Recall Negative Consequences
Anytime you start thinking about the benefits of porn or masturbation, use it as a reminder to start thinking about the negative consequences. This can help somewhat neutralize the urge, or at least give you enough motivation to resist the urge. Your CBA can help you find out what the negative consequences are for you.
In The Porn Myth by Matthew Fradd, he describes it like this:
Finish the fantasy. This might sound counterintuitive, but it is so practical. When something triggers an initial thought, our mind gets stuck in a rut of anticipation. Thoughts are focused on what is coming or what we could be doing. Instead of staying in that rut, finish the fantasy: picture yourself following through with the action—walking to your computer, binging on porn for a few hours, masturbating, and then feeling like a miserable failure as a result.
Another variation is to think about both the negative consequences and the the pros of quitting. The SMART handbook recommends:
Review your CBA. It may not turn off the discomfort, but it may help you maintain your motivation to resist your urge. It may help to review it regularly, even when you’re not having an urge.
Similarly, in Changeology, Dr. John Norcross writes:
Remind yourself of the reason for your goal. Remember to use both sides (the two-headed push-pull) of the motivation: the push away from the disgusting behavior and the pull toward a brighter future. Such a process rarely stops a raging urge, but it powerfully reminds you of the psychological triggers in the past and the psychological payoffs in the future.
From GYE Members
- Another thing that helps me neutralize my question on a more emotional level is the following: I try to imagine my life after already having had the pleasures I so crave. If I crave doing x,y and z, I try imagining having done so already and how I would feel about it. Would my life be so much different and better? I many times realize that having license to do x,y and z might be geshmak for the moment, but on the long run it doesn’t change my life for the better (and in fact sometimes for the worse). Many times it helps me sober up a bit from when I have a craving for something not so good. #anonymousmillenial[1]
- Your phrase "A long week of holding out" screams at me from out of the page. It strongly suggests you are "Dry Drunk." i.e. You are using will power to stop falling, but inside you really want to experience the temporary physical pleasure of falling, to use the pleasure as a stress relief and a reward. I advise that you focus on the horrible feeling after you fall, and deeply embed in yourself that the fall brings more uncomfortable feelings than nice ones. That you need to be nicer to yourself, to get more enjoyment from life. So that you do not need to 'Hold Out" for a "Reward", but can breathe every day. Please think of the positive life and enjoying life, and take each day one by one, each hour by hour, doing something nice every hour. #ColinColin