Urge Surfing

Mindfulness is a very broad area and has been gaining a lot popularity in recent years. For now I'll discus a mindfulness style technique called "Urge Surfing". This technique was first described in Relapse Prevention (1985), and has been gaining popularity ever since.

Just like a surfer knows how to ride a wave without getting hurt, and urge surfer learns how to let an urge come and pass without getting affected. When an urge comes, observe it curiously, as if you are an outside observer. Think to yourself, “Hmm… here comes the urge, I wonder where it came from. It’s not my true desire, the proof is my CBA. It’s just a fleeting urge coming from who-knows-where, like images in a dream…” Keep on observing the urge, noticing how it feels, until it reaches its peak. Then notice how the urge gets weaker and weaker until it disappears. By doing this, you just sit (or lie down) and do nothing when you get an urge. You don’t fight it, and you don’t try to distract yourself. You just observe it until it’s gone.

This technique is very powerful, because all it requires is your mind. Even when you have no way to distract yourself, and don’t have the energy to fight, you can still use the technique. However this technique takes some time to practice. So if you want to include it in your plan, try to practice urge surfing for everyday things until you become good at it. For example, when you feel the urge to eat a 5th cookie at midnight, try to “surf the urge”.

An idea that goes along with this technique is externalizing the urge. Instead of identifying with your urge, view it as a response to some external trigger or situation. Instead of thinking “I need to watch porn right now,'' think “I’m currently experiencing an urge to watch porn”.

Further Reading

GYE has exclusive Urge Surfing Audio clips that can help you learn and practice the technique.

Video Explainer

From GYE Members

• Mentally, imagine the urge as a cloud. Distant from you. Watch it [as it] float[s] away. #ColinColin

My Friend Arnie

Here is an imagery technique presented by a member of SMART Recovery Lakewood:

I used to take urges way too seriously. I thought it is my duty to get rid of them, if I don't want to act out.

Now I've labeled my urges "Arnie". Arnie is my friend.

He comes into my head, he shares a lot of different things and he has a lot to say. When Arnie comes to visit and starts telling me things, I think to myself "That's just what Arnie does. He comes into my head, He tells me all kinds of things. But I already made up my mind in the past that I'm not going back there."

(I did the previous tools from my recovery, such as Hierarchy of Values, Cost Benefit Analysis. And I made a Change Plan Worksheet. I made up my mind that I am not going there and I do have control.)

I don't think of Arnie as scary, I don't need to fight him. He can talk as much as he wants, I just don't need to listen. When I treat urges like Arnie, he's not really powerful. There's nothing really to him. Suddenly the intensity of Arnie starts to lessen.

Arnie used to be the scariest thing in my life. Now only is the one of my best friends. And for some reason, once I became friends with him, he doesn't visit as often as in the past. But even when he does, he is nowhere near as scary as he used to be.

Realize it will pass

I would like to share a thought that I had lately regarding this battle.

the way that I fought till now, and I see most people fight, is threw fighting with the urge heads on, "I have such an urge... but no i wont give in..  but i can't anymore... NO! I wont do this... (were all familiar with these thoughts..)

we fight the urge, some people run to learn when they feel a urge, some people do other things to distract them from it etc

This way I'm sure works for many people, especially for people that dont have urges ALL the time.. it's just a nisoyoin that comes here in there, but for me I think that while it might help for short term, I tend to fall in the end, for a few reasons. First, it makes the urge into that big scary bear, that I need to stop, drop and fight! It builds up the power of the urge, by being busy with "its soooooo hard, but no, I wont do it..." while it might work for this time, in a few hours when the next urge is here, I  sometimes feel overpowered, and not always ready to fight this big scary urge... secondly, it tends to build up the urge, like I'm holding my breath... I can make it once, twice, and even three or four times, but after that I just can't anymore... my third reason is interesting, sometimes the fight itself let's me lust... being busy pushing away thoughts sometimes means thinking of what I'm not gonna think now etc, pushing away 'that' picture, is actually thinking of that picture... and that makes the lust unintentionally (or sometimes intentionality...) stronger, as the saying goes, fighting off a muddy person will also get you muddy...(or something like that..)

what I feel works better for me is that when a urge comes, to stop, take deep breath in and say to myself, "that urge is here to bother you a little, you will feel that uncomfortable feeling for a period of time now, but it will pass afterwards", and then just going back to do what I did, or anything that i wanna do, not fighting with it, not thinking about it too much, just accepting it, and moving on.

this way accept of not having the issues above, I think also trains my mind that when urge comes to ignore it more.

#Youngster

it's funny that during an urge we freak out about having to refuse it for the rest of our lives, but that only happens when we dwell on it. The reality is that an urge can pass pretty quickly when we keep busy, productive and distract ourselves. #wilnevergiveup

Torah Sources

• והאר עיננו עמ' מו: ובדרך ההתמודדות עם ההרהורים האלו .. ידע ויזכור היטב היטב שזה גל זמני שחולף מעצמו תוך תקופה קצרה ואז תחזור טהרת מחשבתו הטהורה למקומה כידוע.

See also

DISARM