Distraction
Distraction - by doing something else
Make a list of possible distracting activities you can engage in when you have an urge, and add it to your plan. Find something that you think can really distract you. It needs to be something interesting that will grab your attention. Pacing back and forth in the room will not do the trick... Since your mind cannot think about two things at once, the distraction will redirect your attention away from the urge and into something else.
By the time an urge kicks in, it will be hard to come up with ideas of how to distract yourself. But if you plan in advance exactly what you will do and include them in your plan, you can start a distracting activity the moment you get an urge.
Some examples are calling a friend or family member, playing a game, reading a good book exercise, or going for a long walk. Be realistic, for some people a sefer can be distracting enough. For others, they’ll need a good (kosher) movie to do the trick.
Distraction - by thinking about something else
In contrast to the distraction technique mentioned earlier, this one is about redirecting your attention by using your mind alone (cognitive only). This seems to be more helpful for low intensity urges. The benefit of this is that since it's all in your head, you can do it immediately, no matter what situation you are in. Here are some suggestions on how to do this:
Decide on three substance-free things that you will begin thinking of immediately whenever you experience a craving or urge. These will be your fallback or go-to responses whenever cravings/urges arise and can be the building blocks of a new habit. These thoughts can be of events, people, songs, phrases, or even places that are special to them in some way. Examples could be the birth of a child, earning a raise or promotion at work, or simply a loved one.
Group Treatment for Substance Abuse
What is the happiest place you can imagine? Think about being there. Think of every sensory detail—see, hear, smell, taste, and touch these.
The PERFECT Program
In The Porn Trap, the author suggests:
A simple sensory awareness exercise can help you shift your attention away from what you’ve been thinking about and on to something else in your environment. Begin by saying the phrase, “Now I’m aware of…,” and then complete it by stating something you see in your environment. For example, “Now I’m aware of the sun coming through the window.” Repeat and complete the phrase “Now I’m aware of…,” until you have identified five different things that you see. Continue the exercise stating five different things you are aware of hearing, then five things you are aware of touching or feeling in side your body. This exercise can help center you sensually in the reality of your present environment and take you farther away from the fantasy world of porn.
Dr. Thomas Horvath in his Workbook for Overcoming Addictions writes:
Deliberately shift your focus to something that is easy to stay focused on. For instance, look around you. Is there something in the room that you could count? It might be ceiling tiles, floor tiles, designs on wallpaper or paneling, window blinds, leaves of a plant, or something that you can observe through a window outside the room. Count the objects that you see as rapidly as you can. For instance, count the number of blinds that you see on a window. If you count very rapidly and as accurately as you can, you will find that other thoughts that were on your mind go away, because you are focused on the counting.
Horvath also gives the following examples:
- Subtract numbers (for instance, subtract 7 from 1,000 and get 993, subtract 7 again and get 986, subtract 7 again, and so on)
- Say the alphabet backwards
- Read words backwards (say the word correctly but read the sequence backwards: "backwards words read")
- Play the "alphabet game" by looking at license plates, book titles or a printed page and find an A, then a B, then a C, etc.
- Tighten the muscles in your body in a particular sequence, over and over (tighten your feet, then your calves, then your thighs, then your pelvis, then your stomach, then your chest, then your shoulders, then your neck, then your face, over and over again) / reach into your pocket or purse and attempt to identify coins or other objects there just by feel.
Common Distraction Ideas
- Learn Torah (listen to a good shiur, meet up with a Chavrusa, learn about a new topic)
- Call a friend or family member
- Call a GYE partner or mentor for support
- Read a book, magazine, or sefer
- Take a walk or drive somewhere
- Play a game (Get games on your computer/phone that will fully engage your mind, and your hands…).
- Watch a Kosher movie
- Do some exercise (exercise also has additional benefits)
- Journal about how you're feeling
- Listen to a good music, a shiur, comedy, the radio, or chizuk.
- Visit GuardYourEyes.com
- Spend time on a hobby (write, play music, paint or draw)
- Learn something new and fun (a new skill, new language, new subject, something that can help your career or personal growth)
- Do some errands or todo's
- Do some Chessed (an act of Kindness)
- Do something relaxing
- Have a snack (or go buy one)
- Make yourself a delicious meal
- Reduce sexual tension: Take a cold shower. Then take another.
Torah References
Distraction is known as היסח הדעת.
Redirecting attention to neutral things
ספר חסידים אות ד' וראה שם סי' תתרמה
טעמי המצות להר"ר מנחם ריקאנטי בל"ת צ"ד
כתר ראש להגר"ח מוולאזין אות קל"ו
לקוטי מוהר"ן ח"א סי' רלג
קריינא דאיגרתא ח"א סי' טז
שו"ת אדרת תפארת ח"ג סי' ל"ב בשם בנין יוסף פ"ד
שבט מוסר פי"ב
תניא פרק יב
Redirecting attention to Torah
בבא בתרא טז, א וברש"י ד"ה משכהו לבית המדרש
זוהר ח"א קצ, א
רמב"ם הלכות איסורי ביאה סוף פרק כג
שו"ע אבן העזר סי' כג סעיף ג
צל"ח ברכות ה, א
תניא פרק יב ופרק כח
קריינא דאיגרתא ח"א סי' טז
אגרות האדמו"ר מחב"ד ח"ג אגרת ד'תקמח וחלק כ אגרת ז'תצ
שומר אמונים יד, ב
דרכי החיים ח"א ע' תה