Coping Statements

Coping / Mastery Statements

This strategy is really simple, it involves telling yourself that you can handle the urge without acting on it. Here are some examples of coping statements:

• "Even though it sucks that I have to deal with X problem, [porn] isn’t going to help me.” (This instead of thinking, “I deserve [porn] because I have to deal with X problem,” — SMART Handbook
• "I can do it". —Hester & Miller p. 228
• “Yes, I can.” (Remind yourself in no uncertain terms that you have resisted successfully many times before. Affirm your resilience.)  —Changeology

Here's another bunch from A Workbook for Overcoming Addictions (Horvath):

• This craving will go away in a while if I don’t act on it. If I do act on it, it will return shortly, and probably be even stronger than this one.
• If I don't act on it, this craving will go away, and eventually all of them will go away or become so small as not to be a bother.
• The craving itself won't hurt me.
• It's normal to have a craving for now, because I just began changing. In time they will be gone.
• This craving can’t force me to do anything, I’m the one in control.

You can also come up with your own...

• This is only a nisayon, I can handle it.
• Hashem knows I can handle this urge. It's hard but I can do it.
• I've handled many urges already -- I'm __ days clean on the 90 day chart! I can do this!
• This urge is super uncomfortable, but it's not unbearable. I'm not gonna die from it. It will soon go away... and I'll feel great about myself for resisting.
• Let me just focus on today. I can stay clean one day / hour / minute / at a time.

How to use this technique: Choose or compose a statement based on the ideas above and tell it to yourself next time you have urge. You can memorize it, or write down somewhere and keep it handy.  

From GYE Members

This is a test!

• I just had a fight with my wife and she went storming out the door.... The first thing I did, was rush to an unprotected computer and type in very bad website. I didn't actually get to see anything in the site and I quickly remembered that this is a test. I also remembered that I am registered on the 90 day journey! So I shut off the website before any images came on. #Anonymous

I'm a fighter

• Aside from God,  torah and mitzvos, i suddenly remembered something else, and thats what gave me the strength to hold my horses for a moment. I remembered 'one piece' cartoon series and the great swords-man Roronoa Zoro. [For those who isn't familiar with the series, i won't recommend it. Its a long and time consuming saga with too little good content to learn from. But for those who did watch it, i think it may give some chizuk and yeah, sometimes cartoons can teach us a good thing or two :] Actually anything we experience is there for a reason (since we have Hashgacha Pratit).] So Zoro's character is definitely the strongest among all the super powered heroes that showing up there by the dozens. Yes, he is just a man, but what makes him the strongest is his resolve. It doesn't matter how hopeless his cause would seem, no matter how many times he falls or how many wounds he would receive, he would stubbornly go on, become stronger, fight harder, and eventually win. You cant beat a man like that. I definitely wish i had a willpower like that. And so i thought, still half asleep "it doesn't matter that right now my cause seems so stupid, hopeless, idiotic and frustratingly frustrating to me. I dont care. I DONT CARE!!! If i decided, I will go on. I wont give in. I will not break my resolve, because thats who i wanna be. A fighter." thats what i thought, and B"H, the lust attack passed in a few moments. I won this time. My moto from now on is: never give up. Never stop fighting, whatever is your way, whatever tools you have to use, Head on or under and over it, Hashem is with us. He gives us power. He won't leave us, and eventually we WILL become the MASTERS of the yetzer hara. We will prevail! Be like zoro :] !!!!FIGHT!!!!! @Ftndrug