Filters

Note: If cases where you have access to unfilterable devices (e.g. a device that doesn't belong to you), or if you're so tech savvy that no filter is good enough, see Boundaries.

Getting a Filter

Technical Help

• Info on TAG
• Help with getting a filter

Kosher Phones

• Kosher Phones

Windows Devices

• Livigent based filters:
  • GenTech Solution
  • Meshimer
  • Netspark

Approach to Filters

As Prevention

• See Positive Vision Day 36 for an impassionate plea. See also Day 37-38; 48.
• Section II Ch. 3 (all the problems with the internet) p. 287 and on.

For Strugglers

Approach 1

"Establishing environmental controls is another strategy used to maintain sexual health boundaries. Men who have not developed an internal self-regulatory capacity can rely on environmental controls to maintain their sexual behaviors, especially early in the implementation of their SHP [Sexual Health Plan]."

The rationale for setting up boundaries is explained nicely in Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Rethinking Sex Addiction by Douglas Braun-Harvey and Michael A. Vigorito:

As an environmental control strategy, avoidance has a bad reputation and some men protest against it. “I don’t need an Internet filter, that’s cheating!” or “I shouldn’t have to avoid the bookstore, I should be able to walk past it without going in.” These statements are derived from their false beliefs about their willpower capacities. These beliefs can be interwoven with their sense of masculinity, autonomy, and shame avoidance.

They may erroneously believe that avoiding these triggers is not “manning up” and truly dealing with their problems. Men who merge a sense of toughness and brave adversity by testing their willpower without respecting its limitations may use a range of defenses to protest against this change practice. They may be disappointed, embarrassed, and ashamed that they cannot simply “white knuckle” their way through their SHP boundaries...

Men often comment that these controls are not failsafe. With enough persistence or technological skill, anyone can circumvent an Internet filter.

This is true and also not the point. External controls are not used to sexually sanitize every aspect of their daily lives. They are intended to decrease the frequency of spending unnecessary energy on easily avoided situations to reserve ego strength for the sexual situations that are less avoidable.

They are implemented to conserve the resources that will be called on in other circumstances and that require internal regulation.

These environmental controls can also establish small buffers that create time between urge and action. This newly established, yet brief, window provides the space for the deliberative system to influence their behavior and stop the momentum toward crossing a boundary.

Earlier in the book he elaborates:

"Because sexual videos are easily accessible from multiple technology platforms, they persistently confront the opportunity and the urge to cross their boundaries. If they have not established environmental controls, then they are likely relying on their internal capacity to restrict their urges to watch a sexual video. Over time, clients deplete their energy resources and are less able or willing to maintain their boundaries in the next opportunity. By reducing the amount of temptation in their environment (e.g., establishing Internet filters or technology-free zones in the home), they can reduce the amount of energy needed to restrict their impulses.

Approach 2

It is important to realize though, that the goal of the filter is only to keep it "out of sight and out of mind". It is not going to remove the possibility of accessing indecent material altogether. If a person is determined enough, they will often be able to find ways to bypass filters, and even if not, they will always be able to find many other venues to access inappropriate material. Ultimately, the change must come from within, with a sincere desire to stop lusting.

The filter acts mainly as a "heker" (a reminder), similar in a sense to what our Sages tell us about Palti ben Layish (to whom Shaul Hamelech gave over David's wife). Palti was alone every evening with Michal (who Chazal tell us was one of the most beautiful women) and yet he never stumbled because of a sword that he placed between the two of them, saying that whoever bypasses this sword should be run through by it. The filter is like our sword, it is our "heker". But it will not stop us completely unless we want it to. However, since it can take a long time until we learn to genuinely give up our lust to Hashem, we must have a strong filter at all times. For if we don't get it out of reach, we won't be able to stop the vicious cycle of addiction and begin the healing process. The GYE Handbook

Approach 3

See intro to the "Ushmartem Es Mishmarti" in Boundaries.

Further Reading

The GYE Handbook, Progressive Tools for Breaking Free, in the chapter called Guarding the Eyes.

Torah Sources

• Out of sight, of of mind: אור החיים אחרי מות פרק יח, ב: ונראה כי לפי מה שהסמיך למצוה זו מצות העריות, גם ממה שאמר בסוף הפרשה (פסוק כד) אל תטמאו בכל אלה וגו' כי בכל אלה נטמאו הגוים הדברים מוכיחים ומגידים כי מעשה ארץ מצרים כמעשה ארץ כנען הוא מעשה עריות ובזה נבא לפרש הכתוב על נכון. הנה ידוע הוא כי כל מצות אשר צוה ה' לעם קדושו הם מצות שיכול האדם לעמוד בהם ויטה עצמו אל הרצון לעשותם, זולת מצות פרישת העריות הוא דבר שנפשו של אדם מחמדתן ואונסתו עליהם לעשותם, זולת בהתעצמות הרחקת ב' דברים מהאדם, והם מרחק הרגש ראות העין, ומרחק בחינת החושב, ואם ב' אלו לא יעשה אין אדם שליט ברוח זה לכלותה ממנו, כי כל שלא תהיה לו הרחקת הרגש הראות בדבר הגם שירחיק בחינת החושב לא ישלוט בעצמו לכלות ממנו הכרח החשק.
  • תלמוד בבלי מסכת עבודה זרה דף כ עמוד ב: ת"ר: ונשמרת מכל דבר רע - שלא יהרהר אדם ביום ויבוא לידי טומאה בלילה. מכאן א"ר פנחס בן יאיר: תורה מביאה לידי זהירות, זהירות מביאה לידי זריזות
    • רש"י: זריזות - [זריז] ונשמר קודם לכן שלא תבא עבירה לידו כי הכא דאינו מהרהר לבא לידי טומאה. זהירות - כשהעבירה בא לידו זהיר להשמר שלא יכשל והכי אמרינן בכל הבשר בשחיטת חולין (חולין דף קז:) מאי לאו דזהיר ולא נגע לא דזריז קדים ומשי ידיה מעיקרא.

From GYE Members

• Before Yom Kippur this year, I installed an Internet filter to which only my wife has the password (and if the password gets lost, only she can have it e-mailed to her account, to which I have no access). #Kedusha
• Filters do work. I installed some accountability software on my main computer and I found it did help me to stay on track. #shmuel83
• Regarding the the other devices, that's something I think we can all relate. Now that corona has been haunting us, I've been stuck in a house with too many devices with open access to even count them, open internet is everywhere I look.... Something that I have found helpful, and maybe once you get to the taphsic neder method, you can add in a clause that you cannot use your your siblings or any other devices besides those designated, and if you do that's a fall. It's more of an internal filter so doesn't solve the whole problem, but then again does a filter even solve the whole problem. #yosef10
• You must, MUST install an internet filter. In my opinion, if you have an addiction you simply will not stay clean without one. For it to be effective, you must make sure that you won't remember the password. The filter gabbai is one of the best services that this website provides, so if you can't entrust the password with a family member or close friend, pass the details on to the gabbai. #Haleivi76