How I reached 90 days

From the Front Lines (#2)

"NachalNovea" writes on the forum:

Hi everyone, I’m not the usual type of guy to be writing on these things but I am clean for over 3 weeks!

This includes weekends at home, Coronavirus & being alone with technology for a long time, and many battles. Battles that without reading the experiences and simple victories of the holy chevra here, I would not be anywhere where I am today. Simply reading what we are all trying to attain + realizing that we are all in this together is tremendous.

My story really starts in high school, and has never been fully under control since. Went to yeshiva and had some good streaks but never really fought a battle. When I came back from Yeshiva, I fell hard and fast. To a point where I just tried to make it from Shabbos to Shabbos. The pre-Shabbos mikva became 1 big tefillah, begging hashem to give me the internal strength to be strong again just one more time. Like Shimshon.

Then I found GYE and I feel like a new person! This has been an amazing journey so far and I really owe you guys a yasher koach & huge thank you.

P.S. The levels on the 90-Day-Chart give me so much chizuk. (I am at the level of “Eved Hashem” now), it’s a phenomenal feature!

Earning the "Tzadik" crown

I joined 90 days ago and BH i made it to 90 days! I cannot thank you enough for the push. I have been wanting to reach this accomplishment for a while now and this site finally helped me succeed!

I just wanted to share with you and all members the following experiences I had on this journey.

It started off pretty easy. Then feelings started coming back. At that point I read the SMART recovery pamphlet which I found to be super helpful in getting me over the initial hump. Over the weeks I was able to keep focused with the help of my wife and this website.

Last night- right when I was about to be crowned with the "Tzaddik" award on the 90-day chart, I was hit hard. My wife encouraged me to celebrate, so I cracked open a few beers. It was great but I felt the urge coming. Right before I went to sleep I made sure my devices were protected. That was a huge step. But it was still not over. My one year old woke up and would not go back to sleep. In the room with her was an iPod that belonged to a sibling of mine. I knew I had it all right there if I wanted. The battle was HUGE. I picked up the iPod and I was about to start flirting with danger. It was such a struggle, but with Hashems help I was able to not give in for almost two hours. I was so upset that it was happening and I was hoping to not fall. Finally my daughter went to sleep. I went to sleep with major urges, but with Hashems help, I fell asleep and woke up clean!!

When I woke up this morning I realized what happened. Hashem wanted me to earn that "Tzaddik" crown. He put me in a position that I was in previously, and where I had failed. It felt like it was the tenth nisayon given to Avraham Avinu. Hashem wanted me to earn it.

This morning I have felt the most amazing feelings I have felt in my life. I felt like a new person and I felt the crown of Tzaddik personally placed by Hashem on my head. I have no other way to explain it. My wife noticed a difference instantly and she exclaimed that I look like a completely new person. A whole new part of me was in the room.

I felt it so important to share with everyone. You have to realize that it won't be a breeze but that is what makes you an Olympian. This experience was so amazing for me, and I hope everyone can experience it soon.

Stay with it. It's wild on the other side.

Thank you again.

How I made it to 140 days clean

#Dave M

Before I share what works for me, I want to thank this wonderful organization from the bottom of my heart for the amazing things it has accomplished. Without the GYE community, I would be lost as I try to navigate this increasingly insane world.

A little background on my struggle. Since I was a teenager, I always struggled with M"ZL. B'H, since I was away in yeshiva during my high school and bais medrash years, my access to the internet was always limited. As such, viewing inappropriate websites was not something I really struggled with. After I got married, I spent a few years in Kollel. During this time, we did not have internet in our home. However, I always struggle with M"ZL. I realized, that getting married, sadly does not cure us from these nisyonos. When I left Kollel to go to work, that's when things started to get very challenging. As my job necessitate the use of a computer, I now had to fight the urge to refrain from viewing inappropriate materials. It's amazing how very few websites are completely clean. Many "innocent" websites have advertisement or links to other sites that can lead to a dangerous path.

At first, the spiral started by viewing images that were not clean, although technically not porn. Not surprisingly, eventually this led to viewing more explicit materials. The feeling of hopelessness and despair that I felt was horrible. I was losing control. How can I look at my wonderful wife and kids after the things I've seen?

Around two years ago, by some miracle I discovered GYE. The feeling of relief was palpable. I finally discovered a whole community of people with the same struggle. GYE provided a map, guidelines, and perspectives on how to approach this nisayon. The GYE handbook is a remarkable compilation of advice and how to have the proper attitude when approaching these nisyonos. Joining the 90-days challenge helped too. I was successful in making great progress in shmiras einayim and cutting down on the amount of times I was M"ZL. I would have nice stretches of 30-40 clean days. However, I would eventually fall. Then comes the feeling of guilt and nothingness. But I kept on trying and davening to Hashem to pull me out of this black hole.

B"H, I'm now holding at 140 days clean. I recognize that there are different levels of addictions and lust related behavior. Everyone has their challenge. No 2 challenges are alike. But I wanted to share with the rest of the GYE community what has worked for me to help me reach this milestone. Some may seem obvious, but it took me a long time to internalize them.

1. For me, the key to this battle is avoiding triggering situations and putting up the necessary fences to help protect me from falling. Below are some examples that are applicable to myself:
   • I do not own a smartphone. Yes, this has caused some inconvenience and believe me, I do get asked some uncomfortable questions on why I'm "not with the times". But I don't care what people think. For me, having a smartphone will just be too dangerous. I cannot risk it. Perhaps down the road, it will be unavoidable, and I will need it for work, etc. But for now, no thank you.
   • I stay off social media.
   • At work, there are multiple ways to get to my desk. Some routes have women who don't always dress appropriately. I try to avoid those routes.
   • Up until last year, I used an older free filter on my personal computer. Besides it having an adverse effect on the functionalities of my computer, It was not a very strong filter and had many loopholes. After one of my bad falls, I finally upgraded to a much stronger filter. It is one of the best $140 I've ever spent.
2. Do not even start "acting out", thinking that I'll be able to stop before I fall. It's a ploy by the yezter hara. Even if I resist now, it will fester and grow stronger, until eventually I cannot hold back anymore.
3. Besides working on not giving in and being careful what I look at, I realized that it is just as important to work on my "kedusha" and growing as a yid. One small area where I made changes was listening to shiurim during my commute, instead of the radio. One series of shiurim that were a lifesaver is "The Fight" by Rabbi Shafier. These shiurim discusses how to overcome the nisyonos we are faced with. It can be downloaded for free at the following link https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/
4. Utilizing the resources on GYE:
   • Reading the daily chizuk emails
   • Posting on the forum and reading/responding to other people's post
   • Reading and Reviewing the GYE handbook. This is an incredible handbook!
5. Of course to always and keep davening to Hashem to help us overcome this nisayon.

As an aside, one of the great chiddushim GYE came up with was the concept of "hitting rock bottom while on top". The earlier one hears the "wake up call" the easier it will be to climb out of this dark hole. I find that after having a bad fall, there will be a short period of guilt, shame, and humiliation. This feeling can go two ways. Either it can be used to beat us up and give up hope or it can used as a burst of inspiration to change. It is important to not let this moment slip by without making real changes to one's behavior.

One more point/suggestion I want to make. Chazal tells us that when one davens for his friend, he will be answered first. There have sprung up organizations that were created around this concept. Such as matching up older singles to daven that each one should find his/her zivug or childless couples davening for one other to have children. Many times, when reading a first timer's post that describe their pain that this addiction had caused, I cry. I may not know that person, but I feel his pain. I recently started davening to Hashem to help all the members of the GYE community to overcome their challenge. Perhaps this is something we as a whole can adopt.

I know that I still have a long road ahead of me and can never let my guard down. The yetzer hara is constantly working and coming up with new methods to get me to fall. I still have moments when I feel my resolve weakening and have come close to falling. But with Hashem help, I, along with the rest of the GYE community, will persevere and win this battle.

90 Days Clean

Dear GYE!

First of all, thank you so much for your site, it really does give strength!

I tried it once before but without success. This time, however, when I was fighting my yetzer, I decided to look at your site. As soon as I came on to the site, a few people popped up starting a dialog. The truth is, I was not in the mood to talk and even though I was anonymous, I was embarrassed to be there at all. But something magical happened when I started speaking (writing) with this person who seemed like he needed help: on the one hand, I felt totally unable to help him at that moment and was myself in need of help; on the other hand, just giving him a few words of encouragement did something to me that I can't explain. Suddenly, my yetzer (for that moment) was neutralized! I was able to walk away from the computer without sinning and have maintained the momentum since then by watching your videos and reading some of the material I found on your site to download.

I know where I was holding 90 days ago and I know where I am holding now and there is an amazing difference.

Just a personal note, I am in my mid 50's and also married and so it could be that my battle at this point in my life is easier than for someone who is young and single. But if there is one message I would share based on my experience over the past 90 days, it is this: "Don't give up and don't despair!"

May HaShem bless you with all your efforts to continue to help people and give them spiritual strength!

Motivation+Battle Plan=90 days

I am finally at 90 days for the first time!

What was different about this time vs. all my previous attempts? My motivation, strategy, and mindset were the game changer. I changed my mindset to viewing this as an actual battle. No general goes to war without a plan. For this reason, I began with writing real battle plans on paper for those times I would be in the bathroom for a longer period of time. The plans mostly involved keeping my mind occupied while in the bathroom (for example, mental math), and making checkpoint voice recordings (like checkpoint #1 "on the way to victory" to inspire myself). The basic idea is seeing where I may fall and doing something about it. After a while, I B"H got stronger, not necessarily having to go to the same extent of fighting. I soon learned how to distract myself on-the-go, and moved on from there.

For strategy, I needed to stay involved every day. Not just involved, but active. For this reason, I wrote a blog of every day of this journey, made 2 WhatsApp groups, tried helping other people along the way, and opened up more.

For motivation, I just really wanted to win. I was sick of losing. I was shocked that I had fallen the last time, and told myself and G-d that I was done. This has been a goal for way too long, and I don't care if the battle gets hard, I will win! I'll plan ahead, write battle plans, and will win this once and for all!

Thank G-d, that came out to be true so far! Motivation can actually take you really far! I really hope to continue this amazing progress, going from milestone to milestone, and have an opportunity to successfully help other people in this area.

100 Days and staying on focus

I am 27, married with 2 kids, learn in Lakewood. I have struggled with porn, masturbation, phonesex, google images, going through underwear drawers, and much much much more. In other words, I was a big-time luster. I was lusting everywhere: from the phones in Walmart to my friend's wife's phone that I was given for an hour to fill up with music to my other laptop. I would sometimes go to Internet cafe in a private room and just watch for an hour or two. Any filter I had I got by. My wife shut off the internet on her phone - I still found ways to search and find porn - and usually found something. I am not proud of all these things but just in case there is someone out there who finds this and thinks that he's alone - you should know, I was as perverted as they come. I used to "fill my lust deprivation" with anything - even a semi-romance book I found in a nursing home while going to be mashlim a minyan.

I thought it would never stop, everywhere I would go I would find ways and I would lose all shame. Even once after a stretch of being clean, I was in a hotel with the wife on vacation and I used the hotel computer to watch porn.

Well now, I am something like 100 days clean - I made a kabbala/deal with a friend of mine that if I fall within 90 days I will give him 1000 dollars. So it worked. I can't say I had no slips but my quality of life jumped - not right away - but after like 60 days, my mind got this setting that was like 'okay, we're not struggling anymore - it's over baby!'

Since I hit 90 days I be cruzin'! I hope it lasts. I still get hit with lust and tests and try not to look a second time or a third or a fourth or minimize - but I have already been in places with an open internet and the thought didn't enter my mind.

What helped me most of all: Hashem and a couple of friends on this great site; a lot of keeping busy; and music. But the main thing is that I used to think I have to constantly be in attack mode but now I realize once lust attacks, I am way too weak to conquer alone - so I worked on constantly being on focus - calling people, emailing people, and got close to some amazing people.

Then 2 weeks ago, I had my hardest test ever: I am clean for like 80 days or so and ..... Youtube was open on my laptop for a few minutes and I started watching some 1970's movie with nudity and in the middle I found the strength to call a friend because my focus was so strong! I just started dialing and he saved me so here I am today.

Notes: Reinforcement/Accountability. Social support. Stimulus Control. Distraction. And more Social Support.

90 Days!!!

#Yiddishe Midel

Wow, wow, what a journey it has been!

Before I found GYE, I was stuck in a horrible rut; falling and acting out, then feeling disgusting about it, doing teshuva, and saying never again. But before I knew it, lust took a hold of me and I was at it again! It was a vicious cycle, which I had no idea how I would get out of.

GYE showed me that I wasn't alone in the struggle, that I'm not a faker - just a 'struggler,' and, most importantly, that there IS a way out! Now I had someone I was answerable to, someone cheering me on and checking up on me and I had a goal to reach!

I reached 90 days on the first day of Sukkos, which I feel is significant: to be able to celebrate my 90 days clean with Hashem mamesh!

Although it's still a struggle, it's now an uphill climb, reaching new peaks every day.

I have endless hakoras hatov to GYE for enabling me to actually do it!

Forever grateful,

Notes: Self-Efficacy, Social Support.

By His Help Alone

90 days free of porn watching has arrived. No sense of pride at all, just a deep sense of thanks to GYE for not rejecting me and an infinitely deeper sense of thanks to Ribono shel Olom that there is a way out. HaBo LeTaher Mesayin Lo - since joining GYE, I have often thought that HaBo is the important word - it doesn't say HoRotzeh LeTaher - it is not enough just to want to be clean, we have to do something, show we want to be better. In our case we have all joined GYE, we have made the move, and in return, Ribono shel Olom has given and is giving us the help that only He can. It is the first time in 5 years I have stayed off porn for 90 days. It hurts to write this sentence, to recall the constant sense of shame and self-revulsion at davening the next morning, the fear that my wife or kids would find out - you know it all.

But here we are, all helping to bear each others load, all suffering and rejoicing with each other through the bad times and the good, and that is why GYE is such a wonderful organization with such wonderful people who write such wonderful comforting things which help to drag us up from the rubbish heap. We are all in this together. I feel now that till I joined GYE, I was walking along the edge of a cliff - and constantly falling over the edge. Now there is somebody on my other side, who is stopping me from falling and who I know will catch me if I do. The struggle has not abated, but it has become more manageable. Till now, once the lust had me in its grip, there was nothing I could do - totally helpless to keep away from the screen. I sickened myself - and yet I went ahead watching, powerless to stop. All the while outwardly keeping up appearances...

Now, I think of you guys struggling like me, I think of my GYE homepage and clicking the number of days 'still clean' - and I think I can't just give in and go back to where I was - in the gutter - and somehow I have the strength for that minute not to click the mouse!

May HaShem help ALL OF US in our daily struggle!

Notes: Social Support.

90 Days - Finally!

Wow! Finally at 90 days. It has taken me about 7 years to get here. And the truth is that I am only partially at 90 days. It is a full 90 days for MZL, but I slipped and looked at inappropriate websites about 2 weeks ago. I didn't count it as a fall, because I really need the chizuk of hitting 90. This was the furthest I have ever gotten and I thank you so much for the guidance forum and help!

What made me able to get this far was primarily TAPHSIC. Without it, I used to fall regularly after one or two weeks or a month at most. But now, I went 90 days!!! And my slip from last week was because I let my taphsic expire and it hadn't included looking at things in it. I have since renewed it and included it in.

I am going to start again and now try to get 90 without looking at anything bad.

Thank you!!

(Still) Hopeful

Notes: Taphsic.

Reaching 90 Days

#Heemircho

B”H, yesterday I reached the 90-day mark. There is no question that the competitive nature of the 90-day chart and award system with different levels helped me jumpstart the process. Part of my issue was that I was seemingly the only one who cared about my success in Kedusha-related matters. As soon as I got to GYE and joined the chats, probably the third question everyone asks is “how many days sober are you?” This is powerful motivation even if you are not sure what you are able to do. People care and it makes a difference. Everyone has one goal, which is to stay sober.

Another tremendous thing is the breadth of knowledge available on GYE. Personally, I like to research fully everything I do and I always enjoy seeing various approaches. GYE is a virtual Beis Medrash. Not only can you find chavrusas to learn all the Sugyas related to Kedusha, but you can get advice from the greatest Roshei Yeshivos in these fields. I am not going to go into specifics, but suffice it to say there is sage advice on any question imaginable on the forums.

The tools I use on a day to day basis can be broken down into three categories.

One: avoiding triggering situations. The daily chizuk emails are a great reminder in general of Shemiras Einayim.

Two: mitigating triggers so as not to compromise my control in the face of a triggering situation. For example, if I am feeling stressed, I have learned to relieve that stress as soon as possible before my body decides to try to relieve it with a lust attack.

Three: reaching out to friends I made when I am going through a tough phase.

I am greatly indebted to GYE, the directors, administrators, donors, members, and all those affiliated. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Notes: The 90 Day Chart, Social Support, Advice on Forums, Avoiding Triggers & Shmiras Einayim. Coping with Stress.

90-Day Testament

Wow! I really thought I might never get out of my bad habits. For the first time in at least 11 years, I feel like with Hashem's continued help I can really be in control of what I do, look at, and think about. The feeling of freedom is intoxicating.

The Mishnah says 'Ain Lecho Ben Chorin Elo Mi Sheosek Batorah.' Many people struggle to understand this statement. The Torah is full of laws and instructions; what we can and cannot do, what we should and should not do. Freedom is often assumed to be the ability to do whatever one wishes.

We must first have a reality check. Who are we? We are a Chelek Elokai Mima'al. Our Neshama has been put in our guf for a very specific task. We must remember that we, our neshamos are transcendent. We have the ability to grow beyond ourselves.

When a polar bear is hungry, he eats. He will destroy anything that gets in his way. He cannot say no. He has no control. Control is determined by the ability to say "no." When a person is in this world and does not connect himself to Torah (our strongest link to Hashem) he does what he wants. That might seem enjoyable on the surface, however, he has no control of himself. He gets what he wants, and all he wants is enjoyment. To eat, drink, and be merry. To live "life." But what kind of life is that. We were created to become so much more, so much greater than a polar bear. We have a Neshama, a sechel. Learning Torah gives a person a chance to decide what he really wants to become. It gives the tools to be free to do what you really want to do. Emes Yoreh Darco The truth shows itself. The more you learn Torah, Daven, try to serve Hashem in all the things that you do, the freeer you will feel. You are now free to choose. Uvacharta Bachayim!

Thank you so much to the admin. of GYE. This program gives me the framework that I need to stay clean. The sefer Vehaeir Eineinu has been the most helpful tool for me, combined with the 90-day chart and the sponsor who I knew was keeping track of my progress. May Hashem continue to help GYE help Klal Yisrael and may we see the revelation of Hashem's Prescence speedily in our days, Amen.

Notes: Yiddishkeit, living higher. Vehaeir Eineinu. 90 Day Chart. Sponsor.

Another 90-day success

By Jake D.

Baruch Hashem, I reached 90 days clean!

As I reach this milestone, I wanted to sincerely thank all my GYE buddies that were there for me, encouraging me, and who have kept up with me through all the ups and downs that this journey entailed. I wouldn't have been able to reach this day without all of you! I also want to thank the GYE founders for creating this great website and tools!

I know that this is just the beginning and there will be many more stressful and tough fights ahead but what these 90 days have done for me is they showed me I COULD DO IT One Day At a Time. They have shown me it possible to stay clean! Looking forward to many more clean days.

Notes: Social Support. ODAAT.

My personal 12 Steps

By Ben B

These are the 12 steps I took to get me to 90 days clean:

- I have installed an accountability software on all my devices with an accountability partner

- I am reading the GYE newsletter almost daily

- I have blocked Internet on my phone (which is an old phone).

- I have a journal that I use to write sometimes when I struggles (did not write much lately)

- I am in touch with several partners from GYE with whom I share daily my fight

- I am listening to various MP3 shiurim on the subject

- I try to get stronger spiritually (by setting a regular limud schedule)

- I am working out much more than before and this gives me a lot of good energy and good spirit

- I have started my post on the forum

- I try to eat healthier food and get better night sleep to have more energy to fight

- I am using the shvua TAPHSIC method

- I removed the private browsing feature from my browsers

Notes: Stimulus Control. Daily inspiration. Journaling. Social Support. Yiddishkeit. Exercise & Lifestyle Balance. Taphsic.

Success built on diligence

Hello, dear GYE!

Please say THANK YOU to the founder and to the sponsors of GYE. I am very thankful to your holy team. Kol a kavod!

I reached 90 days on the 1st attempt, BH. It was not hard. Now I am 137 days clean from m'zl and watching p-n. According to GYE criteria clean for 110 days. Continue updating on the Wall of Honor.

I must say my discovery of the site where many frum jews like me are working on the same problem gave me a lot of inspiration. I felt that G-d gave me the help I needed for so long, while struggling alone.

Additionally, I tried to be a good talmid and read everything I found in the GYE Handbook. For rather a long time, I faced a problem of being without a partner as I live in Europe. So I tried to talk to others on the online chat. I tried to be disciplined in reading the chizuk emails. Updated the 90-day chart.

I published "My story and my way" - my own topic on the board "On the way to 90 days" on the forum, where I wrote all my struggle story.

Also, I continue learning about the addiction. After reading the Handbook, I started reading the AA Big Book.

I have one devoted partner, who is much older than me and is sober for a long time. I told him all my dirty laundry as sincerely as I could. I told him the things, which I never told anyone.

I plan to join Dovid Chaim's conference calls and to stay in touch with my dear partner, with whom I consulted much through email and phone calls and I will continue to stay in touch.

Undoubtedly, it's G-d Who sent him and you to me. Thank you!

Notes: Not feeling alone. Being active on site. Social support.

90 Days Free: No more Fooling Myself

By E.S.

Tonight I celebrate 90 days of sobriety.

I've had 6 months before but this is the first time it's a sobriety with not giving in to lust.

What I've learned in the past 90 days is it's all about surrendering and allowing G-d to do the rest. I would never have believed that I could get to this point in the past.

Watching porn or masturbating were my drug and they were what kept me alive. When I had 6 months I was allowing myself to give into lust. As one who struggles with Unwanted SSA I would sit in a sauna and look at the men and say I'm only lusting I didn't loose sobriety as it wasn't porn. How foolish was I to think that!

BH I was given the gift of sobriety by starting with one day and now I've been given 90 gifts.

I pray for many more gifts for the rest of my life one day at a time.

Note: 12 Steps.

How I got to 90 days clean

By Josh

Here are some tips that helped me:

Delete everything (Instagram, snapchat, facebook, Twitter, ifunny, netflix). We trick ourselves into saying this is not pornography, but then the images go into our heads, and since we are on a “kosher” (non-porn) site, we think we can search anything! Then, we start searching stuff which leads to ...

Getting rid of subconscious triggers was a life changer, I didn’t fall even once after deleting these apps, besides that, these social media apps etc. were such a waste of time. Fill your free time up with different things (working out, cooking, sports). Pick up new hobbies. I spent my time working out and B"H I have lost 40 pounds. Thank you GYE!

Notes: Stimulus Control. Keeping Busy / Lifestyle Balance.

One Year Clean

by Hashem Help Me

Boruch Hashem, I have passed the year-mark of staying clean, of growing, learning, accepting, listening, and getting to know some wonderful people. In a certain way, the last item on the list - getting to know some wonderful people - was and is probably the most important, and the most life-altering. Because that is why there is "cleanliness," growth, knowledge, acceptance, and some level of understanding.

Thank you to the anonymous forum posters who have cheered me along, agreed with me - and argued with me, guided me, suggested advice, shared their own successes failures strategies and challenges, and encouraged me to keep posting.

Thank you to the chevra who were brave enough to trust me with their real phone numbers. You were there for me when I needed a good word, some mussar or advice, a kick in the pants, or just to share life's challenges. You also opened your personal lives to me and allowed me to be there for you. You gave me self-confidence, purpose, and direction. The satisfaction of crossing hurdles together with you (whether your frustrating moments or mine), and having who to celebrate (or cry) with is immeasurable.

Thank you to the chevra who were really courageous and agreed to meet in person. You really "did it". That's what I needed. To meet real people, nice people, healthy well adjusted people, ehrliche people, singles / marrieds / divorced / yeshivish / chassidish / modern / sfardi, all struggling with the same thing. I became part of a family. No more was I the loser. No more was I the rasha. No more was I suffering in silence and all alone. Plus, you showed me, yes even those of you who fell very far down, - that it can be done. Some of you are super successful BH. Some are still having ups and downs. But all are growing, being more and more successful, showing me and anyone else who wants to see, that a yid in 2017 can stay clean!

Thank you GYE - founder, administrators, donors, and anyone else involved. Only Hashem knows the reward waiting for you for the "kedusha revolution" you have trail-blazed. And as a side byproduct maybe without you realizing it, you have also healed so many people from depression, anxiety, shalom bayis issues, etc, etc...

Thank you Hashem. It is simply not possible to describe the chessed You have shown me during my "journey". I feel as if You placed Your hands on my head and benched me. There is a lot more to say, but Chazal warn us not to list praises of Hashem for fear of limiting all that He has done - which is truly limitless.

Upon reaching the year milestone, I realize that in reality, it is just another day. May Hashem grant all who read this and everyone else too, the hatzlocha to conquer this scourge, and the peace of mind to calmly reach milestones and have them pass by without even noticing. Hatzlocha to all.

Notes: Social Support

How I made it to 90 days

By OzerHashem

First and foremost, I realize it was through a Power Greater than myself.

Secondly, this time was different as there was absolute and complete openness and honesty with my wife.

I also had the complete commitment not to take the first drink. The slightest amount of lust for me = death. And I didn’t want to go back there.

Anytime I wanted to take that first drink, I had to surrender and say, "if I truly want sobriety I have to let G-d do his work." AND HE DID!

I hope now to keep climbing the wall of honor one day at a time!

Notes:

• 12 Step Program

Another 90-day success story

#sjuser

I have special news to share. Today is day 90 for me! I've made it 90 Days clean for the first time since I've signed up!! I know that I don't really take part in the forum chats (I've found other GYE tools to be more helpful for me, and I've drastically cut down the time I spend online...), but I wanted to share this news with my fellow warriors;)

I've still got ways to go, but this is a special milestone for me and I'm so grateful to Hashes that I've made it this far.

First time I tried I fell on day 6, second time day 30, third time day 67. My last fall was Erev Yom Kippur this year and I haven't looked back! I'm grateful for fourth chances and just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone for sharing their stories, and tips, and making me feel welcome, thank you for giving me hope and encouragement. You will never really know just how much you helped me in my darkest moments. Thank you. And now for Day 91!

Notes:

• Social support?

Reaching 90 days one day at a time.

Many times in my life I have lasted long times without any falls. The issue was that they were always post-fall and then I'd feel guilty and say "never again!" It would last a while but then I'd have another fall. I always looked at it as "forever." This time, I took it literally day by day and was able to follow my chart and see my progress. This was probably the best Shmiras einayim period of my life! I'm almost 30! I hope to continue day by day by day. One day at a time. Thank you, GYE!

Notes:

• Tracking
• Focusing on it day by day.

My 90 Days, second time around

I've just reached 90 days for the second time, only the last time I acted out on day 91!

There is a great difference between now and then, as then I was--as they call it-- a "dry drunk," without doing much to stay clean. But this time it's with 3 times per week live meetings, plus another phone meeting, having a sponsor, doing steps 1 through 7, sharing with friends, and a lot of surrender and prayer. That's how I got here.

I always say in the meetings, I haven't done anything to keep me sober, I am just working the program and Hashem has kept me sober.

Notes:

• 12 Steps

With support of GYE, another 90-day milestone

#aa thoughts

What has helped me stay clean, b”H, the past 90 days?

Firstly, all the incredible support of GYE and its members. There is no doubt that this is the strongest point.

Also, seeing the fantasy thoughts as the nisayon they are, clarified it as something outside of me and not a reflection of me, as I used to think. Once I identified it for what it was, I could now actually work on overcoming it.

Making it disgusting in my eyes, helped sometimes.

Focusing on one day at a time, trusting Hashem that He helped me up to this point, He will continue to guide me as long as I turn to Him.

Another point that helped a lot was starting to focus on being a giver in any situation. It changed my perspective and gave me fulfilment so that I didn’t need to seek the good feeling in other areas.

A practical tool when an inappropriate thought came was to stubbornly insist on changing the subject, doing whatever necessary to do this. Whether it was an easy one of saying ‘go away’, or to put on music, or to even chant to myself ‘clean, clean…’ until eventually the message penetrated.

When feeling triggered, staying in a room of people keeps me from falling. Just thinking, if they knew what was going on in my head, jolts me back to reality.

Ultimately, the most effective tool is to daven, with the genuine feeling that only He can overcome and to trust Him with the results after doing hishtadlus.

Dear GYE,

Today is 90 days

I’m tasting the sweet sound of it

Savouring its warmth

What a magnificent gift

My gratitude is immeasurable

For not only has lust been subdued

My essence has changed, improved

Working on this struggle

Has affected deep inside

I’m a new person

Have a fresh perspective on living

I’ve been working on my core

Hard work, yet so rewarding

I’m overcome with appreciation

Mere words cannot express my gratitude

If 90 days is a kinyan

Then reaching this milestone on rosh chodesh, a time of renewal, is an inyan

Av may be a month of mourning our unfathomable loss

But working on this struggle is surely a zechus

Elul and the yamim noraim are just around the corner

This is the first year that I can come with the knowledge that I’m not in the same place as the year before

This time the work was real, genuine

Be”H lasting and continuously growing

GYE, you have been the initiator and catalyst

Enabling and facilitating this journey

If only words would convey my true gratefulness

But all I can say is a simple ‘thank you’

Yeshalem Hashem sechar peulosecha

P.S. Please let me know of something I can do for GYE.

Notes:

• Externalizing Urge.
• Davening.
• Being a Giver.
• Distraction.
• Coping Statements.

How did I make it to 90 days?

First and foremost the first step in the right direction for me was clarity. Clarity, sincerity, and honesty with myself. The breaking point of rock bottom. The looking in the mirror with shame, disgust, yet daring to search for my soul and beg for it to fight.

Even that wasn't enough, after all, I wasn't in control. I was still busy living as my body. But the true desire to move beyond the lies no matter how deep in the quicksand was the still the 1st step. Step 2 was admitting my headstrong way of fighting my addictions wasn't enough. My rabbi introduced me to GYE, from then I started allowing advice permeate and help me. I read the GYE handbook which is a fantastic tool, signing up for the 90-day chart was monumental as well. The daily chizuk emails and the app nofap were important tools as well. A filtering tool is crucial, I used netspark which is good.

Most importantly I admitted to Hashem I needed his help. My soul needed to and still needs every day to be cleansed. But I admitted the truth as Chabakuk said, "The righteous live by their faith." The only way out was with faith. The only true way out in our times of struggle is with Hashem's help and allowance of our free will to be assisted. So I turned to Hashem and asked that he help me in my fight. I still can't explain how I reached 90 days since discovering porn and puberty well over a decade ago. In my fog of despair, I never thought I'd reach this far. All I know is it only happened because Hashem blessed me with his assistance. May we all find and stand with truth and be helped by Hashem to cleanse our souls one moment and day at a time. Another important thing to add is the 90-day chart is great for something to strive for. That being said we must remember to fight in the moment when we are attacked. If we find ourselves losing, we must have the strength and courage to press pause to our internal war, get out of our head and beg Hashem for help. May we all be healed and may we all heal this world from this horrible disease with Hashem's help.

Notes:

• 12 Steps.
• Stimulus Control.
• Daily Inspiration.

From GYE Ezras Noshim: I made it past 90 days b"h!

I started to count the days a few months ago, but then my sponsor said that for me, the counting is too much of a pressure and I should take it just "one day at a time".

So for a long time, it just said "Day 1" under my name on the 90-day chart. And I loved it that way. Lately, I saw the new 'Still clean' tab on the chizuk emails. So today I hit it. And yeah, I see it's been more than 90 days...

How did it happen?

It is a combination of things.

• The Big Book - I read a page every day
• Working the program with a sponsor
• Doing service for others
• Therapy
• Posting and sharing on the forum
• Fellowship
• Staying in the sunlight and running right back when something managed to block it out.

Everything together helped me do my steps 1, 2, and 3 every day. And maintaining steps 10, 11, and 12.

One day at a time, we can do it!

Notes:

• 12 Steps.

Beginning of a lifelong journey

I started on Recovery when I was busted by my wife. I had been acting out for more than 30 years. That first night after I was busted, I went to sleep and I knew I was in big trouble with my wife. While lying in bed, I imagined myself in Beit Din Shel Mala at the end of my life. I was in the middle of a dark room surrounded by many people watching the Din. All of my acting out was played back and I felt a great dread that my Din was LeChova and there was absolutely no escape. I felt a deep fear. This was my rock bottom.

My wife had happened to be at a lecture by Rabbi Twerski where he talked about GYE for about 5 minutes. She told me that he said that this is the only way to recover from this addiction. I wasn’t convinced I was an addict, but I was desperate to pacify my wife. The next day (Day 1), I went on GYE and signed up for the Chizuk emails and joined the 90 Day Chart. I spent a lot of time on GYE and two things made a great impression on me. One was a reply from Rabbi Twerski where he said that if you know that a behavior is wrong, and you try to stop doing it and you are not successful in stopping the behavior, then you are an addict. The second was an article from someone who has been sober for more than two years. He wrote that when he starts to think that he has this licked then he knows that he’s in trouble. Next, I read a lot about the 12 Steps.

I spent my first two weeks in a severe crisis. My wife was a wreck and was barely talking to me. I had to take a hard look at myself and admit that I am a sexaholic. I studied the first step and tried to understand what it meant to be powerless over my addiction. I went through the following process:

1. I admitted that I am a sexaholic. This was a huge blow to my ego. A more accurate description is that my ego was shattered.
2. Because of the second article I saw on GYE, I realized that I had to start a lifelong process.
3. I imagined myself in the same room where I had the Din. I shone a light around me and I discovered the part of me that is an addict. This part of me has been with me since I started acting out. Whenever I studied mussar and chassidut and tried to conceive of submitting my will to the Will of Hashem, this part of me was actively resisting. Whenever I tried to do Teshuva, including during Neila on Yom Kippur, this part of me was looking right over my shoulder and laughing at me. It was saying, “You can say what you want. You accept what you want. In the end, you will come back to me and continue acting out.” It was a huge revelation to shine a light on this part me. Just the fact that I discovered it and brought it out into the open, significantly diminished its power.
4. At this point, I asked myself where do I go from here? I looked at the second and third steps and the answer was obvious. Once I had found the addict in me, I had to crush it. I submitted myself to Hashem and I asked him to help me. This was the first time in my life I felt I had truly submitted my will to the will of Hashem.
5. This was an intense two-week process. I feel that I have never done cheshbon nefesh as I did during those two weeks.

What worked for me? I started with a reading list. I downloaded the Big Book and the GYE Handbook from GYE and read them cover to cover. I read Addictive Thinking and Teshuva through Recovery by Rabbi Twerski. I spent a lot of time reading articles and testimonials on GYE.

I have been working one on one with Duvid Chaim since nearly the beginning of the 90 days. He has been a huge help in guiding me on the path of Recovery including teaching me many practical tools and exercises. I call into Duvid Chaim’s 12-step call once or twice a week.

I find the daily Chizuk and Shmiras Ainayim emails to be very helpful. I start my day by reading them. They set the tone for the day. During the day, when I find myself getting bored (which was always a trigger for looking for inappropriate material on the Internet), I go on to GYE and read a few articles. This keeps me going for the rest of the day.

One of the big problems I always had was Shmirat Einaim in public. One of the best things I saw on GYE (and heard from Duvid Chaim) is that the first look is on God and the second look is on me. If I notice a pretty woman, I accept that I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m still clean. I have to concentrate on not staring and not looking a second time. This is much more difficult on a bus or train when the woman is standing next to me or sitting across from me. In these situations, if I’m having a hard time, I say a quiet Tfilla to Hashem (from the GYE Handbook), “Hashem, I cannot control my lust. I ask you to take it from me.” It works! My next trick when in a public place is to take off my glasses. It works wonders in a restaurant or when going for an exercise walk.

One of my biggest challenges with Shmirat Einaim was the thought that it was impossible to keep this up forever. In the past, I have tried to control this, especially around Yom Kippur. However, inside, I would always think that it's impossible to do this forever. This would eventually lead to a few failures and finally giving up. I want to relate this to driving. First, driving has always been a trigger point for me. When I would be driving around in town, I would always be looking around to see if there were pretty women walking on the sidewalk, crossing in front of me, etc. My point is that when driving, you always have to watch where you're going. You have to watch for other cars, traffic signs, and pedestrians. I would never say that I can't forever watch where I'm driving and I'll just have to give up and drive without looking. It's the same with Shmirat Einaim. In the same way, I realize that I will always have to watch where I'm going when I drive, so I realize that I will always have to be careful about my eyes every time I leave the house.

Throughout the 90 days, I have worked hard on davening to Hashem for help. I have found that my relationship with Hashem has progressed from a Rasha who is trying to daven to an angry disapproving Master to that of a son who is davening to his loving Father. I used to come to shul on Friday night and ask myself how I can accept the Kedusha of Shabbat after all of the acting out I have done during the week. Now I come into shul, I feel clean, I feel the Kedusha of Shabbat and I feel the love of Hashem.

I feel that Hashem took pity on me and sent my wife to bust me so that I would hit rock bottom. This sent me to GYE and saved my life.

Note:

• Hitting Rock Bottom.
• Realizing he is an addict.
• 12 Steps.
• Coaching with Duvid Chaim.

One day, one step at a time

#Onestepatatime

Wow, I did it! 90 days!

I would first like to thank you guys for your special work. You guys are really saving klal yisroel.

I just wanted to share a couple of ideas that helped me make it this far in my journey. The fist thing I did was take it one day a time. I read this statement from the Klausenberger Rebbe, I think on gye. It said the following "In my youth, I was considered a bright and diligent student. How did I accomplish this? I tricked my yetzer hara. Other children had great plans at the beginning of the school year for the whole year, but in the end, they failed. I said to myself, "I am going to plan just for today - and set the goal for this day only". The Satan, not being interested in a single day, left me alone. The next day, I again just made plans for that day, and so on until the end of the year." - Klausenberger Rebbe.

That is what I tried to do. When I felt an urge I would tell myself not today maybe tomorrow but definitely not today. Slowly days turned into weeks and weeks turned into a month. I saw in a book from Rabbi Twersky that in AA people count their sobriety by the day. He told a story of someone who said that another participant was sober longer because she had woken up earlier and was still sober. So that became my model one day at a time.

I also saw a video of Rabbi Alon Anava’s NDE. In it he described the intense embarrassment he felt in front of Hashem and all the neshamos in the world were looking at his whole life seeing everything he ever did. I would constantly remind myself of this. I would ask myself if the pleasure now would be worth the embarrassment later. Walking in the street I would go without glasses as much as possible. It doesn’t help at close distance but it helps a lot. I also tried to be listening to a shiur or chizuk as much as possible whenever I had free time. Lastly but most certainly the most important thing I did was daven. Every day I would ask Hashem to help me overcome my desires. That I only lust for him and my wife. That I should come close to him and stay there my whole life.

These past 90 days were very hard. Now that I am on the other side I feel like a whole new person. I feel better about myself. My self-esteem grew immensely. I will still take it one day at a time and Be”H the next thing I know I will be dancing with all of you in the front lines greeting Mashiach!

Hatzlacha to you all. And thank you again to the head guys here at gye. May Hashem bless you with the endless strength to continue your wonderful work.

Note:

• One day at a time.
• Rabbi Alon Anava’s NDE

I pray this success keeps up

I am, B'H, now 28 days on the TaPHSiC program. I cannot begin to tell you how good I feel, B'H. No more ups and downs, no more depression. My business grew a lot. I'm guilt free. I became so much closer to my wife and kids.

Would not have been able to do it without your wonderful organization. I pray and hope so desperately that this keeps up.

No Words.

#Sheva Yipol Tzadik

Note:

• Taphsic

The new month. The new beginning.

#Mal

Today is rosh chodesh Sivan and today is my 90th day of my journey. I can't believe this.

I am sitting here by my computer in a trance.

Wow! Did I really accomplish 90 days! Yup, I DID! With thanks to H' and too many other ppl to mention who all helped me pull thru. No, it wasn't an easy journey and I only got thru it living from one minute to the next. I have gained so much from this journey in all areas of my life! I have changed! I am a different person!

I was able to do this. I am strong. I can do anything! I can. This proves it. The fact that I DID 90 days. Nothing is impossible. H' has held me thru it all and continues to do so thru out every aspect of my life. He only gives me what I can handle – this is also proved to me thru the 90 days done! Life is not one rose garden. I also have to want to do it. But really want it. And it can get done! I know that when I am REALLY determined to do something I get it done! There are ups and there are downs. But I can pull myself out the downs and remain up. Life is not about circumstances but about attitude. Hey, I'm naturally a pessimist. But, I have changed. Just like the brain wiring has changed for wanting to act out then my mindset has also hopefully permanently changed to that of an optimist! Yay!

I feel it is so special that my 90th day coincides with rosh chodesh sivan. It's big. I just feel it. I'm feeling empowered. No, I do not want to act out on day 91, bh. Altho it is shabbos and shabbos for me is not a good day. But, Hashem will help me just as He has helped me til now! I trust in Him.

Hey, I just had a thought. Just like rosh chodesh is the beginning of a new month. Today is the beginning of a new life. A good one. A clean one. My neshama is proud. Whatever happens, I can handle. It's from H' and I CAN get up if I fall. I'm not planning on falling, though. All H' wants of me is to try my best and then He helps me with the rest. I have so many a&w moments! Life ain't suddenly easy. No! But my attitude is better and I am still living life minute by minute.

I accomplished 90 days! It is a huge achievement! Tons of battles which I may not have won all of them but I won the war!TY H'!

Thank You for having helped me reach my goal! But this is not the end goal.

It's the beginning of a new month. Of a new life.

I reached 90 but I'm not gonna stop. Life doesn't stop. There are still challenges. But I am stronger now. And have more tools in my arsenal.

I have also learned on this journey what is and isn't really important in life.

It has also taught me that the feeling WILL pass. Just WAIT! And the feeling really does pass!

Note:

• Social Support
• Has reached strong self efficacy even if he will have a slip
• Learning that urges will pass

GYE: A Universal Benefit

#"Pe Re"

I live in Argentina, I'm not really Jewish, but appreciate this network which helps fight what all religions deem a sin.

I want to tell, now I started study in a mixed college, it's full of young ladies who are very much uncovered. Same in the streets, fashion posters, Metro so on. I discarded watching TV, movies, so on. I erased my social media, also, and hide my own cell phone to avoid re-opening my accounts.

Many athletes and scientists say loss of semen means loss of power, vigour, muscle tone, and strength in general. I want that power! I hate the feeling of feebleness one suffers after an emission. I always dreamed of being a powerful man, like a boxer, or a weightlifter. But even Mike Tyson was said to abstain from sex from 3 years.

The main test is looking at the floor discretely every day during class. it's a tough fight!

But I feel a mighty man now. Satan is using an army against us, and i haven't given in yet.

Note:

• Non Jewish
• Stimulus Control
• Beliefs about semen retention

"Hashem-Help-Me" has BH made it 90 days

Thank you for setting up this program. BH, I just hit 90 days; something I wouldn't have dared to dream about in the past. But you did so much more for me for which I will be eternally grateful. I thought I joined GYE to stop sinning. I found out I joined GYE to begin living. GYE has taught me in 90 days so much truth about myself that for years I never saw. I am growing as a person in many ways - and before never even realized I was missing so much! ( I was definitely missing humility).

GYE has taught me what intimacy is (and what it is not), and the proper perspective and behaviors in the bedroom (and everywhere else as well - in all husband/wife interactions). Your daily chizuk emails, shiurim (especially R' Simcha Feuerman's chosson shiurim), taphsic (without actual shvua), 90-day incentive chart were all very helpful.

Most probably the main credit for my success goes to the connecting with real people both on the forums and on the phone. Nice, normal, intelligent, ehrlich, caring people who "have been there and done that" make themselves available for all of us scared newcomers who arrive with the ingrained thinking that we are losers and reshaim - and that there is no hope. They are passionate about helping others win this war. Although different members utilize different methods, the common denominator is "it can be done".

During those early days when withdrawal from my "drug" was so horribly intense, they held my hand and kept me going. Thanks to them, I actually believe that bli ayin hora, there is a very strong possibility I will never masturbate again. Personally, my thank you must go one step, actually one dimension further. As I have written in the forums, for the past few years I have had to be taking a "cocktail" of three psychiatric medications. My doctor had me come to terms that this unfortunate situation would probably be a lifelong issue. Any previous attempts to wean myself off any of these medications was met with absolute failure. After being on GYE for about one month, I felt a menuchas hanefesh that I did not know existed. Bli ayin hora I slowly dropped one medication. Of course, I went to speak this over with my psychiatrist who was so excited with my progress that b'ezras Hashem, we are now a few days into weaning me off the next medication. Despite this being a difficult process, things are BH looking good. Believe it or not, doc (who happens to be one of the most highly recommended - and expensive) actually suggested that if this phase goes well, I should attempt to drop the third after another two months without incident. (Don't worry, I am going to be super careful - I know all too well what mental illness looks like....)

Do you realize what this means?! You are giving me a new lease on life!! May Hashem truly bless all the GYE people - founders, supporters, technicians etc. along with all the chevra from the forums and the phones with an overabundance of brocho and more brocho and even more brocho!

Notes:

• Social support
• and more...

GYE changes a bochur's life!

I want to share with you that one of my clients was expelled from his yeshiva for inappropriate advances to bochurim, and he came to see me. I did some work with him around SSA and boundary setting, and directed him to GYE.

GYE has changed his life! He has adopted the TaPhSik programme and is well on the way to his 90 days. He is now back in yeshiva and sober. The Yeshiva gave him access to the office computer so he can check in to GYE for chizuk. Another zechus in your ever-increasing portfolio. Tizku le’mitzvos.

Jonathan R*****n

Family & Couples Systemic Psychotherapist

Notes:

• Taphsic

Member 'Singularity' Reaches 90 Days Clean

Hello, GYE!

I'm so excited for having reached this point and experiencing the cleanest, most honest and most growing 3 months in my entire life, or whatever I called "life" before now. Death, perhaps.

What helped me? The forum. The dedicated, constant posters, moderators and Dov, for always-open communication channels regardless of location and profession. The forum friends didn't preach chiddushim to me, but rather made me realize that which I already knew, and motivated me to take steps I was too scared to before.

I am now BH in a good recovery fellowship with SAA here in SA (South Africa) and have so many more connections and people to open up with, that my "safety net" has never been as strong. I am learning every day how to surrender my lust and my ego and am slowly feeling the thrill of actually dealing with life's stresses as opposed to hiding and using my (least) favourite drug!

To my absolute delight, I realised my overeating was NOT an addiction and did NOT compel me to join OA as well. Within these three months, after having hit a "rock bottom" overeating during Sukkos, I have eaten better, exercised and become a more fulfilled human being. I feel my success in that area is because of pearls of wisdom and mindsets gleaned from GYE and SAA. I finish long runs One Step at a Time! I ask God to help me up that tiring hill. And then sneak-in asking Him for a clean day, to remove my lust, and to help me serve Him.

I believe it's important to have a mitzvas Asei (exercise, learning, something positive) in tandem with the lo ta'aseh of refraining from lustful behaviours. I've tried the latter alone in the past, especially when focusing on it meant neglecting other areas, ie overeating and not exercising, and it has not been good for me. I grow better holistically.

In the incident with the Moabite women in the Torah, Pinchas stepped to the plate. And made a bold step. A zealous step. And he saved a dead situation.

This was the last test before entry into Eretz Yisroel. If Ma'aseh Avos Siman l'Banim, then what we face in our generation is the final frontier. It's unsalvagable unless we make bold steps. And GYE has done that. You are saving the entire world and pushing us all through to the Geulah, bim'Heira b'Yameinu!

I thank Hashem for your organisation and the true stepping stones to sanity! Keep up the holy work!

Notes:

• 12 steps
• Lifestyle Balance

What helped me reach 90 days?

By Yitzchok

Dear Guard Your Eyes Team,

First of all, thank you very much for everything you do and did for me and for the whole of Klal Yisroel.

Here's in short what helped me most:

• In the beginning, I used to update my Chart daily - that was basically the highlight of getting another day on the chart - but over time I began to update every few days and this seemed to work. Now, I try to update every week or so.
• I also have the full support of my wife. Very interestingly, it happened on my 91st day that she said to me that my radiance has changed over the past couple of days, as I started smiling more for no apparent reason.
• I also go to a therapist who is doing a great job getting all the secrets out of me.
• I wrote on the forum every so often to update my progress, and now I use the forum quite actively - and also our private hangout group.

Hazloche Rabba in all you do!

Notes:

• Tracking
• Social support (including wife)
• Forum

A Clean Chanuka Licht

A Freilichen Chanuka!

How was the first Chanuka Light by you?

By me, it was amazing, B''H, there was this clean feeling - sitting by the candles, connecting to myself and to Hashem, trying to keep my little boy occupied at the same time, wonderful family time and wonderful Hashem time!!!

This Shabbes, the old drives started to come up, in forms of old pictures and videos. B''H, I managed to steer my thoughts to other places; the thing that kept me at bay, not to go into the circles {I do want - no, I don't want}, was the amazing TaPHSiC Method program.

It was just by the Chanuka Licht, I realized why the YH went on such an assault today! It was the last day chance to get me before Chanuka, imagine how I would have felt if I would have fallen after working nearly a whole month on Clean Kislev Project - Lekoved Chanuka, just to fall 1 day before Chanuka!!!!!!!!!

I would have been Broke!

Don't worry, I don't think that the YH forgot me - he is still at work. So somewhere this week, I'll have to renew my Shvua, as it is expiring on Rosh Chodesh Teves.

Notes:

• Taphsic

I was matzliach - here's how!

by GYE Member (See all authors)

I was matzliach on the 90 day journey and this is what I realized:

1) I must stay busy

2) I have to wholeheartedly want to complete the 90 day journey

3) I must learn every day

I stick with the daf yomi in particular. It brings help from the shchinah, which is the key of fighting the yetzer hara. Also, there's an inyan of starting a new hobby, and learning on a daily basis helps fill in the gap of acting-out for the better.

Also, it's considered doing Tshuva, because when we act out, the thought/imagination of the zera comes from the core with in our mind. And ke-neged that, we use the core of our minds to break our heads to learn Gemara, which is part of our tshuva journey.

Also, it helps to wake up our neurons in our mind to become people who are able to think.

4) Reading the daily Chizuk list that GYE offers helps a lot

Notes:

• Staying busy
• Motivation
• Yiddishkeit
• Hobbies (Daf Yomi)
• Daily inspiration

Victory over lust - one day at a time

Hi,

I am clean now for over 90 days for the first time. On your congratulating email, it asked me to share what helped me get to 90 days.

Before coming to GYE, I was blind to the extent and depth of my addiction. The word "addiction" never came to mind in all the years I was acting out. GYE taught me about lust addiction and slowly broke me into the idea of real recovery. First, I read the GYE handbook and posted a bit on the forum. Then, I joined your phone conferences. When I finally joined SA (after a great conversation with Dov from the forum - may he be blessed!) I came to the meetings with a lot of awareness that allowed me to feel comfortable with the program.

Today I have a sponsor, a partner, and a long list of recovering fellows who I am comfortable calling and sharing anything with. I am working the steps with my sponsor and am currently at step three. In the meantime, so many things in my life are improving that until I came to the program, I never realized how messed up they were. My relationship with my wife and kids is starting to develop in a great way (sad sentence, as I am married 5+ years and have 3 kids, but true). I am sober over 90 days but am starting to really be able to live "one day at a time." I try to go to at least 5 meetings a week. But most of all, I am starting to be honest - with my wife, children and myself. It is shocking how dishonest I was till now, and gratifying how liberating honesty can be. It sure stunk living a big lie my whole life.

I can't thank you enough for what your website has done for me. I really feel you have given me a second lease on life.

Sincerely,

Yaakov

Notes:

• 12 Steps

GYE is the gateway to true sobriety.

by GYE Member (See all authors)

I was struggling since age 15. Never made it past 20 days on a good cycle. I found GYE by doing a search in Google.

Originally, I thought that if I joined the 90 day challenge, things would be fine. It wasn't. I was too scared to join a meeting. I searched on your site to see if there were recorded meetings that I could listen to instead of live meetings. What I found was Joe and Charlie's 12-Step recordings. I listened to them and realised that this is what I should be doing. So I wrote to SA, and I got an email for the local guys. I joined a meeting and got a local sponsor, and, thank G-d, I have been sober ever since (well over a year).

I am currently sponsoring 2 guys locally, as well. I continue using the website to keep track of my sobriety.

Thanks, GYE!

Notes:

• 12 Steps

90 Day Insights

A few insights and thoughts into my 90 days:

by GYE Member (See all authors)

1. It´s my second time reaching 90. I fell pretty hard about a month after reaching my first 90 days. I learned that I can't let my guard down. I must watch for the ¨I'll never fall again¨ thoughts.

2. Although it's a huge milestone, it's really only a number. Nothing magical happens once you hit the number 90. I'm definitely not "cured". Still have to take things one day at a time.

3. Speaking to my rebbi was the best thing that's happened after finding GYE. I must build upon it and make it the strong tool that I need.

4. I can't be a perfectionist about it. I can't let the only thing keeping me going be the fear of losing the number. That's when I lose sight of the real goal.

5. I must keep up with the tools on GYE on a regular basis. They have been my lifeline from the start.

6. I must be fully cognizant of the fact that I am not alone in this battle. Almost everyone deals with or has dealt with it in some form.

Tools Used:

1. Forums. Best way to connect with others going through same or similar situations. Good for talking about anything on my mind.

2. TaPHSiC Method. A way to just stop. It gave myself no other choice then stopping. I used it late into the game but it got me back on track.

3. 90 day chart. Good for keeping a written record of where I was holding. It gave me some motivation when I was feeling weak.

4. Partner program. Basically acted as a personal helpline. I also started this late, but it helps tremendously.

I hope this helps with what you are doing.

Note:

• Social Support (including Rebbe)
• Taphsic
• Tracking
• Avoided overconfidence

How I reached 90 days

By Lotta Hope

by GYE Member (See all authors)

I had been falling at least three times a week, so it was surely a struggle. I took the 90 days in steps, committing to what I thought I could manage - 10 days at a time. Clicking "still clean" gave me a small feeling of control that I relished, so regularly updating my chart helped me stay motivated.

Pinpointing what made me feel weak, and what my fears were in terms of falling, and sharing them on the forum gave me transparency and helped keep my journey real.

It was these 90 days that helped me let go of my need to act out; I hope I can do another 90.

Note:

• Tracking
• Social support

A Miraculous Transformation

By Diamond Spark - GYE female member

See here.

90 days sober after 30 years of acting out

I have been an addict forever. It started when I was 14 and now I'm 44, so it's been 30 years.

About 10 years ago, I joined Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) and worked with different sponsors unsuccessfully. I just couldn't maintain sobriety. The SA definition of sobriety is "no sex with self or anyone other than one's spouse and progressive victory over lust." According to my sponsor, lusting is not gaining victory over lust so it's considered loss of sobriety. This caused me to continually have to start over.

Then I went thru a תקופה of major anxiety and was directed to start dropping some of the projects out of my life to make it more manageable. SA was one of them. But getting out of the program caused a huge decline, during which I crossed many red lines. It became clear I needed another עצה.

That's when I found Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA). They allow you to do certain behaviors while avoiding others. This was the breakthrough. I, for once, could be sober while still lusting. I wasn't a constant רשע anymore. I continued building on my avoidance list until, finally, I was ready to adopt GYE's standards of sobriety. By then, staying sober was a breeze and now, it's not a struggle at all. I'm loving every minute of it! It just might be the עצה for some people. Keep it in mind.

Thanks for all you do. Keep it up and תזכו למצות!

Nathan

Note:

• Goal Setting (Using GYE's standards of Sobriety)
• SAA

Packing List for a 90-day journey

Member "S.M." shared what helped him upon reaching 90 days clean:

There are many different strategies that one can employ in order to reach a target. I can only share what worked for me.

I found the Step 1 share incredibly liberating and it allowed me to get rid of fantasies that were swirling around my head. This allowed me to finally air-out how sick I was and admit to safe people that my life was completely unmanageable and that I was addicted to lust. Until that point, either I didn't know or I was in denial about how sick I was.

The importance of the fellowship was critical for me in this early stage of recovery. It has allowed me to reach out and ask for help - this is the message of Step 2 - I cannot fight this disease by myself and I need the strength and unity of like-minded people to help me learn to live with this disease. The guys help me reach out and break my isolation. They have given me the strength to realize that I may never get "healed" from sensitivity to lust, and it is something that I have to live with and adapt my life accordingly. Very much like a chocoholic who finds out that he is a diabetic - either he changes his lifestyle or he dies. My disease is exactly the same, either I stop giving in to my lust or I die. Of course it is hard and there are times I just want to say 'to hell with it all'. But it is at this point that I fall back to my Step 1 - I don't want to die.

I also have found helpful my incredibly supportive wife. I know I broke all the 'rules' when I told her everything, she even read my Step 1 before I gave it. Obviously, this led to a tremendously difficult few weeks. However, she has accepted me for who I am, she isn't happy about it and sometimes she wants to give up, but she is giving me the most unbelievable support. I am completely accountable to her. There is a book called 'For Men Only' by a guy called Jeff Feldhahn, it gave me a lot of insight into my wife's mind and it showed me how to be there for her and give her the emotional space that she needs. Of course, it is hard, and there are times that it is extremely difficult, and I am not there for her. But at least now, I know when I have screwed up and why.

One more thing that helped me was that I had a sponsor that knew I didn't want to lose my sobriety. I know that for much of the last 90 days I have been white-knuckling. But my sponsor helped keep me sane and guided me through very troubled and turbulent waters. It took about 70 days of white-knuckling and being brutally honest with my sponsor before I was able to start a "positive" sobriety.

Additionally, I had to learn to take each moment as it comes. It is so hard to live knowing that you may never get better. So instead of focusing on the future, take each moment as it comes and in that moment, focus on why you are doing what you are doing.

Finally, without prayer and without G-d's help I would never have gotten to this point. I have been frum my whole life, but it is only now that I am finally learning how to pray to G-d. My G-d. The G-d who loves me.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. But if we live for today we can trust that tomorrow will be even better.

Notes:

• 12 steps
• One day at a time

How I Got to 90 Days

Thank you, thank you, thank you GYE!!!

Before I started the 90 days this time (I did it once before but fell soon after...), I was so afraid. I have been falling every other day and I was terrified of failing but even more terrified of letting go of my self-pleasure. Finally, after receiving some help from people on GYE, I realized that I would always want the acting out, but that there was something else that I wanted too - and more deeply. That was sobriety. To be clean. To be able to feel close to God. So I began.

I was afraid of trying for 90 with nothing to help me in moments of temptation. I did try to avoid those moments, but what really helped was:

a) The Taphsic method. I vowed that if I wanted to act out, I'd first have to say "Hashem, I want to be close to you" 100 times. If I still fell after that, I'd pay $50 to GYE. If I fell without doing that (even though I remembered), then I'd have to pay $100 to GYE. I didn't fall.

b) I joined DC's 12 step conference calls. Being constantly involved in recovery talk and thoughts and doing the exercises has helped me SO MUCH.

Notes:

• 12 Steps
• Taphsic