Timeline

Metaphor

Cultivating a flower - @HO

References

• Research tells us that relapse is most likely to happen in the first three months of abstinence-seeking behaviour (Fanning and O’Neill 1996). Birchard, Thaddeus. CBT for Compulsive Sexual Behaviour (p. 82). Taylor and Francis. Kindle Edition.
• "On average, it takes more than 2 months before a new behavior becomes automatic — 66 days to be exact. And how long it takes a new habit to form can vary widely depending on the behavior, the person, and the circumstances. In Lally's study, it took anywhere from 18 days to 254 days for people to form a new habit. In other words, if you want to set your expectations appropriately, the truth is that it will probably take you anywhere from two months to eight months to build a new behavior into your life — not 21 days. Interestingly, the researchers also found that “missing one opportunity to perform the behavior did not materially affect the habit formation process.” In other words, it doesn’t matter if you mess up every now and then. Building better habits is not an all-or-nothing process."

In Torah Sources

Habits/Addiction

See Habits

Beginning are hard

• שמות פרק יט פסוק ה: ועתה אם שמוע תשמעו בקלי ושמרתם את בריתי והייתם לי סגלה מכל העמים כי לי כל הארץ. וברש"י ד"ה ועתה: אם עתה תקבלו עליכם יערב לכם מכאן ואילך, שכל התחלות קשות. As #Haleivi76 explains, "90 days is a lot shorter than it sounds. As Chazal say "all beginnings are difficult". Just take it slow at the start. If you can make it past day 30, you are well, well on your way." See also withdrawal.

Struggling for Life

• Positive Vision Day 84 regarding the idea that the struggle can last a lifetime (based on Tanya). He expounds on this in Day 87 based on other sources.

From GYE Members

General

You are BH doing great. Keep it up. You have proven to yourself that it can be done. Be aware that the yetzer hora does not sleep and tries to get back his old customers. He will throw in your path a tsunami of nisyonos as you b'ezras Hashem break free. Staying connected with chevra here - who have "been there and done that" - is immensely helpful. Every time a new challenge arises that you feel is insurmountable, just reach out to the oilam for advice, chizuk, and simply to unload without shame or embarrassment. Continued hatzlocha! #Hashem Help Me

Third Week

• Day 19: Overall I can still feel the urges. Sometimes I really want to give in. But they are mostly weaker. They are slowly fading into the background. I know that I don't have to give in.  I can sleep better, Baruch Hashem and I am tossing and turning less at night. Baruch Hashem an improvement. But I must always remember to be vigilant, because the yetzer hora has patience. #anonymousmillenial

Month #3

• #Day69 - Wow, I just reread all my posts. It is such a chizuk to be reminded of where I came from. How I was stuck and after over 10 years trying I still couldn't break free. B"h I am now more than 2/3 the way to my 90 day benchmark (the journey will still continue). After starting to read through cordnoy's thread it reminded me of some of the main tools for sobriety and from the 12 steps. Yes, it is now easier to be clean and fight my y"h then it was 69 days ago. However, it is still a challenge and I no longer have the chizuk of a fresh challenge. As I am clean for longer reality sinks in that it will just be a challenge day after day. While I am excited at the prospect it is still a daunting task. In this regard I feel like I have to remind myself what I said in my first post. That I don't have the power to control my lust and without Hashems help I am powerless. I have to surrender and make sure I don't risk my sobriety by taking chances on silly worthless sights or being in places that are more at risk for slipping. #Realestatemogul
• BH im 78 days on the road (though i pretty much stoped counting) it gets pretty easy to stay away from porn and masturbation, though i know its sometimes only an illusion and i must stay on guard, and so i pray each day for G-d to guide me through it and make my dose of hishtadlut. My old frienemy lust is still here but in a milder form of desire. I must admit, i still like to watch and look at girls. But who doesnt? What counts is what you do with it. @Ftndrug

3-6 Months

• It's been 8 1/2 months clean with only one slip, and I can genuinely say that the desire for that junk is fading. It took me a 90 day period of absolutely terrifying rides on the roller coaster [see Jack's 90 day time-line here], but once the rides came to a stop, the junk was gone. And as more and more time goes on, that junk gets further in the past, and fades. However, we must still be careful and we can't let our GUARD down, because the addiction is still there, like a spark in our subconscious that can be ignited anytime. So no smoking around an addict, because the fumes may ignite that dormant spark. "Once an addict, always an addict", (it's in the neuron-pathways; in our psyche). ONWARD!!! #Jack
• Guardyoureyes often mentions that it takes 90 days to break a habit. I am not sure how it works and I really don't care how it works; all I know is that it does. I now have only a very tiny urge to go back to the old bad stuff such as porn and masturbation. I no longer see it as "my problem solver" anymore, and I look back on all the years I was doing it with disgust. #JIP
• It's great that you feel like it's easier than it was when you started out. After my first time hitting 90 days, it didn't feel much easier to be honest. But after multiple longer periods of sobriety it definitely got easier for me. #Ihavestrength
  • First of all congrats on the job well done! It is no small feat to reach 88 days clean! As far as advice for next stage: I would recommend setting another short term goal, 120 days is a good number. Also, I would recommend taking something you know helps you stay clean, but you don’t yet do regularly, and incorporating it into your daily routine, (or at least a few times a week on set days). This will help you to keep growing in your personal development and recovery, especially as the novelty of the journey and challenge starts wearing off. Lastly, I would say that next 90 days are no less significant than the previous ones in every respect; in healing, in opportunity for growth, and yes, even possibly in difficulty. I think people attribute too much magic to the 90 days at the expense of realizing that the time after is just as crucial to healing. To put it in perspective, I’d guess that more people fell after being clean for 90 days than those stayed cleaned indefinitely after reaching 90 days (anecdotal evidence lol). #Ihavestrength
• Phew, thanks for everyone's encouragement I made it to #121 days, bh the urges went away this morning once I woke up, but after all being a bochur is tough..lol #Shnitzel and kugel
  • Day #134! Just saying I had big urges to act out tonight, but what's the point in having 30 sec enjoyment which will cause me 30 days of feeling depressed! #Shnitzel and kugel
• #148 and counting... 148 is... more than 4 months... more than 21 weeks... #WOW These have been of the best 148 days of my life! It was hard in the beginning but I knew I HAD to change my mindset and get it done. B''H for GYE! #Realestatemogul
• I can stay clean for over a hundred days with minimal effort. That is something I never thought was possible. When you’re consumed by lust you don’t realize how easy it is to say no. If you get clean for a few weeks, or perhaps days you suddenly have a clear mind. It’s as if a fog lifts and you have clarity “I don’t need it. It doesn’t do anything good for me. I can have an urge and just let it blow over.” And it gives me a lot of hope for the future. If I can do it for a hundred, I can do it for a thousand, and ultimately-for a lifetime. Which sounds like a lovely prospect... #OivedElokim
• Day #157 - Thank you both for the chizzuk! I am happy that my count makes is proof that there are others who can make serious change in their life. This was my life's goal to be able to conquer this challenge and B"H as the days go by and I build a stronger foundation to stay clean, I am able to have new goals and accomplish other sets off accomplishments. Every day still requires constant vigilance and Hashem created us with certain tenancies to be able to give us schar (reward) and B"H I am staying strong but there is nothing magical about what I am doing. Hashem only gives us struggles we can handle and we have to do our best. The single most impactful thing I changed in my life, was to.... have a POSITIVE ATTITUDE. This means 2 things: 1 - Is in general to stay positive and happy about your life. Realize that Hashem is in charge and try to ALWAYS make the best of your situation. 2 - This one is a it longer.... It is extremely important, specifically in shmiras habris, to stay positive about your success in performing the 613 mitzvos. I wan't to make sure I am clear what I mean and what I don't mean. [...] #Realestatemogul (click to read the full post)
• Day #163 - Thank you Hashem! It's hard to be clean, just saying. Sometimes I just want to give in. But B''h I am way more interested in being clean, functioning and living better, and being closer to Hashem. #Realestatemogul

6 Months and beyond...

• #230 - It's been tough, BH. It's amazing how it is still just as much as a struggle after being clean for so long. The only thing that makes it easier is the solid foundation that helps and knowing that you are keeping something amazing going. #Realestatemogul (see also his later post).
  • Thank you Doitforhashem! With consistent effort and a positive attitude I am very confident you can make it to tremendous heights! I am currently at 270 days!!! My last streak was 272, so this is very exciting to almost be able to surpass that! TYH! TYH! I just want everyone to realize that I didn't have a one day fall and then got back on my horse, but still because of my previous success I was able to build on that and now I am so much healthier and stronger in this challenge. I still have struggles and temptations, but BH I have given myself the tools and ability to overcome it much more easier. Thank you GYE! Can't wait for my counter to say 273 iy"h! @Realestatemogul
    • Hey tzaddik. The simcha of 273 is understandable but isn't the real simcha the fact that you bh have graduated.....? You have decided that this garbage is just not available anymore. It is similar to every once in a while we dream about what we could do with a few million dollars, yet we don't entertain the thought of robbing a bank....We all get urges - strong ones at times but we don't watch that poison anymore.... @HashemHelpMe
      • 350. Had a struggle last night, but am soooo appreciative how different my struggles are now from before. Hopefully Hashem accepts my tshuva and I continue to stay away... Next stop...365! @Realestatemogul