How I reached 90 days - Revision history

Wikiadmin at 14:45, 30 November 2020

2020-11-30T14:45:52Z

Wikiadmin at 03:28, 26 November 2020

2020-11-26T03:28:13Z

Wikiadmin at 00:34, 26 November 2020

2020-11-26T00:34:27Z

Wikiadmin: /* How @Ftndrug reached 90 days */

2020-11-25T01:22:26Z

How @Ftndrug reached 90 days

Wikiadmin at 00:02, 25 November 2020

2020-11-25T00:02:48Z

Wikiadmin at 13:40, 24 November 2020

2020-11-24T13:40:44Z

Wikiadmin at 12:49, 24 November 2020

2020-11-24T12:49:13Z

Wikiadmin at 12:01, 24 November 2020

2020-11-24T12:01:47Z

Wikiadmin: /* Mazal Tov To "Jew-In-Pain" for over 100 days clean! */

2020-11-24T11:37:33Z

Mazal Tov To "Jew-In-Pain" for over 100 days clean!

Wikiadmin at 11:18, 24 November 2020

2020-11-24T11:18:00Z

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	Read the story [https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/stories/item/my-journey-from-absolute-misery-to-true-happiness?category_id=10 here].		Read the story [https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/stories/item/my-journey-from-absolute-misery-to-true-happiness?category_id=10 here].
		+
		+	=== From @ICandothis18 ===
		+	I think the main thing was coming to a commitment that no matter what I will stay in the fight and that I'm in this for the long run thru this I started seeing myself differently and was actually able to implement some of the things we discussed.
		+
		+	Notes:
		+
		+	* Commitment

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 The first BIG thing that I learned from GYE is that I have an allergy to lust. The word lust is very important. I had always viewed my problem in frum terms. I was doing aveiros chamuros. My entire focus was to stop doing aveiros. Now, my wife for example is mutar to me, so I figured fantasizing about her was mutar. My entire avodah was in the realm of issur v'heter. Once I realized that I had an allergy to lust, I knew that lusting over my wife was the same drug as lusting over anyone else. I had to let go of lust in all it's forms mutar or assur is totally irrelevat - both forms are toxic for me.
-I learned that my real problem was not an over-active yetzer hora. I have quite a bit of self-control, but in this area, I couldn't control myself no matter how hard I tried. My results varied, but they never lasted, and my struggle only intensified. I realized that acting out was not the problem, but rather the solution (a very bad one indeed) to my other problems. My real problem was dealing with life. Acting out was just a syptom of that problem. It was my escape route.
+I learned that my real problem was not an over-active yetzer hora. I have quite a bit of self-control, but in this area, I couldn't control myself no matter how hard I tried. My results varied, but they never lasted, and my struggle only intensified. I realized that acting out was not the problem, but rather the solution (a very bad one indeed) to my other problems. My real problem was dealing with life. Acting out was just a symptom of that problem. It was my escape route.
 I learned [http://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-Wall-of-Honor/124072-Dov-Quotes from dov] that struggling with the problem was just a way of holding on to it. I needed to "let go" of the problem.
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 Gibbor

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	=== How Inastruggle reached 90 days ===		=== How Inastruggle reached 90 days ===
	See [[Inastruggle]]		See [[Inastruggle]]
		+
		+	=== How Gibbor reached 3 years ===
		+	B"H I have been sober for over 3 years now (1235 days).
		+
		+	I do feel some achrayus to share what I have done. I have gained a great deal from being here and perhaps someone else can gain from my experiences.
		+
		+	I was actually sober for about 2 years before finding GYE, but I would characterize those years as "the dry drunk years". Yes, I was sober, but that was mainly due to my wife finding out about my addiction (sobriety through fear). It was only after coming to GYE and learning a few things, and meeting a few people that my attitude changed my sobriety came much more easily to me. That is not to say that I don't have difficult times any more, just that they are fewer and further between, and generally less intense.
		+
		+	I should mention that once my wife found out, we spoke with our rav, both individually and together. It was a big help to both me and my wife. She had no understanding whatsoever how a frum person could do what I was doing. My rav helped a great deal to restore shalom.
		+
		+	Reading the handbook, and sharing it with my wife finally enabled us to talk more openly and honestly. My wife began to understand me (although I'm pretty sure she can never fully understand me). I began to open up to her more than ever before. (this part is tricky, and I still struggle with when and how much to share).
		+
		+	The first BIG thing that I learned from GYE is that I have an allergy to lust. The word lust is very important. I had always viewed my problem in frum terms. I was doing aveiros chamuros. My entire focus was to stop doing aveiros. Now, my wife for example is mutar to me, so I figured fantasizing about her was mutar. My entire avodah was in the realm of issur v'heter. Once I realized that I had an allergy to lust, I knew that lusting over my wife was the same drug as lusting over anyone else. I had to let go of lust in all it's forms mutar or assur is totally irrelevat - both forms are toxic for me.
		+
		+	I learned that my real problem was not an over-active yetzer hora. I have quite a bit of self-control, but in this area, I couldn't control myself no matter how hard I tried. My results varied, but they never lasted, and my struggle only intensified. I realized that acting out was not the problem, but rather the solution (a very bad one indeed) to my other problems. My real problem was dealing with life. Acting out was just a syptom of that problem. It was my escape route.
		+
		+	I learned [http://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-Wall-of-Honor/124072-Dov-Quotes from dov] that struggling with the problem was just a way of holding on to it. I needed to "let go" of the problem.
		+
		+	I can't remember who pointed me to [http://drsorotzkin.com/ Dr. Sorotzkin's website], but that made a big impact on me as well. His articles and audio about perfectionism and sexually acting out in particular, were a big help to me. They are all on his website at drsorotzkin.com/ . His descriptions of perfectionism and acting out fit me "perfectly" (pardon the pun).
		+
		+	Sharing my problems with other addicts that I met on this forum helped as well. For the first time in my life, I could share my deepest secrets, which I found to be very therapudic. I was not alone in this struggle.
		+
		+	I met dov and I joined his phone call. Sharing my feelings, was new to me. I had always kept things bottled up, trying to portray an image of perfection. Letting go and admitting my shameful deeds, paridoxically, helped me to let go of the shame and come to acceptance. That is not to say that what I did was ok, but that I could live with myself and move on. I could accept that Hashem loves me unconditionally, and that he is here for me. I don't have to "pretend" to be perfect. Hashem loves me with all my imperfections, many of them were given to me and were not a result of my bechira at all. I am not saying that I don't have an achrayus to fix them. Only that I don't have to feel ashamed that I have them. I only have to feel ashamed if I don't care enough to do something about them. (incidentally, this is one of the messages that my rav conveyed to me and my wife.)
		+
		+	I'm sure there is more for me to share, but this is what comes to mind at the moment.
		+
		+	I just want to make a final point about this forum. I was a great outlet for me, but it seems to me that most of the people who are in real recovery "graduate" from this forum at some point. It is a springboard to learning new ideas, and new attitudes. It is a way to meet people who we can share our struggles with, but ultimately, it is the real relationships that make a difference. Posting here can be (and is in many cases) an escape from real life as well.
		+
		+	I do beleive in levels of addiction (although I know dov does not - you are either pregnant or you are not). Different people need different things, but if you are constantly struggling despite posting on this forum often, perhaps you need something more, something real. I don't believe people recover from being on this forum. I do beleive it can be a springboard to recovery.
		+
		+	I wish us all hatzlacha each and every day one day at a time.
		+
		+	Love,
		+
		+	Gibbor

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	Huge credit to HHM for reviewing and spell-checking the post :]		Huge credit to HHM for reviewing and spell-checking the post :]
		+
		+	=== How Inastruggle reached 90 days ===
		+	See [[Inastruggle]]

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:02, 25 November 2020
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	* Therapy		* Therapy
	* Social Support (live!)		* Social Support (live!)
		+
		+	== New entries ==
		+
		+	=== How @Ftndrug reached 90 days ===
		+	I want to recount for a minute here my way to 100 and something days. Hope you'll excuse the length of it.
		+
		+	How did i get to where i am now?
		+
		+	I was desperate. I was watching porn and\or masturbating sometimes 5 times a day. I was losing my life and myself. I felt it hindering me in everything i tried to do. Friends, family, work, learning. I dont think i have to describe to you all the bad effects it had on my life, if you're here you probably know it all.
		+
		+	So, it all started when I prayed as never before (i was truly desperate) for enlightment, wisdom and help from the Almighty.
		+
		+	I dont think it was a miracle, but surely it was the hand of G-d that gave it to me. Enlightment, some wisdom, and a few weapons in the form of GYE.
		+
		+	The weapons i got were:
		+
		+	1. understanding. I understood the nature of my problem. Its an illness, an addiction, and as such cannot be treated by myself alone.
		+
		+	2. hope and encouragement. I found out that its not just me, and that people with far worse conditions could be and were healed, and that after 90 days clean the challenge should become a lot easier.
		+
		+	3. Occupational therapy. I started filling my day with activity that kept me occupied and satisfied without my drug of choice.
		+
		+	4. Substituting drug. The way porn addicts a person is by releasing tremendous amount of endorphines and so keeps him coming for more, just the way some heavy drugs do. So i started lifting weights to get the endorphines my body wanted badly. Sometimes 2 times a day. Generally, whenever i feel a strong urge, thats where i go.
		+
		+	5. Social support. The forum and the chat was a great tool to interact with people that have the same condition and can have the understanding and give support in times of need. Also it was a good way to get off my chest the struggles i was going through.
		+
		+	6. Mind based defense tool. The taphsic method was super effective. When you know you will have to pay 500 bucks if you'll have this tiny pick at bad stuff, it balances the scales.
		+
		+	7. Physical defense tool. I asked my internet provider to activate the free of charge web filter service they give. Even though its easy to override, it still gives me some time to rethink my decision, and blocks annoying random inappropriate material. Only bad thing about it was that i tried sometimes "just out of curiosity" to outsmart it. BH i caught myself on time and thats in the past now.
		+
		+	8. Learning from other's experience. Reading through the threads of success and failure helped me to figure out the best path for myself. instead of tripping and groping in the dark alone i am just using the road marks left by others. Its much easier (APB and special thanks for CORDNOY here, his thread is awsome. though i couldn't finish it).
		+
		+	9. Talking to the experienced. I reached out, or more accurately, he reached out to me and clarified for me a few things. (Since i know he doesnt mind posting his name, all hail Hashem Help Me.)
		+
		+	10. Checking myself for flaws. Every few weeks im checking on my state of mind and general progress, for possible improvements and work needed be done.
		+
		+	11. asking help from the Almighty. Im adding almost every day a personal prayer at the end of 'shmone esre', asking strength and courage to pass the day clean.
		+
		+	The benefits i got because of my work are huge.
		+
		+	1. Time. I have time!!! I did so many things in that time!
		+
		+	2. Friends. I almost abandoned my friends because of my addiction. Now i got them back again.
		+
		+	3. Physical strength. Working out built my body to the level i was a few years ago and more in some areas.
		+
		+	4. Clarity. I am a much better learner those days. I can almost speak one more language.
		+
		+	5. Life. I have my life again. Everything i denied myself from is now coming back.
		+
		+	Now will i be able to continue forever? I pray with all my heart. Is it possible for me to fall? Of course. Do i want that to happen? No. I slip sometimes. Happens. I regret it badly. But i never let myself dwell on it. I just move forward, for if i will dwell on it it will be as foolish as just giving up the struggle and crying which inevitably will lead to more falling and crying. Instead i should analyze what went wrong and plan how to continue.
		+
		+	Am i free from lust? No. I am still tied to it. But with help from above the rope is getting thiner with every fiber getting cut from it. It might never completely disappear, but well, im here to work, aint i?
		+
		+	Huge credit to HHM for reviewing and spell-checking the post :]

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 * Externalizing Urge.
 * Davening.
 * Being a Giver.
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 * Stimulus Control.
 * Daily Inspiration.
 === From GYE Ezras Noshim: I made it past 90 days b"h! ===

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		+	Note: This is small fraction of stories from GYE members.
		+
	=== From the Front Lines (#2) ===		=== From the Front Lines (#2) ===
	"NachalNovea" writes on the forum:		"NachalNovea" writes on the forum:

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	* Delay		* Delay
	* Yiddishkeit (Learning)		* Yiddishkeit (Learning)
		+
		+	=== Cordnoy's 10,000th Post on his 700th Day Clean ===
		+	[https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/testimonials/item/cordnoy-s-10000th-post-on-his-700th-day-clean?category_id=300 #Cordnoy]
		+
		+	I came to this site by accident, of sorts. Yes, there were several decades of filth and smut in my days, but I always stopped, at least for a week or two, or more. Recovery and lack thereof did not consume my life. I was fine with the pattern. Of course, yamim noraim (mostly), I'd cry and beg and resolve to sin no longer. Some years I even threw in the towel and made a deal with God that I'll do lots of good in other areas and let's just hide this issue in the closet.
		+
		+	But eventually, there was a rock bottom of sorts. That, together with a push, encouragement, threat of exposure from a woman friend of the family (whom I must have been tryin' to flirt with) put me on a course of action. And that action wasn't a snap of the fingers. And it wasn't without heartache and pain. I went 90 days sober (so to speak). I engaged a long distance therapist, a professional who is recommended by GYE. I joined SA in a city an hour away from me. I was there for about eight months. I went to a local therapist/specialist on and off for about two years. I got two sponsors, one Jewish, one not. I joined calls and eventually led calls. I have been workin' the steps in some way or another for several years. I read the big book, white book, action book and 12&12. I am on my sixth cycle. And I post as well, every once in awhile.
		+
		+	Talkin' to live people really does wonders. Posts are different when I know the poster and they know me. It makes it more real. (This is an important point to know for anyone who spends time on the forum.) GYE gave me the opportunity to personally meet about 20 fine fellows in real life. I thank each and every one of them for their friendship, advice, suggestions, criticisms, etc. And I have had private and personal conversations with another 30 more or so... And been in touch with many tens of others...
		+
		+	And this, my friends, demonstrates the power of GYE; it creates lastin' friendships, friends who deeply care about one another. Four years ago, I knew none of these fellows and now we are best of friends. And perhaps a couple of them I have helped on their journey, but one thing is certain - each and every one of them helped me on mine. I learned humility from one, commitment from another. Mussar, calmness, faith, prayer, carin', devotion, thoughtfulness, diligence, humor, assertiveness, resolve, confidence and more - are just some of the things that I try to apply in my daily life, and for that, I thank them all.
		+
		+	And I must confess that when a fellow emails, calls, texts, WhatsApps, skypes, bumps into me and says, "Cords, you really saved my life, you truly helped me today, this past year would have been impossible without you, I didn't get that massage because of your text"... yes, it feels good, and my ego makes it feel even better, but it's you guys who deserve the credit. You, who set me straight to begin with, you, who showed me my flaws, you, who convinced me of my egotistical, self-centeredness, you, who paved the way for me, and you as well who gave me the opportunity to give back, to keep me honest, to constantly share life's struggles and mine in particular, so thank you.
		+
		+	* 12 Steps
		+	* Therapy
		+	* Social Support (live!)

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	* Stimulus Control		* Stimulus Control
	* Surrender		* Surrender
		+
		+	=== I Have Come Home ===
		+	by Ovadia
		+
		+	Thank you HaShem for bringing me to GYE, and thank you Guard for being a true Shaliach.
		+
		+	Here are my thoughts at 90 days. As R' Twerski put it in his beautiful article on Pesach, when one is freed spiritually, he is thankful for every second of his freedom. GYE has made me realize that the concept of Kedusha and being part of a holy nation is not just an elusive idea for "holy" people. It is within our grasp. And for this I truly have to thank HaShem for having the Zechus of having my part in His Plan.
		+
		+	What does liberation mean to me?
		+
		+	* To go to work without constantly worrying (and knowing) am I going to act out today or will I be able to control myself?
		+
		+	* Leaving work without feeling relieved that I made it through the day without acting out or frustration/guilt because tit happened yet again.
		+
		+	* That I can go to sleep after my wife without diving for the ..... to act out.
		+
		+	* I have learned to focus and be happy with what I have, not with what I don't.
		+
		+	* That I can focus positively on my Avodas HaShem without feeling hypocritical and constant paradox.
		+
		+	Contrast: Sometimes I think back to those grotesque images which I have not seen for 90 days and I think, could this really be what interests me?? What a contrast between what I "gave up", and what I received instead. The contrast is beyond words.
		+
		+	Appreciation: I cannot express my appreciation enough to everyone here at GYE for literally saving my soul. I have received so much from you; so much Insight and understanding. But most of all support and guidance, and the feeling that in the times of darkness there are some very dear people out there who care. Thank you all so much. And of course I look forward to the grand GYE kumsits with all of you, with the Shor HaBor and the Leviasan!
		+
		+	Privilege:It has been the most amazing experience to have contact with so many emotionally and spiritually deep people/Neshomos. It has made me feel emotionally alive. I have had the opportunity to express my emotions and feelings without feeling inhibited or childish. And I also feel spiritually alive. A special type of Avodah different to learning and davening, but what gives more meaning and amplifies to all Ruchniyos.
		+
		+	Yet I feel some disappointment. Here at GYE we see that everyone has their own struggles. I might be wrong but it seems that there are different levels of addicts. I feel that my own addiction was just a bad habit I could not get out of and needed to be broken. What did it take? Openness and frank confrontation with my feelings and weaknesses; getting out of isolation and realizing that there is an effective way of breaking the habit. And more than anything, a framework within which to do this and the support which I received. And that is the tragedy. Why did it have to take so long to discover something so simple? I am sure that there are so many low level addicts out there like me, that don't need therapy or SA groups, '''just a healthy perspective and attitude, support and communication, realization that you are not alone or the only one, and to be given the opportunity to talk from their heart'''. Why is the frum community continuing to deny this to themselves?
		+
		+	The main lesson that I learned over the last few months has been to '''appreciate and be happy with what I have, and not be constantly looking at what I do not'''. All the lust and fantasizing comes from wanting just that little bit which is out of your grasp. I learnt to stop "looking" away from myself. Yes, guarding your eyes begins in the eye of your mind. If something does not interest you, then you do not lust for it.
		+
		+	About a month into the journey, I would come to Mincha Erev Shabbos, the end of a week of being at my office and not acting out, and my heart was bursting with joy. I remember saying Aleinu and feeling how privileged I am to be part of Klal Yisroel. Today I feel less of that original excitement, but my main feeling is that I have come home. I was in a sewer unable to pull myself out. Now I am back home after all the years. I feel - relief, and also a big feeling of responsibility - never again will I be able to feel and say that something is beyond my control!
		+
		+	Finally, no words will suffice to thank R' Guard enough for being HaShem's Shliach in saving my soul. HaShem should give you the Koach to continue in you holy work, and there is no doubt that you will be in the front lines to greet Mashiach Tzidkainu!
		+
		+	* Attitude (read for details)
		+	* Social Support
		+
		+	=== Like Getting Married Once Again ===
		+	by Anonymous
		+
		+	Dear R' Guard,
		+
		+	We owe GYE a tremendous thank you. My wife and I feel like we've just been married again. Thanks to your website we've been able to tackle issues that have been haunting us ever since we were married and had effected all aspects of our marriage, and our lives.
		+
		+	Case in point: I had become involved in your site around Pesach last year, out of personal desperation. I signed up on the 90 day chart and B"H I reached 90 without much difficulty and it was the greatest feeling I could remember feeling in a long time. Unfortunately it didn't last - fear of failure brought me down. I then struggled to rebuild the 90 days, but I couldn't reach more than 40 days or so and I'd fail again and again. I then began the climb to 90 once again, but this time with more active involvement in the forum, followed by more active, involvement in the 12 step phone conference.
		+
		+	During this time I had an important talk with my wife about GYE, speaking about the importance of it, what a great resource it is, and how it helps me avoid the falls that can result from triggers. I did kind of play down my need for the site, out of understandable embarrassment and the pain it would cause my wife. The subject continued to come up and my wife was suggesting GYE to people that she knew who struggled with these issues or knew those who did.
		+
		+	Recently, for the first time, she started reading some things on GYE. She read [[Spouses\|Yechida's letter to a GYE wife]] and cried the whole way through. She finally had some level of understanding of this struggle and we were able to talk about it more openly. The whole time she was wondering to herself how much I needed this site, to what extent I had become addicted, whether it was perhaps more than just triggers. Well - I bit the bullet and I decided to share something special with her. As Hashgacha would have it, that day was the exact day I reached 90. I clicked on the Wall of Honor link and said "that name is mine" and I showed her the WOH/90day Chart rules, and that's when we both had the feeling of being newly married once again.
		+
		+	A tremendous thank you to you, all the members of GYE and of the phone conferences, and thank you to HKB"H who I have B"H come to know in way I hadn't known in years.
		+
		+	All the Best,
		+
		+	Me and my wife
		+
		+	* Forum
		+	* 12 Step Phone Conference
		+
		+	=== Mordichai's First Post ===
		+	by Mordichai
		+
		+	I got addicted when I was very young by being exposed to p*rn in various friends' homes... Before I got married I confessed my struggle to my spouse to be, and fortunately she was very understanding in spite of my addiction. Unfortunately, I still kept falling back into my addiction and kept disappointing her.
		+
		+	I'm now 34 years old and as you can all see on the chart, I am now 72 days clean thanks to HaShem for leading me to this great website. B'ezras HaShem I will reach 90 days and beyond!!! I have good hopes that I will stop this addiction for Good but I know (as is stated in Pirke Avot) not to trust myself until the day of my death!
		+
		+	I find the 90 day chart a very helpful tool in my lifelong battle with lust. After seeing the days I've won so far, it keeps me strong and gives me enough determination to keep going. I don't want to throw away the days I've gained so far. This is what I tell myself when the yetzer hara knocks on my door. The daily chizuk emails also encourage me and keep me focused on HaShem and make me aware of the importance of the olam haba.
		+
		+	I want to encourage all of you who are in this struggle to keep up the fight!! And I want to close with a general call to Please, please keep the filth out of reach of children because otherwise this addiction will grab hold of them too. Prevention is the best cure!!!
		+
		+	Note:
		+
		+	* 90 day chart
		+
		+	=== 90 Days; One Hour at a Time ===
		+	by Loi Miyaeish
		+
		+	BARUCH SHECHAYANU VEKIYAMANU VEHIGIYONU LAZMAN HAZEH! Guys, I'm overwhelmed with emotion. I reached 90 days this Rosh Hashana! But there again, without Hashem's help, it would not have been possible. For over a year, I've been working on my Yetzer Hara, to take it apart piece by piece, but I never made it yet to ninety. This Elul's just been the best in my life. More than one person has said to me recently, "you know, you just look so happy" without knowing why. Yes, I do always have a smile on my face, but they could feel the true joy; the after-effects of someone having sweet victories.
		+
		+	My story starts many years ago as a young kid, when lust became a issue and I sled down the slippery path that many others have taken; lust, porn, mast. and other addictive behaviors. That was all till over a year ago, when I found GYE on my web browser on my cell phone (that's where I had internet access from). At the beginning, I read a bit of the stuff there and decided that I just could not make it. But last summer vacation - in my desperation, I finally became a member of GYE. I used to read every chizuk email through and through. By Sukkos I had already reached almost sixty. But being back home brought back the old feelings and I really began to feel down. I fell worse than ever before, I began to mast. more often, etc.. When I returned to Israel, I tried again twice, but kept on falling. I eventually began to give up on the idea, and decided to just do 'one day at a time'. But with open internet on my phone, I was always very vulnerable to the Yetzer Hara. I tried going to therapy, but I didn't enjoy it too much (I hate psychology). It reached a point where I realized that I have to get rid of internet access, so I asked a friend to keep my phone for me. Letting go of my smart phone was not easy, it was terribly difficult, but in retrospect, it was the best move and the first stage of my recovery.
		+
		+	When I left GYE (for lack of internet access), a tzaddik from the GYE forum who calls himself "Silentbattle" kept in contact with me by phone. He was really wonderful and kept encouraging me. But I could just not part from my friend called 'lust'. I would listen to inappropriate phone chats and do everything besides for porn on the net. I was still badly addicted. For a period, I lost contact with Silentbattle. But in Iyar, I reconnected with him by phone. He convinced me to try and stop the other stuff I'd been doing, and I've been clean from that ever since. But from mast. I could just not stop. I fell again after fifteen days.
		+
		+	In Tammuz, I got a new push. I'd been in shidduchim for over half a year and nothing doing. Silentbattle told me that not long after completing ninety days he got engaged, so I decided that I'd give it a try too. Another important thing he told me was to fight off the Yetzer Hara - not one day at a time - but one ''hour'' at a time. Now the y"h didn't have very much to reply to that. One hour?, c'mon, ''that'' I could handle. Those 'one hours' turned into days and finally months. B"h, the second day of Rosh Hashana was day ninety. Isn't that amazing? And the same hour that I completed ninety days, I was celebrating another family simcha. The l'chaim was for a double simcha!
		+
		+	Yes, it took me over a year, but I think it was helpful for me to learn to stop things gradually and not in one fell swoop; it became a 'kinyan' and B"H my days today are almost entirely lust-free. B"H I've really been feeling happier.
		+
		+	So chevra, I am known on the forum as "loi-miyaeish" (never despair) and B"H I got to ninety. The lesson is: "Al tisyaeish" (never despair) guys!
		+
		+	I'm grateful to GYE forever for being there from the start of my journey. Good luck holy Jews, and may you all have a G'mar chasimah tovah for a year of only goodness and happiness in life.
		+
		+	Notes
		+
		+	* One day / hour at a time
		+	* Social support
		+
		+	=== It's Not All or Nothing ===
		+	by Clean Israel
		+
		+	Getting to 90 days clean is a great feeling, and I want to share what helped me.
		+
		+	I had started the 90 day chart in November 2009, but I kept falling. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I would go for a few weeks - and then fall, a few weeks - then a fall.
		+
		+	Then I realized what I had to do, I had to not make it an "all or nothing". I told myself, "you can fall 3 times over the next 3 months. You can do them whenever you want, but only three times."
		+
		+	Needless to say, that's really what did it for me - giving me that little bit of breathing space created a world of difference for me. I fell once in the first month, but because I didn't have to go back to day one, that gave me the boost to keep on going.
		+
		+	Before I started this, I would fall once and I would think, "what the heck, I fell today, I might as well do it a few more times before I have to start over again tomorrow." Then I'd do it 3-4 more times THAT DAY!
		+
		+	This way, I had an incentive to stop myself after that first time, and that gave me the strength to complete a full 90 days clean. Whenever I had a pull, I'd say to myself "you only have 2 more times to fall, why not save it for some other time." And that was enough.
		+
		+	The one thing I can say to all those people still struggling, is that it gets so much easier after you hit day 30. I guess your brain's been wired enough that you've built up enough willpower to stop yourself.
		+
		+	The other thing I can say is that it is absolutely essential to have a strong learning seder - particularly of things you enjoy learning. I learn Daf Yomi, and that gives me an extra boost to just keep it all out of my mind and make me stronger.
		+
		+	I also can't stress how much better my relationship with my wife has become, now that I see her as the only woman in the world ''really''.
		+
		+	May we all have the strength to keep our desires where they belong; channeled towards our Avodas Hashem!!
		+
		+	Notes:
		+
		+	* Phased reduction
		+	* Delay
		+	* Yiddishkeit (Learning)

@@ Line 971: / Line 971: @@
 * Accountability
-= RATM ("Rage at the Machine") =
+=== RATM ("Rage at the Machine") ===
 "Rage" is gonna be upset at me for wishing him a Mazal Tov now, because he gave up 72 of his days to help someone ''else'' who was struggling on the forum - and he's officially only at day 20 now. ''What?'' How can someone "give up" days for someone else? Well, let me bring you his amazing post. This is one of the greatest examples of ''Ahavas Yisrael'' that I have ever seen on our forum (and ''that's'' saying a LOT :-)
@@ Line 1,255: / Line 1,255: @@
 * Realizing z"l is not a need
 * Therapy