Boundaries - Revision history

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Wikiadmin at 13:53, 30 November 2020

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Wikiadmin: Created page with "== The Taphsic Method == See Taphsic ==The "Ushmartem Es Mishmarti" Method== ''A method developed by #HashemHelpMe'' ===Intro=== There's a beautiful ''ohr hachaim hakados..."

2020-11-30T13:51:00Z

Created page with "== The Taphsic Method == See Taphsic ==The "Ushmartem Es Mishmarti" Method== ''A method developed by #HashemHelpMe'' ===Intro=== There's a beautiful ''ohr hachaim hakados..."

New page

== The Taphsic Method ==
See [[Taphsic]]

==The "Ushmartem Es Mishmarti" Method==
''A method developed by #HashemHelpMe''
===Intro===
There's a beautiful ''ohr hachaim hakadosh'' on the Pasuk ושמרתם את משמרתי לבלתי עשות מחקות התועבת אשר נעשו לפניכם ולא תטמאו בהם (Acharei mos 18:30). It's a Posuk in the Parsha of Arayos that we read on Yom Kippur:

<span lang="he" dir="rtl">ושמרתם את משמרתי. יצו ה' על הגדרים השומרים לבלתי יבא להכשל בתיעוב, והוא אומרו ושמרתם את משמרתי פירוש משמרת הגדר, והטעם לבלתי עשות וגו' אפילו בשוגג</span>

The Ohr Hachaim is bothered by two questions:
*What is ''bechukos hatoevos''? You just listed all the things that you are not allowed to do. What's this ''mishmarti'', What can't you do?
*What's this lashon levilty asos. It's like a lashon hifil. It's like, "and it shouldn't happen to happen". It should say, ''shelo laasos''. what is "''levilti asos''?".
So he explains that it's referring to ''gedarim'' that you put in place so that it shouldn't ''happen'' - even by accident.

If you want a child not to go down a slide, you don't put a fence at the top of the ladder where the slide begins. You put the fence at the bottom of the ladder, you avoid the situation completely. You don't want to get into a situation that they're basically gonna slip. Similar to the Gamara that says that to a nazir you you tell them that when you come to a vineyard, you go schor, schor, go around the ''lekarma lo sikrav'' - you don't go into the ''kerem'' - you don't go into the vineyard, even though there's no ''issur'' of going into the vineyard, but you make yourself a geder.<ref>See Shabbos 13a. וראה פרישה יו"ד סי' שפג: העולם טועים בפירושו והכי פירושו סחור סחור הוא תרגומו של סביב שעל סביב תרגם אונקלוס שתי פעמים סחור סחור וכאילו אמר אמרינן לנזיר סביב לכרם לא תקרב דהיינו '''משמרת למשמרת''' ד'''אפילו סביב לכרם לא יקרב''' פן יתאוה לאכול מפרי הכרם ויכנס בו וראה רמב"ם הלכות נזירות פרק ה' הלכה י': מדברי סופרים '''שאסור''' לנזיר לעמוד במושב שותי יין ויתרחק ממנו הרבה שהרי מכשול לפניו, אמרו חכמים סביב לכרם לא יקרב.</ref>

Doing this give your the ''ability to get started'', because with all the determination to get started, it is going to go down the tubes, if in the bathroom you have an iPhone that's unfiltered and everything's at your fingertips, and your wife just yelled at him or you got rejected at work...
===The Shtar===
Write a contract, that says the following:
*I understand that an unfiltered device is not safe for me. And at this stage in time, I can't afford to access it even for kosher usage. And therefore I'm going to knas myself if I use an unsafe device, even for kosher purposes, even if I don't fall. So if I use an unsafe device to look up anything, even yeshivah world news, or to check my bank account, I will:
**Option 1: I'm going to take $___ (Add an amount), and I'm going to ''rip it up.''
**Option 2: I'm going to take $___ (Add an amount), and give it to a ''tzedaka'' that is ''meaningless to me''.<ref>Like if they are Satmar they can give it to Lubavitch, if it's Lubavitch they can give it to Ponevezh, if it's Ponevezh they can give to Mizrachi... See an video on this topic by Rabbi Avigdor Miller at https://gyeboost.org/archives/15. The example of "giving $10 to a charity I don't like" is given in Tolin, D. F. (2016). Doing CBT : a comprehensive guide to working with behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. The Guilford Press. P. 185, 197.</ref>
*If I must use the device (e.g. my parents tell me to go on to arrange a flight or some other situation comes up). I will call or text a GYE member and tell them I have to go onto an unsafe device and that I'll call or text them a the half an hour later, that I'm off, and that I stayed clean.<ref>This technique is called [[Bookending Difficult Events|Bookending]].</ref>
*The contract will expire on ______ (put a date on this, uh, 30 days or 60 days or a Yom Tov that's coming up etc.). Three days before this expires, I'll call either _____ or wherever it is to discuss continuing the ''shtar'', if necessary or not.
Notes
*You can customize the shtar to include certain apps that are potentially unsafe, or categories of material like movies.

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 == References ==
-* Weiss, D. (2000). 101 Freedom Exercises (3rd Ed). Tip 17-22.
+* Weiss, D. (2000). 101 Freedom Exercises (3rd Ed). Tip 17-27.
 == The Taphsic Method ==

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:10, 6 January 2021
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	* Not opening certain websites (list which ones). Avoid high risk situations (list which ones). (HO 3:17)		* Not opening certain websites (list which ones). Avoid high risk situations (list which ones). (HO 3:17)
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		+	== References ==
		+
		+	* Weiss, D. (2000). 101 Freedom Exercises (3rd Ed). Tip 17-22.

	== The Taphsic Method ==		== The Taphsic Method ==

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:31, 3 December 2020
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		+	This can simply be called '''Rules'''. Watson (2013)<ref>Watson David L., T. R. G. (2013). Self-Directed Behavior: Self-Modification for Personal Adjustment - David L. Watson, Roland G. Tharp - Google Books. Cengage Learning. <nowiki>https://books.google.co.il/books/about/Self_Directed_Behavior_Self_Modification.html?id=RnajZreJgGwC&redir_esc=y</nowiki> p. 288</ref>.
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	Simple boundaries:		Simple boundaries:

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:53, 2 December 2020
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		+	Simple boundaries:
		+
		+	* Not opening certain websites (list which ones). Avoid high risk situations (list which ones). (HO 3:17)
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	== The Taphsic Method ==		== The Taphsic Method ==
	See [[Taphsic]].		See [[Taphsic]].

← Older revision		Revision as of 13:53, 30 November 2020
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	Notes		Notes
	*You can customize the shtar to include certain apps that are potentially unsafe, or categories of material like movies.		*You can customize the shtar to include certain apps that are potentially unsafe, or categories of material like movies.
		+	<references />
		+	[[Category:Stimulus Control]]

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 == The Taphsic Method ==
 See [[Taphsic]].
 ==The "Ushmartem Es Mishmarti" Method==

← Older revision	Revision as of 13:53, 30 November 2020
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