Twerski on GYE - Members Share - Revision history

The.guard: /* Dov shares Rabbi Twerski's involvement in his recovery */

2021-02-21T12:26:17Z

Dov shares Rabbi Twerski's involvement in his recovery

The.guard: /* "All My Needs" */

2021-02-21T12:16:05Z

"All My Needs"

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The.guard at 12:38, 14 February 2021

2021-02-14T12:38:05Z

The.guard: /* "Onestepatatime" writes to GYE: */

2021-02-10T16:55:19Z

"Onestepatatime" writes to GYE:

The.guard at 16:23, 10 February 2021

2021-02-10T16:23:09Z

The.guard at 17:12, 9 February 2021

2021-02-09T17:12:11Z

The.guard: /* All My Needs */

2021-02-08T20:02:24Z

All My Needs

The.guard at 19:49, 8 February 2021

2021-02-08T19:49:55Z

The.guard: Created page with "== All My Needs == by JD I heard Rabbi/Dr.Tweski speak a couple of days ago and he asked, "why is the ''bracha'' of ''''''she'asah li kol zarki''''' - '''''He did fo..."

2021-02-07T20:32:52Z

Created page with "== All My Needs == by JD I heard Rabbi/Dr.Tweski speak a couple of days ago and he asked, "why is the ''bracha'' of '''''<nowiki/>'she'asah li kol zarki''''' - '''''He did fo..."

New page

== All My Needs ==
by JD

I heard Rabbi/Dr.Tweski speak a couple of days ago and he asked, "why is the ''bracha'' of '''''<nowiki/>'she'asah li kol zarki''''' - '''''He did for me all my needs'''''' in past tense, when the other ''birchos hashachar'' are in present tense? He answered that ''chazal'' didn't want people to make the ''bracha'' while thinking, ''"hey, I don't have '''this''' and I don't have '''that''', and Hashem still hasn't fixed this or that problem"''. Only when we look back on things later can we realize that we had everything that we needed, and that He did indeed provide it to us.

Hopefully, very quickly, we will be able to look back and see how far we have come and things will start being better for us. And hopefully we'll even merit to see that this struggle was good for us all along!

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 == Dov shares Rabbi Twerski's involvement in his recovery ==
-Thank G-d I've been clean each day for 24 years since I started attending Sexaholics Anonymous meetings in Adar of 1997. But five years before that (in 1992), I called Rabbi Twerski (from a payphone - anyone here remember those?) for help. Of course, the reason I 'bit the bullet' and made the call that ''particular'' day was because I had '''just''' made yet another round of self-destructive sexual choices (though they certainly didn't feel like 'choices', at the time!) that shocked myself, just a few minutes before...so I felt needed to make another frantic, spur-of-the-moment scream for help. The pain was terrible. And my call was filled with hope.
+Thank G-d I've been clean each day for 24 years since I started attending Sexaholics Anonymous meetings in Adar of 1997. But five years before that (in 1992), I called Rabbi Twerski (from a payphone - anyone remember those?) for help. Of course, the reason I 'bit the bullet' and made the call that ''particular'' day was because I had '''just''' made yet another round of self-destructive sexual choices (though they certainly didn't feel like 'choices', at the time!) that shocked myself, just a few minutes before...so I felt needed to make another frantic, spur-of-the-moment scream for help. The pain was terrible. And my call was filled with hope.
-By that time ('92), I had been acting out with pornography, masturbation and other ways to get erotically high, for about 16 years, 6 of them, as a married guy learning, giving shiurim, and in school for a trade. By '92, I had opened up about (at least part of) my problem to 3 Rabbonim and 2 psychologists...all while succeeding at keeping nearly all my behaviors secret from my wife. Well, ''getting married'' obviously didn't help me because my behaviors only got '''''worse''''' over the last 4 or 5 years; the well-meaning Rabbonim and decent psychologists surely tried their best but I was still getting worse, not better. I was beginning to perceive that there really was nothing my wife, my Rabbonim, or therapists could possibly do to save me from myself and my terrible, secret problem. But I had remembered my Ace-in-the-hole, Rabbi Twerski!
+By that time ('92), I had been acting out with pornography, masturbation and other ways to get erotically high, for about 16 years, 6 of them, as a married guy learning, giving shiurim, and in school for a trade. By '92, I had opened up about (at least part of) my problem to 3 Rabbonim and 2 psychologists...all while succeeding at keeping nearly all my behaviors secret from my wife. Well, ''getting married'' obviously didn't help me because my behaviors had only gotten '''''worse''''' over the last 4 or 5 years; the well-meaning Rabbonim and decent psychologists surely tried their best but I was still getting worse, not better. I was beginning to perceive that there really was nothing my wife, my Rabbonim, or therapists could possibly do to save me from myself and my terrible, secret problem. But I had remembered my Ace-in-the-hole, Rabbi Twerski!
-By that time, I had already read a couple of his great books (Let Us Make Man, being my favorite) and was very impressed. I had also been listening to a "Daily Reflection on Recovery" phone line he had. The phone number was 1-800-45SOBER, as I recall. I discovered the number scribbled on the wall in a yeshiva somewhere. So I called! Everyday he had another great, 1-minute message about addiction and recovery. Sometimes, I played his message over again because it was very meaningful. And at end of every message, his secretary Kim gave a plug for his latest book, given book. Her voice was very-sounding to me and even though I would occasionally play ''his'' messages over again, it was Kim's messages that I would play over, and over, sometimes even while in bed with my wife sleeping nearby...
+By that time, I had already read a couple of his great books ("Let Us Make Man", being my favorite) and was very impressed. I had also been listening to a "Daily Reflection on Recovery" phone line he had. The phone number was 1-800-45SOBER, as I recall. I discovered the number scribbled on the wall in a yeshiva somewhere. So I called! Everyday he had another great, 1-minute message about addiction and recovery. Sometimes, I played his message over again because it was very meaningful. And at end of every message, his secretary Kim gave a plug for his latest, given book. Her voice was very-sounding to me and even though I would occasionally play ''his'' messages over again, it was Kim's messages that I would play over, and over, sometimes even while in bed with my wife sleeping nearby...
-And 20 years later, when I spent a couple of hours with Rabbi Twerski in his house in Teaneck, I told him all about Kim's part of his message! He laughed hard, and so did I! Addicts in recovery can '''laugh''' about our  old behaviors because we are now revealed to be "guilty but mostly stupid' in our efforts. I was never trying to be bad and we both knew it. I was just totally clueless at how to get by in life, and porn, sex, and schmitz were all I really trusted! It's not about whether it was right or wrong, good or bad...it was just a fact. My behavior proved without any doubt what my beliefs were. I wanted with my whole heart and neshoma to be good, but I obviously trusted erratic excitement more than anything else. I sacrificed so much for it, took so many risks, felt so bad and kept doing it anyway for so many years...'''''that's''''' devotion, that's trust. The Rabbi and I could laugh because we're "no longer afraid of the past and we don't shut the door on it" - and we can even laugh about it, at times. We know that we were just doing the best we could, at the time, with our (very) addled minds. Recovery involves lots of behavioral changes (no more lying, no more hiding, etc), but it also involves giving up seeing ourselves as the center of the universe, the narcissistic frum drama of it all...we can laugh again, even at our mistakes. And we can surrender Lust and Fantasy in a fellowship of other imperfect people doing the same.
+And 20 years later, when I spent a couple of hours with Rabbi Twerski in his house in Teaneck, I told him all about Kim's part of his message! He laughed hard, and so did I! Addicts in recovery can '''laugh''' about our old behaviors because we are now revealed to be "guilty but mostly stupid' in our efforts. I was never trying to be bad and we both knew it. I was just totally clueless at how to get by in life, and porn, sex, and schmutz were all I really trusted! It's not about whether it was right or wrong, good or bad...it was just a fact. My behavior proved without any doubt what my beliefs were. I wanted with my whole heart and neshoma to be good, but I obviously trusted erotic excitement more than anything else. I sacrificed so much for it, took so many risks, felt so bad and kept doing it anyway for so many years...'''''that's''''' devotion, that's trust. The Rabbi and I could laugh because we're "no longer afraid of the past and we don't shut the door on it" - and we can even laugh about it, at times. We know that we were just doing the best we could, at the time, with our (very) addled minds. Recovery involves lots of behavioral changes (no more lying, no more hiding, etc), but it also involves giving up seeing ourselves as the center of the universe, the narcissistic frum drama of it all...we can laugh again, even at our mistakes. And we can surrender Lust and Fantasy in a fellowship of other imperfect people doing the same.
-By the way, the reason I was at Rabbi Twerski's house in Teaneck a couple of years ago was because we were discussing his book, "Teshuvah Through Recovery," that had about 20 pages of my posts on GYE.)
+By the way, the reason I was at Rabbi Twerski's house in Teaneck a couple of years ago was because we were discussing his book, "Teshuvah Through Recovery," that had about 20 pages of my posts on GYE.
 The way I got in touch with Rabbi Twerski in the first place, was only because this same Kim would always mention that Dr Twerski worked out of the "Gateway Rehabilitation Center in Aliquippa PA". I called 'information' from that payphone and asked for Aliquippa in Pennsylvania, eventually asking for the Gateway Rehabilitation center there, and then for Dr Twerski's office. And presto, there he was on the phone! I couldn't believe it. The cavalry was coming in, finally.
-Well, I described a great deal of my behaviors to him, there on the street, whispering from fear of the passersby. He told me I'd never get better on my own. At the time, he didn't really know much about Sexaholics Anonymous. It seems to me that at that time he still had not made up his mind whether lust addiction exists at all, or not. But he obviously heard the cyclical and progressive story I told about my behaviors he heard what I went through for 10 years, then for 6 years of marriage, and he understood why it didn't get better, only worse. He heard the same story all the alcoholics and drug addicts tell. And he told me that I had no real chance of success unless I registered myself into a rehab center for intensive therapy, or joined with a group of other people getting better from the same problem. (Later, he became a great friend of Sexaholics Anonymous and I was present in the crowd hearing him speak at Sexaholics Anonymous conferences, as a guest...but he didn't really know what address to send me to back in 1992.)
+Well, I described a great deal of my behaviors to him, there on the street, whispering in fear of the passersby. He told me I'd never get better on my own. At the time, he didn't really know much about Sexaholics Anonymous. It seems to me that at that time he still had not made up his mind whether lust addiction exists at all, or not. But he obviously heard the cyclical and progressive story I told about my behaviors he heard what I went through for 10 years, then for 6 years of marriage, and he understood why it didn't get better, only worse. He was hearing the same story that all the alcoholics and drug addicts tell. And he told me that I had no real chance of success unless I registered myself into a rehab center for intensive therapy, or joined with a group of other people getting better from the same problem. (Later, he became a great friend of Sexaholics Anonymous and I was present in the crowd hearing him speak at Sexaholics Anonymous conferences, as a guest. But back in 1992, he didn't really know what address to send me to yet).
 Well, I got off the phone after thanking him profusely...and went back to struggling with my phone sex, pornography, and masturbation for the next 5 years. Nothing had changed, at all.
-I was caught by my wife in late 1995...that didn't stop me, either. I spent about a year with my fourth try with a therapist and even medication, but continued choosing lust and erotic adventure over real life; got worse, not better. I hit bottom in early 1997 and finally went to a bona fide sex addiction therapist. I told her my entire story without holding back anything and she knew how to get even more honesty out of me. And then she broke the bad news to me: she said she couldn't really help me because she can't really save ''any'' addicts. She told me that what I needed more than self-control, was self honesty. And that the only place I could learn self honesty was in a fellowship of other sober people getting better from the very same problem I had, myself.
+I was caught by my wife in late 1995...that didn't stop me, either. I spent about a year with my fourth try with a therapist and even medication, but continued choosing lust and erotic adventure over real life; getting only worse, not better. I hit bottom in early 1997 and finally went to a bona fide sex addiction therapist. I told her my entire story without holding back anything and she knew how to get even more honesty out of me. And then she broke the bad news to me: she said she couldn't really help me because she can't really save ''any'' addicts. She told me that what I needed more than self-control, was self honesty. And that the only place I could learn self honesty was in a fellowship of other sober people getting better from the very same problem I had, myself.
 Rabbi Twerski's advice from 5 years earlier was finally acceptable to me. My own bankruptcy and behavior had convinced me to surrender. To finally give up trying to control this thing...because an addict like me is too ill to successfully use and control their drug. But we definitely can be free of it!
-And even if using schmitz were somehow a great mitzvah, I would not be able to control it successfully and would be 100% patur from it. The point is that - unlike normal yidden (or gentiles) - I am just too ill to successfully control it. And Hashem knows that. For me it's '''not''' about kedusha, '''not''' about Teshuvah...it's about survival and being in life, for '''real...just like it is for alcoholics regarding alcohol.''' And when I said this to Rabbi Twerski, he responded, "Of course! What else could it be?!"
+And even if using schmutz were somehow a great mitzvah, I would not be able to control it successfully and would be 100% patur from it. The point is that - unlike normal yidden (or gentiles) - I am just too ill to successfully control it. And Hashem knows that. For me it's '''not''' about kedusha, '''not''' about Teshuvah...it's about survival and being in life, for '''real...just like it is for alcoholics regarding alcohol.''' And when I said this to Rabbi Twerski, he responded, "Of course! What else could it be?!"
 I thanked him for planting that seed in my head, even if at the time he didn't yet understand it fully, himself. We shared a hug, a tear, and a smile.

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:38, 14 February 2021
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	Thank you very, very much. Sincerely, Sue J (Concord, California)		Thank you very, very much. Sincerely, Sue J (Concord, California)
		+
		+	== D.G. wrote: ==
		+	I was zoche to hear HaRav AJH Twerski tz"l speak twice in Yeshiva (2 different yeshivas :), first on Shalom Bayis and then on Simcha. He brought a maaseh of an argument about Chanuka / Shabbos lecht and pointed out that the main sugya on Shalom Bayis is on the Same Sugya/Daf in Shabbos Bamei Madlikin! The shiur on Simcha (not just Happiness - I have the book too) reinforced what I have long been told, that the pursuit of pleasure is not a solid foundation for developing personally, emotionally or spiritually and not a model for a Yiddishe Shteib. On the other hand being besimcha tamid includes even the difficult things in life including bereavement because simcha is not just happiness. I just saw in the Chok leYisroel that true simcha is a segula for shmiras einayim against pritzus. On the second occasion I told Rav Twerski TZ"l that I loved his sfarim and that I felt they changed my life. He said to me "Do you why people like them? Because I never wrote anything new." from which I understood that he meant he just brought what he learnt from the eternal words of Chazal applied in the very challenging but potentially beautiful & sweet real world of maaseh we live in. I am quite sure that his teachings paved my path to a strong kesher with tzadikim and Chassidus as well as emesdik avodas H and BE"H shalom bayis. Our 5 daughters knein hora are very much in his Zchus as well as the simcha that IY"H radiates from our home.

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:55, 10 February 2021
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	Hatzlacha to you all. And thank you again to the head guys here at gye. May Hashem bless you with endless strength to continue your wonderful work.		Hatzlacha to you all. And thank you again to the head guys here at gye. May Hashem bless you with endless strength to continue your wonderful work.
		+
		+	== Susan J. wrote: ==
		+	Hi - I want very much to thank Rabbi Twerski for changing my life through his writings. He is the mentor, therapist, Rebbe, sponsor and friend I have been seeking my entire life, (I will turn 70 on July 8th, 2019).
		+
		+	My greatest wish is that I be able to thank Rabbi Twerski either on the telephone, in person, by letter or by email and feel that he has heard my thanks. Is there any way you can give me an email address or other address or number for him?
		+
		+	Thank you very, very much. Sincerely, Sue J (Concord, California)

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:23, 10 February 2021
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	While I have obviously heard this many times before on this site, it really struck me the way he said it. My ''Maariv'' was definitely different, and hopefully I can start living more right now.		While I have obviously heard this many times before on this site, it really struck me the way he said it. My ''Maariv'' was definitely different, and hopefully I can start living more right now.
		+
		+	== "Onestepatatime" writes to GYE: ==
		+	Wow, I did it! 90 days!
		+
		+	I would first like to thank you guys for your special work. You guys are really saving klal yisroel.
		+
		+	I just wanted to share a couple of ideas that helped me make it this far in my journey.
		+
		+	The fist thing I did was take it one day a time. I read this statement from the Klausenberger Rebbe, I think on gye. It said the following ''"In my youth, I was considered a bright and diligent student. How did I accomplish this? I tricked my yetzer hara. Other children had great plans at the beginning of the school year for the whole year, but in the end they failed. I said to myself, "I am going to plan just for today - and set goal for this day only". The Satan, not being interested in a single day, left me alone. The next day, I again just made plans for that day, and so on until the end of the year."'' - '''Klausenberger Rebbe. '''
		+
		+	That is what I tried to do. When I felt an urge I would tell myself not today maybe tomorrow but definitely not today. Slowly days turned into weeks and weeks turned into a month. '''I saw in a book from Rabbi Twerski that in AA people count their sobriety by the day. He told a story of someone who said that another participant was sober longer because she had woken up earlier and was still sober. So that became my model one day at a time.'''
		+
		+	I also saw a video f Rabbi Alon Anava’s NDE. In it he described the intense embarrassment he felt in front of Hashem and all the neshamos in the world were looking at his whole life seeing everything he ever did. I would constantly remind myself of this. I would ask myself if the pleasure now would be worth the embarrassment later. Walking in the street I would go without glasses as much as possible. It doesn’t help at close distance but it helps a lot. I also tried to be listening to a shiur or chizuk as much as possible whenever I had free time. Lastly but most certainly the most important thing I did was daven. Every day I would ask Hashem to help me overcome my desires. That I only lust for him and my wife. That I should come close to him and stay there my whole life.
		+
		+	These past 90 days were very hard. Now that I am on the other side I feel like a whole new person. I feel better about myself. My self-esteem grew immensely. I will still take it one day at a time and Be”H the next thing I know I will be dancing with all of you in the front lines greeting Mashiach!
		+
		+	Hatzlacha to you all. And thank you again to the head guys here at gye. May Hashem bless you with endless strength to continue your wonderful work.

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		+	[http://wiki.guardyoureyes.com/Twerski_on_GYE Main Index]
		+
	== "All My Needs" ==		== "All My Needs" ==
	I heard Rabbi/Dr.Tweski speak a couple of days ago and he asked, "why is the ''bracha'' of '''''<nowiki/>'she'asah li kol zarki''''' - '''''He did for me all my needs'''''' in past tense, when the other ''birchos hashachar'' are in present tense? He answered that ''chazal'' didn't want people to make the ''bracha'' while thinking, ''"hey, I don't have '''this''' and I don't have '''that''', and Hashem still hasn't fixed this or that problem"''. Only when we look back on things later can we realize that we had everything that we needed, and that He did indeed provide it to us.		I heard Rabbi/Dr.Tweski speak a couple of days ago and he asked, "why is the ''bracha'' of '''''<nowiki/>'she'asah li kol zarki''''' - '''''He did for me all my needs'''''' in past tense, when the other ''birchos hashachar'' are in present tense? He answered that ''chazal'' didn't want people to make the ''bracha'' while thinking, ''"hey, I don't have '''this''' and I don't have '''that''', and Hashem still hasn't fixed this or that problem"''. Only when we look back on things later can we realize that we had everything that we needed, and that He did indeed provide it to us.

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-== All My Needs ==
+== "All My Needs" ==
-by JD
+I heard Rabbi/Dr.Tweski speak a couple of days ago and he asked, "why is the ''bracha'' of '''''<nowiki/>'she'asah li kol zarki''''' - '''''He did for me all my needs'''''' in past tense, when the other ''birchos hashachar'' are in present tense? He answered that ''chazal'' didn't want people to make the ''bracha'' while thinking, ''"hey, I don't have '''this''' and I don't have '''that''', and Hashem still hasn't fixed this or that problem"''. Only when we look back on things later can we realize that we had everything that we needed, and that He did indeed provide it to us.
-I heard Rabbi/Dr.Tweski speak a couple of days ago and he asked, "why is the ''bracha'' of '''''<nowiki/>'she'asah li kol zarki''''' - '''''He did for me all my needs'''''' in past tense, when the other ''birchos hashachar'' are in present tense? He answered that ''chazal'' didn't want people to make the ''bracha'' while thinking, ''"hey, I don't have '''this''' and I don't have '''that''', and Hashem still hasn't fixed this or that problem"''. Only when we look back on things later can we realize that we had everything that we needed, and that He did indeed provide it to us.
+'''''<nowiki/>'''''
 Hopefully, very quickly, we will be able to look back and see how far we have come and things will start being better for us. And hopefully we'll even merit to see that this struggle was good for us all along

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:49, 8 February 2021
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	I heard Rabbi/Dr.Tweski speak a couple of days ago and he asked, "why is the ''bracha'' of '''''<nowiki/>'she'asah li kol zarki''''' - '''''He did for me all my needs'''''' in past tense, when the other ''birchos hashachar'' are in present tense? He answered that ''chazal'' didn't want people to make the ''bracha'' while thinking, ''"hey, I don't have '''this''' and I don't have '''that''', and Hashem still hasn't fixed this or that problem"''. Only when we look back on things later can we realize that we had everything that we needed, and that He did indeed provide it to us.		I heard Rabbi/Dr.Tweski speak a couple of days ago and he asked, "why is the ''bracha'' of '''''<nowiki/>'she'asah li kol zarki''''' - '''''He did for me all my needs'''''' in past tense, when the other ''birchos hashachar'' are in present tense? He answered that ''chazal'' didn't want people to make the ''bracha'' while thinking, ''"hey, I don't have '''this''' and I don't have '''that''', and Hashem still hasn't fixed this or that problem"''. Only when we look back on things later can we realize that we had everything that we needed, and that He did indeed provide it to us.

−	Hopefully, very quickly, we will be able to look back and see how far we have come and things will start being better for us. And hopefully we'll even merit to see that this struggle was good for us all along!	+	Hopefully, very quickly, we will be able to look back and see how far we have come and things will start being better for us. And hopefully we'll even merit to see that this struggle was good for us all along
		+
		+	== One Day at a Time ==
		+	I have the ''zechus'' of hearing Rabbi/Dr.Twerksi speak most days for a few minutes in between Mincha and Maariv. Today, Hashem gave me some much needed chizuk. Rabbi Twerksi asked the famous question from the ''parsha'', what does the pasuk mean that Yaakov's waiting for Rochel felt like ''"yammim achadim"?'' Why did it feel quick, it should have been the opposite? And he answered something we all have heard many times, but it resonated a lot more with me today. He said that one of his patients, an alcoholic, once gave him the answer. He said what is ''"yamim achadim"?'' Singular days. HE TOOK IT '''ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!''' That is what made it manageable. He didn't say, ''"Ok, it's time to work for 7 years"''. That would be too hard. Instead, he said, ''"let me work '''today'''"''. And that's exactly what we all need to do!
		+
		+	While I have obviously heard this many times before on this site, it really struck me the way he said it. My ''Maariv'' was definitely different, and hopefully I can start living more right now.