Getting Caught

Further reading

• I found out my father is looking at shmutz. What can I do?
• An Open Letter to My Porn-Watching Dad
• I am a girl. I was dating someone seriously and on the brink of engagement when the bachurs past history of addiction/exposure negatively impacted our relationship, ultimately destroying it, and in the process damaging my self image, self esteem, and self worth. As I sit in my car and I cry I wonder if the sight of me in the now crying and the knowledge of how his actions back then would so badly hurt someone he loved so much in the future if it would have given him the koach to refrain. I think of the countless women in the future in so much pain that they havent found favor in their husbands eyes.. all the women that are suffering right now. I wonder if all the boys and men struggling, and also importantly those that havent been exposed, if hearing my story, my pain, as a warning or a hizzuk to STAY AWAY could prevent more pain like mine, and allow for harmony and shlom bayis. He didnt MEAN to hurt me. It was a mistake, he couldn't help it. Whatever it was, however it came out in our relationship.. he never meant for that. At the end of the day he hurt someone he cared for immensely, and it looks like he lost her forever. Im sure the sight of me crying, the feeling of my broken heart, still haunts to this day.... @Anonymous (received by email)
• Somehow I just found out that my father has in the past six weeks been viewing unappropiate stuff online. This is very unexpected. What can I do about It? I cant confront my father about it. Should I tell my mother she will be devastated? What am I supposed to do with this knowledge? I want this to be resolved before it becomes a more serious problem. Its mortifying for me to think of a patriarch of a large family, many married sons and daughters doing this. My gut feeling is, that it would be best for my mother to know this before the family becomes destroyed. However I would like to minimize the hurt and pain as much as possible...

Stories

• A person told that he was caught by his wife right before she had a baby. She was so mad that she told her whole family about it (parents, siblings etc.)... Then after delivering the baby he had to stay by his in laws, eat meals together with them... and make believe everything is normal so that the other kids wouldn't notice. It was a disaster. Even now a few years later he's embarrassed to look at them in the eye, they see him as a porn addict... no matter how much progress he made since then.
• A teen wrote to us: "Somehow I just found out that my father has in the past six weeks been viewing inappropriate stuff online. This is very unexpected. What can I do about It? I cant confront my father about it. Should I tell my mother she will be devastated? What am I supposed to do with this knowledge? I want this to be resolved before it becomes a more serious problem."
  • Can you imagine what damage this does to his chinuch?