The GYE Wiki - User contributions [en]

Main Page

2020-11-11T20:42:44Z

Chaim: /* Approaches */

See [[Special:RecentChanges|Recent Changes]] for the latest activity.

'''''Guard your eyes''''' is an organization catering to those struggling with more than just Shmiras Einayim.

In a world inundated with temptation, the pioneering work of Guard Your Eyes is leading the efforts to empower the Jewish community to deal with the widespread challenges of inappropriate material on the internet. GuardYourEyes offers powerful programs and techniques for those whose consumption of inappropriate material has become a compulsive habit or an addiction.

== Approaches ==
''(Listed alphabetically)''
* [[The 12-Step Program|'''12 Step Program''']]
*[[SMART Recovery|'''SMART Recovery''']]
**[[Stages of Change]] ''([[:Category:Precontemplation|Precontemplation]] | [[:Category:Contemplation|Contemplation]] | [[:Category:Preparation|Preparation]] | [[:Category:Action|Action]] | [[:Category:Maintenance|Maintenance]])''
** [[SMART Recovery: plan of action|Plan of action]], [[Relapse Prevention: Enjoyable Activities|Enjoyable Activities]]‎, [[Life After Relapse]]
* [[The GYE Handbook|'''The GYE Handbook''']]

== Attitudes & Perspectives ==

* [[Perspectives on the Struggle]]
* [[The GYE Handbook]]
* [[Self Worth]]

== Motivation ==

*[[Motivation|Intro]] | [[Chizuk]]
*[[Exploring Your Values|Exploring Values]]
*[[Cost Benefit Analysis (CBA)|Cost Benefit Analysis]]
*[[Why not to watch porn - a Torah view]]
*[[Pornography Use Effects]]
*[[Reasons for Change]]
*[[Motivational Boosters|Other ways to increase motivation]]
*[[Getting Caught]]

== Dealing with Urges ==

*[[Beliefs about Urges]]
*[[The Problem of Instant Gratification (PIG)]]
*[[Externalizing the Urge]].
* Techniques: [[Dealing with Urges|Intro]] | [[Delay]] | [[Distraction]] | [[Urge Surfing]] | [[DISARM]] | [[Coping Statements]] | [[Mindfulness]] | [[Relaxation]] | [[Recall Negative Consequences]] | [[Remembering the Pros of Abstinence]]

== Avoiding Nisyonos ==

*[[Filters]]
*[[Shmiras Einayim]]

== Social Support ==

*[[Social Support|Intro]]

== Dealing with Setbacks ==

*[[Setbacks]]
*[[Life After Relapse]]

== Dealing with Unhealthy Negative Emotions ==

*[[Dealing with Emotions]]

== Misc. ==

* [[Dealing with Memories|Dealing with memories]]
* [[Pre-ejaculate]]
* [[Practical Tips]]

Life After Relapse

2020-11-11T20:41:25Z

Chaim: Created page with "'''How to Bounce Back and Start Over''' ''(this is part of the SMART recovery program)'' You made it through recovery treatment. You were doing well staying stopped on your..."

'''How to Bounce Back and Start Over'''

''(this is part of the SMART recovery program)''

You made it through recovery treatment. You were doing well staying stopped on your drinking. And then one night, a coworker asks you to grab a drink after work. “Just one drink.” ''It can’t hurt,'' you tell yourself. That’s the last thing you remember when you wake up in the hospital the next morning.

A relapse (“lapse,” “slip,” “setback”) is one of the most frustrating, humiliating experiences you can face in recovery from any problem habit. It leaves you feeling guilty, ashamed and tempted to throw in the towel and just keep acting out on the addiction. Unfortunately, relapse is also common. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, 40 to 60 percent of people who go through addiction treatment programs go on to slip at least once. In fact, many people have multiple setbacks before finally achieving a full recovery.

You can take some comfort in knowing relapse is common. But how do you handle it?

<u>Here are some tips:</u>

'''Brace yourself.''' For many after a setback, a person’s guilt, shame and humiliation come back tenfold. Prepare yourself for these feelings. Commit to use them as motivation to get back on track rather than as an excuse to hide away in disgrace, if you do slip.

'''Get support.''' Whether you just sobered up after a brief lapse or you are in the middle of a longer relapse, you should consider contacting your addiction counselor, recovery coach, or other recovery accountability supporter to schedule a face-to-face meeting. Prepare yourself for a difficult conversation; admitting you slipped up will be difficult and humbling. If you can’t bring yourself to meet in person, make a phone call or send an email or text. The important part is to reestablish contact and let them know you’re struggling.

'''Call on loved ones.''' This step may be particularly tough, especially if you’ve hurt your friends and family members with your addiction in the past. But support from the most important people in your life is critically important if you want to recover for good. When you approach loved ones, do so honestly and make sure you intend to go through with whatever you promise to do.

'''Consider returning to treatment.''' Whether or not you should return to treatment will depend on the severity of your lapse and the circumstances surrounding it. If the relapse consisted of a few hours or a few days, you may be able to veer back to your recovery path somewhat seamlessly. If you went on a multiple week-long bender, another round of treatment may be in order. Just like every addiction story is different, so is the path to recovery. Some treatment providers and facilities offer aftercare services as part of the original treatment plan, or free counseling for a period following the initial treatment time.

'''Think of relapse as a stepping stone.''' Instead of viewing your slip as a step backward, think of it as a progression on your road to recovery. Many people lapse or relapse, and if you think of each attempt at sobriety as a means of getting closer to your end goal — a lesson in your cumulative recovery learning, so to speak — this setback won’t be in vain.

'''But try not to get trapped in a revolving door.''' While recovering from addictive behavior, some people get caught in a pattern of repeated relapse and rehab, a phenomenon sometimes called “revolving door syndrome.” In most cases of revolving door syndrome, the person isn’t fully (or consistently) committed to a sober life, which makes going back to the substance or behavior of choice seem too tempting to resist. This cycle of repeated relapse is dangerous because it takes a toll on the individual’s health (physical and mental), sense of self-worth, and whatever healthy, positive relationships remain in his or her life. Although repeated slips can be a normal part of recovery for some, ongoing relapse and rehab can become a compulsive pattern of its own and make it even more difficult to successfully stay sober long-term.

'''Look on the bright side.''' A slip may feel like the end of the world, but really, it’s an opportunity for growth and reinforcing basic life skills that need more work. Many people emerge from relapse with a fresh scare regarding what they are up against, as well as a deeper commitment to becoming sober. This renewed motivation can help you come back from a relapse even stronger than you were before.

Stages of Change

2020-11-11T19:08:11Z

Chaim:

[[File:TheStagesofChange80.jpg|thumb|541x541px]]
Understanding the Stages of Change, can help you understand yourself much better, and also help clarify what you should be focusing on.

We can be in one of 5 stages:

# '''Precontemplation''' - You're not interested in changing. Your goal is to start considering change.
# '''Contemplation''' - You're considering the change, but have mixed feelings. Your goal is to make a decision.
# '''Preparation''' - You're making a personal realistic and acceptable plan. Your goal is to make a commitment to implement the plan.
# '''Action''' - You're taking action to implement the plan, improving the plan with trial and error, dealing with slips and falls. Your goal is to apply the plan for 6 months and gain confidence that you can really do it.
# '''Maintenance''' - You're sustaining your new behavior and working to prevent relapse. Your goal is to improve your lifestyle in a way that supports the change for the long term.

File:TheStagesofChange80.jpg

2020-11-11T19:07:50Z

Chaim:

TheStagesofChange80

Category:Maintenance

2020-11-11T19:05:31Z

Chaim: Created page with "sustaining changes that have been accomplished and integrating the new pattern of behavior into lifestyle. Change never ends with action. Without a strong commitment to maint..."

sustaining changes that have been accomplished and integrating the new pattern of behavior into lifestyle.

Change never ends with action. Without a strong commitment to maintenance, there will surely be relapse, usually to precontemplation or contemplation stage.

Category:Action

2020-11-11T19:04:39Z

Chaim: Created page with "Modifying the problem behavior; learning skills to prevent reversal to full return to problem behavior. Stage where people overtly modify their behavior and their surrounding..."

Modifying the problem behavior; learning skills to prevent reversal to full return to problem behavior.

Stage where people overtly modify their behavior and their surroundings. Make the move for which they have been preparing. Requires the greatest commitment of time and energy.

CHANGE IS MORE VISIBLE TO OTHERS.

Category:Preparation

2020-11-11T19:03:29Z

Chaim:

Preparation is the stage where you've made a decision to change, and you're working to figure out how to make it a reality.

Most people in the preparation stage are planning to take action and are making the final adjustments before they begin to change their behavior. Have not yet resolved their AMBIVALENCE. Still need a little convincing.

Category:Contemplation

2020-11-11T19:01:37Z

Chaim: Created page with "Seriously considering change; seeking information about problem; evaluating pros and cons of change; ambivalent; not prepared to change yet. Contemplators acknowledge that th..."

Seriously considering change; seeking information about problem; evaluating pros and cons of change; ambivalent; not prepared to change yet.

Contemplators acknowledge that they have a problem and begin to think about solving it. Contemplators struggle to understand their problems, to see its causes, and wonder about possible solutions. Many contemplators have indefinite plans to take action within the next few months.

“You know your destination, and even how to get there, but you’re not ready to go.”

It is not uncommon for contemplators to tell themselves that some day they are going to change. When contemplators transition to the preparation stage of change, their thinking is clearly marked by two changes. First, they begin to think more about the future than the past.

The end of contemplation stage is a time of ANTICIPATION, ACTIVITY, ANXIETY, and EXCITEMENT.

''“I want to stop feeling so stuck!”''

Category:Precontemplation

2020-11-11T18:59:02Z

Chaim: Created page with "No near-term consideration of change of the particular target behavior; problem behavior seen as having more pros than cons. Precontemplators usually show up in therapy becau..."

No near-term consideration of change of the particular target behavior; problem behavior seen as having more pros than cons.

Precontemplators usually show up in therapy because of pressures from others… spouses, employers, parents, and courts… Resist change. When their problem comes up, they change the topic of conversation. They place responsibility for their problems on factors such as genetic makeup, addition, family, society, destiny, the police, etc. They feel the situation is HOPELESS.

''“It isn’t that we cannot see the solution. It’s that we cannot see the problem.”''

Main Page

2020-11-11T18:56:05Z

Chaim:

See [[Special:RecentChanges|Recent Changes]] for the latest activity.

'''''Guard your eyes''''' is an organization catering to those struggling with more than just Shmiras Einayim.

In a world inundated with temptation, the pioneering work of Guard Your Eyes is leading the efforts to empower the Jewish community to deal with the widespread challenges of inappropriate material on the internet. GuardYourEyes offers powerful programs and techniques for those whose consumption of inappropriate material has become a compulsive habit or an addiction.

== Approaches ==
''(Listed alphabetically)''
* [[The 12-Step Program|'''12 Step Program''']]
*[[SMART Recovery|'''SMART Recovery''']]
**[[Stages of Change]] ''([[:Category:Precontemplation|Precontemplation]] | [[:Category:Contemplation|Contemplation]] | [[:Category:Preparation|Preparation]] | [[:Category:Action|Action]] | [[:Category:Maintenance|Maintenance]])''
** [[SMART Recovery: plan of action|Plan of action]]
** [[Relapse Prevention: Enjoyable Activities|Enjoyable Activities]]‎
* [[The GYE Handbook|'''The GYE Handbook''']]

== Attitudes & Perspectives ==

* [[Perspectives on the Struggle]]
* [[The GYE Handbook]]
* [[Self Worth]]

== Motivation ==

*[[Motivation|Intro]] | [[Chizuk]]
*[[Exploring Your Values|Exploring Values]]
*[[Cost Benefit Analysis (CBA)|Cost Benefit Analysis]]
*[[Why not to watch porn - a Torah view]]
*[[Pornography Use Effects]]
*[[Reasons for Change]]
*[[Motivational Boosters|Other ways to increase motivation]]
*[[Getting Caught]]

== Dealing with Urges ==

*[[Beliefs about Urges]]
*[[The Problem of Instant Gratification (PIG)]]
*[[Externalizing the Urge]].
* Techniques: [[Dealing with Urges|Intro]] | [[Delay]] | [[Distraction]] | [[Urge Surfing]] | [[DISARM]] | [[Coping Statements]] | [[Mindfulness]] | [[Relaxation]] | [[Recall Negative Consequences]] | [[Remembering the Pros of Abstinence]]

== Avoiding Nisyonos ==

*[[Filters]]
*[[Shmiras Einayim]]

== Social Support ==

*[[Social Support|Intro]]

== Dealing with Setbacks ==

*[[Setbacks]]

== Dealing with Unhealthy Negative Emotions ==

*[[Dealing with Emotions]]

== Misc. ==

* [[Dealing with Memories|Dealing with memories]]
* [[Pre-ejaculate]]
* [[Practical Tips]]

SMART Recovery: plan of action

2020-11-11T18:37:19Z

Chaim: Created page with " One of the steps in SMART Recovery is to create a "'''plan of action'''" as follows: * The changes I want to make are: * The most important reasons why I want to make these..."

One of the steps in SMART Recovery is to create a "'''plan of action'''" as follows:

* The changes I want to make are:
* The most important reasons why I want to make these changes are:
* The steps I plan to take in changing are:
* The ways other people can help me are: (include the names of some people and the possible ways each one can help)
* I will know if my plan is working if:
* Some things that could interfere with my plan
* How important is it to me to make these changes? (1-10 scale)
* How confident am I that I can make these changes? (1-10 scale)

Stages of Change

2020-11-11T18:32:10Z

Chaim: Created page with " Understanding the Stages of Change, can help you understand yourself much better, and also help clarify what you should be focusing on. We can be in one of 5 stages: # '''..."

Understanding the Stages of Change, can help you understand yourself much better, and also help clarify what you should be focusing on.

We can be in one of 5 stages:

# '''Precontemplation''' - You're not interested in changing. Your goal is to start considering change.
# '''Contemplation''' - You're considering the change, but have mixed feelings. Your goal is to make a decision.
# '''Preparation''' - You're making a personal realistic and acceptable plan. Your goal is to make a commitment to implement the plan.
# '''Action''' - You're taking action to implement the plan, improving the plan with trial and error, dealing with slips and falls. Your goal is to apply the plan for 6 months and gain confidence that you can really do it.
# '''Maintenance''' - You're sustaining your new behavior and working to prevent relapse. Your goal is to improve your lifestyle in a way that supports the change for the long term.

Practical Tips

2020-11-11T18:30:00Z

Chaim:

'''Practice with Visualization'''

Visualization is a powerful technique that is used by elite athletes and other performers. When you visualize an experience, areas of our brain actually go through some of the motions used when actually acting out that behavior.

To use the power of visualization simply imagine yourself encountering a nisyanon, and then successfully resisting the temptation. This can help increase the chances that you’ll be successful with real nisyonos.

You can also use the power of visualization to increase your motivation. Each night before going to sleep, visualize yourself having successfully broken your habit. See yourself no longer controlled by those old thoughts and feelings. See yourself as empowered and freed from the control of old patterns. Imagine how good that would feel!

'''Get Ready for Turbulence'''

The first few weeks after giving destructive habits can be tough. Brain chemicals like the neurotransmitter dopamine can decrease when addictive behaviors are let go, and this sometimes brings physical withdrawal symptoms, like anxiety, depression, irritability or insomnia. You might also get extremely strong urges to go back. Don’t panic. Like air turbulence, it feels worse that it really is -- and before you know it will be gone.

'''Seemingly Irrelevant Decisions'''

If you’re been clean for a while, don’t let your guard down! Sometimes without realizing it, we may do things that lead us in the direction of a slip. For example, we might convince ourselves that we are already strong enough to look at borderline material. The next day we went a little bit further and then before we knew it, we had a slip.

Experts call this AIDs (Apparently Irrelevant Decisions). In Chazal (Shabbos 105b) it’s considered one of the skills of the Yetzer Harah, “Today it tells him ‘do this’, and tomorrow it tells him ‘do that’, until it tells him ‘worship idols’ and he goes and worships idols.”

The point is that since you’re clean for so long, slips won’t happen out of the blue. If you watch out for it, you can see them coming way in advance.

'''Track your progress'''

The act of monitoring alone can help you make a lot of progress. It’s easy, you can use any paper calendar for it. Each night, make a check mark if you had a clean day, and minus sign if you had a fall. You can also use a password protected Word file to keep a daily journal. If you want to go digital you can use GYE’s 90 day chart, or one the many apps that are geared for tracking habits.

'''Make a written plan'''

Like any big project, working on breaking free deserves a good plan. By investing in a good plan, you’ll be much better prepared when you get hit by an urge. A good plan should have a very specific goal, the reasons you’ve set that goal, and the steps you need to take to successfully deal with tempting situations

'''Explore your values'''

Make a list of your top 5 values, (What do you feel are the most significant things needed for you to have a successful life? e.g. Peace, Family, Financial security, Purpose in life, Harmony, Responsibility, Love, Yiddishkeit, Wisdom, Humility, Honesty, Serenity, Spirituality, Integrity, Trust, Health, Independence) then think how your problematic behavior interferes with it.

'''Make this your top priority'''

If you feel that you’re not making enough progress with breaking free, try making this your very top priority for the next month. If you’re focusing on too many areas of life at once, it’s much harder to give any of them proper attention.

'''Increase enjoyable activities'''

If you’re busy all day with things you need to do, but don’t spend any time on things you like to do, it’s easier to get caught up in addictive behaviors. Try to find something enjoyable that you can add to your weekly schedule to add more balance to your life. It can be a learning, a hobby or creative project, time with friends or anything else that gives you real satisfaction.

See here a list of [[Relapse Prevention: Enjoyable Activities|Enjoyable Activities]]

'''Have a supportive environment'''

Try to think how you can make your environment more supportive for staying clean. Having a good filter is not a fool proof solution, you still need to work on yourself internally, but it definitely makes life much easier. It’s just like a smoker who is trying to quit smoking would avoid keeping a pack of cigarettes in his shirt pocket. Yes, he can still buy a pack in the grocery, but at least he is not tempted all day.

'''The problem of instant gratification'''

One of the ways to gradually strengthen ourselves is by limiting instant gratification. Each time we give in to a desire instantly we feed the Problem of Instant Gratification (PIG) and the PIG becomes bigger. When we resist that impulse, the PIG will become smaller. This means that over time the urges will become weaker and less frequent. As chazal say, מרעיבו שבע.

'''Urges don’t last very long'''

Urges are like an itch, it passes on it’s own after a few minutes unless you keep thinking about it. How can you make the time pass faster? One popular option is to distract yourself by doing something like calling a friend or family member, leaving your device at home and taking a walk outside, or doing something that captivates your mind so that there is no space left for thinking about the urge. To make this strategy work, prepare ideas in advance and write them on an “emergency card” so that you can spring into action when you see an urge coming.

'''Dealing with urges'''

A huge factor in breaking free is learning how to deal with urges. Getting practice with urge management strategies is something that we do internally, and could help us remain protected even when we find a loophole in a filter, or have access to an unfiltered device. For tips write to help@guardyoureyes.org.

'''Don’t do it alone.'''

Whenever we work on improving ourselves we naturally speak about it to others, get ideas from them and update them on our progress. Hardly anyone would be successful with a diet if they had to keep it a secret from everyone. Since shmiras einayim and related issues is something private, we often lack much needed support to stay on target. If you think getting support from someone can help, try GYE’s partner program.

'''“If you let go one day, I'll let go for two”'''

-- Rashi (Eikev 11:13) quoting Megilas Starim

One setback often leads to more. Some people feel so disillusioned after they have a temporary setback, that they get unnecessarily stuck. It can take them days, weeks or even months until they try again...They start thinking, “Oh well, I guess I messed up today anway, so I may as well continue for another few minutes”. “I’ll start fresh tomorrow.” “This week is messed up already, I’ll start again on Sunday…” This is also known as the Abstinence Violation Effect (AVE) a phrase coined by addiction researchers Alan Marlatt and Judy Gordon back in the 1980s.

To counter this, remind yourself that setbacks aren’t evidence that you won’t be able to change. You’ll have some ups and downs but if you keep on going and learn from your mistakes, then you’ll end up being successful.

Relapse Prevention: Enjoyable Activities

2020-11-11T18:28:09Z

Chaim: Created page with "'''Relapse Prevention: Activities you may enjoy''' CHORES AND USEFUL TASKS (such as Cleaning, Cooking, Dishwashing, Ironing, Sewing). EXERCISES (such as Jogging, Nautilus, W..."

'''Relapse Prevention: Activities you may enjoy'''

CHORES AND USEFUL TASKS (such as Cleaning, Cooking, Dishwashing, Ironing, Sewing).

EXERCISES (such as Jogging, Nautilus, Walking, Aerobic Dancing, Stretching or Aerobic Exercises, Shadow Boxing, Skipping Rope, Yoga, Weightlifting).

FOOD ACTIVITIES (such as Baking, Cooking, Barbecuing, Preparing Gourmet Meals, Shopping for Food).

GAMES (such as Bridge, Checkers, Chess, Go, Jigsaw Puzzles, Monopoly, Poker, Pinochle, Scrabble, Crosswords, Anagrams).

GRAPHIC ARTS (such as Cartooning, Drawing, Lettering, Mechanical Drawing, Painting, Photography, Silkscreening).

HANDICRAFT ACTIVITIES (such as Basketmaking, Bookbinding, Crocheting, Embroidering, Knitting, Leatherworking, Dressmaking, Decoupage, Needlepoint).

HUMOROUS ACTIVITIES (such as Cartooning, Improvisation Games, Charades, Jesting, Joke-making, Playing Practical Pranks and Jokes, Punning).

MARTIAL ARTS (Akido, Jujitsu, Judo, Karate, Fencing, Wrestling).

OUTDOORS ACTIVITIES AND SPORTS (such as Birdwatching, Gardening, Crabbing, Fishing, Canoeing, Sailing, Hunting, Walking, Ice-skating, Skiing, Rowing, Hiking).

PERFORMING ARTS (such as Dancing, Ballet, Mime, Acting, Improvisation, Modern Dance, Tap Dance, Singing).

PERSONAL GROWTH (Self-help Books, Workshops, Lectures, Skills-learning, Career Development).

READING (Fiction, Novels, Plays, Poems, Nonfiction).

SCIENTIFIC ACTIVITIES (such as Anatomy, Biology, Herpetology, Physics, Medicine, Zoology, Anthropology, Psychology, Sociology).

SOCIALIZING ACTIVITIES (such as Conversing, Group Activities, Attending or Giving Parties, Rap Sessions).

SPECTATING (watching Movies, Plays, Sports, Pageants, Circuses).

SPORTS (such as Baseball, Basketball, Golf, Gym, Football, Hockey, Dancing, Tennis, Skating, Running, Volleyball).

STUDYING ACADEMIC SUBJECTS (such as Art History, History, Language, Math, Music, Science, Social Science).

TRADES AND CRAFTS (such as Bricklayer, Builder, Carpenter, Foreman, Factory Worker, Gardener, Mechanic, Machinist, Police Officer).

VENTING FEELINGS (such as Punching Pillows, Yelling, Talking, Writing, Expressing Good Feelings).

Practical Tips

2020-11-10T21:51:25Z

Chaim: Created page with " '''Practice with Visualization''' Visualization is a powerful technique that is used by elite athletes and other performers. When you visualize an experience, areas of our..."

'''Practice with Visualization'''

Visualization is a powerful technique that is used by elite athletes and other performers. When you visualize an experience, areas of our brain actually go through some of the motions used when actually acting out that behavior.

To use the power of visualization simply imagine yourself encountering a nisyanon, and then successfully resisting the temptation. This can help increase the chances that you’ll be successful with real nisyonos.

You can also use the power of visualization to increase your motivation. Each night before going to sleep, visualize yourself having successfully broken your habit. See yourself no longer controlled by those old thoughts and feelings. See yourself as empowered and freed from the control of old patterns. Imagine how good that would feel!

'''Get Ready for Turbulence'''

The first few weeks after giving destructive habits can be tough. Brain chemicals like the neurotransmitter dopamine can decrease when addictive behaviors are let go, and this sometimes brings physical withdrawal symptoms, like anxiety, depression, irritability or insomnia. You might also get extremely strong urges to go back. Don’t panic. Like air turbulence, it feels worse that it really is -- and before you know it will be gone.

'''Seemingly Irrelevant Decisions'''

If you’re been clean for a while, don’t let your guard down! Sometimes without realizing it, we may do things that lead us in the direction of a slip. For example, we might convince ourselves that we are already strong enough to look at borderline material. The next day we went a little bit further and then before we knew it, we had a slip.

Experts call this AIDs (Apparently Irrelevant Decisions). In Chazal (Shabbos 105b) it’s considered one of the skills of the Yetzer Harah, “Today it tells him ‘do this’, and tomorrow it tells him ‘do that’, until it tells him ‘worship idols’ and he goes and worships idols.”

The point is that since you’re clean for so long, slips won’t happen out of the blue. If you watch out for it, you can see them coming way in advance.

'''Track your progress'''

The act of monitoring alone can help you make a lot of progress. It’s easy, you can use any paper calendar for it. Each night, make a check mark if you had a clean day, and minus sign if you had a fall. You can also use a password protected Word file to keep a daily journal. If you want to go digital you can use GYE’s 90 day chart, or one the many apps that are geared for tracking habits.

'''Make a written plan'''

Like any big project, working on breaking free deserves a good plan. By investing in a good plan, you’ll be much better prepared when you get hit by an urge. A good plan should have a very specific goal, the reasons you’ve set that goal, and the steps you need to take to successfully deal with tempting situations

'''Explore your values'''

Make a list of your top 5 values, (What do you feel are the most significant things needed for you to have a successful life? e.g. Peace, Family, Financial security, Purpose in life, Harmony, Responsibility, Love, Yiddishkeit, Wisdom, Humility, Honesty, Serenity, Spirituality, Integrity, Trust, Health, Independence) then think how your problematic behavior interferes with it.

'''Make this your top priority'''

If you feel that you’re not making enough progress with breaking free, try making this your very top priority for the next month. If you’re focusing on too many areas of life at once, it’s much harder to give any of them proper attention.

'''Increase enjoyable activities'''

If you’re busy all day with things you need to do, but don’t spend any time on things you like to do, it’s easier to get caught up in addictive behaviors. Try to find something enjoyable that you can add to your weekly schedule to add more balance to your life. It can be a learning, a hobby or creative project, time with friends or anything else that gives you real satisfaction.

'''Have a supportive environment'''

Try to think how you can make your environment more supportive for staying clean. Having a good filter is not a fool proof solution, you still need to work on yourself internally, but it definitely makes life much easier. It’s just like a smoker who is trying to quit smoking would avoid keeping a pack of cigarettes in his shirt pocket. Yes, he can still buy a pack in the grocery, but at least he is not tempted all day.

'''The problem of instant gratification'''

One of the ways to gradually strengthen ourselves is by limiting instant gratification. Each time we give in to a desire instantly we feed the Problem of Instant Gratification (PIG) and the PIG becomes bigger. When we resist that impulse, the PIG will become smaller. This means that over time the urges will become weaker and less frequent. As chazal say, מרעיבו שבע.

'''Urges don’t last very long'''

Urges are like an itch, it passes on it’s own after a few minutes unless you keep thinking about it. How can you make the time pass faster? One popular option is to distract yourself by doing something like calling a friend or family member, leaving your device at home and taking a walk outside, or doing something that captivates your mind so that there is no space left for thinking about the urge. To make this strategy work, prepare ideas in advance and write them on an “emergency card” so that you can spring into action when you see an urge coming.

'''Dealing with urges'''

A huge factor in breaking free is learning how to deal with urges. Getting practice with urge management strategies is something that we do internally, and could help us remain protected even when we find a loophole in a filter, or have access to an unfiltered device. For tips write to help@guardyoureyes.org.

'''Don’t do it alone.'''

Whenever we work on improving ourselves we naturally speak about it to others, get ideas from them and update them on our progress. Hardly anyone would be successful with a diet if they had to keep it a secret from everyone. Since shmiras einayim and related issues is something private, we often lack much needed support to stay on target. If you think getting support from someone can help, try GYE’s partner program.

'''“If you let go one day, I'll let go for two”'''

-- Rashi (Eikev 11:13) quoting Megilas Starim

One setback often leads to more. Some people feel so disillusioned after they have a temporary setback, that they get unnecessarily stuck. It can take them days, weeks or even months until they try again...They start thinking, “Oh well, I guess I messed up today anway, so I may as well continue for another few minutes”. “I’ll start fresh tomorrow.” “This week is messed up already, I’ll start again on Sunday…” This is also known as the Abstinence Violation Effect (AVE) a phrase coined by addiction researchers Alan Marlatt and Judy Gordon back in the 1980s.

To counter this, remind yourself that setbacks aren’t evidence that you won’t be able to change. You’ll have some ups and downs but if you keep on going and learn from your mistakes, then you’ll end up being successful.

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2020-11-10T20:59:52Z

Chaim: Added text to the main page about guardyoureyes