Metaphors

Flawed Paradise by #Editor

Flawed Paradise

I’ve been stuck on this island for weeks, maybe months. It’s hard to know what constitutes time anymore. It comes and goes, same as these waves surrounding me - sometimes slow and gentle, sometimes rough and turbulent, like my moods, and my urges. Days and nights seem to flow into each other. Lately, I’ve been spending long moments gazing at the moon and sun, hoping either will navigate me to somewhere more peaceful, more…whole. I keep trying, but they simply spiral in their own dance, oblivious to my struggles. I’ve lost my way. I don’t know where I am anymore, or what time frame I fit into.

I have the island. Yes, I have that. All the thrills and distractions of what this place gave me in the first place. But now? Almost daily, a secret shamefulness washes over me, ebbing and flowing like the tide of  these enticing shores. Part of me enjoys this state - where time stops. Where I can just escape and no one is watching, or judging. This place makes it that easy. But another part of me feels constricted. Restrained to only one main way of being, and it’s making me tense.

~

Today, I phoned my parents and some close friends. I told them Yeshiva was going just fine. How being far from home was hard, but that I was managing well overall and enjoying life in Israel. Everyone thinks I’m far away, studying in a prestigious yeshiva. Part of the lie is true – I am far away. Far away from anyone and anything related to ‘normal’ life. But the thing is, I was feeling too stressed in my body, too pressured in my mind, and needed a break. I was also starting to feel bored – like I wanted more connection somehow, more richness in my daily existence.

When I discovered the opportunity for this vacation, I grabbed at the chance. The journey here on the cruise trip was so invigorating – such an adventure – and the island, even more enthralling! However, I was so absorbed in all its visual charms and physical experiences, I missed the last cruise back.  And look at me now – I’m still playing tourist. It’s embarrassing and unnerving, to say the least.

At the same time, it’s incredibly fun and addictive! I have fallen a little bit in love with this wonderland. There are exotic flowers that give off a wonderful scent and fruits that I can’t seem to eat enough of. The coral reefs are vivid and beautiful. Yesterday, I took another dive, and all kinds of colors - yellows, oranges, reds - swirled around me. I was captivated. The variety of fish and seaweed and coral beds - all so intoxicating. At the sea surface, more delights of dolphins skimming the wave crests. Watching them glide with such thrilling abandon…(I may even take up surfing!)

~

Today was just too much. Or rather, too little. I went for a dive, but it only lasted a short while because the water is getting colder and colder by the day. I warmed myself in my cabin and then walked around the perimeter of the island again. It’s quite large and took most of the afternoon. I couldn’t find a single soul: no cabins, nor any other signs of life. (I have decided to give up on exploring. It’s a waste of time and energy). I am stranded here, alone. And I am starting to realize that the longer I stay stuck here, the longer I will not be able to accomplish any major goals or access what life has to offer. Or what I can offer life.

I am living in a flawed paradise.

~

Last night I had an amazing dream! It was the break of dawn, and I was standing on a crystal shore with a diamond sun rising in a white sky. I was feeling depressed and isolated, but then some voice within me told me to look down at the sand.  There, perched at my bare feet, lay a green bottle with a white piece of paper placed at its core. It was tied with a ribbon and a large cork was lodged in the top. I bent down and pulled at the cork and it came free. When I dislodged the paper, these words shined up at me:

“You are not alone. I was where you are now, and I found a way to leave the island. Call me on this number and I will help you to return to a home filled with more inner peace and genuine pleasure.”

My heart leaped. My mind whirled with excitement. I was given the chance to break free of this flawed paradise! I sprinted back to my cabin and picked up my phone and then put it down. Could I fully trust this person? Were they really telling the truth about helping me return to a deeper place of contentment and satisfaction? Wasn’t it better just to remain here – on this path of least resistance – and simply wait through the cold patch of winter and take the first cruise back next summer? Or the next cruise after that…? I gazed out of the cabin window and the sun was still holding bright in the white sky, and the shore was still clear and crystallized. I gathered my courage and dialed.

A man answered. He explained with such kind sincerity how he had been through a similar experience, and how he understood what I was feeling and going through. I listened intently as he talked me through the practical aspects of leaving. Did I have a compass, tools, and enough wood to make a seafaring craft? Did I have plenty of food and water for the duration of the trip?

Next came the mental and emotional preparations. I would have to find the resolve to persevere. The inner strength to face the transition.

“It’s easy to get addicted to something,” He said. “To break free is much harder. You must be able to deal with any temptations that try to steer you back to the island, to the wonder and beauties that ensnared you in the first place.”

“But what if I fail?” I asked him. “What if I come across storms or sharks or anything else that may thwart my way? What if the currents are so strong that they bring me back to the island? What if I…drown?”

“These blocks will surely happen,” the man said. “If challenges of this nature do not occur, then something would indeed be wrong. You see, it is quite normal to be tempted, and to sometimes act upon an urge. Also, Hashem tends to test us, to see if we have really learned a better way of being. So, think of any setback as a muscle-building exercise – for the mind, body, and soul. Nothing worthwhile is achieved with complete ease. I'll teach you the skills you need to deal with obstacles.”

The man continued in a kind, patient voice.

“Currents aren't likely to bring you all the way back. They might stall your progress, but if you persevere, you'll make it. You can call me anytime you need encouragement. And remember, the experiences you have gone through already, and what you will go through, will only make you stronger, more self-aware. You will then be more consciously able to engage in healthier activities and choices if you choose to make them. You have free will to choose, as everyone does. I can tell you one thing for sure, though. You won’t likely drown, for you have already reached your hand towards mine.”

Allowing these words to sink in, I breathed deeply.

“I will do it,” I told him.  “I will gather my resources and set sail as soon as my raft is built.”

I placed the phone back down and next thing I knew, I woke up to a sky filled with calm blue and a sea brimming with such promise.

The dream was an incredible sign - one I have been waiting for - guiding and encouraging me forward. The sun is setting fast now, but all day I have begun my preparations. I have placed my compass on my desk and have found some wooden planks at the back of the cabin, along with nails and hammer in the small shed sitting next to the tall palm tree.

I am committed to making the trip home. In truth, it will be hard to leave the secret company of this island, but tomorrow I will take some photos of the cabin, the tropical trees, the coral reefs – to remind me, at least, of what this vacation offered. For when I may need a little lift along the way…

~

Crack. Hiss. Boom. I’m huddling in my cabin, under the grass canopy of the doorway. There’s a storm brewing in the far distance - gray masses spliced with silver shards of lightning. My sea raft is ready but my resolve is thinning. Today was the day I was planning to set sail, but like this storm, my thoughts are forming into dark clouds of concern. When I get back home, I know I will return to real life with its real problems. I’ll need to deal with people, and it won’t be as quiet as the island, for a start. There will be no reefs to visit when I need a quick fix. I place my fingers in my pocket and pull out the photos. I will certainly need these if I am to survive this trip at all.

The storm is circling closer. I try raising the courage and determination that I felt in my dream, so I step out from my cabin – arms wrapped around my chest – and walk towards the shore, watching the waves slap against each other, agitated. I remember what the man said about how temptation will inevitably occur; how it is part of everyone’s journey. How other tourists have become stranded on other islands and have been able to make it despite the storms, and perhaps because of them.

Rain is spitting now, upon my face and arms. I slump down on the sand, tears streaming down my cheeks, blurring with the raindrops. I feel so torn, so mixed. I look behind me at my raft that’s small and fragile in the distance. How will I ever do this on my own? That dream I had a week ago was so vivid, but it was only a dream. This island is where I am now. The only thing that’s tangible. Familiar. Slowly, I stand up. I am drenched and need to get warm and dry. The sky is now a black curtain and the waves are rising with intensity. The wind, once warm and relaxing, is now biting at my skin. The place that was once inviting is now cruel. There’s no division between the darkness of the water and the skyline. Everything is black.

I turn around and start walking fast when something catches my eye. A slight glimmer of light on my left, near my bare feet. It’s a bottle. Green, with a large cork lodged in the top. A piece of sparkling white paper is placed at its core, shining up at me. In shock and delight, I bend down to pick it up but realize I am still holding onto my photos. Gazing at them, the colors are quickly muddying into pools of brown mud under the rush of rain. I tear them up and release them to the wind.

Then I reach my hand towards the bottle.

Super Mario Bros

@skeptical

Life is a Game of Super Mario Bros.

Someone once told me that he sometimes feels like a hypocrite. How can he do some things, or take on new mitzvos when there are others he is not currently doing?

I told him that one mitzvah is not dependent on the other. I told him to look at it like a game of Super Mario Bros. All the coins you collect add to your points, but if you miss one or two or even more, it's ok as long as you keep trying to get as many as you can. Points aren't subtracted because you missed a coin. You can only gain by collecting more.

And that's really how we need to look at our challenge. Every moment we hold back and every mitzvah we do, we're gaining points. If we fall, we "lose a life" and need to start over. Except that with life there's no game over until the Game is really over. We just need to try to beat our previous score.

Do we get depressed and give up playing when we lose a life?

Most people try to learn from that failed turn. They know that a monster showing up is inevitable - it's part of the game - so they try to remember in what circumstance it showed up and they learn from failing what they did wrong so they could try to beat it the next time.

When we start over playing a game like that, we're not thinking about our past failure except to say, "Hey, I got killed because of such and such - Next time let's try this!" We're not intimidated by the big monster at the end of the level. We're thinking how to successfully beat it and are determined to get to the next level.

Do we know what will be tomorrow or the next day? Will this attempt be like the others?

We never know what life will bring and thinking about any point in time beyond the here and now is pointless. Don't think about the monster except to strategize how you're going to beat him when/if he does rear his ugly head.

Keep positive. Savour every clean moment whether it's an hour, a day or a month. They're all accomplishments. Remind yourself how happy you are being clean. When you have temptations, tell yourself that it's really not a good "medicine."

Keep collecting those coins and be proud of them!

GPS

@inastruggle

The way to go through life (or a super Mario game...) is like a GPS

You have to decide on you're destination at the beginning.

if you don't type a clear destination then you can't even start the journey. If you don't have a goal you're aiming for then you won't get anywhere. before we start recovery we have to sit down and decide to commit to get to the destination:recovery

Then you plan the most direct route.

there isn't a point in detours it will just delay your arrival. we have to choose the right methods to control ourselves and to avoid the fight to begin with, not just what seems easiest

Even a little bit in the wrong direction brings you to a different place.

turning just slightly off the path is going to bring you to a different place than you want to be.if we decide that today we'll let ourselves have 'just a little slip' then we're going off the path and it'll make it harder to reach the destination.

If you make a wrong turn just recalculate and go back on track without stopping to look behind.

stopping to feel bad for yourself isn't productive it will just make the journey take longer. after a wrong turn we don't stop the car for ten minutes we just go even faster to make up for the lost time. if we fall then we have to start on the right path right away, waiting is just going to make it worse if we fall we have to just KOT.

You don't look at the whole route just the next turn.

there isn't a point in knowing whats happening in two turns from now just focus on now and plan ahead for the next challenge. one day at a time (but we do have to plan ahead just a little bit)

and if you need a good gps check out the ones made by gye

DUH

Maintenance

A story about Mike

by #Realestatemogul

Storytime!!!!

Mike lived in a far away country. He grew up in a small town in northern Sweden, where most of the year the ground was full of snow and the sun didn't shine. Every year the kids would be busy playing in the snow or trekking along on a pair of skis. Mike, however, was different.

See, ever since he watched the summer Olympics as a young 6 year old and watched a couple of races and marathon he had a burning passion to run. Now you can imagine what it is like to become a runner in a country that prides itself in bobsledding and cross country skiing. Needless to say, Mike wasn't exactly in the best position to follow his dreams.

The thing was that no matter how many people tried telling him he was crazy and he would never be an Olympic runner, he just kept on going. It wasn't always easy. In matter of fact, for most of his young life he just kept failing. He would try to enter local races and he would not even qualify as a participant due to his poor race times. He would often wonder why he thought he could do it, maybe everyone was right, maybe a Swedish man would never be the world's greatest runner. But year after year he kept pursuing his dream of being an Olympic runner....

Then, through his perseverance and dedication, he started to see real meaningful results. Mike started qualifying for races and actually making a name for himself among the running community. People would see him around races and smile at him, something that hadn't happened in years. Then as the months and years went by, he actually found himself placing in the top 3 race after race. Mike started to get a renewed strength and passion from all his success. He starting really believing he would realize his dreams of being the best in the world....

Then the day came. Many years had passed and he was finally on the stage he had dreamed about since being a little kid, the Olympic games. At that point he was actually the favorite to win a medal and many people thought he would take the Gold. The first two qualifying rounds were against people he had already beaten several times and he easily walked away in first place.

He was now down to the last round before the championship race. As long as he finished in one of the top four places he would go on to the final championship race, the moment he had spent his whole life to be at. He wanted that Gold medal more than anything else in the world.

The race got off to a pretty good start and he took an early position in fourth. This would keep him enough ahead of the pack but still save energy for the last couple of laps. He knew his opponents well and had seen them take early leads only to lose energy and be outrun towards the end of the race. That's exactly what happened and as they were about halfway through the race Mike started to pull ahead. First he took the third position, then he inched over to second and maintained his strong lead. With about three laps to go he finally gave it all he got. Mike pulled away from the pack of runners and into first place. He had been down this road so many times and settled into a significant lead. Mike was about to go on to the final race and compete for a chance at a gold medal...

Then....against everything he had worked on these past few years, his legs gave way and he fell....One second he was on his way to a final and next second he is on the ground. Mike wasn't injured at all, but in his rush to make it to the finish line he let go of his training and lost focus. At those speeds and after such a long run, a very slight misstep can knock you off balance and send you to the ground. That's where Mike found himself...on the ground and not in the position he expected. Not after all the years of work and fighting to be where he was....

Mike wasn't about to give up. He quickly picked himself up and tried to get back in the race. So far only two other racers had pulled ahead and he still had a shot at the final, and ultimately the gold medal. He was a bit shaken from his fall but he tried with every bit of strength to maintain his speed and focus on that finish line. In his peripheral vision he could see the rest of the pack of runners closing in on him. As they neared the finish line, he gave it all he had. One other runner came ahead of him but he managed to finish in fourth place. Enough to qualify for the Gold medal. He still had his chance to fulfil his dreams....if his fall doesn't get in his way...

Mike had become one of the world's best runners. He was on a stage most people never even bother dreaming about, let alone actually reach. But, the thought of failure of not getting first place on this second to final race was hard to swallow. It was hard to watch the media coverage of his fall. Most importantly his coach was worried that this might overtake him and prevent him from performing his best in the gold medal race...

This is Mikes story.

This is also many people on GYE story as well. Tonight it is my story....

All my life I wanted to reach the level of getting past these issues. I so badly wanted overcome my addiction or strong lust if you prefer. To stop watching things that made me depressed or to act out and not feel nay better from it.

B"H! I made it to 272 whopping and amazing days!!! Days filled with kedusha and growth!!!

Then last night I fell. Not nearly as bad as what my old falls where, but a fall nonetheless. I lost my streak. I would have to come onto my forum page and tell everyone that I failed. I couldn't maintain this forever. Quite embarrassing no?

I think though everyone who read Mike's story would be thinking something different. Mike's story is merely to illustrate how the minor fall is just a trap to hold us back from getting the Gold medal. Mike may have fallen and finished fourth but he is very much still the favorite to win the Gold.

This is what I will do. Pick myself back up and go for the Gold! I was also born in a far away country. I was born in a generation that shmiras aynayim isn't the favorite sport of the day. People laugh at us when they see us hiding from things that "seem" so normal to them. But when we pick ourselves up and work on ourselves, after all our hard work we will find a Gold medal around our neck and have a special place up in shamayim. Because although we may have fallen a few times, in the final race that matters most we came in first!

#Day 272 + Day 1

Thank you everyone for your support! You are the coach in the story and you are crucial in running this race!