Urge Surfing

Mindfulness is a very broad area and has been gaining a lot popularity in recent years. For now I'll discus a mindfulness style technique called "Urge Surfing". This technique was first described in Relapse Prevention (1985), and has been gaining popularity ever since.

Just like a surfer knows how to ride a wave without getting hurt, an urge surfer learns how to let an urge come and pass without getting affected. When an urge comes, observe it curiously, as if you are an outside observer. Think to yourself, “Hmm… here comes the urge, I wonder where it came from. It’s not my true desire, the proof is my CBA. It’s just a fleeting urge coming from who-knows-where, like images in a dream…” Keep on observing the urge, noticing how it feels, until it reaches its peak. Then notice how the urge gets weaker and weaker until it disappears. By doing this, you just sit (or lie down) and do nothing when you get an urge. You don’t fight it, and you don’t try to distract yourself. You just observe it until it’s gone.

This technique is very powerful, because all it requires is your mind. Even when you have no way to distract yourself, and don’t have the energy to fight, you can still use the technique. However this technique takes some time to practice. So if you want to include it in your plan, try to practice urge surfing for everyday things until you become good at it. For example, when you feel the urge to eat a 5th cookie at midnight, try to “surf the urge”.

An idea that goes along with this technique is externalizing the urge. Instead of identifying with your urge, view it as a response to some external trigger or situation. Instead of thinking “I need to watch porn right now,'' think “I’m currently experiencing an urge to watch porn”.

For a detailed explanation of how to teach Urge Surfing see, O’Donohue & J. E. Fisher (Eds.), Cognitive behavior therapy: Applying empirically supported techniques in your practice, 2nd ed. John Wiley & Sons, Inc. Ch. 77.

Further Reading

GYE has exclusive Urge Surfing Audio clips that can help you learn and practice the technique.

Note: Before doing urge surfing, it is suggested to Acknowledge the Urge and check in with your values. See Acknowledge the Urge

Video Explainer

From GYE Members

• Mentally, imagine the urge as a cloud. Distant from you. Watch it [as it] float[s] away. #ColinColin

My Friend Arnie

Here is an imagery technique presented by a member of SMART Recovery Lakewood:

I used to take urges way too seriously. I thought it is my duty to get rid of them, if I don't want to act out.

Now I've labeled my urges "Arnie". Arnie is my friend.

He comes into my head, he shares a lot of different things and he has a lot to say. When Arnie comes to visit and starts telling me things, I think to myself "That's just what Arnie does. He comes into my head, He tells me all kinds of things. But I already made up my mind in the past that I'm not going back there."

(I did the previous tools from my recovery, such as Hierarchy of Values, Cost Benefit Analysis. And I made a Change Plan Worksheet. I made up my mind that I am not going there and I do have control.)

I don't think of Arnie as scary, I don't need to fight him. He can talk as much as he wants, I just don't need to listen. When I treat urges like Arnie, he's not really powerful. There's nothing really to him. Suddenly the intensity of Arnie starts to lessen.

Arnie used to be the scariest thing in my life. Now only is the one of my best friends. And for some reason, once I became friends with him, he doesn't visit as often as in the past. But even when he does, he is nowhere near as scary as he used to be.

Another version from SMART REcovery Lakewood:

Have you ever seen a rain drop on a teflon umbrella it is an amazing sight the raindrop does not sink in to the umbrella but at the same time it is still on top of the umbrella. This is the way we should urge-surf our urges we shouldn't allow ourselves to sink into the thoughts but at the same time panicking about the fact that we got an urge and trying so hard to get rid of them will just cause them to stick even more as the expression goes "What you resist, persists." so we need to replace our panic and fight of the urges with non-judgemental curiosity of them..... "What does an urge feel like" Which part of your body do you feel it in" "from 1-10 how strong does it feel" and then without judgment keep observing it "does it change" "is it getting stronger or weaker" and again despite the answer there is no reason to judge. Give your urges a name such as "my goofy friend" The "used car salesmen" is back . Then think about the beliefs your urge might be telling you? For example it might be telling you "that you will feel really awesome by acting out" "you have no option but to act out" "You deserve to act out" are those beliefs rational or irrational? Look at your cost benefit analysis. Does acting out really make you feel better on a long-term basis? Again without judgment. just being mindful and non judgemental. laugh at the silly ideas and beliefs your goofy friend is telling you. This is what Urge-Surfing is all about.

Realize it will pass

I would like to share a thought that I had lately regarding this battle.

the way that I fought till now, and I see most people fight, is threw fighting with the urge heads on, "I have such an urge... but no i wont give in..  but i can't anymore... NO! I wont do this... (were all familiar with these thoughts..)

we fight the urge, some people run to learn when they feel a urge, some people do other things to distract them from it etc

This way I'm sure works for many people, especially for people that dont have urges ALL the time.. it's just a nisoyoin that comes here in there, but for me I think that while it might help for short term, I tend to fall in the end, for a few reasons. First, it makes the urge into that big scary bear, that I need to stop, drop and fight! It builds up the power of the urge, by being busy with "its soooooo hard, but no, I wont do it..." while it might work for this time, in a few hours when the next urge is here, I  sometimes feel overpowered, and not always ready to fight this big scary urge... secondly, it tends to build up the urge, like I'm holding my breath... I can make it once, twice, and even three or four times, but after that I just can't anymore... my third reason is interesting, sometimes the fight itself let's me lust... being busy pushing away thoughts sometimes means thinking of what I'm not gonna think now etc, pushing away 'that' picture, is actually thinking of that picture... and that makes the lust unintentionally (or sometimes intentionality...) stronger, as the saying goes, fighting off a muddy person will also get you muddy...(or something like that..)

what I feel works better for me is that when a urge comes, to stop, take deep breath in and say to myself, "that urge is here to bother you a little, you will feel that uncomfortable feeling for a period of time now, but it will pass afterwards", and then just going back to do what I did, or anything that i wanna do, not fighting with it, not thinking about it too much, just accepting it, and moving on.

this way accept of not having the issues above, I think also trains my mind that when urge comes to ignore it more.

#Youngster

it's funny that during an urge we freak out about having to refuse it for the rest of our lives, but that only happens when we dwell on it. The reality is that an urge can pass pretty quickly when we keep busy, productive and distract ourselves. #wilnevergiveup

• See https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/327296-Sholoms-Mindfulness-Recovery-Path?limit=15&start=30#329216 and https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/advsearch?q=urge+surfing&searchdate=all.

References

• Like the conceptualization of urges and cravings as the result of an external stimulus, this imagery fosters detachment from the urges and cravings and reinforces the temporary and external nature of these phenomena. Marlatt (1985), Relapse Prevention, p. 10.
• Bowen, Sarah & Marlatt, Alan. (2009). Surfing the Urge: Brief Mindfulness-Based Intervention for College Student Smokers. Psychology of addictive behaviors : journal of the Society of Psychologists in Addictive Behaviors. 23. 666-71. 10.1037/a0017127.
• “Paraphrasing Stephen Covey, when we try to kill a feeling, it struggles for life. When we let it live, it dies birthing. The founder of modern psychology, Carl Jung [This quote is most often loosely attributed to Carl Jung but other sources list L. Ron Hubbard as the originator.] reportedly stated it another way: ‘What we resist, persists. Brandenburg, Brian. Power Over Pornography: The Breakthrough Formula for Overcoming Pornography Addiction (p. 75). Kindle Edition.
  • The original study was actually about a white bear. See Don’t Read This Chapter: The Limits of “I Won’t” Power, McGonigal Ph.D., Kelly. The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It (p. 209). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Criticism

• A study did not find urge surfing to be effective for resisting chocolate. It might be because the technique needs more training, but "an alternative interpretation is that acceptance strategies are not suitable for enhancing health-related behaviors that require self-control. One reason is that acceptance requires the participant to focus on their feelings. Paradoxically, because feelings are linked to the ‘hot’ stimuli the participant is trying to resist, this may actually make self-control more difficult (Metcalfe & Mischel, 1999; see also Kavanagh et al., 2005). It is possible that acceptance strategies may be more helpful where the participant is trying to create new habits (e.g., participate in physical activity) rather than to break old ones (van’t Riet, Sijtsema, Dagevos, & De Bruijn, 2011)."

Torah Sources

• תלמוד בבלי מסכת יבמות דף קכא עמוד א תניא, אר"ג: פעם אחת הייתי מהלך בספינה וראיתי ספינה אחת שנשברה, והייתי מצטער על תלמיד חכם שבה, ומנו? רבי עקיבא; וכשעליתי ביבשה, בא וישב ודן לפני בהלכה. אמרתי לו: בני, מי העלך? אמר לי: דף של ספינה נזדמן לי, וכל גל וגל שבא עלי נענעתי לו ראשי; מכאן אמרו חכמים: אם יבואו רשעים על אדם, ינענע לו ראשו.
  • רש"י: נענעתי לו ראשי - ועבר על גבי והלך לו. ינענע לו ראשו - ידחה מפני השעה ולא יתגרה בהן.
  • ובמהר"ל שם ביאר כי אין התנגדות כאשר יש הכנעה עיי"ש.
  • וראה דרך אמונה ובטחון (להגר"ח שיינברג זצ"ל) עמ' קמה: זוהי העצה שיעצו לנו איך לעמוד בנסיונות לא להתנגד להם לא לעמוד נגדם אלא לתת לצרה לעבור. ולבטוח שזהו הצרה תהא הסיבה לישועה שתבא במהרה עיי"ש.
  • דברות צבי (ווייספיש) חלק כ"ד מאמר לא מדבר על מאחז"ל בערוכה, ומפרש שינענע הוא מצד התבטלות לה' וא"כ הוא קשר לsurrender. וכן הוא במבשר טוב - עוה ושפלות (רבינוביץ) עמ' רט בשם דעת משה פרשת בחוקותי בשם הרבי רבי אלימלך זצללה"ה. עיי"ש.
  • כרם אריה (מזרחי) עמ' קמה: כשאדם יודע שזה נסיון הנסיון מתמעט ולפי"ז הביאור הוא כך שעל כל נסיון נענתי בראשי לומר יודע אני שזה נסיון, ואז הנסיון היה מתמעט וכך יכולתי להנצל אפילו מים שהוא סוער הרומז על נסיונות עצומים.
  • רבי מאיר שפירא דרש את זה על דף גמרא - ראה מרגלית טובה (מרגלית) עמ' עח.
• טור ושו"ע, הלכות תפלה סימן צח: ואם תבא לו מחשבה אחרת בתוך התפלה, ישתוק עד שתתבטל המחשבה.
• הגר"א פי' שהגלא הוא היצר הרוצה להטביע את הספינה, ומתחזי כי צוציתא דנוראה חיורתא ברישא, שהיצר בוער באדם כאש, ונראה לדאם כאש לבנה היינו שמפתחהו לאדם ומראה לו נ' סימני טהרה כו'. הובא בשיעורי היום בבא בתרא חלק ב להרי"מ זילבר עמ' סט.
• והאר עיננו עמ' מו: ובדרך ההתמודדות עם ההרהורים האלו .. ידע ויזכור היטב היטב שזה גל זמני שחולף מעצמו תוך תקופה קצרה ואז תחזור טהרת מחשבתו הטהורה למקומה כידוע.
  • אעירה שחר (קליין עמ' קצד) כלומר אם יבואו רשעים הכוונה לזמני ההסתר ונסיונות היצר על האדם. יש לו לאדם לדעת ולהסתכל על הדבר כגל מים ולידע שהגל עבור שההסתר יעבור, ועיי"ש שהוא ע"י כח האמונה.
• וגליך עלי עברו - גלי הים הומין ומרעישין שכל תאוות עוה"ז אשר היצר הומה ומתגבר כו' והצדיק כו' והוא מכניע גלי הים ושבריו - עשירית האיפה (ספרין) עמ' קצד.
• ליקוטי מוהר"ן תורה א - גלא הוא היצר הרע כו' כי היצר הרע רוצה להטביע ולהשפיל
• תפארת ישראל (שיינקמאן) עמ' עט גלא כו' העולם דומה לים זועף והם הרהורי היצר שרוצה לאבד את האדם כדאיתא ב"ב טז, א, כו'.
• המושג גמ"י - גם זה יעבור.
  • בספר עוד יוסף חי פרשת צו שהיה מעשה באיזה מלך שאמר לאיזה חכם אחד שיביא לו דבר אחד אשר כשרואהו בעת צרה ישמח ויתנחם ואם יראהו בעת טובה יעצב מה עשה החכם הביא לו טבעת אחת שכתוב עליה ג' תיבות אלו שהם גז"י שפירושו גם זה יעבור ואז אם הוא בצרה יחשוב גם זה הרע יעבור שאינו מתמיד וישמח ויתנחם בזה ואם הוא עומד בטובה כשיראה דברים אלו יצטער בהיותו יודע שאין הטובה ההיא מתמדת אצלו. וכ"ה בבן איש חי ר"פ נצבים.

Summary by Howard

How does it work: Riding the urge rather than trying to get rid of it can defuse it, making it easier to resist.

One concern with trying to change entrenched behavior is that sometimes, the harder you try, the more difficult it become. Thus, trying very hard to resist an urge could, theoretically make it worse. Urge surfing is a technique where you combine mindfulness through deep breathing to help you ride the wave of the urge.

Part of the appeal of this technique is that it is estimated that urges  don’t last more than half an hour, although there are exceptions. However, rather than consciously beating back the urge, your focus switches between the urge and mindful deep breathing. The urge is thus minimised and eventually dissipates while you remain calm.

What to do: Mindful deep breathing involves inhaling and exhaling slowly while focusing on your breath. This is a great and simple relaxation technique that can be practiced anywhere any time. As you feel an urge coming on, pay attention to it for a few seconds, then switch your focus to your deep breathing. Switch focus between these two actions until the urge subsides.

The concept of surfing also provides a great metaphor of an urge as a wave that will eventually dissipate as it rolls to the shore. Within a few seconds it goes from a potential danger to dissipating quietly on the beach. And the image of surfing is that you control it, not the other way round.

Airplane metaphor: Keeping control by not panicking and managing a challenge effectively.

See also

DISARM

Notes

• See A/M Session 6 on how to get good at it with daily practice.

Specs

• Learning Curve: Medium / High
• Practice: Daily
• Urge Strength: Weak, Medium, Strong, Very Strong
• Customization: None
• Materials: Supplemental materials are necessary from GYE
• Type: Countering
• Brain Effect: Strong
• Easier with Time: Very
• Editors choice: Yes