Self Observation

See Setbacks, journaling.

GYE has a 90 Day Chart for tracking successes and setbacks. There is also a personalized printable chart available. It is also a standard feature in Addiction Recovery applications (BrainBuddy, Fortify, Candeo, Hands-Off and dozens of other apps). Tracking can also be done with any habit tracking app, or even with a paper calendar. See below for additional ideas.

It is important to track both successes and failures.

Notes: Tracking is only intended to be used a part of a set of additional strategies.

Alternatives

• Don't track. See Life Skills: Present Focus for an alternative approach. (Can be useful especially for younger teens, and for people with a low level of struggle. As the benefits of Hesech Hadaas may outweigh the benefits of Tracking). For addicts, see also Don't Count Days below from Dov.
• Mark only successes. "Now you know how the Game works. Wait? How do I IMPROVE MY GAME?  Like every Pro-Athlete does– by Viewing Tape!! Everyone needs to have a “Personal Performance Playbook”
  • See also below from Windows of the Soul: "Place a “check” for times you were successful in controlling your eyes; place a “minus sign” when you did not exercise control."
• (PPP), a page to chart progress and mark daily success and track struggles toward achievement of goals. This could be a hand-made chart like a month to month grid, but without showing actual calendar days (this is important! Because you want to establish a track record) and so we do NOT mark down failures. Of course they will occur – Don’t mark it down, MOVE ON! Check the box if you carried through on some of your goals and circle the check too inside the box if it was a success through a noteworthy challenge or struggle.  This is how you identify your patterns so you can strategize.  Remember: if you can’t measure it, you can’t manage it!" From Play the Yetzer Hara’s game and Win!
• SMART Recovery doesn't put a big focus on tracking, it only mentions using some monitoring vs. an Urge Logging tool to learn about antecedents for setbacks and successes. It also mentions Journaling.

Formats

• ABC (antecedent, behavior, consequence) is the most basic format.
• Date, Situation (include thoughts and feelings), Intensity of Cravings (1-100), Coping Behaviors Used.
• Date, Time, Intensity, How Long, What Triggered the Urge, How did I manage It.
• Trigger (what sets me up to use?), Thoughts and Feelings (What was I thinking, What was I feeling), Behavior (What did I do then?), Positive Consequences, Negative Consequences.
  • Day/Time, Situation, Thoughts/feelings, Substance use?, What and how much?, Positive consequences, Negative Consequences
• Date, Day, Time, Drink Type, Amount, Std. Drinks, Where, With Whome
• Antecedent, Behavior, Short Term Consequences, Long Term Consequences (Changeology)
• Date/Time & Triggering Situation, Thoughts, Feelings, Craving Rating (0-10).
• Intensity of craving only per day.
• Lots of calendars - https://www.nova.edu/gsc/forms/timeline-followback-forms.html.
• Number of Urges to View Pornography, Number of Sessions of Actual Viewing of Pornography, Number of Hours of Actual Viewing of Pornography, Number of Instances of Masturbations.
  • Once a week:
    • How believable are your thoughts and urges to view pornography? (0 = Not At All, 100 = Very Believable)
    • How often do you fight against your thoughts? (0 = Not At All, 100 = All the Time)
    • How distressing are they? (0 = Not At All, 100 = Very Distressing)
    • How similar is having a thought to acting on it? (0 = Not At All, 100 = Very Similar)
    • How much does thinking the thought affect whether you will engage in the behavior? (0 = Not At All, 100 = Very Likely)
• Minarcik, J. (2016):
  • To what extent do I perceive my pornography problem is under control? (1-10 Not at all / Moderately/ Completely)
  • What is my desire to use pornography today? (1-10 Not at all Average Extremely high)
  • To what extent do I perceive myself as being able to abstain from using pornography? (1-10 Not at all / Moderately/ Completely)
  • Did I use pornography today?
  • How much time (hours and minutes) did I spend using pornography?
  • How problematic was my pornography use today? (1-10 Not at all Moderately Extremely)
  • What was happening just before I used pornography?
  • What was my overall mood today? (1-10 - Very bad Moderate Very good)
  • What notable events happened today?

Journal Formats

• Fortify Battle Tracker:
  • For each day: Mark how many victories/setbacks you had each day, Device, Location, Time, Mood;
  • For each week: Longest Streak, Current Streak, How many victories this month?, how many setbacks this month?, did you reach your weekly goal?, what device was most commonly used during setbacks?, where do most of your setbacks take place?, what time of the day is the hardest?, what mood were you in previous to most setbacks?, what is your goal for next week?, what will help you accomplish your goal next week?
  • For each month: Same questions, plus number of days this month. Plus victory rate (divide the number of days by the number of victories to determine your victory rate). [I assume you'd count a max of one victory per day]. Notes.
• Fortify Book:
  • Has a complex way to track urges for reach day, and mark if they have led to a setback. Has a space where you can calculate the victory rate at the end of each month.

Research

• Timing of Self-Monitoring: When to Record, "Prebehavior monitoring may result in more change than postbehavior monitoring." Cormier, S., Nurius, P. S., & Osborn, C. J. (2009). Interviewing and change strategies for helpers: Fundamental skills and cognitive-behavioral interventions (6th ed.). Brooks/Cole. p. 529.
• Ongoing assessment of progress is absolutely essential in the development of any skill (Ericsson, Krampe, & Tesch-Romer, 1993) and ongoing assessment is a central feature of successful plans for change (Kazdin, 1993).
  • See many more sources, explanations and examples in Watson David L., T. R. G. (2013). Self-Directed Behavior: Self-Modification for Personal Adjustment - David L. Watson, Roland G. Tharp, Cengage Learning, Ch. 3 - Self-Knowledge: Observation and Recording. ("This chapter presents a set of techniques for gaining knowledge about your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings, and about their relationships to specific situations. In order to select and design the best possible plan for change, you need careful records of your behavior and the specific situations in which it occurs.")
  • Feedback. Any effective plan must incorporate a system for gathering information about your progress. If you are learning to serve a tennis ball, you don’t hit the ball and then close your eyes. You follow the path of the ball, noting its speed, twist, and whether it lands in the proper court or not. Your standard for success is ball in the court. If your feedback tells you that it is out, you can perform some operation to correct your behavior. Without feedback, you aren’t likely to improve—and if you did, you wouldn’t know it. All goal-oriented behavior is governed by this cybernetic principle. Without some information about your performance (feedback), you cannot correct yourself, whether your goal is to be a better student, a better lover, or a better tennis player. For this reason, your plan must include a system for collecting data. Of course you are already doing that for baseline purposes, as outlined in Chapter 3. But you must continue to self-record for the duration of your plan, so that self-correction can occur. Watson David L., T. R. G. (2013).
• For developing positive habits. Gardner, B., Lally, P., & Wardle, J. (2012). Making health habitual: The psychology of “habit-formation” and general practice. In British Journal of General Practice (Vol. 62, Issue 605, pp. 664–666). Royal College of General Practitioners. https://doi.org/10.3399/bjgp12X659466. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3505409/
• Track date, day, time, drink type, amount, Std. Drinks, Where, With Who. Hester & Miller (2003), Handbook of Alcoholism Treatment Approaches, page 155. (in context of BSCT - Behavioral self-control training).
• Self-observation is a critical part of self-regulation, as are the personal judgments made about these observations. In fact, self-monitoring has become a standard part of almost every treatment program. Initially, self-monitoring was considered simply a means of getting an accurate baseline recording of the behavior. However, self-monitoring quickly became recognized as an intervention itself, often reducing the target behavior before any additional intervention was implemented (Craighead et al., 1995; Korotitsch & Nelson-Gray, 1999). Becoming mindful of the frequency, situational specificity, and amount or intensity of the behavior provides the individual with information that may challenge his or her current assumptions about the behavior and the level of control he or she has over it. As Bandura described, individuals then use this information in a complex process involving multiple judgments and comparing the current behavior to internal and external norms. Ultimately, this process leads to self-evaluations and self-reactions that promote decision making, whether the decision is to change or not to change. DiClemente, Carlo C.. Addiction and Change, Second Edition: How Addictions Develop and Addicted People Recover (Guilford Substance Abuse) (p. 174). Guilford Publications. Kindle Edition.
• Glasner-Edwards, Suzette. The Addiction Recovery Skills Workbook: Changing Addictive Behaviors Using CBT, Mindfulness, and Motivational Interviewing Techniques (New Harbinger Self-help Workbooks) (pp. 105-108). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.
• We discussed how important it is to be vigilant in monitoring yourself throughout the day so that you are aware of when you are about to step into some habit. Research continues to show—time and time again—that for a wide range of behaviors, monitoring on paper or electronically helps people be more successful in making changes. Learning doesn’t just happen in group. It requires applying these fledgling skills in real situations that occur in your day-to-day life. Spending a few moments reflecting on what worked, what didn’t, why not, and what you might do differently next time will help cement your learning so that you can build on it next time. Below are examples of what your monitoring might look like. Heading of Handout A/M 4.2 Stopping Habits Monitoring. Velasquez, Mary M. Group Treatment for Substance Abuse, Second Edition (Page 203). The Guilford Press. Kindle Edition.
• Monitoring yourself for a week or more not only gives you a baseline to assess your progress once you take action, it can also make you more aware of exactly what needs changing. Prochaska, J. O., Norcross, J. C., & DiClemente, C. C. (1994). Changing for good. W. Morrow.
• / Here’s how to sleuth out your triggers and consequences. On a daily basis, track four features of the behavior that you’d like to change:  1. Time of day 2. Triggers: both the situation (where you were, what you were doing, who you were with) and your feelings (sad, happy, stressed, relaxed, bored, lonely, etc.) 3. Behavior: the magnitude or amount of the problem behavior (the number of drinks, the amount of money, the number of arguments)  4. Consequences: the short-term results of the problem behavior as well as the longer-term impact on your feelings and others’ reactions / worksheet here. He suggests doing this intensive type of tracking for 5 days. / Write the consequences of your research: Times of day that are problematic: Situations that trigger the problem / My feelings that trigger the problem /  Immediate rewards that maintain the problem / Delayed consequences of the problem that I typically forget. Norcross, John C.. Changeology: 5 Steps to Realizing Your Goals and Resolutions (p. 88-89). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
• Self-Monitoring procedures provide the best method of identifying potential High Risk Situations for cases in which access to the ongoing behavior is possible. Self-monitoring is a relatively simple technique in which the client is asked to keep a continuous (usually daily) record of the target behavior along with a brief description of such additional factors as time of occurrence, situational contexts or other antecedent factors, and the consequences (e.g. mood change) following the behavior itself. Detailed descriptions of self-monitoring as a general behavioral assessment strategy can be found in a number of sources (cf. McFall, 1977)... I usually ask the client to begin keeping self-monitoring records immediately after the first interview or intake session. To enhance interest in this procedure and to motivate the client to keep accurate and comprehensive records, I enlist the client’s cooperation by defining his or her role as that of a colleague or co-therapist - someone who is adopting a “scientific” (detached, objective) attitude toward observing his or her behavior. Many clients react very positively to this approach, since it allows them to discuss their problem with a sense of empirical detachment and peer rapport (as if client and therapist were two radiologists going over a patient’s x-rays), instead of reacting in a guilty and defensive manner. Marlatt & Gordon (1985) Relapse Prevention p. 98.
  • Self-monitoring and other forms of behavioral assessment often will facilitate this sense of disidentification and detachment as clients begin to see the addiction as a habitual behavior instead of equating it directly with their self-image ("I can monitor and see changes in my drinking behavior," vs. “my drinking proves that I am an alcoholic"). The decrease in guilt and self-is more objective approach is less likely to trigger defensive mechanisms such as denial and resistance to treatment. Increasingly, as a result, the client begins to accept greater responsibility for the behavior and the habit-change endeavor. Marlatt & Gordon p. 225.
• Research in many disciplines— psychology, business, health care, and more— indicates that tracking yourself increases the probability of success. Before they could begin to actively change their behavior, they needed to establish their current, or baseline, behavior. They began to track the behavior that they wanted to change and that would evolve over the course of time and effort. Tracking the progress of your goal works for at least three reasons. / First, it keeps your attention on the goal, your eye on the ball. Recording a behavior each day makes it almost impossible to “forget.” Second, it provides useful feedback, alerting you when you veer off course and telling you to adjust. There it is in black and white: you have plateaued or fallen behind your pace. Third, tracking your progress is highly rewarding. [...] As you continue to track your progress, be prepared for spontaneous improvement in your behavior, even though you have not yet moved into the later steps. This phenomenon is known as reactivity: measuring something usually improves it. Increasing your awareness of the goal frequently leads to gains in the monitored behavior. Sweet! That’s another or fourth way that tracking progress increases your chances of success. Norcross, J. C., Loberg, K., & Norcross, J. (2012). Changeology : 5 steps to realizing your goals and resolutions. Simon & Schuster. P. 58
  • Tracking your progress is especially valuable if you’re unaware of how often you engage in your behavior. Norcross, J. C., Loberg, K., & Norcross, J. (2012). Changeology : 5 steps to realizing your goals and resolutions. Simon & Schuster. P. 59.
  • How to track (various ideas). Norcross, J. C., Loberg, K., & Norcross, J. (2012). Changeology : 5 steps to realizing your goals and resolutions. Simon & Schuster. P. 60-61.
• Consider a day counter. Wilson, Gary. Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction (Kindle Locations 2439-2452). Commonwealth Publishing. Kindle Edition.
• Worksheet: http://www.nova.edu/gsc/forms/timeline-followback-forms.html
• Worksheet: Marlatt & Gordon (1985) Relapse Prevention p. 99.
• Tool: Fortify, Battle Tracker.
• Tool: Urge Log. SMART Handbook p. 29. Tracking urges is listed as #1 on a list of tips in a SMART Recovery article.
• Reference: Table 8.1 Sample monitoring form for use in cognitive behavioral therapy for substance use disorders. Adapted from Caroll (1998), Marlatt (1985) and Monti et al. (2002). Columns: Day/Time | Situation | Thoughts/feelings | Substance use? What and how much? | Positive consequences | Negative Consequences. Evidence-Based Addiction Treatment (Kindle Locations 3812-3813). Elsevier Science. Kindle Edition.
• Worksheet: Glasner-Edwards, Suzette. The Addiction Recovery Skills Workbook: Changing Addictive Behaviors Using CBT, Mindfulness, and Motivational Interviewing Techniques (New Harbinger Self-help Workbooks) (pp. 105-108). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition. Available at http://www.newharbinger.com/32783
• Reference: Fortify’s Battle Tracker (print version). See Fight the New Drug. Fortify: The Fighter's Guide to Overcoming Pornography Addiction (Kindle Locations 3187-3207). Familius. Kindle Edition
• Reference. Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction, Loc 2488
• In the CBT study they mention "Daily tracking sheets. Participants were asked to complete daily tracking sheets to monitor and report actual pornography use, which was used as one of the study’s primary outcome measures. This sheet assessed the participant’s frequency and daily time spent viewing pornography, how problematic they felt their use was that day, in addition to their mood, perceived control over their use, their desire to use, and any notable events that occurred that day. A similar self-report daily tracking sheet was developed by Twohig and Crosby (2011) and utilized by Bridges et al (2014)." Proposed Treatment of Problematic Pornography Use: A Cognitive-Behavioral Approach Minarcik (2016)
• Reference: Urge Tracker at NIH.gov.
• HOW TO KEEP YOUR HABITS ON TRACK Clear, James. Atomic Habits (p. 196). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Explains why we put it at the end even though it's so important. Explains the benefits)

Benjamin Franklin's Virtues Chart (recommended in Sefer Cheshbon Hanefesh). "He worked on one set of behaviors at a time, writing an X each time he didn’t meet his personal goals. (Note: this was a mistake: he hadn’t read our section on positive and negative recording. He should have checked off when he met his goals, not when he didn’t.)"

Torah Sources

See also sources in Journaling.

• שבת דף יב עמוד ב: אמר רבי ישמעאל בן אלישע: אני אקרא ולא אטה. פעם אחת קרא ובקש להטות. אמר: כמה גדולים דברי חכמים, שהיו אומרים לא יקרא לאור הנר! רבי נתן אומר: קרא והטה וכתב על פנקסו: אני ישמעאל בן אלישע קריתי והטיתי נר בשבת, לכשיבנה בית המקדש אביא חטאת שמנה.
  • בספר תנועת המוסר (ח"ד ע' 77-79) מסופר על מרן בעל ה"חפץ חיים" שהיה מנהל פנקס שכזה, והיה תמה: מדוע העולם אינו נוהג כך? הלא אפילו חנווני במכולת מנהל פנקס חשבונות, ועבודת ה' אינה ראויה לניהול פנקס? החפץ חיים הביא ראיה שהתנאים הקדושים היו מנהלים פנקס שכזה, מהגמרא במסכת שבת אשר מספרת על רבי ישמאעל שקרא לאור הנר בשבת, ושכח מרוב עיוני והטה את הנר (כך לפי דעה אחת שם), דבר אשר גורם להבערה. הגמרא אומרת שרבי ישמאל כתב על פנקסו: אני ישמעאל קראתי והטיתי נר שבת. לכשיבנה בית המקדש אביא חטאת שמנה. מכאן דייק החפץ שרבי ישמאעל ניהל פנקס בו היה רושם את מעשיו!
• ספר חסידים (מרגליות) סימן כא: חסידים הראשונים היו כותבים באגרת עונותיהם כשהיו חוטאים כדי להתודאות על חטאתם וכדי שיזכור ויתחרט ויעשה תשובה מפני שזוכר עונותיו שהוא עתיד ליתן דין וחשבון עליהם ויעשה תשובה ולפיכך טוב לכותבם לקיים מה שנאמר (תהלים נ"א ה') וחטאתי נגדי תמיד. וזוכר יום המיתה וגיהנם ויום הדין ולבסוף אהבת שמים כי היא מובחרת. אך ברמז יכתבם שלא ימצאם שום אדם. ומה שאמרו חציף מאן דמפרש חטאי' זהו שמגיד לכל אשר חטא אבל מותר להגיד לאדם צדיק וצנוע אחד מעונותיו כדי שיורה לו האיך יעשה תשובה. או ישאל לו סתם אדם שעשה עון זה ובא לשוב האיך יעשה תשובה.
• מסופר על הרה"ק רבי ר' אלימלך ואחיו הרה"ק רבי ר' זושא זת"ע שהיה להם אח צדיק נסתר קדוש ופרוש שהיה לו בית מרזח ותלמידי הרבי ר' אלימלך הבינו דאינו סתם אדם פשוט הוא כיון דראהו ביום כל דקה שיש לו פנאי רושם בפנקסו בתחילה חשבו שרושם את הלקוחות ופעם לנו אצלו בלילה ומצאוהו באמצע הלילה בוכה ואחרי שהפצירו בו רבות שיגלה להם סיבת בכיו הסביר להם דביום רושם בל מעשה חטא שעושה ובלילה בוכה עליהם ושב בתשובה שלימה וכל הרשימות נמחקות לפתע וזהו מחוק ברחמיך. אוצר המאמרים תשס"א להר"א ווייס.
  • אני שמעתי שהיה שומר וכל פעם שעברה אישה היה רושם בפנקסו. ואח"כ בלילה בכה עד שהדמעות מחקו את הרשימות בפנקס. @Editor
• דהנה מדרך הצדיקים מארי דחושבנא לכתוב בכתב כל מה שפגמו ח"ו וקבעין להם יום א' בשבוע או עכ"פ יום א' בחודש להתבודד במקום מיוחד שלא יראוהו בנ"א לעשות חשבון הנפש לחשבוב ולמבדק בכל מעשיו ועניניו שבינו לבין קונו ית"ש ועל מה בא לעוה"ז, וישים אל לבו באיזה מעמד הוא עומד, ומה שעליו לתקן... ואפשר לומר שע"ז רומז המקרא קודש שלפנינו... ויבא הביתה לעשות מלאכתו כפי' התרגום למבדק "בכתבי חושבני'" פי' יום המיוחד הקבוע לו למבדק בכתב ידו על חשבון הנפש וחשב עם קונהו ית"ש... (בית אשר, גרינצויג, ח"א וישב עמ' סג)
• אחר כך קמו הדורות המאוחרות מהן הרבה שלא הספיקו להם התקנות הראשונות עוד והמציאו ענין 'חשבון הנפש' והיא תחבולה יקרה לאדם שכבר נכשל בדבר אחד שיחוקק חטאתו נגדו תמיד לעגמת נפש שעל ידי כן ינצל מלהכשל בהם שנית עוד. והנה לאותן בעלי המצאה ההיא, היה מספיק עדיין חשבון מחשבי של ראשי דברים, והיו שוהין שעה אחת שהיתה פנויה להם לחשבון ההוא בכל יום. בדורות שאחריהן הוצרכו לרושמם בספרים ומדור לדור התחילו לפרט חטאיהם בכתב יותר ויותר, עד שלא נשאר להם פנאי לעבודה העיקרית, מפני המלאכה הטפלה הזאת שאינה אלא דרך לעבודה. (חשבון הנפש, לפין, עמ' כז)
  • See Yated, מוסף שבת קודש תשנ"ז 51 שופטים p. 15-16 with some troubling info about the author. The book בואו חשבון defends him, but in page 11 writes the idea for this chart comes from a book by Benjamin Franklin. See here for more. See also here.
  • The edition by Mosad Harav Kuk (page 5 and on) defends the author, mentions that the chart concept was also mentioned by דברי יהושע by R' Yehoshua Heller (talmid of R' Yisroel Salanter) maamor 1 end of ch. 1, and in ch. 8. And also in maamor 2 ch. 5, as well as Chosen Yeshoshua Maamor 2 Ch. 8.
  • An English translation of the book is available at Feldheim and on Amazon.
• See קונטרס חשבון הנפש בכתיבה where he gives examples for a journal.

Cheshbon Hanefesh Chart

• 

  The chart as it appears in Cheshbon Hanefesh p. 80. In Siman 24-27 he explains how to use it.
  In Ch. 24 of "Cheshbon Hanefesh" (with Haskama of R' Yisroel Salanter) he has an example of a weekly and quarterly charts for various character traits. He suggest writing a 'dot' for each instance of problematic behavior, right after the behavior occurs. In Ch. 26, he suggest reviewing the daily chart on Motzoei Shabbos and updating the weekly chart. He also suggest a yearly review, so that you can see your progress.
  • See below (in the Torah Sources section) from בואו חשבון that this chart concept was invented by Benjamin Franklin.
    

    Shmiras Einayim chart in Windows of the Soul p. 81.
    In Windows of the Soul (Day 12 - p. 81), he has a chart like this for Shmiras Einayim: "Setting aside time daily for “spiritual accounting,” is one of the most effective ways to review your behavior. In just a few minutes each day, you create a sense of accountability and heighten your awareness. Your “account” is strictly your own business. It is personal and should be kept private so you can accurately record questionable behavior without feeling embarrassed by other readers. First, review the basic principles of Shmirat Einayim. Next, review your day to see your strong points and weak points. This is a highly effective way to strengthen your best traits and behavior and uproot aveirot. For some people, a mental checklist at the end of each day works well. Many people benefit even more by keeping a small chart handy. In this way, you can view your progress over time. On the next page is a sample chart for your spiritual log. Of course, you can create your own chart to reflect your own goals. Place a “check” for times you were successful in controlling your eyes; place a “minus sign” when you did not exercise control."
  • See more on the topic in Journaling.

Confidentiality

• Sefer Chassidim (see below) writes that the journal should be written with hints, so that no one else should understand it. By tracking multiple things (e.g. 10 rows including other goals, no one will know what P. & M. mean. There are also many other ways to do it, for example a diagonal line (/) can be added in any calendar for Masturbation and an X can be added for Porn. Additional /'s or x's can be added if there was more than one instance. @Editor.

Streaks

• שבט מישראל ח"א (פרידמן): ... וי"ל בהקדמת דברי הרה"ק מרודין זי"ע (הובא בספר תפארת ישראל להר"ש טלינגטור) שנשאל פעם על ידי הגה"ח דוד מבארדיטשוב זצ"ל בעל תהלה לדוד איך האדם יכול לחזק עצמו בעת הנסיון דהלא מקודם הנסיון האדם יודע בעצמו מה מוטל עליו לעשות ואיך הוא צריך לנהוג אבל בעת הנסיון האדם נופל פתאום ממדריגותיו ומוחו נעשה מעורבב ומבולבל וכלשון הגמרא נדרים לב בשעת יצר הרע לית דמדכר ליה ליצר טוב ואיך במצב כזה שייך לאדם להתגבר על יצרו? ואמר לו הרה"ק מרודין שטוב הדבר שבא לשאול והשיב לו שפעם אחת קיטרג הס"מ על הבעל שם טוב זי"ע שרוצה לנסותו בדבר גדול וקשה לראות היעמוד בנסיון אם לאו והודיעו משמים להבעל שם טוב שיכין עצמו לנסיון שיהיה מאוד קשה עליו מאחר שבעת הנסיון יקחו ממנו את המוחין ולכן צריך להכין עצמו לזה ואכן פעם אחת נלקחו ממנו כל המוחין, והיצר הרע בא אליו והתחיל לפתות אותו והבעל שם טוב הרגיש בעצמו שאין בו כח להתגבר על הנסיון ועומד הוא להיכשל ח"ו ואמר הרה"ק מרוזין הבעש"ט הזכיר לעצמו שהוא היה הבעל שם טוב וחשב לעצמו הדי עד עתה הייתי הבעל שם טוב ועכשיו אעשה כך? והוציא אנחה מפיו ובאנחה זו עזר לו השי"ת והחזירו לו כל המוחין וניצל. והיינו כאשר אין לאדם הכח והעוז לגרש היצר הרע מקרבו וכל עבודתו לא עזרה לו ביום זעם האדם צריך לחשוב לעצמו בעת נסיון האם כדאי בשביל כמה דקות של הנאה לזרוק ולאבד בידים כל מה שעמל על עצמו עד עכשיו וכל מדריגותיו וכל מה שהשיג בחייו עד אז יאבד בשביל עבירה אחת?! וכזה יש להסביר איך זכה אברהם אבינו לעמוד בנסיון העקידה גם אחר שנלקחו ממנו כל המדריגות דאיתא ברש"י בשם גט' סנהדרין פט עה"פ בראשית כב ב קח נא את בנך את יחידך וכתב רש"י קח נא' אין נא' אלא לשון בקשה אמר לו בבקשה ממך עמוד לי בזו הנסיון שלא יאמרו הראשונות לא היה בהן ממש והיינו כנ"ל שאברהם אבינו כבר נתנסה בתשעה נסיונות גדולים וקשים ואמר לו הקב"ה עצה איך להתגבר על הנסיון האחרון שתזכור שאם אין עומד בנסיון זה יאמרו שכל מה שהתגברת ועשית עד עכשיו לא היה בהן ממש' וזה היה לו לחיזוק איך לעמוד בנסיון גם בעת שנלקחו ממנו כל המדריגות וע"ע באורח לחיים לפר' כי תשא ד"ה ויהי ממחרת

From GYE Members

• i made a commitment to update my chart every day. it takes a few minutes. don't have much patients many times. that helps a lot to keep my motivations high. going to reach 50 days tomorrow. @Anonymous.
• You probably can find a post or two of mine years ago where I (probably after fallin' after a 180-day streak or somethin' like that) was advocatin' that the accumulative days are are even more important than the current streak, and I still maintain that position, but meanwhile gye doesn't agree (or it's on the queue to fix somewhere after the let'letters that mysteriously appear in my posts), and for us to actually type our past days out demonstrates a lack of humility and that hinders recovery. @Cordnoy
  • Once again, if there is merit in countin', it is my (not so humble) opinion that there should be two counts recorded: one an indicator of a streak (for that builds momentum, even though at times it can beI misleadin', for there's white-knucklin' involved and finger-bitin' etc. and no real concrete change), and another number demonstratin' the amount of days/years one has been tryin' to kick thisI habit, addiction, yetzer hara, escapism, whatever the hell you'd like to call it. @Cordnoy
• For many people it is demoralizing to view themselves at 0 after so much hard work. Even more important, it is simply not true. If someone falls once after lets say 100 days, why does he "go back to start"? He did not binge for a few days nor did he hide behind a veil of dishonesty. He immediately posted, cleaned himself up, and continued "climbing the mountain". To accommodate GYE rules, the official counter is at 0, but for his own understanding as to where he is really at, he is nowhere near 0. Keeping both numbers seems to be a great idea. The GYE number to publicly be honest, and the continuing number as a momentum to build on. Any comments? @HashemHelpMe
• I feel OK BH. I think this is largely due to the fact that I didn't have an all or nothing approach going in and was more committed to keeping track of how I'm doing vs. reaching x amount of days (I guess I got that approach from reaching 90 and beyond many times and not finding that my urges disappeared  ). @Ihavestrength
• I have't done 90 yet (at least since i joined the program) but even if logically you may be correct that it may not necessarily work. It's kedai to point out that many have posted here after going hundreds of days there is no magic in 90-although obviously the longer we abstain the weaker the urge/need becomes and there probably is something to the 90 day term-but at the end of the day even if there may noy be a "addiction" and neurological pathways have changed that still wont cancel the habits we have had over many years plus the physical pleasure we receive plus good old יצר הרע which are all working together to make us fall again, so i think overall definitely sticking to the chart adds a HUGE incentive to stay clean/not to have to start over, and as a reminder about how far we've come.Keep up the battle either way! @דרך ישר
• For post 90 days: Using the one day at a time approach along with upcoming goals, be they Chanuka, 100 days, Rosh Chodesh etc was very helpful for me. @HashemHelpMe
• This is a bit of a dangerous one. This is a pretty good deterrent since you don't want to have to restart your count. But some people find that this becomes their focus, and also if you fall than if it means too much to you then it can become very hard to get up afterwards. I think that the key is to just use it as chizzuk that you managed to make it so far and if you fall ch"v then remember that the streak is still with you forever. Another danger is that it can cause you to feel very confident and get lulled into a false sense of security, to this we have to remember to always be on guard even after 1,000 days clean, imho this is what chaza"l mean by "ain apitropus l'arayos" (there is no guardian in areas of immorality).That no matter how good we are the danger is still there. @Inastruggle

Benefits

• Download the printable 90 day chart and cross off days. Either on your phone using a pdf editing app (my personal choice) or on a paper. It gives me a sense of time that I find helpful. @Ihavestrength
• Great points made by @hhm and @DY I would just like to add a point. Even if you are not using it as a motivation, it's good to keep track just to see how your recovery is going. I personally do nt update every day so as not to get obsessed, but I feel it's important to keep track to see if there are patters. Bezrat hashem the only pattern you should have is staying clean. @hakolhevel

Criticism

Downsides of focusing on 90

• At first the 90 day chart and counting consecutive days was inspiring. Not anymore. For me it just makes falling feel like failing. What I need is the opposite, I am finished with that feeling of failure. For me falling isn't failing. My goal isn't not falling anymore. my goal is to be better then I was yesterday and tomorrow, to be better then today. The 90 day chart is just an ego booster or buster for me. Don't get me wrong, I use the chart as a powerful tool but for me I need to put it into context with my general growth as I progress through my journey.

Don't Count Days (for Addicts)

By @Dov

If I Look Down, I'll Fall and Die

Counting the days we are clean can be wonderful for some, but I hope you realize that it can also be - deep within our hearts - a counting of how long we can actually tolerate the (inevitable) buildup until the next time we act out. I believe this is very frequent. It is exactly like climbing up a ladder. I am afraid of heights. If I look back down as I am climbing, once I get to an impossibly high height, my hands and feet begin to shake. I know that I would fall.... so I never climb that high! How high do you want to climb in sobriety? If you are looking back, you will not get very high. We all know that being sober 5 years in a row is just plain impossible... for each of us, the last barrier is the "impossible height". Sure it's BS, but our feelings do not care about sechel very much. It's our Reality, so why pit ourselves against so powerful an adversary?

Instead, my experience in sobriety is like that of a guy walking across an abyss on a 2x8. Now, I have no trouble at all balancing on a 2x8 if I see it's on the floor! But if I see that it is suspended between two high buildings I will certainly panic, lose my balance, fall, and die. Looking down is just plain ossur. So I don't. And I do not count.

For about three years, I didn't mention my starting date in the groups. I'd just introduce myself and say , "...and I am grateful for today's sobriety"... till my sponsor suggested I start saying my starting date (Feb 28th, 1997) in order to encourage newbies that it really is possible.

It is more consistent with the AA view to congratulate patients for staying sober today than to get involved in counting sober days too much. The goal in AA is to stay sober today and not worry too much about yesterday or tomorrow. Accordingly, it is appropriate to congratulate patients on staying sober for a certain number of days, so long as you do not lose sight of the fact that a slip can happen at any time and what is most important is what patients are doing today about their drinking. TWELVE STEP FACILITATION THERAPY MANUAL

In Maintaining Kedusha

By Rabbi Avi Landau:

Making a chart is almost always a good first tangible step to take. It is easy to do, which allows the person struggling to feel like they can do this; they can get started with this work. It also provides information for the person creating it, as well as for the person helping. However, it is a mistake to think that that is all it does. Most of the time the bad or unhealthy decisions we make repeatedly, are made thoughtlessly. We almost “shut off” our brains and simply go through the motions of, enjoying the piece of cake or piece of loshon hara etc. We usually don’t “wake up” until the behavior is done. Perhaps this is part of what Chazal refer to when describing a person doing an aveira as having a ruach shtus come over him. Charting helps in this area. Recording on a piece of paper or any other recording device, each time the unwanted behavior was performed, with the date and time, and any possible trigger, can start to raise consciousness. It forces the person daily or perhaps multiple times a day, to stay cognizant of this behavior. It becomes harder and less likely that they will smoothly and automatically go into that thoughtless mindset. The recording also allows for patterns to be seen and for a more accurate picture of the current frequency. Additionally, simply knowing that when I do this, I will have to write it down, acts as its own deterrent. I have had situations where someone wanted to stop doing something and simply charting it for a few weeks, allowed him to stop the behavior. Charting also allows for small and large successes to be recorded.

No matter what the area you are working on, it will be hard. Recognizing even small successes and celebrating them is crucial. Whether you are working on something with someone else helping you, or by yourself, you can look at your chart and notice improvement. Perhaps it is an increase of time in delaying, or a decrease in frequency altogether, either way recognize it and see yourself growing. Hashem wants us to try our best; simply staying focused and putting effort in, makes Him so proud! Always keep in mind that every time an urge is resisted it is a success.

[...] As mentioned, charting helps on multiple levels (see this concept in the general discussion on self-control). Details in the chart could include, the date and time, location, possible trigger, and intensity of the urge (e.g. 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest). However, every case is different and over time certain details will appear to be more applicable to track than others.

[...] Here we would like to once again emphasize that charting can be counterproductive if the bochur is still in the midst of struggling with strong feelings of shame (I am a bad person). As mentioned above, a necessary previous step is to normalize the struggle, and highly encourage/compliment the bochur for even approaching the topic altogether. If the bochur feels like he is normal, that this isn’t really different from working on any other aveira, e.g. loshon hara, and that he is making Hashem and everyone around him proud for every little step he takes, whether he succeeds or temporarily stumbles, then charting can be beneficial. In fact, it allows for a more tangible celebration of such small successes which can be highly motivating.