Difference between revisions of "Filters"

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== Technical Help ==
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Note: If cases where you have access to unfilterable devices (e.g. a device that doesn't belong to you), or if you're so tech savvy that no filter is good enough, see [[Boundaries]].
  
* [[TAG|Info on TAG]]
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= Getting a Filter =
* [[Kosher Phones]]
 
* [http://guardyoureyes.com/protection Help with getting a filter]
 
  
== The "Ushmartem Es Mishmarti" Method ==
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== Technical Help ==
''A method developed by #HashemHelpMe''
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*[[TAG|Info on TAG]]
 +
*[http://guardyoureyes.com/protection Help with getting a filter]
  
=== Intro ===
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== Kosher Phones ==
There's a beautiful ''ohr hachaim hakadosh'' on the Pasuk ושמרתם את משמרתי לבלתי עשות מחקות התועבת אשר נעשו לפניכם ולא תטמאו בהם (Acharei mos 18:30). It's a Posuk in the Parsha of Arayos that we read on Yom Kippur:
 
  
<span lang="he" dir="rtl">ושמרתם את משמרתי. יצו ה' על הגדרים השומרים לבלתי יבא להכשל בתיעוב, והוא אומרו ושמרתם את משמרתי פירוש משמרת הגדר, והטעם לבלתי עשות וגו' אפילו בשוגג</span>
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* [[Kosher Phones]]
 
 
The Ohr Hachaim is bothered by two questions:
 
 
 
* What is ''bechukos hatoevos''? You just listed all the things that you are not allowed to do. What's this ''mishmarti'', What can't you do?
 
* What's this lashon levilty asos. It's like a lashon hifil. It's like, "and it shouldn't happen to happen". It should say, ''shelo laasos''. what is "''levilti asos''?".
 
 
 
So he explains that it's referring to ''gedarim'' that you put in place so that it shouldn't ''happen'' - even by accident.
 
  
If you want a child not to go down a slide, you don't put a fence at the top of the ladder where the slide begins. You put the fence at the bottom of the ladder, you avoid the situation completely. You don't want to get into a situation that they're basically gonna slip. Similar to the Gamara that says that to a nazir you you tell them that when you come to a vineyard, you go schor, schor, go around the ''lekarma lo sikrav'' - you don't go into the ''kerem'' - you don't go into the vineyard, even though there's no ''issur'' of going into the vineyard, but you make yourself a geder.<ref>See Shabbos 13a.
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== Windows Devices ==
  
וראה פרישה יו"ד סי' שפג:
+
* Livigent based filters:  
 +
**[[GenTech]] Solution
 +
** [[Meshimer]]
 +
** [[Netspark]]
 +
*
  
העולם טועים בפירושו והכי פירושו סחור סחור הוא תרגומו של סביב שעל סביב תרגם אונקלוס שתי פעמים סחור סחור וכאילו אמר אמרינן לנזיר סביב לכרם לא תקרב דהיינו '''משמרת למשמרת''' ד'''אפילו סביב לכרם לא יקרב''' פן יתאוה לאכול מפרי הכרם ויכנס בו
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= Approach to Filters =
  
וראה רמב"ם הלכות נזירות פרק ה' הלכה י':
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== As Prevention ==
  
מדברי סופרים '''שאסור''' לנזיר לעמוד במושב שותי יין ויתרחק ממנו הרבה שהרי מכשול לפניו, אמרו חכמים סביב לכרם לא יקרב. </ref>
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* See Positive Vision Day 36 for an impassionate plea. See also Day 37-38; 48.
 +
* Section II Ch. 3 (all the problems with the internet) p. 287 and on.
  
=== The Shtar ===
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== For Strugglers ==
Write a contract, that says the following:
 
 
 
* I understand that an unfiltered device is not safe for me. And at this stage in time, I can't afford to access it even for kosher usage. And therefore I'm going to knas myself if I use an unsafe device, even for kosher purposes, even if I don't fall. So if I use an unsafe device to look up anything, even yeshivah world news, or to check my bank account, I will:
 
** Option 1: I'm going to take $___ (Add an amount), and I'm going to ''rip it up.''
 
** Option 2: I'm going to take $___ (Add an amount), and give it to a ''tzedaka'' that is ''meaningless to me''.<ref>Like if they are Satmar they can give it to Lubavitch, if it's Lubavitch they can give it to Ponevezh, if it's Ponevezh they can give to Mizrachi... See an video on this topic by Rabbi Avigdor Miller at https://gyeboost.org/archives/15.
 
 
 
The example of "giving $10 to a charity I don't like" is given in Tolin, D. F. (2016). Doing CBT : a comprehensive guide to working with behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. The Guilford Press. P. 185, 197.</ref>
 
* If I must use the device (e.g. my parents tell me to go on to arrange a flight or some other situation comes up). I will call or text a GYE member and tell them I have to go onto an unsafe device and that I'll call or text them a the half an hour later, that I'm off, and that I stayed clean.
 
* The contract will expire on ______ (put a date on this, uh, 30 days or 60 days or a Yom Tov that's coming up etc.). Three days before this expires, I'll call either _____ or wherever it is to discuss continuing the ''shtar'', if necessary or not.
 
 
 
Notes
 
 
 
* You can customize the shtar to include certain apps that are potentially unsafe, or categories of material like movies.
 
 
 
== Approach to Filters ==
 
  
 
=== Approach 1 ===
 
=== Approach 1 ===
Line 72: Line 53:
  
 
=== Approach 3 ===
 
=== Approach 3 ===
See intro to the "Ushmartem Es Mishmarti" method above.
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See intro to the "Ushmartem Es Mishmarti" in [[Boundaries]].
  
== From GYE Member ==
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== Further Reading ==
 +
The GYE Handbook, [[Progressive Tools for Breaking Free]], in the chapter called Guarding the Eyes.
  
 +
== Torah Sources ==
 +
 +
* משמרת למשרתי. ועשית מעקה לגגיך.
 +
* Out of sight, of of mind<ref>https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/out%20of%20sight%2C%20out%20of%20mind</ref>: '''אור החיים אחרי מות פרק יח, ב:''' ונראה כי לפי מה שהסמיך למצוה זו מצות העריות, גם ממה שאמר בסוף הפרשה (פסוק כד) אל תטמאו בכל אלה וגו' כי בכל אלה נטמאו הגוים הדברים מוכיחים ומגידים כי מעשה ארץ מצרים כמעשה ארץ כנען הוא מעשה עריות ובזה נבא לפרש הכתוב על נכון. הנה ידוע הוא כי כל מצות אשר צוה ה' לעם קדושו הם מצות שיכול האדם לעמוד בהם ויטה עצמו אל הרצון לעשותם, זולת מצות פרישת העריות הוא דבר ש'''נפשו של אדם מחמדתן ואונסתו עליהם לעשותם''', זולת בהתעצמות הרחקת ב' דברים מהאדם, והם מרחק הרגש '''ראות העין''', ומרחק בחינת החושב, '''ואם ב' אלו לא יעשה אין אדם שליט ברוח זה''' לכלותה ממנו, כי כל שלא תהיה לו הרחקת הרגש הראות בדבר הגם שירחיק בחינת החושב לא ישלוט בעצמו לכלות ממנו הכרח החשק.
 +
** תלמוד בבלי מסכת עבודה זרה דף כ עמוד ב: ת"ר: ונשמרת מכל דבר רע - שלא יהרהר אדם ביום ויבוא לידי טומאה בלילה. מכאן א"ר פנחס בן יאיר: תורה מביאה לידי זהירות, זהירות מביאה לידי זריזות
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***רש"י: זריזות - [זריז] '''ונשמר קודם לכן שלא תבא עבירה לידו''' כי הכא דאינו מהרהר לבא לידי טומאה. זהירות - '''כשהעבירה בא לידו זהיר להשמר שלא יכשל''' והכי אמרינן בכל הבשר בשחיטת חולין (חולין דף קז:) מאי לאו דזהיר ולא נגע לא דזריז קדים ומשי ידיה מעיקרא.
 +
****<ref>High risk situations</ref>צ"ב מהו זריזות. ועי' עלי תמר<ref>הובא בערך [[habits]]</ref> שהוא הרגל טוב, וא"כ אולי אפ"ל שצריכים הרגלים טובים בכדי לא להכשל, ועדיין צריך זהירות במצבים מיוחדים
 +
 +
== From GYE Members ==
 +
* Before Yom Kippur this year, I installed an Internet filter to which only my wife has the password (and if the password gets lost, only she can have it e-mailed to her account, to which I have no access).  [[How I reached 90 days|#Kedusha]]
 
* Filters do work. I installed some accountability software on my main computer and I found it did help me to stay on track. #shmuel83<ref>https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/354518-Had-a-fall-after-more-than-90-days-clean#354518</ref>
 
* Filters do work. I installed some accountability software on my main computer and I found it did help me to stay on track. #shmuel83<ref>https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/354518-Had-a-fall-after-more-than-90-days-clean#354518</ref>
 
* Regarding the the other devices, that's something I think we can all relate. Now that corona has been haunting us, I've been stuck in a house with too many devices with open access to even count them, open internet is everywhere I look.... Something that I have found helpful, and maybe once you get to the taphsic neder method, you can add in a clause that you cannot use your your siblings or any other devices besides those designated, and if you do that's a fall. It's more of an internal filter so doesn't solve the whole problem, but then again does a filter even solve the whole problem. #yosef10 <ref>https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/350138-Diary-and-thoughts#350314</ref>
 
* Regarding the the other devices, that's something I think we can all relate. Now that corona has been haunting us, I've been stuck in a house with too many devices with open access to even count them, open internet is everywhere I look.... Something that I have found helpful, and maybe once you get to the taphsic neder method, you can add in a clause that you cannot use your your siblings or any other devices besides those designated, and if you do that's a fall. It's more of an internal filter so doesn't solve the whole problem, but then again does a filter even solve the whole problem. #yosef10 <ref>https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/350138-Diary-and-thoughts#350314</ref>
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* You must, MUST install an internet filter. In my opinion, if you have an addiction you simply will not stay clean without one. For it to be effective, you must make sure that you won't remember the password. The [http://wiki.guardyoureyes.com/Mailto:filter.gye%40gmail.com filter gabbai] is one of the best services that this website provides, so if you can't entrust the password with a family member or close friend, pass the details on to the gabbai. #Haleivi76
 +
 +
== References ==
 
<references />
 
<references />
 
[[Category:Stimulus Control]]
 
[[Category:Stimulus Control]]

Latest revision as of 10:27, 13 December 2020

Note: If cases where you have access to unfilterable devices (e.g. a device that doesn't belong to you), or if you're so tech savvy that no filter is good enough, see Boundaries.

Getting a Filter

Technical Help

Kosher Phones

Windows Devices

Approach to Filters

As Prevention

  • See Positive Vision Day 36 for an impassionate plea. See also Day 37-38; 48.
  • Section II Ch. 3 (all the problems with the internet) p. 287 and on.

For Strugglers

Approach 1

"Establishing environmental controls is another strategy used to maintain sexual health boundaries. Men who have not developed an internal self-regulatory capacity can rely on environmental controls to maintain their sexual behaviors, especially early in the implementation of their SHP [Sexual Health Plan]."[1]

The rationale for setting up boundaries is explained nicely in Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Rethinking Sex Addiction by Douglas Braun-Harvey and Michael A. Vigorito:

As an environmental control strategy, avoidance has a bad reputation and some men protest against it. “I don’t need an Internet filter, that’s cheating!” or “I shouldn’t have to avoid the bookstore, I should be able to walk past it without going in.” These statements are derived from their false beliefs about their willpower capacities. These beliefs can be interwoven with their sense of masculinity, autonomy, and shame avoidance.

They may erroneously believe that avoiding these triggers is not “manning up” and truly dealing with their problems. Men who merge a sense of toughness and brave adversity by testing their willpower without respecting its limitations may use a range of defenses to protest against this change practice. They may be disappointed, embarrassed, and ashamed that they cannot simply “white knuckle” their way through their SHP boundaries...

Men often comment that these controls are not failsafe. With enough persistence or technological skill, anyone can circumvent an Internet filter.

This is true and also not the point. External controls are not used to sexually sanitize every aspect of their daily lives. They are intended to decrease the frequency of spending unnecessary energy on easily avoided situations to reserve ego strength for the sexual situations that are less avoidable.

They are implemented to conserve the resources that will be called on in other circumstances and that require internal regulation.

These environmental controls can also establish small buffers that create time between urge and action. This newly established, yet brief, window provides the space for the deliberative system to influence their behavior and stop the momentum toward crossing a boundary.[1]

Earlier in the book he elaborates:

"Because sexual videos are easily accessible from multiple technology platforms, they persistently confront the opportunity and the urge to cross their boundaries. If they have not established environmental controls, then they are likely relying on their internal capacity to restrict their urges to watch a sexual video. Over time, clients deplete their energy resources and are less able or willing to maintain their boundaries in the next opportunity. By reducing the amount of temptation in their environment (e.g., establishing Internet filters or technology-free zones in the home), they can reduce the amount of energy needed to restrict their impulses.[2]

Approach 2

It is important to realize though, that the goal of the filter is only to keep it "out of sight and out of mind". It is not going to remove the possibility of accessing indecent material altogether. If a person is determined enough, they will often be able to find ways to bypass filters, and even if not, they will always be able to find many other venues to access inappropriate material. Ultimately, the change must come from within, with a sincere desire to stop lusting.

The filter acts mainly as a "heker" (a reminder), similar in a sense to what our Sages tell us about Palti ben Layish (to whom Shaul Hamelech gave over David's wife). Palti was alone every evening with Michal (who Chazal tell us was one of the most beautiful women) and yet he never stumbled because of a sword that he placed between the two of them, saying that whoever bypasses this sword should be run through by it. The filter is like our sword, it is our "heker". But it will not stop us completely unless we want it to. However, since it can take a long time until we learn to genuinely give up our lust to Hashem, we must have a strong filter at all times. For if we don't get it out of reach, we won't be able to stop the vicious cycle of addiction and begin the healing process. The GYE Handbook

Approach 3

See intro to the "Ushmartem Es Mishmarti" in Boundaries.

Further Reading

The GYE Handbook, Progressive Tools for Breaking Free, in the chapter called Guarding the Eyes.

Torah Sources

  • משמרת למשרתי. ועשית מעקה לגגיך.
  • Out of sight, of of mind[3]: אור החיים אחרי מות פרק יח, ב: ונראה כי לפי מה שהסמיך למצוה זו מצות העריות, גם ממה שאמר בסוף הפרשה (פסוק כד) אל תטמאו בכל אלה וגו' כי בכל אלה נטמאו הגוים הדברים מוכיחים ומגידים כי מעשה ארץ מצרים כמעשה ארץ כנען הוא מעשה עריות ובזה נבא לפרש הכתוב על נכון. הנה ידוע הוא כי כל מצות אשר צוה ה' לעם קדושו הם מצות שיכול האדם לעמוד בהם ויטה עצמו אל הרצון לעשותם, זולת מצות פרישת העריות הוא דבר שנפשו של אדם מחמדתן ואונסתו עליהם לעשותם, זולת בהתעצמות הרחקת ב' דברים מהאדם, והם מרחק הרגש ראות העין, ומרחק בחינת החושב, ואם ב' אלו לא יעשה אין אדם שליט ברוח זה לכלותה ממנו, כי כל שלא תהיה לו הרחקת הרגש הראות בדבר הגם שירחיק בחינת החושב לא ישלוט בעצמו לכלות ממנו הכרח החשק.
    • תלמוד בבלי מסכת עבודה זרה דף כ עמוד ב: ת"ר: ונשמרת מכל דבר רע - שלא יהרהר אדם ביום ויבוא לידי טומאה בלילה. מכאן א"ר פנחס בן יאיר: תורה מביאה לידי זהירות, זהירות מביאה לידי זריזות
      • רש"י: זריזות - [זריז] ונשמר קודם לכן שלא תבא עבירה לידו כי הכא דאינו מהרהר לבא לידי טומאה. זהירות - כשהעבירה בא לידו זהיר להשמר שלא יכשל והכי אמרינן בכל הבשר בשחיטת חולין (חולין דף קז:) מאי לאו דזהיר ולא נגע לא דזריז קדים ומשי ידיה מעיקרא.
        • [4]צ"ב מהו זריזות. ועי' עלי תמר[5] שהוא הרגל טוב, וא"כ אולי אפ"ל שצריכים הרגלים טובים בכדי לא להכשל, ועדיין צריך זהירות במצבים מיוחדים

From GYE Members

  • Before Yom Kippur this year, I installed an Internet filter to which only my wife has the password (and if the password gets lost, only she can have it e-mailed to her account, to which I have no access). #Kedusha
  • Filters do work. I installed some accountability software on my main computer and I found it did help me to stay on track. #shmuel83[6]
  • Regarding the the other devices, that's something I think we can all relate. Now that corona has been haunting us, I've been stuck in a house with too many devices with open access to even count them, open internet is everywhere I look.... Something that I have found helpful, and maybe once you get to the taphsic neder method, you can add in a clause that you cannot use your your siblings or any other devices besides those designated, and if you do that's a fall. It's more of an internal filter so doesn't solve the whole problem, but then again does a filter even solve the whole problem. #yosef10 [7]
  • You must, MUST install an internet filter. In my opinion, if you have an addiction you simply will not stay clean without one. For it to be effective, you must make sure that you won't remember the password. The filter gabbai is one of the best services that this website provides, so if you can't entrust the password with a family member or close friend, pass the details on to the gabbai. #Haleivi76

References

  1. 1.0 1.1 Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Rethinking Sex Addiction Book by Douglas Braun-Harvey and Michael A. Vigorito, p. 270.
  2. Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Rethinking Sex Addiction Book by Douglas Braun-Harvey and Michael A. Vigorito, p. 83
  3. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/out%20of%20sight%2C%20out%20of%20mind
  4. High risk situations
  5. הובא בערך habits
  6. https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/354518-Had-a-fall-after-more-than-90-days-clean#354518
  7. https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/350138-Diary-and-thoughts#350314