Understanding Masturbation

This page needs a lot of work.

Understanding Zera Levatala

From Maintaining Kedusha

Unfortunately, a quick online search of masturbation will show many prestigious looking sources arguing for the health benefits (physical and emotional/social) of masturbation. However, we want to impress upon the bochur the seriousness of this act.

Often, it is beneficial to cite Torah sources as well as secular sources to accomplish this. However, with masturbation, we will have more of a challenge presenting secular concepts regarding its negative effects. We will thus begin with the Torah’s perspective on zera levatala, and then we will present some information in sync with current secular knowledge as well.

(The Kedusha Talk is a great resource to begin with, regarding the seriousness of zera levatala. It purposely leaves out many of the details we will present here because it is intended as an educational tool applicable to every bar-mitzvah age bochur. Understanding the specialness/holiness of zera and its potential, as well as that it is an aveira to waste it, are some of the concepts presented. It is also stressed that teshuva is always possible, for every aveira, including this one. This is something Rav A. Feldman confirmed for me directly, despite a Zohar seemingly contradicting this idea. It is our recommendation to read through The Kedusha Talk as a preparation for such a discussion.)

For Mechanchim

Some bochurim might get tremendous chizuk from going through the Shulchan Aruch – Even Haezer Siman 23. Seeing how the Torah and Chazal deal with this tayva as real, and powerful, can be validating and normalizing for a bochur. Additionally, there are multiple halachos there detailing with how to be careful. These halachos can be enlightening and helpful for the bochur working on self-control in this area.

Even secular sources are starting to see the detrimental effects of masturbation, because it is a lonely and selfish action. Hashem created this drive for the purpose of a husband and wife connecting, giving to each other, and potentially creating another life, a selfless act on so many levels. Masturbation is a corruption of the essence of the proper and intended purpose for this drive.

Engaging in masturbation conditions a person to see the expression of this drive as a selfish act and can reduce the health and happiness one can experience in marriage.

In addition, marriage benefits greatly from being exclusive (the language of “kedushin” indicates this as well)... Even experiences in these areas of kedusha with oneself, as a selfish act, take away from the specialness of these experiences being exclusive to marriage.

It should be considered that due to the strength of this drive, it is easier for an addiction to form. Sometimes bochurim might use masturbation as an escape from a particular stress or issue in their life or psyche. Furthermore, overuse of this drive and the body parts connected to it, can lead to dysfunction in the system working properly.

These are important points for bochurim to consider when initially pondering whether to engage in this behavior. To be clear, we are not advocating the use of a scare tactic to motivate the bochur. As mentioned throughout, it is the normalization, warmth, and encouragement, that can ultimately help. However, it is important to know what kind of research is out there, and what we can respond to a bochur who might ask us, “what’s the big deal?”.