Dealing with Emotions

Torah Sources

• חיד"א פני דוד עה"פ זאת הפעם עצם מעצמי שכאשר האדם מצוי בעצבות הסט"א מתלבשת בו ויש לה כח להחטיאו בפגם הברית.
  • See also Das, 2007, that less happy people are more likely to masturbate.
• מאור ושמש פרשת בהעלותך על עצבות ומרה שחורה כו'.

How important are feeling? From GYE Members

#acceptance

Could DEALING with my EMOTIONS CORRECTLY be the ...much sought after relief from lust?

Here is a thought. My lust comes directly from my inability to cope with my difficult feelings. so I use lust (or whatever your favorite distraction is) to distract myself from my feelings.

So here is the solution. By applying the 12 steps to my Feelings, I can accept them for what they are i.e. A 'negative' feeling is something given to me by a higher power that I have no power or control over to change. I leave changing the way I feel to my HP who either will or will not change the way I feel. But through applying the 12 steps to my feelings I can now just sit with my 'negative' 'bad' feelings and not have to distract myself with lust (or whatever your favorite distraction is).

For me, lust was not the problem, it was the SOLUTION! (Something I learned from R' Shais Taub). Even if I would somehow be able eliminate lusting so that I would lust no longer - I would just as quickly turn to something else to sooth my feelings. So for me getting rid of lust is not the (complete) solution. I apply the 12 steps to my emotions so that I can live a life of Serenity and thereby not feel the need so sooth/distract/squash my emotions by turning to lust.

Furthermore, in my experience lust is an emotion just like any other, I can feel angry, I can feel sad, I can feel delighted and I can feel lustful. i.e. lust is just one of the difficult/unwanted emotions that I have to contend with. And just like I would apply the 12 steps to any emotion by surrendering it to my Higher Power I need to surrender the feeling of lust to my Higher Power. The problem is that by treating my lust as something separate, I was ignoring what was actually causing the lust to come in the first place (and missing out on finding more serenity in my life as a whole).

#HashemHelpMe

In my situation, the frequent masturbation was (an unsuccessful) attempt to escape dealing with emotions. Doing it so often caused me then to get depressed. Being that I could not deal with that feeling, I started doing it multiple times a day.

Secondly, much of what we call lust started as innocent curiosity. Nobody taught me what was assur, so I got hooked before knowing that it was so terrible.

At the same time, realize that there are many forum entries from people who seem to have been lust driven from quite young ages without any real emotional baggage.[1]

#Shlomo24

Not for me. The core reason for my lust addiction is my lust addiction. I have a physical addiction to the dopamine rush that comes in when I take in lust. I will not stop until I get the serotonin overload that I crave. The serotonin sensors will be more and more dulled as I overload them and I will need a bigger thrill each time in order to satisfy myself.

Dealing with my emotions is integral to my recovery, but the main way I deal with them is I accept them and let them go. Feelings are overrated. I'm more focused on how I am doing rather than how I am feeling.

Will dealing with my emotions stop me from lusting and will it give me sobriety? No. I need to deal with the lust head on.