Motivational Boosters

If you feel that you need an extra push to help you decide whether you are ready to quit, you might want to try some of the following ideas. These techniques may be helpful in the tipping the scale towards change.

The most fundamental tools are the Cost Benefit Analysis (CBA), and Exploring Values and Roles. This thread will discuss some lesser known techniques that can help you make a decision.

See also Step_One_Worksheet

Explore your roles

Think about what roles you have, e.g. father, yeshivah student etc. and make a list of your top 5 roles. Then think how your current behavior conflicts with fulfilling those roles properly.

Check your frequency

Getting accurate information about how often you watch porn can give you greater awareness about your behavior, and can challenge your assumptions about the intensity and frequency of your porn use . For the next week or so, keep a record of your porn usage on a physical or digital piece of paper. The table might have the following columns:

• Date and Time
• Duration
• Device
• Location
• Notes

See also tracking.

Getting more information

Usually focusing on the negatives of porn is counterproductive, because it keeps you focused on the problem rather than on the solution. But during the contemplation stage it can actually be extremely helpful. Learning about the effects of porn might change your perception of the pros and cons of porn, and can tilt your decisional balance towards change.

• A great resource is truthaboutporn.org/media. It includes over 20 eye opening video interviews with experts on the effects of pornography. The site also showcases a collection of research papers on the topic.
• If you want to dig deeper check out the book “The Porn Myth”, a non-religious response to pro-pornography arguments. A book exposing the reality behind the fantasy of pornography. The book draws on the experience of porn performers and users, and the expertise of neurologists, sociologists, and psychologists to demonstrate that pornography is destructive to individuals, relationships, and society. The Porn Myth is available at Amazon.com.
• You can also have a look at the sefer Zos Brisi for Torah reasons to maintain kedusha. When reading such materials, remember your goal right now isn’t to feel guilty about the past, but to reflect on what you truly want of the future. Facing the truth is uncomfortable, but during the that are considering a change (the contemplation stage) it can help you clarify the (pros and) cons of your behavior and help you decide what you really want. The Hebrew version of Zos Brisi is available for free, and the English version can be purchased on Amazon.
• Learn the Halachos
• Read The Battle of the Generation Ch. 1-10.
• http://wiki.guardyoureyes.com/Pornography_Use_Effects
• http://wiki.guardyoureyes.com/Understanding_Pornography

Leverage your emotions

Try imagining how your life will look like in the coming years if you don't change. Imagine tough situations, throughout your life where you'll suffer the consequences of watching porn. Be realistic about what might happen.

Imagine vividly how continued porn usage (for example) and it’s side effects will impact your relationship with your spouse, your children and your career. Imagine the lost opportunities of actualizing your most cherished dreams and life goals because porn has embezzled your time and focus.

Then once your're done, imagine how it might feel if you quit. Would you feel much happier? Would you feel more confident? Would you take on new goals? Would it have a positive impact on other areas of your life? Would your relationship improve?  

Often the reason we don't change is because we focus on the short term vs. the long term. The problems we'll have later in life due to watching porn seem too far away. This exercise can help us feel these consequences more vividly and arouse your emotions. One our emotions are aroused, we might feel ready to finally quit.

Record Your Thoughts

Another technique to arouse your emotions is do a quick video or voice recording each time you finish watching porn and talk passionately about how it made you feel.  At the end of the week, listen to the recordings, and check your decisional balance worksheet to see if there’s anything to add.

Discover Your Motives

Each time you watch porn, before you actually watch, think why you are doing it and record it somewhere. If you'd like you can make a table like this:

• Date and Time
• Location
• Why I want to do this? (e.g. I'm bored, stimulated, stressed etc.)
• Notes

After a little while, you'll be able to look back and see why you're doing what you're doing. By becoming more aware of your motives, it can help you get the clarity you need to make a decision. For example, you might notice, that very often you're watching because your stressed or tired, not because of pure lust. You then might come to the conclusion that if it's mostly due to stress, there are far better ways of dealing with then by continuing the current behavior.

Say Goodbye

Write a goodbye letter to your problem or old way of being. Put your heart into the letter. Explain the harm that porn has caused you and others and then how leaving it will improve your life. --Changeology

• Psychological Dependency - Another exercise from 101 Freedom Exercises crystallizes what a sex addict gets out of his addiction from a psychological aspect. Here’s the exercise: Write a thank you letter and a good-bye letter to your sex addiction. Weiss, Douglas. Sex Addiction: 6 Types and Treatment (p. 44). Discovery Press. Kindle Edition. (See there for details)
• Example from GYE member: Sample from a GYE member: I am making a rational and thought out decision to stop watching fantasizing, watching p***, and m******.Even though I will not be able to use this as an escape or for excitement, or to relieve my sexual desires when I desperately feel the need to [fill in the rest of the benefits].The reason I want to stop is because these benefits are not worth the downsides of this habit which are, the serious aveirah that I'm oiver each time I act out and the feelings of hypocrisy and lack of self discipline that I feel [fill in the rest of the reasons to stop] due to this behavior. Therefore I choose to commit myself to the plan in order to help me control myself.]

Credit

Many of these ideas are based on the books Changing for Good, and Addiction and Change.

Notes

These techniques cover the "change-processes" - Self-reevaluation, Emotional Arousal, Environmental reevaluation, and Decisional balance which are important during the Contemplation stage.