Delay

Make a commitment that no matter what, you won’t act on an urge right away. Instead you’ll wait at least 20 minutes (or some other amount of time). Hopefully, by then the urge will have passed. If you want to use this technique, decide how many minutes you are ready to wait, and add it to your plan.

Even if you ended up watching porn or masturbating after 20 minutes, congratulate for at least sticking to your plan! You’re still better off than if you have done it right away. By refusing to gratify yourself instantly, you have strengthened your self-control muscles which is good for your long term success. If this happens repeatedly, try increasing the number of minutes, until you find the amount of time that works best for you. It’s also possible that your urges last longer than usual because your actively focusing on it (e.g. fantasizing about what you’re like to watch). If you notice such a pattern, try to spice up your delay technique to make it more practical, for example instead of just waiting for 20 minutes, commit to do some activity for 20 minutes, like taking a walk.  

Wait-It-Out

During the first beverage exposure in the first session, we have clients simply wait out the urge without using any active strategy, to see how long it takes to come down. We then teach them that when they have an urge, they can tell themselves that they can wait it out until it goes down.

With this strategy, the waiting period is not defined. By seeing that the urge eventually fades, the person starts believing that urges are temporary:

"We point out to them that urges usually decrease if they wait long enough, but that people with drinking problems usually have never waited out a strong urge. This means that when they have an urge in the future, they can remind themselves that the urge will go down if they wait it out (e.g., “I can wait it out -- no one ever died from an urge.”). Without the personal experience, they would not believe this. We refer to waiting as an active coping self-instructional strategy, as the “Wait It Out” tool. After treatment, it is probably more useful when combined with other tools that can bring the urge down more rapidly, so in later sessions, we have them practice combining this with other tools."

Moderation Management teaches it this way too:

Outwait the urge: Urges are paper tigers. An urge seems really powerful because it tell you that it’s miserable until you give in. But actually, the urge isn’t that strong, and won’t last that long.

Delay + Reflecting on the Pros & Cons

See the notes below about this strategy.

Repeated Delay

SMART Recovery has a spin-off technique called Deny & Delay. Here's how they describe it:

Deny & Delay (Don’t give in to the urge) — Remind yourself, repeatedly if necessary, this urge will pass. Refuse to give into it — no matter what! — SMART Handbook

This leads to a variation of the delay technique where the goal is to repeatedly delay. I.e. you wait 10 minutes, and then when the 10 minute are up, you push it off for another 10 minutes:

You can use various time frames to delay acting out. You could say “I’m going to wait for 10 minutes and then I’ll review where I am at,” then make the same commitment once the 10 minutes are up. Each time you successfully delay, you’re developing control over your behavior  and deconditioning your habit. #Howard

See also Positive Vision Day 65.

Techniques

Setting a timer

Dr. Thomas Horvath:

"This technique might also be considered a distraction technique, except that active distraction is not used... Set a timer for the amount of time you are very confident you won't act on the craving. For instance, if you are confident that you can withstand the experience of the craving, however you do it, for at least 3 minutes, then set a timer for 3 minutes. While the timer is on, begin doing other activities. When the timer goes off, there is a good chance that the craving will be weaker, and less of a problem. At that point you can reset the timer, use another technique. or act on the craving. As you get experience with this technique, you can set the timer for longer and longer periods. At some point, the timer may be set for 20 or 30 minutes. When it goes off, you may have become so involved with something else that your first reaction might be "why was the timer on?" That craving is gone! At first, however it is better to underestimate how long to set the timer, and reset it if necessary. If you start with 3 minutes, you can gradually increase your time as your confidence increases.

Shut off the device for a bit

Gary Wilson describes this technique with a twist:

"When The Urge shows up, and you feel like you have no control, turn off your device and think things through before acting on it. Even if you act on it afterward, you will do so consciously and that is the first step to changing behavior."

Notes

• According to Kelly McGonigal Ph.D, delay can help reduce The Problem of Instant Gratification: "Ten minutes might not seem like much time to wait for something you want, but neuroscientists have discovered that it makes a big difference in how the brain processes a reward. When immediate gratification comes with a mandatory ten-minute delay, the brain treats it like a future reward. The promise-of-reward system is less activated, taking away the powerful biological impulse to choose immediate gratification. When the brain compares a cookie you have to wait ten minutes for to a longer-term reward, like losing weight, it no longer shows the same lopsided bias toward the sooner reward. It’s the “immediate” in immediate gratification that hijacks your brain and reverses your preferences. For a cooler, wiser brain, institute a mandatory ten-minute wait for any temptation. If, in ten minutes, you still want it, you can have it—but before the ten minutes are up, bring to mind the competing long-term reward that will come with resisting temptation. If possible, create some physical (or visual) distance as well."
• Delaying the impulse to indulge is one of the easier options and at the very least a useful starting point.  One of the problems with human beings is that we are too influenced by the present – a bias known as “temporal discounting”.  When you feel that urge it takes all your attention, and you don’t think of the longer term implications of your actions.  Getting past this first stage of temptation is important because it allows you to have a more balanced view of your temptation and your habit. And the easiest place to start is to make a commitment to delay your indulgence in the habit. #Howard
• Say a person goes to exercise his muscles at the gym for 30 minutes but walks out after 20. Would we call that a failure? Did he gain anything from that exercise? Of course! Not only did he get 20 minutes of exercise, he also made it easier to lift those weights, or run on the treadmill, etc. the next time he visits the gym. So too, we want to use every opportunity to strengthen our mental muscle of self-control. Fully resisting a temptation and thus decreasing the frequency of succumbing to it, is a definite method towards strengthening self-control. However, even if resisting seems impossible, and it appears that a stumble is inevitable, simply delaying the indulgence of the tayva strengthens self-control as well. Every minute, or even second that we delay giving in to that urge, we are actively strengthening self-control. It is vital that whatever the specific area is that we are working on, we never give in immediately. Giving in immediately, without any delay, is not only a missed opportunity to strengthen self-control, but it also weakens it. This is due to the strengthening of the tayva due to immediate indulgence. To be clear, even a delay of a few seconds, or a few actions (i.e. walking out of the kitchen where the cake is, before possibly walking back in and stumbling - eating it) is much better than instant gratification. In addition, sometimes it seems hopeless to succeed, and at the very least this keeps the battle going, while at least somewhat strengthening self-control. If the delay is too easy to do, then not much self-control building is happening. Muscle building requires resistance; the greater the challenge the greater the strengthening. Sometimes a delay can include a different action and not only an amount of time. Our actions can ultimately become our habits, and this leads us to another important tool we can use in building our self-control.

From GYE Members

• Here's an idea: If confronted by the Y"H, politely explain that you don't have time at the moment, but that you would be willing to make an appointment. Take out your calendar and explain that you're all booked for today, but are available at, say 3:00 P.M. tomorrow (I say "tomorrow," because that's consistent with the concept of "one day at a time"). In the meantime, do what you can to strengthen yourself, including getting support from others on or off this forum. Make sure you are in a safe place at the designated time, and apologize profusely, but explain that you need to reschedule again... You get the picture! #Kedusha

• Tell yourself... I'll do it... TOMORROW. "Eye" once posted that he had to tell himself that he'll do it 3x tomorrow before the YH let him alone. :D. The idea is living one day at a time.  Once your mind is focused on only making it through 24 hrs, it is easier. When the next day comes, use yesterday to say... hey, I made it through OK,  I can do it today too. I know that  this idea by itself is likely not enough... but it is part of a game plan. #Kutan
• We all need to understand that when an urge attacked us, we only need to push it off for a few short minutes, its not -that individual urge- a long battle to deal with. You need to stay focused for just a few minutes till the urge disappears, so when an urge hits you. before the urge takes over full control of yourself (yes i think there is stages within an urge) vow to come on the forum and write to anyone, even in the joke thread. Or vow to do anything else  (not something that takes too long. just something you will enjoy and doesn't take much time). Of course even you successfully pushed away THAT urge, another urge could and would come again, but that's would be a new urge nothing related to the previous urge. For me I found it extremely helpful. even as a general tool to overcome this addiction, because ultimately every fall starts with an urge ##im not alone

Research

A list of research papers that found this technique effective:

1. Velasquez (2015), Group Treatment
2. McGonigal, K. (2012), The Willpower Instinct
3. SMART
4. Hester & Miller (2003)
5. Monti (2002)
6. Peel (2004) Quoting Shiffman (1985)
7. Moderation Management
8. Hovrath (2004)
9. Rohsenow (2001)
10. Dolan & Monti (2013) - “Delay, wait it out”
11. Stöffelmayr (2003)
12. Ortendahl et al (2007) - “delay”, quoting Lancaster (2006)

In O’Connell et al (2007) it’s called “wait it out”. It has data both on “wait it out with other strategies” and “wait it out without other strategies”.

Also mentioned in Gary, Wilson.

Also mentioned by California Department of Public Health

Did not find it to be effective:

Monti (2005) as cited in Monti (2013) - For Cocaine.

Torah Sources

• הכשרת האברכים פ"ט (stop "being in the thought" and switch to thinking about the through for 20 seconds, tell yourself you can go back afterwards. Or distract yourself for a few seconds)
• The One Gemara You Don't Know Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier talks about the value of holding back. (emphasizes that מרובה מידה טובה! So for delaying you get tremendous reward even if you end up falling after!). See also https://intercom.help/gye-faq/en/articles/4590406-life-skills-present-focus.
• דחהו בלך ושוב לך ושוב אם לא ימה למלאות רצון יצרו ממילא יעזבהו - באר החיים, חג השבועות, לרבי אלימלך בידרמן שליט"א עמ' תנג-ד בארוכה והביא שם כמה מכמה מקורות.

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