Boundaries

The Taphsic Method

See Taphsic.

The "Ushmartem Es Mishmarti" Method

A method developed by #HashemHelpMe

Intro

There's a beautiful ohr hachaim hakadosh on the Pasuk ושמרתם את משמרתי לבלתי עשות מחקות התועבת אשר נעשו לפניכם ולא תטמאו בהם (Acharei mos 18:30). It's a Posuk in the Parsha of Arayos that we read on Yom Kippur:

ושמרתם את משמרתי. יצו ה' על הגדרים השומרים לבלתי יבא להכשל בתיעוב, והוא אומרו ושמרתם את משמרתי פירוש משמרת הגדר, והטעם לבלתי עשות וגו' אפילו בשוגג

The Ohr Hachaim is bothered by two questions:

• What is bechukos hatoevos? You just listed all the things that you are not allowed to do. What's this mishmarti, What can't you do?
• What's this lashon levilty asos. It's like a lashon hifil. It's like, "and it shouldn't happen to happen". It should say, shelo laasos. what is "levilti asos?".

So he explains that it's referring to gedarim that you put in place so that it shouldn't happen - even by accident.

If you want a child not to go down a slide, you don't put a fence at the top of the ladder where the slide begins. You put the fence at the bottom of the ladder, you avoid the situation completely. You don't want to get into a situation that they're basically gonna slip. Similar to the Gamara that says that to a nazir you you tell them that when you come to a vineyard, you go schor, schor, go around the lekarma lo sikrav - you don't go into the kerem - you don't go into the vineyard, even though there's no issur of going into the vineyard, but you make yourself a geder.

Doing this give your the ability to get started, because with all the determination to get started, it is going to go down the tubes, if in the bathroom you have an iPhone that's unfiltered and everything's at your fingertips, and your wife just yelled at him or you got rejected at work...

The Shtar

Write a contract, that says the following:

• I understand that an unfiltered device is not safe for me. And at this stage in time, I can't afford to access it even for kosher usage. And therefore I'm going to knas myself if I use an unsafe device, even for kosher purposes, even if I don't fall. So if I use an unsafe device to look up anything, even yeshivah world news, or to check my bank account, I will:
  • Option 1: I'm going to take $___ (Add an amount), and I'm going to rip it up.
  • Option 2: I'm going to take $___ (Add an amount), and give it to a tzedaka that is meaningless to me.
• If I must use the device (e.g. my parents tell me to go on to arrange a flight or some other situation comes up). I will call or text a GYE member and tell them I have to go onto an unsafe device and that I'll call or text them a the half an hour later, that I'm off, and that I stayed clean.
• The contract will expire on ______ (put a date on this, uh, 30 days or 60 days or a Yom Tov that's coming up etc.). Three days before this expires, I'll call either _____ or wherever it is to discuss continuing the shtar, if necessary or not.

Notes

• You can customize the shtar to include certain apps that are potentially unsafe, or categories of material like movies.