Setbacks - Revision history

Wikiadmin at 22:43, 15 April 2021

2021-04-15T22:43:14Z

Wikiadmin at 14:12, 12 January 2021

2021-01-12T14:12:44Z

Wikiadmin at 10:58, 12 January 2021

2021-01-12T10:58:57Z

Wikiadmin: /* In Research */

2021-01-03T13:26:55Z

In Research

Wikiadmin at 22:31, 12 December 2020

2020-12-12T22:31:34Z

Wikiadmin at 17:21, 8 December 2020

2020-12-08T17:21:33Z

Wikiadmin at 20:14, 6 December 2020

2020-12-06T20:14:27Z

Wikiadmin at 18:23, 3 December 2020

2020-12-03T18:23:42Z

Wikiadmin: /* Beware of despair */

2020-12-03T18:10:28Z

Beware of despair

Wikiadmin: /* Torah Sources */

2020-12-03T18:10:06Z

Torah Sources

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 * See also [[Every Win Counts]]
 * See אספקלריא 130 כי תבוא תשעז קלאר - ווארט יפה בשם אבי הרה"ק מרוזין זי"ע: וא"כ מהו באמת העצה והדרך לזאת גילה לנו הרה"ק דער גרויסע ר' שלום זי"ע מפרעבישט אבי הרה"ק מרוזי"ן זי"ע ובנו של רבי אברהם המלאך זי"ע במשל נפלא '''מישהו שנופל בטיט לח ומתחיל לנקות עצמו הרי בדרך כלל במקום להצליח להסיר הטיט ממנו יגרום להטיט להתפשט יותר ויותר ואדרבא אם יסיח דעתו ממנה ויחכה עד שיתקשה אז ברגע קטן ינענע עצמו ויפול הטיט היבש מעליו''' וכמו כן הרבה פעמים כאשר האדם נכשל בחטא במקום להתעסק אז בדרכי התשובה של יגון וצער וכו' ירויח יותר להסיח דעתו ממנה לגמרי הרהור תשובה ולא תו לא מידי ורק לאחר זמן יחזור לשוב עליו במצות תשובה וברגע קטן יצליח לנקות עצמו ונשמתו וכבר פירשו בזה הכוונה בהגמרא יומא הרהורי עבירה קשין מעבירה זאת אומרת עצם ההרהור שחושב אודות מה שעשה ונכשל לפעים עוד יותר גרוע מעצם העבירה כי העבירה ראשונה הבעל דבר גנב ממנו לחמניה אולם עי"ז לפעמים מצליח רח"ל לנקות אותו מהרבה עבודת ד'
 === Yerida Tzorech Aliya ===

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 * Armitage (2005) showed that lapses had important consequences for future performance. In his study, behavior was assessed in weekly blocks and a lapse was defined as not attending for a week. This is markedly different from the single missed opportunities we have assessed. These findings can easily sit side-by-side and suggest that missing one opportunity does not preclude habit formation, but missing a week’s worth of opportunities reduces the likelihood of future performance and hinders habit acquisition. ''Lally et al (2010)''<ref>Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009. <nowiki>https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674</nowiki></ref>
 ** See there that a missed opportunity is defined as missing once after three days.
 == Torah Sources ==

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 * What can I do differently the next time, that would increase the chances of success?
 * What is/are the lesson(s) from this experience?
 == Footnotes ==
 <references />

← Older revision		Revision as of 13:26, 3 January 2021
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	* Armitage (2005) showed that lapses had important consequences for future performance. In his study, behavior was assessed in weekly blocks and a lapse was defined as not attending for a week. This is markedly different from the single missed opportunities we have assessed. These findings can easily sit side-by-side and suggest that missing one opportunity does not preclude habit formation, but missing a week’s worth of opportunities reduces the likelihood of future performance and hinders habit acquisition. ''Lally et al (2010)''<ref>Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009. <nowiki>https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674</nowiki></ref>		* Armitage (2005) showed that lapses had important consequences for future performance. In his study, behavior was assessed in weekly blocks and a lapse was defined as not attending for a week. This is markedly different from the single missed opportunities we have assessed. These findings can easily sit side-by-side and suggest that missing one opportunity does not preclude habit formation, but missing a week’s worth of opportunities reduces the likelihood of future performance and hinders habit acquisition. ''Lally et al (2010)''<ref>Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009. <nowiki>https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674</nowiki></ref>
		+	** See there that a missed opportunity is defined as missing once after three days.

	== Torah Sources ==		== Torah Sources ==

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:31, 12 December 2020
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	Positive Vision Day 83 talks about the AVE. (Like they say regarding dieting: The success of a diet depends on staying away from the second cookie.)		Positive Vision Day 83 talks about the AVE. (Like they say regarding dieting: The success of a diet depends on staying away from the second cookie.)
		+
		+	See Drop [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjNT0zT9n18&list=PLvvjmy2aYm4E65_HapteFZc58wSfoZorN&index=11 The Rope Expert Interview Dr. Joshua Grubbs - Perceived Pornography Addiction] for a great balanced approach.

	== In Research ==		== In Research ==

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:21, 8 December 2020
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	* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vJRopau0g0		* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vJRopau0g0
		+
		+	== Summary by Howard ==
		+	It is almost a truism that great change is created by small steps and that setbacks are inevitable. Your reaction to setbacks is critical. You don’t want to dismiss them, neither do you want to over-exaggerate them. We learn as much by our slips as we do by our successes. And remember the key point: you are actively engaged and committed to changing your behavior.
		+
		+	If something doesn’t work out the way you had intended, here are some questions to consider:
		+
		+	* What happened that I didn’t expect?
		+	* What can I do differently the next time, that would increase the chances of success?
		+	* What is/are the lesson(s) from this experience?
		+
		+	== Footnotes ==
		+	<references />

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 * In Cheshbon Hanefesh, Lapin, Ch. 31, he differentiates between a slip and a "sunset" שקיעה, i.e. negative ''trends''. He talks about taking it easy (מנוחת הנפש בכדי שלא יתייאש). Trying to use it as a learning opportunity, study the trend (מהירות מהלך השקיעה), try to reach stability or to slow the downward spiral (עמידת מהלך השקיעה או עמידת מהלך מהירתו), and then turn it around.
 * Zos Brisi Ch. 8: The Chofetz Chaim writes: ''Though one has been vanquished by the yetzer hara many, many times, he should not say, “What strength do I have to do battle with my yetzer hara? I see that he overpowers me and that I have no strength to wage war against him.” In this way, he gives up all hope of overpowering his yetzer hara, he lets down his guard regarding sin completely and follows the yetzer hara’s incitements. One should know that by doing this, he is placing himself in grave danger.... Rather, he must gather all his spiritual strength and wage war at every moment with his yetzer hara. Sometimes the yetzer hara will prevail and sometimes he will prevail... In the end, he will overpower his yetzer hara and drive it completely from his heart. As our Sages have taught, “One who seeks to purify himself will be granted Heavenly assistance.” (Shabbos 104a.) Once he seeks to purify himself from his sins, Heaven will assist him and ultimately, he will gain the upper hand. (The Chofetz Chaim in Zechor L’Miriam)'' This last point is most important. Someone who truly seeks to improve his ways and makes the initial effort is guaranteed ''siyata diShmaya'', assistance from Hashem. Hashem will lead the person by the hand, paving the path of ''teshuvah'' before him. What had seemed impossible only a short while ago will suddenly seem within reach. It is for us to make the effort, and then Hashem will ensure that we do not falter until we have achieved a complete ''teshuvah'' and will be in full control of our passions and thoughts. It is within everyone’s power to take that first step.
 === Beware of despair ===

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 * Positive Vision Day 44 (Summarizes the The Steipler's letter about how setbacks don't erase our successes, and how eventually we'll win.)
 * Zos Brisi Ch. 9 - Don't give up.
 === Articles ===

← Older revision		Revision as of 18:10, 3 December 2020
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	* In Cheshbon Hanefesh, Lapin, Ch. 31, he differentiates between a slip and a "sunset" שקיעה, i.e. negative ''trends''. He talks about taking it easy (מנוחת הנפש בכדי שלא יתייאש). Trying to use it as a learning opportunity, study the trend (מהירות מהלך השקיעה), try to reach stability or to slow the downward spiral (עמידת מהלך השקיעה או עמידת מהלך מהירתו), and then turn it around.		* In Cheshbon Hanefesh, Lapin, Ch. 31, he differentiates between a slip and a "sunset" שקיעה, i.e. negative ''trends''. He talks about taking it easy (מנוחת הנפש בכדי שלא יתייאש). Trying to use it as a learning opportunity, study the trend (מהירות מהלך השקיעה), try to reach stability or to slow the downward spiral (עמידת מהלך השקיעה או עמידת מהלך מהירתו), and then turn it around.
		+	* Zos Brisi Ch. 8: The Chofetz Chaim writes: ''Though one has been vanquished by the yetzer hara many, many times, he should not say, “What strength do I have to do battle with my yetzer hara? I see that he overpowers me and that I have no strength to wage war against him.” In this way, he gives up all hope of overpowering his yetzer hara, he lets down his guard regarding sin completely and follows the yetzer hara’s incitements. One should know that by doing this, he is placing himself in grave danger.... Rather, he must gather all his spiritual strength and wage war at every moment with his yetzer hara. Sometimes the yetzer hara will prevail and sometimes he will prevail... In the end, he will overpower his yetzer hara and drive it completely from his heart. As our Sages have taught, “One who seeks to purify himself will be granted Heavenly assistance.” (Shabbos 104a.) Once he seeks to purify himself from his sins, Heaven will assist him and ultimately, he will gain the upper hand. (The Chofetz Chaim in Zechor L’Miriam)'' This last point is most important. Someone who truly seeks to improve his ways and makes the initial effort is guaranteed ''siyata diShmaya'', assistance from Hashem. Hashem will lead the person by the hand, paving the path of ''teshuvah'' before him. What had seemed impossible only a short while ago will suddenly seem within reach. It is for us to make the effort, and then Hashem will ensure that we do not falter until we have achieved a complete ''teshuvah'' and will be in full control of our passions and thoughts. It is within everyone’s power to take that first step.

	=== Beware of despair ===		=== Beware of despair ===