Timeline - Revision history

Wikiadmin at 11:05, 25 April 2021

2021-04-25T11:05:09Z

Wikiadmin at 21:32, 28 December 2020

2020-12-28T21:32:55Z

Wikiadmin at 05:19, 3 December 2020

2020-12-03T05:19:33Z

Wikiadmin at 01:44, 1 December 2020

2020-12-01T01:44:35Z

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2020-11-25T22:13:30Z

3-6 Months

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2020-11-25T00:00:45Z

Month #3

Wikiadmin: /* 3-6 Months */

2020-11-24T11:17:46Z

3-6 Months

Wikiadmin: /* Beginning are hard */

2020-11-24T10:57:00Z

Beginning are hard

Wikiadmin: /* 3-6 Months */

2020-11-24T10:38:35Z

3-6 Months

Wikiadmin at 10:27, 24 November 2020

2020-11-24T10:27:03Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:05, 25 April 2021
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	* Research tells us that relapse is most likely to happen in the first three months of abstinence-seeking behaviour (Fanning and O’Neill 1996). ''Birchard, Thaddeus. CBT for Compulsive Sexual Behaviour (p. 82). Taylor and Francis. Kindle Edition.''		* Research tells us that relapse is most likely to happen in the first three months of abstinence-seeking behaviour (Fanning and O’Neill 1996). ''Birchard, Thaddeus. CBT for Compulsive Sexual Behaviour (p. 82). Taylor and Francis. Kindle Edition.''
		+	* "On average, it takes more than 2 months before a new behavior becomes automatic — 66 days to be exact. And how long it takes a new habit to form can vary widely depending on the behavior, the person, and the circumstances. In Lally's study<ref>Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674. Summarized in https://jamesclear.com/new-habit.</ref>, it took anywhere from 18 days to 254 days for people to form a new habit. In other words, if you want to set your expectations appropriately, the truth is that it will probably take you anywhere from two months to eight months to build a new behavior into your life — not 21 days. Interestingly, the researchers also found that “missing one opportunity to perform the behavior did not materially affect the habit formation process.” In other words, it doesn’t matter if you mess up every now and then. Building better habits is not an all-or-nothing process." <ref>https://nextbigideaclub.com/james-clear-science-habit-formation-different-weve-told/6203/</ref>

	== In Torah Sources ==		== In Torah Sources ==

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 == Metaphor ==
 Cultivating a flower - @HO
 == In Torah Sources ==

← Older revision		Revision as of 05:19, 3 December 2020
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		+	== Metaphor ==
		+	Cultivating a flower - @HO
		+
	== In Torah Sources ==		== In Torah Sources ==

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 === Beginning are hard ===
 * <span lang="he" dir="rtl">שמות פרק יט פסוק ה: ועתה אם שמוע תשמעו בקלי ושמרתם את בריתי והייתם לי סגלה מכל העמים כי לי כל הארץ.</span> <span lang="he" dir="rtl">וברש"י ד"ה ועתה: אם עתה תקבלו עליכם יערב לכם מכאן ואילך, ש'''כל התחלות קשות'''.</span><ref>הכשרת האברכים פ"ט: כמה שקשות מחשביות הסתכליות והפעולות אשר בהן, עיקר קשיותן הוא רק בתחילה טרם שנתרגל האיש בעבודתן לעבודן בהן, ואחר שמתרגל בה תקל מטע, כל ההתחלות קשות, כל המוח גידיו עצביו אף כל נימא שבהם, צריכים להתרגל בעבודה דקה זו ויקל לו.</ref> As #Haleivi76 explains, "90 days is a lot shorter than it sounds. As Chazal say "all beginnings are difficult". Just take it slow at the start. If you can make it past day 30, you are well, well on your way." See also [[withdrawal]].
 == From GYE Members ==

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 * Day #157 -  Thank you both for the chizzuk!  I am happy that my count makes is proof that there are others who can make serious change in their life. This was my life's goal to be able to conquer this challenge and B"H as the days go by and I build a stronger foundation to stay clean, I am able to have new goals and accomplish other sets off accomplishments.  Every day still requires constant vigilance and Hashem created us with certain tenancies to be able to give us schar (reward) and B"H I am staying strong but there is nothing magical about what I am doing. Hashem only gives us struggles we can handle and we have to do our best.  The single most impactful thing I changed in my life, was to.... have a POSITIVE ATTITUDE. This means 2 things: 1 - Is in general to stay positive and happy about your life. Realize that Hashem is in charge and try to ALWAYS make the best of your situation. 2 - This one is a it longer.... It is extremely important, specifically in shmiras habris, to stay positive about your success in performing the 613 mitzvos. I wan't to make sure I am clear what I mean and what I don't mean. [...] [https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/334915-This-is-going-to-be-the-time-I-get-to-90!?limit=15&start=60#338511 #Realestatemogul] (click to read the full post)
 * Day #163 - Thank you Hashem! It's hard to be clean, just saying. Sometimes I just want to give in. But B<nowiki>''</nowiki>h I am way more interested in being clean, functioning and living better, and being closer to Hashem.  [https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/334915-This-is-going-to-be-the-time-I-get-to-90!?limit=15&start=60#338604 #Realestatemogul]
 * #230 - It's been tough, BH. It's amazing how it is still just as much as a struggle after being clean for so long. The only thing that makes it easier is the solid foundation that helps and knowing that you are keeping something amazing going. [https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/334915-This-is-going-to-be-the-time-I-get-to-90!?limit=15&start=75#340211 #Realestatemogul] (see also his later post).
 <references />
 [[Category:Stages of Change]]

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:00, 25 November 2020
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	* #Day69 - Wow, I just reread all my posts. It is such a chizuk to be reminded of where I came from. How I was stuck and after over 10 years trying I still couldn't break free. B"h I am now more than 2/3 the way to my 90 day benchmark (the journey will still continue). After starting to read through cordnoy's thread it reminded me of some of the main tools for sobriety and from the 12 steps. Yes, it is now easier to be clean and fight my y"h then it was 69 days ago. However, it is still a challenge and I no longer have the chizuk of a fresh challenge. As I am clean for longer reality sinks in that it will just be a challenge day after day. While I am excited at the prospect it is still a daunting task. In this regard I feel like I have to remind myself what I said in my first post. That I don't have the power to control my lust and without Hashems help I am powerless. I have to surrender and make sure I don't risk my sobriety by taking chances on silly worthless sights or being in places that are more at risk for slipping. [https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/334915-This-is-going-to-be-the-time-I-get-to-90!?limit=15&start=45#336479 #Realestatemogul]		* #Day69 - Wow, I just reread all my posts. It is such a chizuk to be reminded of where I came from. How I was stuck and after over 10 years trying I still couldn't break free. B"h I am now more than 2/3 the way to my 90 day benchmark (the journey will still continue). After starting to read through cordnoy's thread it reminded me of some of the main tools for sobriety and from the 12 steps. Yes, it is now easier to be clean and fight my y"h then it was 69 days ago. However, it is still a challenge and I no longer have the chizuk of a fresh challenge. As I am clean for longer reality sinks in that it will just be a challenge day after day. While I am excited at the prospect it is still a daunting task. In this regard I feel like I have to remind myself what I said in my first post. That I don't have the power to control my lust and without Hashems help I am powerless. I have to surrender and make sure I don't risk my sobriety by taking chances on silly worthless sights or being in places that are more at risk for slipping. [https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/334915-This-is-going-to-be-the-time-I-get-to-90!?limit=15&start=45#336479 #Realestatemogul]
		+	* BH im 78 days on the road (though i pretty much stoped counting) it gets pretty easy to stay away from porn and masturbation, though i know its sometimes only an illusion and i must stay on guard, and so i pray each day for G-d to guide me through it and make my dose of hishtadlut. My old frienemy lust is still here but in a milder form of desire. I must admit, i still like to watch and look at girls. But who doesnt? What counts is what you do with it. [https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/321741-FIGHTING-progress!?limit=15&start=30#324090 @Ftndrug]

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 === 3-6 Months ===
 * It's been 8 1/2 months clean with only one slip, and I can genuinely say that the desire for that junk is fading. It took me a 90 day period of absolutely terrifying rides on the roller coaster [see Jack's 90 day time-line here], but once the rides came to a stop, the junk was gone. And as more and more time goes on, that junk gets further in the past, and fades. However, we must still be careful and we can't let our GUARD down, because the addiction is still there, like a spark in our subconscious that can be ignited anytime. So no smoking around an addict, because the fumes may ignite that dormant spark. "Once an addict, always an addict", (it's in the neuron-pathways; in our psyche). ONWARD!!! [https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/testimonials/item/the-90-day-chart?category_id=397 #Jack]
 * It's great that you feel like it's easier than it was when you started out. After my first time hitting 90 days, it didn't feel much easier to be honest. But after multiple longer periods of sobriety it definitely got easier for me. [https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/334915-This-is-going-to-be-the-time-I-get-to-90!?limit=15&start=45#336630 #Ihavestrength]
 ** First of all congrats on the job well done! It is no small feat to reach 88 days clean!  As far as advice for next stage: I would recommend setting another short term goal, 120 days is a good number. Also, I would recommend taking something you know helps you stay clean, but you don’t yet do regularly, and incorporating it into your daily routine, (or at least a few times a week on set days).  This will help you to keep growing in your personal development and recovery, especially as the novelty of the journey and challenge starts wearing off. Lastly, I would say that next 90 days are no less significant than the previous ones in every respect; in healing, in opportunity for growth, and yes, even possibly in difficulty.  I think people attribute too much magic to the 90 days at the expense of realizing that the time after is just as crucial to healing. To put it in perspective, I’d guess that more people fell after being clean for 90 days than those stayed cleaned indefinitely after reaching 90 days (anecdotal evidence lol).  [https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/334915-This-is-going-to-be-the-time-I-get-to-90!?limit=15&start=45#337125 #Ihavestrength]