Escape

This strategy is about leaving the tempting situation immediately if possible. This can then be follow by one of the other strategies. See also RUN.

See also Stimulus Control

Research

• Since it’s impossible to totally avoid all exposure to images that can stimulate your desire for porn, your best bet is to have a strategy to shut it out as quickly as possible … Hank uses what he calls an “eye bounce” whenever he unexpectedly encounters porn images or materials that remind him of porn. Maltz, Wendy. The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography (p. 175). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.
  • Get away from porn thoughts and materials. Once you are aware that you’re in a Relapse Zone, take immediate action to create as much distance as you can between yourself and porn. If you had been thinking about using porn, focus your thinking on something else. Keep your distance from sources of porn. If you’re at a computer, turn it off and walk away from it. If you’re watching television, change channels, turn it off, or get up and leave the room. Take a walk, call a friend, listen to music, spend time in nature…do whatever it takes to shift your consciousness away from porn. Maltz, Wendy. The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography (p. 196). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.
• Escape - Get away from the urge-provoking situation. If you find yourself there, leave immediately. SMART Handbook p. 32, Basic Strategies #2.
• Reference: “Escaping the situation” is listed as an effective strategy in Peele. 7 Tools to Beat Addiction p. 121, quoting Saul Shiffman.
  • The following urge-specific coping strategies were chosen based on previous literature as most likely to be effective in urge coping and to be applicable immediately after experiencing an urge. […] Escape and avoidance are the best strategies to use [… but] we point out that it is useful to have as many tools in their toolbox as possible, in case they get into a situation that is harder to handle […] We ask clients to try out all these tools and see for themselves which ones work best. (We have also taught urge-reduction imagery (Marlatt & Gordon, 1985), mastery statements, and cognitive distraction. However, those strategies were not correlated with drinking outcome, whereas the ones below were associated with reduced drinking (Monti, Rohsenow, Rubonis, Niaura, Sirota, Colby, Goddard, & Abrams, 1993; Rohsenow et al., 2001))^[1] Passive Delay and Delay as a Cognitive Strategy / Negative Consequences of Drinking / Positive Consequences of Sobriety, Alternative Food or Drink / Alternative Behaviors  Monti, P. M. (2002). Treating alcohol dependence : a coping skills training guide. Guilford Press. p. 145-7.
• Run away! This is a sensible response should your urge become overwhelming. Leave the vicinity of the threat, and combine it with one or more of the aforementioned methods. When Andrew found himself in a high-risk situation with freewheeling friends, he would find a plausible reason to depart quickly—“ I need to finish some paperwork” or “I need to return an urgent call.” Then he would vigorously challenge his assumption that he “deserved” to engage in self-defeating behavior. Changeology p. 192.
• Moments of grace. Be mindful of and take advantage of your windows of opportunity to act. If you are surfing the Internet and feel the sudden urge to shut it off and get up, do it. Don’t wait for the feeling to pass. Peele, Stanton. Recover!: Stop Thinking Like an Addict and Reclaim Your Life with The PERFECT Program (pp. 248-249). Da Capo Press. Kindle Edition.
• If you can't avoid a trigger, you can still escape it. If you feel an urge coming on, and recognize the trigger, get away. Leave the party. End the argument. Turn the page. These tactics are particularly helpful in the early stages of changing your drinking. They also teach you a lot about your drinking habits. Start your work to reduce the influence your triggers have on you. Checkup and Choices
• Although clients may say that willpower or escape and avoidance are all they need, we point out that it is useful to have as many tools in their toolbox as possible, in case they get into a situation that is harder to handle. Monti (2002) p. 146.

Learning to R.U.N.

Unfortunately some triggers are unavoidable. For many people, seeing an attractive woman or sexual image on the street or in the media, being flirted with or being

confronted with an unprotected PC while alone can be difficult times to negotiate. Someone with an attachment induced addiction may inevitably experience times when they can’t avoid difficult feelings within relationships and those whose addiction was trauma induced may find periods of significant anxiety or loss challenging. In these instances sometimes the only thing you can do is RUN. Quite literally this means get out of the situation, and get out fast. Whether that means leaving the house, the office, the hotel or whatever it is. Get away from the opportunity immediately. In addition it can be a useful acrostic to remember:-

• Remove yourself immediately from the situation - don’t let yourself flirt with temptation for even a second more than you have to - get out now.

• Undistort your thinking – this will not make you feel better, one more time does matter, you do not deserve this, you do not want to have to lie again.

• Never forget what you have to lose – you made the decision to stop being a sex addict because it was ruining your life - that fact has not changed.

Learning to RUN is perhaps the single most important relapse prevention technique there is. I have heard countless stories of relapse when this simple principle had been unheeded. If a trigger is ignored, minimised, flirted with or indulged, it will become stronger and stronger. Imagine an energy saving light bulb. Like a trigger, when it’s first switched on the light is dim and perhaps barely noticeable, but leave it and it will become brighter, leave it longer and it becomes increasingly difficult to ignore and a trigger can become so bright that it blinds out everything else. Immediate action is always the best policy.

The Kick-Start Recovery Programme p. 12.

Bounce Your Eyes

From Fortify

What does that mean? Well, you know all those small moments, when something “technically non-pornographic” comes up? Instead of letting the eyes linger, what if we learned to literally bounce the eyes like a ball away from what we don’t want to see?  

As simple as it sounds, this skill can be honed, polished and refined as a killer move powerful enough to cut porn off at the pass.

For most people, this does take some real practice.  Sometimes it can be helpful to say something out loud – like “Nope, not gonna happen” or “Not what I want” – or choose a physical gesture that is an outward reminder of what you really want – like putting your hand up, or moving your head, or closing your eyes – anything to help reaffirm your resolve to turn away.

Try thinking of your mind like a stage. There can only one main act at a time – and you’re the director, off stage, running the show.  You may not always get to decide what thoughts and images go up on stage at first, but if you don’t like it, you don’t have to sit back and watch. You decide what you’ll entertain and what you’ll applaud on the stage of your mind….and what ultimately gets booed off in a hurry!  ... It’s the difference between having a thought or image that comes up in the mind – which is not always a choice.  And focusing and dwelling on it – which is a choice!

• Note: The phrase bouncing your eyes as a strategy for dealing with real life temptation is found in Arterburn, Stephen; Stoeker, Fred. Every Man's Battle, Revised and Updated 20th Anniversary Edition (p. 165). The Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. Apparently the phrase is common in Christian circles.

Torah Sources

• וינס ויצא החוצה
• סיפורי חז"ל על ר' עמרם

From GYE Members

• Last night was very, very tough. My wife had to go out shopping, which would have been a great time for me to act out previously. I won't say I wasn't tempted, but I looked at my personal printout of my 90 day chart and that helped a bit. Still the Y"H kept tempting me, so I literally ran into the Sukkah (even though it was raining) and sat there studying Mishna Sukkah until my wife came home. I can't say I completely lost all desire to act out, but it certainly worked for me this time. #Moshe ben Avraham

• ...Stepping out of the room and praying for 10 seconds if inappropriate content appears on my screen, no matter how it got there. #B'ahava