can train themselves to do the following, rather than allowing themselves to “get into” addiction thinking (try it, it works well). 1st Second—Take one second to acknowledge that this is an attractive person or situation that you find arousing and a turn on (sexual attraction is a natural part of being human that must be acknowledged, not shamed or avoided). 2nd Second—Look away. Look down or away, take this second to appreciate the sky, your surroundings, anything other than the object of your desire. Let yourself be aware that you are struggling; that you would rather keep staring at that person or get something (sexual) going with them or someone else. Allow the feeling, but instead of acting on it, take an opposite action by choosing to look away. 3rd Second—While still looking away, imagine in your mind that person as someone’s daughter, granddaughter, nephew, son, etc. See them (in your mind, not by looking at them a second time) as a genuine, spiritual, real person, worthy of love, who doesn’t deserve to be used sexually or romantically and then thrown away. Then keep moving on. By allowing the feeling, choosing to turn away and then de-objectifying the person, you get to stay in the world and feel okay about yourself, as a healthy person with healthy sexual desires, who does not act on them every time you feel them, and as someone who appreciates that people are people, not objects. The more addicts practice this simple exercise the easier it becomes to “be” in the world with less temptation and more hope. ''Weiss, Robert. Sex Addiction 101 (pp. 210-211). Health Communications, Inc.. Kindle Edition.''
 * If we see something inappropriate (on the first look), we can implement the "three-second rule." Doing so involves three steps: alert, avert, and affirm. The first step is to realize that we're seeing something inappropriate. That's the "alert" stage, and it may take a second or two. The second step is to close our eyes or look away. That's the "avert" stage. These two steps should take place within [about] three seconds. The third step is to give yourself a mental "pat on the back" thinking something like, "I saw that by mistake, and I quickly looked away. I'm still clean and, G-d willing, I'm going to build on that, one day at a time." That's the "affirm" stage. This is crucial, because as addicts, it's often the first slip that does us in ("just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid the first slip"). Many times we feel, "I looked away, but maybe I waited a drop longer than I had to". Then the Yetzer Hara makes us feel guilty when we’ve done nothing wrong at all, and that can lead to further slips and falls. The "three-second rule" recognizes that it may take a second or two to realize that something is amiss, and only then are we expected to look away. ''The GYE Handbook''
 == Notes ==

@@ Line 7: / Line 7: @@
 * Stories - והאר עיננו עמ' יד ואילך
 * Advantages - והאר עיננו פרק א
-* Second looks ישראל קדושים הארפענעס עמ' קב בשם הקובריענע זצ"ל מובא בתורת אבות
+* Second looks ישראל קדושים הארפענעס עמ' קב בשם הקובריענע זצ"ל מובא בתורת אבות. In general, he has many tips there in Ch. 4.
 '''Rav Friedlander's Positive Approach'''