Exploring Your Values

The first exercise is called “exploring your values”. The purpose here to see how your current behavior is impacting your life -- either your personal relationships or your work.  One definition of values is that they are a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life.

Step 1: Make a list of all the things that are important to you.

What do you feel are the most significant things needed for you to have a successful life? What do you care about most?

Here are a bunch of options that you can pick from. You can also write your own.

Family, Financial security, Purpose in life, Harmony, Responsibility, Love, Yiddishkeit, Wisdom, Humility, Honesty, Serenity, Spirituality, Integrity, Trust, Health, Independence

Step 2: After you make your list, choose 5 you feel are the most important.

Step 3: Then ask yourself, does your current behavior enhance or help these values or does it go against them, or is it irrelevant? If it goes against them, how does it interfere?

Example (For a married guy)

What I value the most?	How does my current behavior interfere?
Hashem / My Yiddishkeit	I know it's wrong It makes me feel guilty & distant from Hashem Causes pain to my neshama
Good Marriage	My wife might find out and leave c"v. Makes me less attracted to her - I keep comparing her to others. It's not fair to her. My marriage will be 10x better if I stop
My Kids	I feel less of a role model for them They might find out and that would be tragic
Parnasah	Takes away time I could spend on developing my career Stopping will be a segula for abundance
Learning Torah	It makes it harder to focus. My mind wanders and is less clear.

Full list of values

Acceptance, Achievement, Accomplishment*, Admiration,* Adventure*, Athletic*, Art[istic], Authority, Accuracy, Adventure, Ambition*, Attractiveness, Autonomy, Beauty, Belonging, Caring, Chinuch, Comfort, Compassion, Compromise, Conscientious*, Cooperation, Challenge, Change*, Creativity*, Commitment, Complexity, Contribution, Courage, Courtesy, Curiosity, Creativity, Diligence, Ecology, Faithfulness , Dependability, Dignity*, Duty, Excitement, Faith, Fame, Family, Fitness, Flexibility, Forgiveness, Freedom , Friendship, Fun, Generosity, Genuineness, Good Parent*, Genuineness*, Gratitude, Growth, Halacha / Hashem’s[1] Will, Health, Helper*, Home*, Honesty, Hope, Humility, Humor, Imagination, Independence, Industry, Inner Peace, Intelligence, Justice, Knowledge* Leader[ship], Loved, Intimacy, Knowledge, Learning*, Leisure, Loving, Loyalty*, Mastery, Mindfulness, Moderation, Music, Novelty, Money, Monogamy, Non-conformity, Nurturance, Order, Openness, Passion, Perfection*, Pleasure, Power, Proud*, Protect, Purpose, Patriotism, Popularity, Practicality, Provide, Rationality, Realism, Reputation, Respect*, Responsibility, Risk, Role Model, Romance, Safety, Security*, Self-Acceptance, Self-Control, Self-Esteem, Service, Sexuality, Success*, Solitude, Stability, Strong*, Tradition, Wealth, Simplicity, Spirituality, Tolerance, Virtue, Wisdom,* World Peace, Yiddishkeit.

In SMART Recovery

SMART Recovery has a simplified version of this tool:

1. Take a few minutes or so and write down a list of things that are important to you. (There is no list of suggestions.)
2. From the list above, look through and choose those that you consider to be your “Top Five”… the five things you consider to be the MOST IMPORTANT to you (in no particular order).
3. Notice that your drug of choice isn't on your list!

See HOV (Hierarchy of Values Worksheet) Worksheet on SMART Recovery

The SMART Recovery Handbook also has a follow up exercise with a few questions:

1. What do I want for my future?
2. What am I currently doing to achieve that?
3. How do I feel about what I’m currently doing?
4. What could I do differently to achieve the future I want?
5. How would changing what I do or getting what I want make me feel?