Rational and Irrational Beliefs

In HO he calls them excuses.

Torah Sources

In Torah this is called ערמומיות היצר, פיתויי היצר etc.

More Info

• See https://www.smartrecovery.org/smart-articles/rational-and-irrational-beliefs/.
• COGNITIVE RESTRUCTURING OF THE DISPUTING OF IRRATIONAL BELIEFS Ch. 13 by Albert Ellis in O’Donohue, W. T., & Fisher, J. E. (Eds.). (2008). Cognitive behavior therapy: Applying empirically supported techniques in your practice, 2nd ed. John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
• EVALUATING AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS, CH. 11. Beck, Judith S.. Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Second Edition . Guilford Publications. Kindle Edition.
• Monti (2002), Managing Negative Thinking.

Examples from Positive Vision

[Day 22 - Outsmarting the Old One - Preparation Is Key ]

Chazal tell us that a person does not sin unless he is overcome by a spirit of foolishness. At the time of a nisayon, our rational selves go into “sleep mode” and we can do things that in hindsight we know are both bad and self-destructive. Preparation is therefore key to recognizing the faulty thought patterns generated by one’s yetzer hara. One very effective strategy of doing so is “role playing.”

Role-playing is a method of training in which people rehearse a scenario they will later face. It is used in situations when one wishes to avoid “on-the-job training” because of the risks involved. Instead, one uses a dress rehearsal to practice and train for the event. For example, the army prepares through the use of War Games, where soldiers simulate an actual war. [They cannot train on the job because it’s pretty much too late.] The army also uses technological simulations to prepare soldiers and pilots how to react under certain circumstances Role playing is used in sales training as well. A designated person acts as a recalcitrant potential customer and an agent practices making the sale.

Let’s use this means to prepare a response to nisyonos, because when faced with an actual test there is no time to collect one’s thoughts; even a moment’s hesitation will be exploited by the yetzer hara. By role-playing the yetzer hara )YH( and talking in his voice, we can familiarize ourselves with his “arguments” and prepare an inventory of swift and immediate responses to counter the yetzer hara’s justifications.

• YH: I am under so much stress. I need an outlet. I am entitled to a little “chill” time. Hashem cannot be upset with me about this. Response: I am doing this because I choose to do so - there is no other reason. I am responsible for my actions. I am just using this as an excuse.

• YH: I have done this so many times; one more cannot make a big difference. Response: Sounds good, but this same reasoning will always be there. If I agree with this argument, I’m basically saying that I will never stop.

• YH: I know that I won’t be able to stop forever anyway. I’m eventually going to mess up and break my streak and it will all be worthless, so I may as well throw in the towel right now. Response: I don’t have to stop forever. All I have to do is win today. How hard can that be? Even the worst drunk can stay sober for one day! I’ll deal with tomorrow tomorrow.

• YH: I will take a peek just enough to satisfy my curiosity, and I will be able to control myself before things get out of hand. Response: Really?! I know from experience that my real bechirah is only before I begin - once I start, it’s all over. Last time I told myself this, it was a complete failure. I simply cannot take the chance.

• YH: I am not addicted and I am definitely planning to stop, but not yet. After this time I will really stop. Promise. Response: How many times have I said this in the past? With this reasoning, I will always have a reason not to stop. Besides, if I’m stopping anyway, I may as well let it be now.

• YH: I’ve been good for a week or more - so if I slip a bit now, it’s not all that bad. Response: Why should I reward myself with something bad, with something that will set me back. I worked hard, too hard, to get here. I’ll find something else to interest me. The longer I maintain kedushah the easier it gets, so why make life harder after all the work I already invested.

• YH: What I look at is not that bad. I know people who do much worse! (I myself have done much worse!)

• Response: Everyone who descends into real tumah begins with something more benign, thinking that he can control it. I myself have seen that by breaking fences I proceeded to much worse aveiros.

Summary: The yetzer hara knows he has to provide justifications, which at the moment of the test somehow seem to make sense. By preparing myself beforehand I can immediately reject the yetzer hara’s tactics.

Examples from Ozer Bigevurah

[Section 1 Ch. 4 - Step Four: Create an Action Plan]

[...] When a nisayon comes, the yetzer hora presents all kinds of rationalizations to justify why the action is okay. [...] Even if a person is aware that he is using a rationalization to excuse his actions, he nonetheless chooses to believe it for the time being, in order to make life comfortable for the moment. A bachur should therefore be ready to respond swiftly to a challenging situation without having to fumble for even a second, because if he is caught by surprise, he may not be able to respond correctly to the situation at hand. One should reflect on what his challenges and rationalizations are and create a clear, succinct response to combat them. When applicable, the response should include a physical reaction on the part of the bachur, such as moving to a different location.

A list of sample rationalizations and responses that consist an action plan

Each person should write down his own set of responses to address his specific rationalizations; this list is brought merely for illustrative purposes.

I’m dealing with too many problems, and I have so much stress in my life. I need an outlet. Hashem can’t have ta’anos on me!

Response: Be honest with yourself! You’re doing this because you want to, not because you feel you’re entitled to do it or because of stress. You are responsible for your own actions.

I’ve done this so many times; one more time can’t make such a big difference! or I am not addicted, and I am planning to stop, but not yet. After this time I’ll stop.

Response: This line of reasoning will always be present. If you give in to this excuse now, then your behavior will never stop, because there’s always “just one more time”. You’ll keep on saying, “One more time; one more time!” And besides, how many times have you said this in the past, yet you still did not stop! If you plan on stopping anyway, then let it be now.

This habit is just too deeply ingrained; I’ll never be able to completely quit. And when I eventually do slip up, then all my efforts will be worthless, so why should I even bother putting up a fight?

Response: Your goal is not to conquer a life-long yetzer hora in one day! Simply putting up a fight is a tremendous accomplishment, and skipping this time, or even delaying it a little bit, is still worthwhile. Even if you ultimately do it, there is still value and tremendous sechar for every second you are able to be omeid b’nisayon. This response can be explained with the following mashal:

There was once a king who placed his daughter at the summit of a large mountain and proposed the following challenge to the inhabitants of his land: I will offer my daughter’s hand in marriage to whomever is able to climb the mountain and reach the top.” Many professional hikers attempted the climb, but they were all unsuccessful. Then along came an old man who could barely see, but decided nonetheless to try. He slowly made his way up, and after many weeks of arduous travel, he eventually made it to the summit, where he received the grand prize-- the princess! When the old man was asked how he was able to reach the summit after so many other hikers had failed, he answered simply, “What do you mean? It wasn’t such a tall mountain! All I saw was a few feet in front of me, so I walked those few feet-- and then another few feet, until I reached the top.” The nimshal is obvious: Take one day at a time! Your goal right now is not to stop for life; it’s to push it off as much as you can.

I’ll just look or think a little bit, but I won’t allow things to get too out of hand.

response: Don’t you remember how many times in the past you told yourself that, and it didn’t work? It’s not worth taking the chance again! It is written in many sefarim that the main bechirah is not to put oneself in a situation of a nisayon. After one experiences the temptation, the situation begins to spiral out of control and becomes virtually impossible to stop.

I haven’t done it for a week or more, so if I do it now, I’m not so bad.

response: Why are you rewarding yourself with something that will undo what you’ve accomplished?! Bear in mind that the longer you’re able to stay clean, the easier it will get. But if you take a step back after being good for a while, then you will have to start all over again. So find another reward for yourself, one that will build you and help you become better.

What I am doing is not so bad. I know others who do this or even worse, and I myself have done much worse in the past.

response: Doing something small leads to worse things. Anyone who has fallen into major problems began with something small, thinking that he would be able to control it and not go past a certain point. If you were to ask him, “How far from that point are you now?”, the person will invariably respond, “Things have changed a lot since I started to slip up. Now I am in a place where I never thought I would be.”

Example from The Battle of the Generation

[p. 238]

Here are some common rationalizations that can sway a person:

• “What’s the big deal? It’s not so bad. If it’s asur at all, it’s probably just a derabanan. But anyway, it’s probably technically permitted. Though it isn’t the best conduct in the world, it’s not really wrong, and I really want to do it, so why should I hold back?”
• “Who did I hurt? Nobody! So what’s the problem? There’s nothing wrong with it.”
• “What’s the big deal if I do this once? I am just trying it out. What, am I going to live without ever experiencing this? I am just doing it this one time; I’m not a sinner. There are no serious consequences. It’s no big deal.”
• “All my friends do a thousand times worse than this. It can’t be too bad. And even if I do this one action that isn’t so great, I’m still way better than them anyway.”
• “This mitzvah is only for tzaddikim. It is only like a chumrah.”
• “What does Hashem expect? It’s impossible! How can He ask me to control myself? Hashem cannot really expect me to keep this.”
• “Who can hope to be clean from these sins? There’s no way I will succeed, so it’s pointless to deprive myself now. I’ll be a failure anyway, so I might as well enjoy myself.”
• “This is such a great pleasure! If you get it, you won’t lack anything. This is all that matters. Don’t think about tomorrow. It’s not real.”
• “You will be euphoric over experiencing this pleasure forever. After attaining this, nothing will ever bother you. You will be above everyone else who never experienced this pleasure. You will be unique.”
• “This is such an incredible pleasure! It feels so good, and you can’t live without it. Don’t even think about why you shouldn’t give in. You need it. This pleasure is the most amazing experience that exists! It’s worth going to Gehenom for this!”

And finally, if a person has sinned a few times: “I’m no tzaddik. I do these things. I already do much worse regularly. What would it matter if I control myself now? I already am a failure and a sinner. Even if I stop myself this time, that won’t change.

Will it really make a difference if I indulge one more time? I might as well enjoy myself.”

These rationalizations are tricks of the yetzer hara to get us to give in. But if it would be clear before the challenge begins that this activity is undoubtedly wrong and may not be done no matter how extenuating the circumstances, the desire would be unable to sway us enough to accept the rationalization. No matter how caught up a person is and how lowly he identifies himself, he won’t do what he knows is wrong. Without the ability to rationalize, he is incapable of giving in.

Therefore, we must reinforce that the activity we are trying to get under control is undoubtedly asur. The more real this becomes to us, the less we will fall for yetzer hara’s rationalizations, and the stronger we will be.

This is even more effective if you keep reminding yourself that you are a person who does his best to keep Hashem’s will, even when it is difficult. Remind yourself that you don’t do things that are asur, and build determination not to give in (see Chapter 29). Then, when you are challenged, you will be able to tell yourself, “It’s asur. I don’t do things that are asur.” This protects you from the yetzer hara’s excuses that make giving in seem okay. And if you ever are unsure whether a given activity is asur, ask someone with da’as Torah.

Torah Sources

• תניא ליקוטי אמרים פרק יב: אין לו שליטה וממשלה להרהר ח"ו ברצונו שבמוחו שיקבל ברצון ח"ו הרהור זה הרע העולה מאליו מהלב למוח כנ"ל אלא מיד בעלייתו לשם דוחהו בשתי ידים ומסיח דעתו מיד שנזכר שהוא הרהור רע ואינו מקבלו ברצון אפי' להרהר בו ברצון וכ"ש להעלותו על הדעת לעשותו ח"ו או אפי' לדבר בו כי המהרהר ברצון נק' רשע באותה שעה והבינוני אינו רשע אפי' שעה אחת לעולם. וכן בדברים שבין אדם לחבירו מיד שעולה לו מהלב למוח איזו טינא ושנאה ח"ו או איזו קנאה או כעס או קפידא ודומיהן אינו מקבלן כלל במוחו וברצונו ואדרבה המוח שליט ומושל ברוח שבלבו לעשות ההפך ממש להתנהג עם חבירו במדת חסד וחיבה יתרה מודעת לו לסבול ממנו עד קצה האחרון ולא לכעוס ח"ו וגם שלא לשלם לו כפעלו ח"ו אלא אדרבה לגמול לחייבים טובות כמ"ש בזהר ללמוד מיוסף עם אחיו: