Rabbi Twerski correspondence with Rabbi Kaganoff

WHAT IS SPIRTUALITY?

11 November, '96

Dear Rabbi Twerski,

I am writing to seek guidance from you. I believe the issues I will raise require a Psak from my Posek, but I believe that I should have your input before I ask the Shaaloh.

I went to a recent 12-Step recovery retreat. People were raving about the spirituality. I personally did not feel the experience spiritual at all.

I was perturbed by the official policy there that there is "no correct way to worship". And I was upset that the spirituality of Mitzvah performance and Torah study were not further explored at the Orthodox level for the Orthodox, and for the non-religious at their level.

The Orthodox Davening was, pardon me, very uninspiring. Singing was at times spirited but what about the Words? What about the sense of conversing with Hashem and being in His Presence? I am aware that this may seem as an unfair demand. After all, what Shul in America really possesses this? But then again, who in American Jewry really understands spirituality? But people in the program know and understand differently, and therefore do promote and seek spirituality.

It is my opinion that at the Retreat, Orthodox observances should not be business-as-usual but every effort should be expended to demonstrate and teach how the Mitzvos and Torah study can be spiritual in their Halachic context.

The davening should be uplifting. Those who understand Shabbos in its traditional context should be allowed to lead the Zemiros and other Mitzvah performances. Maybe your brother, Rav Michel or someone of similar qualifications (Halacha, Avodah, Kiruv) could be enlisted to coordinate this endeavor. I certainly will give any assistance that is deemed appropriate.

The Shaaloh that I will place in front of the Posek will be, "should I continue to participate in these functions as they presently exist?" As I mentioned earlier, I would very much appreciate your input on these matters before I ask the Shaaloh. Also, if you are aware of a Posek who understands the world of recovery, I feel it would be most appropriate to ask him the Shaaloh.

As always, I am very grateful for your straightforward, constructive counsel and guidance.

Respectfully, Yehoshua Kaganoff

Rabbi Twerski’s Response:

Dear Rabbi Kaganoff,

I believe we have an excellent entre to people in recovery. At one retreat, there was some criticism about orthodoxy's recalcitrance. I told the group this story:

A number of years ago, because of the lack of awareness of AA by physicians, several of us decided to try and educate doctors. We made a documentary about AA., by filming excerpts of talks by various members, showing who comprises AA--lawyers, executives, doctors, nurses, housewives. judges, laborers - a cross section of the community. To preserve anonymity we bleeped out all names. We showed this film to medical groups, giving a "before and after" questionnaire, which demonstrated that their attitude about AA was definitely changed for the better by this film.

We then received a call from World Headquarters that this was in violation of the tradition preserving anonymity in the media. The fact that we bleeped out the names did not help. We were told not to use it again. The four of us who made this excellent film had invested $4000 of our own money. Out of respect for the tradition, this film was never shown again. (AA subsequently made a similar film, using actors).

I told the group that we accepted this painful decision out of respect for the AA traditions. We considered AA too valuable to be tampered with, even if we did not agree with the ruling opinion. I can ask at least that much for Jewish tradition. There was not a single dissenting voice.

With all the people I have helped in recovery, I have never imposed my opinion about Jewish observance. Why? Because the inordinate success of AA is based on attraction rather than promotion. If you like what you see, you can come and get it.

While I am supportive of people who do kiruv, I have not been assertive in this respect. If my observance of Torah is not adequate to attract them, then I must work on myself.

There is a story about the Baal Shem Tov who once observed someone violating Shaabos. The Baal Shem Tov taught that the world is a mirror, and since we are generally blind to our own defects, Hashem shows them to us in others. The defects we see in others are our own. He therefore wept and did a thorough "inventory" to see where he had violated Shabbos.

It disturbs me greatly to see people shouting "Shabbos" at drivers. The Baal Shem too shouted "Shabbos", but at himself rather than at others.

Just imagine. Shabbos is supposed to be "like the World to Come". "Vayechulu" means that when Shabbos arrives, one puts the worries of the work week totally aside. The work week has been closed and completed. Shabbos is a spiritual experience where man and G-d are united as bride and groom. If we glowed with the joy of Shabbos and radiated the bliss of the World to Come, wouldn't people be running after us to learn our secret? If those who see me are not observant of Shabbos, I need to improve myself rather than chastise them.

Here, too, there is a valuable lesson from the program. Abstinence is not sobriety. Someone who has not had a drink for years but has not made any characterologic changes is a "dry drunk." Families will tell you that it is easier to live with an active drinker than with a dry drunk.

Transgressing a negative prohibition of Torah is a sin. Failure to perform a required mitzva is also a sin. When we avoid all the aseys and fulfil all the lo-saseys, we are essentially abstaining from sins. Unless we make the requisite improvement in midos we are the equivalent of a "dry drunk."

There are many fine observant people who have exemplary midos. Unfortunately, we cannot deny that there are more than a few people who observe glatt kosher and are dressed in the most frum garb, but who are sorely lacking in midos. At the retreats (with frum Yidden who have fallen into alcohol and drug abuse), I often hear anger directed at parents or others who were very rigid and restrictive in their demands, but their midos did not keep pace with their ritual observance.

I was the first orthodox rabbi to appear at these retreats, and my initial appearance almost caused an upheaval because of the bitterness to orthodoxy. Fortunately, together with a few other well chosen rabbis we were able to achieve a change of attitude. One time an orthodox rabbi came who did not obey the instructions to remain silent at his first retreat and just listen. He gave a sermon according to rabbinics 101 which went over like a lead balloon.

Davening should be spiritual. Just how spiritual is the davening in the average shul? I have davened in any number of shuls and shtiiblach, and they rush through the davening at 100 mph. If, God forbid, the baal-tefillah is a bit slower and the davening takes 35 minutes instead of the 30, it is simply intolerable.

But aren't we those who preach emunah and bitachon? We say that every person must do some hishtadlus, but that it is not the degree of hishtadlus that will determine his earnings. Then why the frenetic pace? Why rush out of shul after 30 minutes to spend nine hours in the business or office? If we do not practice what we espouse, how can we expect others to respect our ways? I am not referring to others, but to myself.

I believe we can get the message across to people in recovery that the easy way is rarely the true way. All their lives they have been looking for the easy way, and when they hit rock-bottom they realized it doesn't work. What are all the changes in Judaism if not looking for an easy way? I think we have an opening here to argue well for full Torah observance, unless of course, those who claim to be totally Torah observant are also looking for easy ways. I suspect this may be true, in which case we have no argument.

There is certainly much at the retreat that can be improved, and I think that with patience we can do it. I don't know that there is a posek who can really address this. Sorry to say, some of them are [the equivalent of "dry drunks,"] meticulously observant and very knowledgeable, but thoroughly unaware of what feelings are all about, and how people can be paralyzed by emotions. Some may be totally alienated from their own feelings.

Love to hear from you.

Sincerely,

Abraham J. Twerski