Difference between revisions of "Delay"
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Even if you ended up watching porn or masturbating after 20 minutes, congratulate for at least sticking to your plan! You’re still better off than if you have done it right away. By refusing to gratify yourself instantly, you have strengthened your self-control muscles which is good for your long term success. If this happens repeatedly, try increasing the number of minutes, until you find the amount of time that works best for you. It’s also possible that your urges last longer than usual because your actively focusing on it (e.g. fantasizing about what you’re like to watch). If you notice such a pattern, try to spice up your delay technique to make it more practical, for example instead of just waiting for 20 minutes, commit to do some activity for 20 minutes, like taking a walk. | Even if you ended up watching porn or masturbating after 20 minutes, congratulate for at least sticking to your plan! You’re still better off than if you have done it right away. By refusing to gratify yourself instantly, you have strengthened your self-control muscles which is good for your long term success. If this happens repeatedly, try increasing the number of minutes, until you find the amount of time that works best for you. It’s also possible that your urges last longer than usual because your actively focusing on it (e.g. fantasizing about what you’re like to watch). If you notice such a pattern, try to spice up your delay technique to make it more practical, for example instead of just waiting for 20 minutes, commit to do some activity for 20 minutes, like taking a walk. | ||
| − | SMART Recovery has a spin-off technique called Deny & Delay. Here's how they describe it:<blockquote>Deny & Delay (Don’t give in to the urge) — Remind yourself, repeatedly if necessary, this urge will pass. Refuse to give into it — no matter what! — SMART Handbook</blockquote> | + | SMART Recovery has a spin-off technique called Deny & Delay. Here's how they describe it:<blockquote>Deny & Delay (Don’t give in to the urge) — Remind yourself, repeatedly if necessary, this urge will pass. Refuse to give into it — no matter what! — SMART Handbook</blockquote>This leads to a variation of the delay technique where the goal is to repeatedly delay. I.e. you wait 10 minutes, and then when the 10 minute are up, you push it off for another 10 minutes:<blockquote>You can use various time frames to delay acting out. You could say “I’m going to wait for 10 minutes and then I’ll review where I am at,” then make the same commitment once the 10 minutes are up. Each time you successfully delay, you’re developing control over your behavior and deconditioning your habit. ''#Howard''</blockquote> |
== Notes == | == Notes == | ||
* According to Kelly McGonigal Ph.D, delay can help reduce [[The Problem of Instant Gratification (PIG)|The Problem of Instant Gratification]]: "Ten minutes might not seem like much time to wait for something you want, but neuroscientists have discovered that it makes a big difference in how the brain processes a reward. When immediate gratification comes with a mandatory ten-minute delay, the brain treats it like a future reward. The promise-of-reward system is less activated, taking away the powerful biological impulse to choose immediate gratification. When the brain compares a cookie you have to wait ten minutes for to a longer-term reward, like losing weight, it no longer shows the same lopsided bias toward the sooner reward. It’s the “immediate” in immediate gratification that hijacks your brain and reverses your preferences. For a cooler, wiser brain, institute a mandatory ten-minute wait for any temptation. If, in ten minutes, you still want it, you can have it—but '''before the ten minutes are up, bring to mind the competing long-term reward that will come with resisting temptation'''. If possible, create some physical (or visual) distance as well."<ref>McGonigal Ph.D., Kelly. The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It (p. 161). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.</ref> | * According to Kelly McGonigal Ph.D, delay can help reduce [[The Problem of Instant Gratification (PIG)|The Problem of Instant Gratification]]: "Ten minutes might not seem like much time to wait for something you want, but neuroscientists have discovered that it makes a big difference in how the brain processes a reward. When immediate gratification comes with a mandatory ten-minute delay, the brain treats it like a future reward. The promise-of-reward system is less activated, taking away the powerful biological impulse to choose immediate gratification. When the brain compares a cookie you have to wait ten minutes for to a longer-term reward, like losing weight, it no longer shows the same lopsided bias toward the sooner reward. It’s the “immediate” in immediate gratification that hijacks your brain and reverses your preferences. For a cooler, wiser brain, institute a mandatory ten-minute wait for any temptation. If, in ten minutes, you still want it, you can have it—but '''before the ten minutes are up, bring to mind the competing long-term reward that will come with resisting temptation'''. If possible, create some physical (or visual) distance as well."<ref>McGonigal Ph.D., Kelly. The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It (p. 161). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.</ref> | ||
| + | * Delaying the impulse to indulge is one of the easier options and at the very least a useful starting point. One of the problems with human beings is that we are too influenced by the present – a bias known as “temporal discounting”. When you feel that urge it takes all your attention, and you don’t think of the longer term implications of your actions. Getting past this first stage of temptation is important because it allows you to have a more balanced view of your temptation and your habit. And the easiest place to start is to make a commitment to delay your indulgence in the habit. ''#Howard'' | ||
== From GYE Members == | == From GYE Members == | ||
Revision as of 17:37, 8 November 2020
Make a commitment that no matter what, you won’t act on an urge right away. Instead you’ll wait at least 20 minutes (or some other amount of time). Hopefully, by then the urge will have passed. If you want to use this technique, decide how many minutes you are ready to wait, and add it to your plan.
Even if you ended up watching porn or masturbating after 20 minutes, congratulate for at least sticking to your plan! You’re still better off than if you have done it right away. By refusing to gratify yourself instantly, you have strengthened your self-control muscles which is good for your long term success. If this happens repeatedly, try increasing the number of minutes, until you find the amount of time that works best for you. It’s also possible that your urges last longer than usual because your actively focusing on it (e.g. fantasizing about what you’re like to watch). If you notice such a pattern, try to spice up your delay technique to make it more practical, for example instead of just waiting for 20 minutes, commit to do some activity for 20 minutes, like taking a walk.
SMART Recovery has a spin-off technique called Deny & Delay. Here's how they describe it:
Deny & Delay (Don’t give in to the urge) — Remind yourself, repeatedly if necessary, this urge will pass. Refuse to give into it — no matter what! — SMART Handbook
This leads to a variation of the delay technique where the goal is to repeatedly delay. I.e. you wait 10 minutes, and then when the 10 minute are up, you push it off for another 10 minutes:
You can use various time frames to delay acting out. You could say “I’m going to wait for 10 minutes and then I’ll review where I am at,” then make the same commitment once the 10 minutes are up. Each time you successfully delay, you’re developing control over your behavior and deconditioning your habit. #Howard
Notes
- According to Kelly McGonigal Ph.D, delay can help reduce The Problem of Instant Gratification: "Ten minutes might not seem like much time to wait for something you want, but neuroscientists have discovered that it makes a big difference in how the brain processes a reward. When immediate gratification comes with a mandatory ten-minute delay, the brain treats it like a future reward. The promise-of-reward system is less activated, taking away the powerful biological impulse to choose immediate gratification. When the brain compares a cookie you have to wait ten minutes for to a longer-term reward, like losing weight, it no longer shows the same lopsided bias toward the sooner reward. It’s the “immediate” in immediate gratification that hijacks your brain and reverses your preferences. For a cooler, wiser brain, institute a mandatory ten-minute wait for any temptation. If, in ten minutes, you still want it, you can have it—but before the ten minutes are up, bring to mind the competing long-term reward that will come with resisting temptation. If possible, create some physical (or visual) distance as well."[1]
- Delaying the impulse to indulge is one of the easier options and at the very least a useful starting point. One of the problems with human beings is that we are too influenced by the present – a bias known as “temporal discounting”. When you feel that urge it takes all your attention, and you don’t think of the longer term implications of your actions. Getting past this first stage of temptation is important because it allows you to have a more balanced view of your temptation and your habit. And the easiest place to start is to make a commitment to delay your indulgence in the habit. #Howard
From GYE Members
Tell yourself... I'll do it... TOMORROW.
- Eye once posted that he had to tell himself that he'll do it 3x tomorrow before the YH let him alone. :D
The idea is living one day at a time. Once your mind is focused on only making it through 24 hrs, it is easier.
When the next day comes, use yesterday to say... hey, I made it through OK, I can do it today too.
I know that this idea by itself is likely not enough... but it is part of a game plan.
#im not alone wrote:
We all need to understand that when an urge attacked us, we only need to push it off for a few short minutes, its not -that individual urge- a long battle to deal with.
You need to stay focused for just a few minutes till the urge disappears, so when an urge hits you. before the urge takes over full control of yourself (yes i think there is stages within an urge) vow to come on the forum and write to anyone, even in the joke thread. Or vow to do anything else (not something that takes too long. just something you will enjoy and doesn't take much time)
Of course even you successfully pushed away THAT urge, another urge could and would come again,but thats would be a new urge nothing related to the previous urge
For me I found it extremely helpful. even as a general tool to overcome this addiction (Ive mentioned it in a few of my posts), because ultimately every fall starts with an urge
- ↑ McGonigal Ph.D., Kelly. The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It (p. 161). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.