Difference between revisions of "Distraction"

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===Distraction - by doing something else===
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== References ==
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* Metcalfe, J., & Mischel, W. (1999). A hot/cool-system analysis of delay of gratification: Dynamics of willpower. Psychological Review, 106(1), 3–19. <nowiki>https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.106.1.3</nowiki> (has very good resources)
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* Do something else. Find some activity that you can do immediately that will take your mind off drinking. Distracting activities can be pleasurable (shc as shooting hoops or watching a video) or involve a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction (such as getting the bills paid or the shopping done). When urges are particularly strong or persistent, it helps to involve a sober person as a support in the activity, ranging from simply socializing with sober friends or talking it over with your sponsor. These activities should occur in a safe place (e.g. don't go bowling at a place that servers beer) and occupy your mind enough that you will be distracted from the urges. Once you are involved in another activity, urges are likely to decrease rapidly. ''Monti (2002) p. 99''<ref>Monti, P. M. (2002). Treating alcohol dependence : a coping skills training guide. Guilford Press.</ref>
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* Have you ever noticed, when you experience an urge to drink or use, that the longer you spend thinking about it, the harder it is to resist it? This is a very common experience, so if you’ve had it, you are not alone. In a way, thinking about drinking or using is like entertaining a fantasy, and the more invested you are in imagining how it will play out, the more you want it. The more you want it, the less you are able to weigh the pros and cons and make a rational decision about it. With this knowledge, you can choose to distract yourself from the urge before your imagination runs away with it and leads you to a relapse. Here are some ways that you can distract yourself early on, when you first notice the urge: ''Glasner-Edwards, Suzette. The Addiction Recovery Skills Workbook: Changing Addictive Behaviors Using CBT, Mindfulness, and Motivational Interviewing Techniques (New Harbinger Self-help Workbooks) (p. 122). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.''
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*[https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2009/05/18/dont-2 Don’t! The secret of self-control]. (see also Positive Vision Day 23 and Day 24)
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* Mischel (1981) has shown how children learn self-control by increasing the skill with which they deal with tempting situations. Very young children have greater difficulty coping with temptations than do older children. What do older children do that younger ones don’t do? Children who successfully resist temptations tend to think about the tempting object—for example, a marshmallow—using “cool” thoughts. “The marshmallows are puffy like clouds.” Children who are less successful tend to think about the tempting object with “hot” thoughts. “The marshmallows taste yummy and chewy.” “Hot” thoughts make it harder to resist temptation. Children who successfully resist temptation distract themselves from “hot” thoughts. Or they avoid thinking about the tempting object altogether and think about other irrelevant objects. ''Watson David L., T. R. G. (2013). Self-Directed Behavior: Self-Modification for Personal Adjustment. Cengage Learning. p.10''
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** What was their secret? A large part of it was strategy—the ways that children used their limited mental control to shift attention. In later studies, Mischel discovered that the successful children were those who looked away from the temptation or were able to think about other enjoyable activities. [For a review of these studies and a full account of the interplay between the hot (automatic) and cool (controlled) systems, see Metcalfe and Mischel, 1999.] These thinking skills are an aspect of emotional intelligence—an ability to understand and regulate one’s own feelings and desires. [Salovey and Mayer, 1990. Possessing emotional intelligence does not mean that one’s emotions are intelligent.] ''Haidt, Jonathan. The Happiness Hypothesis (p. 33). Basic Books. Kindle Edition.''
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* “Perhaps engaging in distractions or alternative behaviors despite having an urge to view pornography is the key to reducing addictive pornography viewing behaviors” ''Minarcik (2016), Proposed Treatment of Problematic Pornography Use: A Cognitive-Behavioral Approach''
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* Behavioural techniques We teach a number of behavioural techniques to help men to learn how to control the urge to act out. These include distraction techniques, such as music, counting backwards, reading, studying, noticing all the colours in a room, visualisation of fighting off the urge, ‘safe place’ visualisation and compassionate mindfulness exercises. ''Birchard, Thaddeus. CBT for Compulsive Sexual Behaviour (p. 29). Taylor and Francis. Kindle Edition.''
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* Distract Yourself from Self-Destructive Behaviors McKay, Matthew; Wood, Jeffrey C.; Brantley, Jeffrey. The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and ... (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) . New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.
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** Distract Yourself with Pleasurable Activities - big list of ideas (loc. 223)
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** Distract Yourself by Paying Attention to Someone Else (loc. 245)
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** Distract Your Thoughts (loc. 268)
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** Distract Yourself by Leaving (loc. 291)
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** Distract Yourself with Tasks and Chores (loc. 303)
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** Distract Yourself by Counting (loc. 324)
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** Create Your Distraction Plan (loc. 336)
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* You need a tools that directly speak to the motivational/dopaminergic system to address Excitation. Choosing an alternative behavior that is 1) novel and 2) exciting to respond to a unwanted sexual urge would speak to the dopamine system (i.e. watching a comedy instead of porn). @Florin
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* (d) writing in a journal or filling in the Daily Craving Record; and (e) reading recovery literature for information or inspiration. Dennis C. Daley;G. Alan Marlatt. Overcoming Your Alcohol or Drug Problem: Effective Recovery Strategies Therapist Guide (Treatments That Work) (Kindle Locations 793-794). Kindle Edition.
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** Journal. Jot down some notes about how you’re feeling as your experiencing the urge.
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** Get Inspired. Read some encouraging articles on the GYE website.
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== Implementation ==
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===Do something else===
 
Make a list of possible distracting activities you can engage in when you have an urge, and add it to your plan. Find something that you think can really distract you. It needs to be something interesting that will grab your attention. Pacing back and forth in the room will not do the trick... Since your mind cannot think about two things at once, the distraction will redirect your attention away from the urge and into something else.
 
Make a list of possible distracting activities you can engage in when you have an urge, and add it to your plan. Find something that you think can really distract you. It needs to be something interesting that will grab your attention. Pacing back and forth in the room will not do the trick... Since your mind cannot think about two things at once, the distraction will redirect your attention away from the urge and into something else.
  
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Some examples are calling a friend or family member, playing a game, reading a good book exercise, or going for a long walk. Be realistic, for some people a sefer can be distracting enough. For others, they’ll need a good (kosher) movie to do the trick.
 
Some examples are calling a friend or family member, playing a game, reading a good book exercise, or going for a long walk. Be realistic, for some people a sefer can be distracting enough. For others, they’ll need a good (kosher) movie to do the trick.
  
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=== Distraction - by thinking about something else ===
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=== Think about something else ===
 
In contrast to the distraction technique mentioned earlier, this one is about redirecting your attention by using your mind alone (cognitive only). This seems to be more helpful for low intensity urges. The benefit of this is that since it's all in your head, you can do it immediately, no matter what situation you are in. Here are some suggestions on how to do this:<blockquote>Decide on three substance-free things that you will begin thinking of immediately whenever you experience a craving or urge. These will be your fallback or go-to responses whenever cravings/urges arise and can be the building blocks of a new habit. These thoughts can be of events, people, songs, phrases, or even places that are special to them in some way. Examples could be the birth of a child, earning a raise or promotion at work, or simply a loved one.  
 
In contrast to the distraction technique mentioned earlier, this one is about redirecting your attention by using your mind alone (cognitive only). This seems to be more helpful for low intensity urges. The benefit of this is that since it's all in your head, you can do it immediately, no matter what situation you are in. Here are some suggestions on how to do this:<blockquote>Decide on three substance-free things that you will begin thinking of immediately whenever you experience a craving or urge. These will be your fallback or go-to responses whenever cravings/urges arise and can be the building blocks of a new habit. These thoughts can be of events, people, songs, phrases, or even places that are special to them in some way. Examples could be the birth of a child, earning a raise or promotion at work, or simply a loved one.  
  
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* Read words backwards (say the word correctly but read the sequence backwards: "backwards words read")
 
* Read words backwards (say the word correctly but read the sequence backwards: "backwards words read")
 
* Play the "alphabet game" by looking at license plates, book titles or a printed page and find an A, then a B, then a C, etc.
 
* Play the "alphabet game" by looking at license plates, book titles or a printed page and find an A, then a B, then a C, etc.
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* Tighten the muscles in your body in a particular sequence, over and over (tighten your feet, then your calves, then your thighs, then your pelvis, then your stomach, then your chest, then your shoulders, then your neck, then your face, over and over again) / reach into your pocket or purse and attempt to identify coins or other objects there just by feel.
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* Tighten the muscles in your body in a particular sequence, over and over (tighten your feet, then your calves, then your thighs, then your pelvis, then your stomach, then your chest, then your shoulders, then your neck, then your face, over and over again) / reach into your pocket or purse and attempt to identify coins or other objects there just by feel.
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=== Urge Control Practice ===
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''Based on Anger (Negative Impulse) Control, Donohue & Tracy et al. (2008)<ref>''Cognitive behavior therapy: Applying empirically supported techniques in your practice, 2nd ed. (2008). In W. T. O’Donohue & J. E. Fisher (Eds.), Cognitive behavior therapy: Applying empirically supported techniques in your practice, 2nd ed. John Wiley & Sons, Inc. p. 20.''
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"The urge control procedure employs components of each of the preceding anger control methods in sequence (see Chapter 67). The procedure was originally developed to assist adults and adolescents in preventing urges to use drugs and alcohol (Azrin, McMahon, et al., 1994) and was later modified to address all impulsive behaviors that result in troublesome behavior, including those elicited from anger (Azrin, Donohue, Teichner, Crum, Howell, & Decato, 2001).</ref> partially based on Azrin et al (1994)<ref>Azrin, N. H., McMahon, P. T., Donohue, B., Besalel, V. A., Lapinski, K. J., Kogan, E. S., Acierno, R. E., & Galloway, E. (1994). Behavior therapy for drug abuse: A controlled treatment outcome study. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 32(8), 857–866. https://doi.org/10.1016/0005-7967(94)90166-X, p. 860.</ref>''.
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This can be done as '''''daily practice, and also implemented in real time.'''''
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Identify a recent situation that led to an urge, then imagine doing the following:
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'''Step 1: Stop!'''<ref>See ibid p. 18 regarding thought stopping: "Thought stopping is a method that may be utilized to interrupt undesirable or unproductive thoughts that often lead to anger. The method is particularly effective when the level of arousal is relatively weak (i.e., first recognition of the stimulus eliciting anger) (Tyson, 1998). As exemplified by Wolpe (1990), the procedure begins with the patient closing his or her eyes and verbalizing a thought that has been associated with negative arousal or anger. The therapist consequently shouts, ‘‘stop!’’ and then points out to the patient that the thought has actually stopped. After practicing the termination of similar thoughts in separate trials, the patient is encouraged to practice the termination of thoughts subvocally.
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Other phrases or visual images (e.g., ‘‘cut it out,’’ image of a red stop sign) may be used instead of ‘‘stop!’’ to mentally disrupt anger (Deffenbacher,1996). Thought stopping is conceptualized to work because thought inhibition is reinforced by the arousal reduction that occurs each time the individual successfully stops an undesirable thought (Tyson, 1998). The procedure has demonstrated effectiveness in decreasing negative thinking (Peden, Rayens, Hall, & Beebe, 2001; Peden, Rayens, & Hall, 2005). However, it is important to note that thought stopping is not a primary method of intervention. Rather, the procedure is used as an initial component (Deffenbacher, 1996) because it does not alter the situation or environment or teach coping skills."</ref>
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* Interrupt the narrative by saying "No! or "Stop!" (Azrin, 1994)
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* Other phrases or visual images (e.g., ‘‘cut it out,’’ image of a red stop sign) may be used instead of ‘‘stop!’’ to mentally disrupt anger (Deffenbacher,1996)." Donhue (2008).
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'''Step 2: State one negative consequence for self and one for others if impulse is acted on.'''
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* Followed by brief phrases describing the negative consequence of drug use as identified ... as the predominant negative consequence (consequences rated at least 90 on a 1000 of aversiveness) (Azrin, 1994).
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'''Step 3: Relaxation, deep breaths.'''
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* Self-relaxation consisting of muscular relaxation, breathing smoothly and slowly, sand saying "Calm" and "Relax" for about 5 sec. (Azrin, 1994)
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'''Step 4: State four or more behavioral alternatives that are incompatible with [P&M].'''
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* This is not included in ''Azrin.''
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'''Step 5: Imagine doing a behavior that is incompatible with anger [P&M].'''
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* Imagine initiating an overt reinforcing activity ("fun or functional" that would compete with the drug urge and described in complete sentences, without pauses, the action and the indented benefits (reinforcement) thereof.
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'''Step 6: Imagine telling friends or family about doing the behavior, and imagine their positive responses.'''
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g. State positive things that will happen because the behavior is performed.
  
 
== Common Distraction Ideas ==
 
== Common Distraction Ideas ==
  
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* [[Learning Torah|Learn Torah]] (listen to a good shiur, meet up with a Chavrusa, learn about a new topic)
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* [[Learning Torah|Learn Torah]] (listen to a good shiur, meet up with a Chavrusa, learn about a new topic, recite some Torah that you know by heart)
 
* Call a friend or family member  
 
* Call a friend or family member  
 
* Call a supportive GYE partner
 
* Call a supportive GYE partner
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וסיכם דבריו במדרש תלפיות אות יוד ענף יצר הרע, "כשאדם מתגבר ביצרו בתוקף ישב במים קרים או ישליח עליו מים קרים שאין דבר המבטלו כזה."</ref>. Then take another.
 
וסיכם דבריו במדרש תלפיות אות יוד ענף יצר הרע, "כשאדם מתגבר ביצרו בתוקף ישב במים קרים או ישליח עליו מים קרים שאין דבר המבטלו כזה."</ref>. Then take another.
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Other examples in Steinberg et al, Brief Counseling for Marijuana Dependence: A Manual for Treating Adults Form 1A:
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* Change your physical position. Stand up and stretch, walk around the room, or step outside.
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* Carry things to put in your mouth: toothpicks, gum, mints, plastic straws, low-calorie snacks
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* Carry objects to fiddle with: a rubber ball to squeeze, a small puzzle, a pebble, worry beads.
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* Have a distracting activity available: a crossword puzzle, magazine, book, a postcard to write.
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* Distraction: Focus on something different: the task at hand, a daydream, a fantasy, counting backwards from 150 by 3s.
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Lots of ideas in Distract Yourself ''Glasner-Edwards, Suzette. The Addiction Recovery Skills Workbook: Changing Addictive Behaviors Using CBT, Mindfulness, and Motivational Interviewing Techniques (New Harbinger Self-help Workbooks) (p. 122). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition. .''
  
 
== Torah References ==
 
== Torah References ==
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קריינא דאיגרתא ח"א סי' טז
 
קריינא דאיגרתא ח"א סי' טז
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שם חלק א' סי' קט
  
 
שו"ת אדרת תפארת ח"ג סי' ל"ב בשם בנין יוסף פ"ד
 
שו"ת אדרת תפארת ח"ג סי' ל"ב בשם בנין יוסף פ"ד
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שבט מוסר פי"ב
 
שבט מוסר פי"ב
  
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השכרת האברכים פ"ט<ref>קח לך במחשבה איזה ענין הנוגע לך יותר, אם איזה דבר האהוב לך או שאתה שונא ומתירא ממנו. חשבון מסחר כו'ו ומחשבזו הנוגעת לך הרבה, תפסיק אותך מן התאוה זו על איזה רגעים ואז תוכל אח"כ לחשוב אודותה ולא בה. עיי"ש.</ref>
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חובת התלמידים פי"ג<ref>Quoted in Positive Vision Day 55. עיי"ש.</ref>
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הכשרת האברכים פ"ט<ref>קח לך במחשבה איזה ענין הנוגע לך יותר, אם איזה דבר האהוב לך או שאתה שונא ומתירא ממנו. חשבון מסחר כו'ו ומחשבזו הנוגעת לך הרבה, תפסיק אותך מן התאוה זו על איזה רגעים ואז תוכל אח"כ לחשוב אודותה ולא בה. עיי"ש.</ref>
  
 
תניא פרק יב
 
תניא פרק יב
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זוהר ח"א קצ, א
 
זוהר ח"א קצ, א
  
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רמב"ם הלכות איסורי ביאה סוף פרק כג
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רמב"ם הלכות איסורי ביאה פרק כב הלכה כא: וכן ינהוג להתרחק מן השחוק ומן השכרות ומדברי עגבים שאלו גורמין גדולים והם מעלות של עריות, ולא ישב בלא אשה שמנהג זה גורם לטהרה יתירה, גדולה מכל זאת אמרו יפנה עצמו ומחשבתו לדברי תורה וירחיב דעתו בחכמה שאין מחשבת עריות מתגברת אלא בלב פנוי מן החכמה, ובחכמה הוא אומר אילת אהבים ויעלת חן דדיה ירווך בכל עת באהבתה תשגה תמיד.
  
 
שו"ע אבן העזר סי' כג סעיף ג
 
שו"ע אבן העזר סי' כג סעיף ג
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תניא פרק יב ופרק כח
 
תניא פרק יב ופרק כח
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שמועה בשם הגר"א - והאר עיננו עמ' ב
  
 
קריינא דאיגרתא ח"א סי' טז
 
קריינא דאיגרתא ח"א סי' טז
  
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אגרות האדמו"ר מחב"ד ח"ג אגרת ד'תקמח וחלק כ אגרת ז'תצ
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תורת מנחם - אגרות [[Chabad|בריבוי מקומות]]
  
 
שומר אמונים יד, ב
 
שומר אמונים יד, ב
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דרכי החיים ח"א ע' תה
 
דרכי החיים ח"א ע' תה
  
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=== Further reading ===
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והאר עיננו  עמ' ב: ולכן יעצו לנו רבותינו להתרגל בצאתינו לקבוע לנו על מה לחשוב, אם על איזה קושיא שנשארה בצ"ע או לחזור על המו"מ בסוגיא שעוסק בה או לחשוב על איזה מאמר חז"ל.
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* Cheshbon Hanefesh Lapin Ch. 108. Discusses how distracting thoughts can help (מלאכת מחשבת שיש בה תועלת). Implies that Chazal suggested focusing on Torah, because that is something that is always available.
 
  
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== Ozer Bigevura ==
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Positive Vision Day 23 and Day 24 - Emphasizes the benefits of Torah both as a distraction (quotes Ramchal that this is THE cure), and also that it repels Tuma.
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''[Section I, Ch. 3, Step Three: Acquire Heseich Hada’as]''
 
  
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This is the most important step towards overcoming this struggle. Usually, if a person is faced with a challenge, the strategy to overcome it is by working hard to get it under control. However, in this area, such a strategy will not work. In fact, the opposite is true: When a person tries to control a thought, he is essentially bringing to mind the very topic that he was trying to rid himself of, which causes his mind to explore it further. For example, if someone tells himself not to think about an elephant, then just mentioning those words will bring the image of an elephant to mind. This idea holds true both with regards to inappropriate thoughts, as well as improper sights. A bachur should always remember the Golden Rule: Any time you think about not thinking or seeing it, then “it” is already in your mind.
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'''Learning Torah by Heart'''
  
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The following anecdote illustrates this idea:<blockquote>There was once a man who was extremely careful with shemiras einayim. Whenever he went outside, he would look at the ground, so as not to inadvertently see a woman. Everything went fine and well for this individual, until the inevitable happened. To his dismay, the man inadvertently bumped into a... street pole! He immediately ran to his Rebbe with a worried look on his face and exclaimed, “Rebbe, I’m trying so hard not to look at anything I shouldn’t, and now I’ve just bumped into a woman!” The Rebbe responded, “I don’t understand. For my entire life, I’ve been trying to train myself that if I ever bump into a woman, I should think that it’s a pole. And you’ve turned every pole into a woman?!”</blockquote>How, then, should one deal with inappropriate thoughts and sights? They should be treated as if they are a bag of garbage, waiting for the garbage collector to come. Just as you wouldn’t open the garbage bag to investigate if there’s something good there, so, too, a person should work on himself to consider these thoughts and sights as if they are nothing and just continue on his way. The focus should be to continue on with ‘business as usual’ without even analyzing what just happened.
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* ובחרת בחיים (להר"ח מאליק מסאטמאר) היצר אין לו בושה להביא הרהורי עבירה אפי' לגדול בתורה, ע"כ העצה היעוצה לכל מי שרוצה לזכות במלחמה שיקח כלי זיינו בידו. היינו התורה כי בראתי יצה"ר בראתי לו תורה תבלין, ולהבין מה זה הענין שהמשילו התורה לתבלין אפשר לומר כי התבלין ממתקין הקדרה ומהפכין מרירא למתקא, כן הוא מי שלוחם עם המחשבותו רעות ובכל פעם שהיצר ממציא לו הרהורים רעים תיכף מסיח דעתו מהן ובורח במחשבתו לדברי תורה, וכ' בלק"א הנ"ל דבכל פעם שמסיח דעתו מהן ההרהור אכפי' לס"א וסליק נהורא מגו חשוכא ומתהפך מרירא למתקן, וגורם נחת רוח גדול לבוראינו ית"ש ע"כ נמשלה התורה לתבלין כי ע"י התורה נתהפך מרירא למתקא. עכ"ל. על כן נכון הדבר שכ"א ילמד עצמו איזה דבר בע"פ משנה או גמרא, שיהי בפיו ובמוחו היטב שיוכל תיכף כרגע להרהר בדברי תורה, ונכון הדבר שיהיה לו איזה משנה מיוחדת לזה, כדי שלא יצטרך לחפוש במוחו איזה דבר תורה, '''כי הדבר תלוי ברגע''', ובכל פעם שמסיח דעתו מן ההרהרו כ' בלק"א הנ"ל שמקיים בזה הלאו של ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם, ונכון לכוין בשמחה עצומה שמקיים זה הלאו, וגורם נחת רוח גדול בעולמות עליונים ע"י כפיות הס"א.
  
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At times, a person who is trying to control himself will want to double-check if he truly saw something that he shouldn’t have seen. This stems in part from curiosity and in part from an earnest desire to check whether or not he saw that which he thought he had seen. However, behaviors like these are like cheese in a mouse trap; they look innocent, but end up entrapping a person in a place he wishes he had never entered.
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=== Further reading ===
  
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Even if the bachur senses that he may have thought or seen something wrong, he should not go back to check what it was. The previous Toldos Aharon Rebbe ztz”l explains this exact idea in a letter to a person who was bothered by improper thoughts. The Rebbe quoted the Satmar Rebbe ztz”l as saying: “Don’t think about what you just thought or saw. Whatever was done is considered a shogeig, but going back to check is considered a meizid.”<ref>האדמו”ר מתולדות אהרן זצ”ל ]הובא באסיפת מכתבים מר’ דוד אהרן הכהן זצ”ל, עמוד 164 בדפוס תכנת אוצר ( החכמה[, שכ’ וז”ל-- מכתבך היקר קבלתי. בענין המחשבות, לא תעשה מזה שום עסק כלל, כמו ששמעתי )בערך בשנת תרצ”ח( מא’ ששאל את כ”ק מרן אדמו”ר מסאטמאר זצ”ל עצה להתגברות המחשבות רעות. והשיב לו, מען זאל נישט איבער טראכטין וואס מען האט געטראכט, דהיינו להסיח דעתו תיכף מהמחשבה ולא יחזור לחשוב מה חשבתי. וכן שייך זה הענין בשמירת עינים שאם נזדמן ראיה אסורה ח”ו, תיכף כרגע יסגור עיניו, ולא יחזור להסתכל אם ראה - צו ער האט טאקע געזעהן - או היה רק דמיון, כי ראיה הראשונה היה שוגג וראיה השניה הוא מזיד; עכ”ל.</ref> Instead, a person should give the thoughts and urges as much significance as a speck of dirt, and not be curious about them or let them linger on in his mind.
+
* See Zos Brisi Ch. 16 - The Purifying Power of Torah for a big collection of sources.
 +
* Cheshbon Hanefesh Lapin Ch. 108. Discusses how distracting thoughts can help (מלאכת מחשבת שיש בה תועלת). Implies that Chazal suggested focusing on Torah, because that is something that is always available.
  
−
Along this vein, there are a number of behaviors that at first glance seem virtuous, but will ultimately cause more harm than good because they cause the bachur to open up the ‘bag of garbage’. If a bachur falls into any of the following thinking patterns, then his mind can very easily be dragged into exploring this topic further. (Almost all of these ideas are mentioned by Rav Shlomo Wolbe ztz”l.)
+
== Hesech Hadaas ==
  
−
• Being overly careful-- A person has to be cautious, but being overly careful will create more of a problem.
+
* The Torah concept of Hesech Hadaas is more than just distraction, it's also a general attitude of not putting too much focus on this topic. For more on this see [[Hesech Hadaas]].
  
−
• Worrying that it might happen again-- Worrying that it might happen again can cause one to further act out. One should therefore distance himself from these worries and thoughts, and treat them with the same severity as he would treat the bad thoughts themselves.
+
== From GYE Members ==
  
−
• Learning what is wrong with it-- Learning about this topic increases a person’s awareness of the issue. At certain times, this may be beneficial, but it typically backfires and causes one to think about the aveirah in a detrimental way. Therefore, while studying what is wrong about it may seem like a mitzvah, it is usually just a trap.
+
* I don't think the urge is necessarily to seek, rather it's to satisfy my craving for feeling good about myself or feeling good and productive in general. For this we tend to turn to our tried and true method, not because it's the answer but because it's what we've always done. In reality we have to just get up and do something productive, until then, no matter how hard we try to fight, the urge will just grow and grow. I have many project for when opening the ''gemara'' just wont cut it. Working out, reading, learning something lighter or a topic that interests me, spending time with a friend, spending time with family, and so on.  #wilnevergiveup<ref>https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/356766-Lust-counterattack#356796</ref>
 +
* Personally think that distraction is a powerful tool against the yetzer. using tools like Torah, positive relationships and chores (which will do wonders for the relationships with the people around the home) are the keys that I have tried to use and Baruch Hashem have been the key to the control for myself.  [https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/348390-My-last-option @Misgaber96]
 +
* I would think about sex all the time... during business meetings, lust; on the subway, lust; on the street, lust; even during learning or davening, and even when I was with my wife I would fantasize... I changed that for the sake of the chart.... I knew that if I wanted to ''stay'' on that chart I would need to stop lusting... And sometimes I white-knuckled it to get through another tough day and stay on that chart. But as I continued and worked on not lusting, I didn't need to white-knuckle as much anymore.... [...] I let go of lust... I just don't think about sex... When a sexual thought comes up, I make it go away, whether through prayer, rage, jokes, or something else... I don't let it linger and fester and grow... [[How I reached 90 days|#RATM]]
 +
* Thinking about something else: This is [http://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/206548-need-chizuk?limit=15&start=30#207887 some_guy's] idea here to use his words: I came up with a really good trick. Think of something interesting right now. I really like science, so I think of a theory or paradox. Make sure you really like the subject. If you need help, think about explaining your subject to a child. Once you have decided on a topic you are truly interested in, stop thinking about it. Whenever you see women on the street, or anything like that, the Yetzah Hara will always puts ideas and desires into your head. When that happens you need to remember that curious topic you picked earlier. Because you genuinely are interested in this idea, your mind naturally starts pondering it very deeply. This drowns out the Yetzah Hara until the moment has passed. I suggest thinking about your topic for a while to make sure the you have calmed down. [https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/204389-The-chronicles-of-inastruggle?limit=15&start=90#209260 @Inastruggle]
  
−
• Thinking about how other people deal with it-- This may also sound like a valid reason to think about it, but it again is usually just a trap.
+
=== Cognitive Distraction ===
−
 
+
I'll share a technique that works for me, often I get urges when I'm in bed, so I try to use this technique, this isn't always so effective if I'm busy doing something else. Perhaps you can try implement it and see if it works for you. I try picture some activity that I do often and can picture many details about, eg driving to school or going for a run. I think of what the weather is like, which houses I'm passing, when I'm speeding up, when I'm slowing down. Where my hands, my feet are, the turns I'm making etc. I find by filling my mind with a vivid experience, it clears my mind, I think because we can't think of multiple things at once very easily. #Looking_to_improve<ref>https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/355893-Observations#355924</ref>
−
• Being involved in teshuvah right after a person does it-- Doing teshuvah soon after a person was nichshal will cause more damage than good. Even teshuvah has to have the correct time and place. (See the end of this chapter for the ideal time that teshuvah should be performed.)
 
−
 
 
−
• Wishing that the whole problem would end-- This desire is also a problem. The proper attitude should rather be, “I’ll deal with it when it comes, but for now, I’m not going to give it any attention and will just get busy with something else.”
 
−
 
 
−
Many bachurim will have a difficult time accepting the idea that they must stop trying to control their yetzer hora. A bachur might say, “What do you mean? How is it going to go away by itself? There’s an entire list of gashmiyus- and ruchniyus-related reasons for why I must stop. If I don’t try to control it, it will happen more frequently, and I’ll be in an even bigger mess! Are you trying to tell me that I should never do anything about this? Never learn any mussar about it? Never do teshuvah?!”
 
−
 
 
−
The response to this argument is that a person certainly has to do his utmost to make sure that nothing improper happens, and, of course, teshuvah is important. However, a bachur must know that he cannot follow his own method in dealing with this problem. It should be stressed to him that as frume Yidden, everything in our avodas Hashem must be done with a mesorah. A bachur may think that he has the answer to his problems or the right path for doing teshuvah, yet he could be making very big mistakes. It is therefore important to do everything together with an older, more experienced person, who has a clear seichel and mesorah from a Rebbi. If not, a person could cause himself even more damage.
 
−
 
 
−
'''The proper method for doing teshuvah'''
 
  
−
If the bachur wants to deal with this issue, then he should schedule a set time for cheshbon hanefesh. For example, he should write on the calendar that next Tuesday at 10 pm, he will dedicate some time for this issue, by learning something pertaining to this nisayon or speaking to his Rebbi. He should allocate a fifteen minute slot, and then afterwards tell himself, “I did what I had to do, and now I’m done.” If a person does teshuvah at an appointed time, then it won’t drag him down into the mess. This is because when a person consciously sets a time for a cheshbon hanefesh, his seichel is in charge, and when his seichel is working clearly, he won’t slip up. However, spontaneous thoughts of teshuvah, which surface right after a bachur did something wrong, are typically emotionally bound, and they can easily cause more harm than good. This is because when someone falls, he is in a negative mode, one in which he is upset and “beats himself up”, and when someone is in this kind of mood, he can’t think straight. It follows therefore that all of the strategies mentioned, including reviewing the list of reasons to stop (see Step 2) or thinking in any way about this issue, should never be done as a reaction to something that happened, but rather by appointment only. At the time that something happens, there is only one goal: to be ''meisi’ach da’as'', keep moving, and get busy with something positive.
+
== Summary by @Howard ==
 +
'''How it Works: it helps to defuse the power of the temptation by not paying attention to it.'''
  
−
In the event that a bachur comes over to you and says, “Rebbi, I feel horrible. Last night I messed up and did _______,” then you should tell him, “I hear. Try a little better today; continue on with your regular routine. Let’s make up a time, and we’ll meet next week to discuss it.” You’ll notice two changes in the bachur’s attitude: a) The following week when the bachur comes to you, his seichel will be much clearer, and b) he’ll usually end up having an easier time in the interim. If, on the other hand, the bachur tries to deal with the issue right after it happens, then he will end up acting out much more.
+
The Nobel prize winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman states “nothing is as important as when you attend to it.”
  
−
'''Recap'''
+
Human beings can only pay attention to one thing at a time. Multi-tasking is rapid task switching. Whatever has your attention tends to be overvalued or exaggerated.  This means that temptation is empowered once you are aware of it – which is why having strategies to deflect attention is important.
  
−
• Heseich Hada’as is the most important step towards overcoming this struggle.
+
Distracting yourself from temptation can therefore be important behaviorally and  cognitively. Behaviorally you can resist the temptation, which will increase your self-confidence and belief. Cognitively you can begin to reduce the power of the temptation and see it as manageable.
  
−
• Any time you think about not thinking or seeing it, then “it” is already in your mind.
+
What to do: Identify a number of different actions that you could use as distractions. Ideally, these should be engaging activities that you enjoy. These might include:
  
−
• A bachur must know that he should not try to follow his own derech for teshuvah; rather, it is important that he do everything together with an older, more experienced person.
+
* Playing a favorite game
 +
* Speaking with a friend
 +
* Going for a walk
 +
* Reading a book
 +
* Watching a movie
  
−
• At the time that a bachur is nichshal, there is only one goal: to be meisi’ach da’as, keep moving, and get busy with something positive. In order to deal with this issue, a bachur should instead schedule a separate, set time for cheshbon hanefesh.
+
Activities that require action are likely to be more helpful but solitary activities can also work if you enjoy them and can get fully engaged in them.
−
 
 
−
== From GYE Members ==
 
  
−
* I don't think the urge is necessarily to seek, rather it's to satisfy my craving for feeling good about myself or feeling good and productive in general. For this we tend to turn to our tried and true method, not because it's the answer but because it's what we've always done. In reality we have to just get up and do something productive, until then, no matter how hard we try to fight, the urge will just grow and grow. I have many project for when opening the ''gemara'' just wont cut it. Working out, reading, learning something lighter or a topic that interests me, spending time with a friend, spending time with family, and so on.  #wilnevergiveup<ref>https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/356766-Lust-counterattack#356796</ref>
+
== Specs ==
−
* Personally think that distraction is a powerful tool against the yetzer. using tools like Torah, positive relationships and chores (which will do wonders for the relationships with the people around the home) are the keys that I have tried to use and Baruch Hashem have been the key to the control for myself.  [https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/348390-My-last-option @Misgaber96]
 
−
* I would think about sex all the time... during business meetings, lust; on the subway, lust; on the street, lust; even during learning or davening, and even when I was with my wife I would fantasize... I changed that for the sake of the chart.... I knew that if I wanted to ''stay'' on that chart I would need to stop lusting... And sometimes I white-knuckled it to get through another tough day and stay on that chart. But as I continued and worked on not lusting, I didn't need to white-knuckle as much anymore.... [...] I let go of lust... I just don't think about sex... When a sexual thought comes up, I make it go away, whether through prayer, rage, jokes, or something else... I don't let it linger and fester and grow... [[How I reached 90 days|#RATM]]
 
−
* Thinking about something else: This is [http://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/206548-need-chizuk?limit=15&start=30#207887 some_guy's] idea here to use his words: I came up with a really good trick. Think of something interesting right now. I really like science, so I think of a theory or paradox. Make sure you really like the subject. If you need help, think about explaining your subject to a child. Once you have decided on a topic you are truly interested in, stop thinking about it. Whenever you see women on the street, or anything like that, the Yetzah Hara will always puts ideas and desires into your head. When that happens you need to remember that curious topic you picked earlier. Because you genuinely are interested in this idea, your mind naturally starts pondering it very deeply. This drowns out the Yetzah Hara until the moment has passed. I suggest thinking about your topic for a while to make sure the you have calmed down. [https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/204389-The-chronicles-of-inastruggle?limit=15&start=90#209260 @Inastruggle]
 
  
−
=== Cognitive Distraction ===
+
* Learning Curve: Very Easy
−
I'll share a technique that works for me, often I get urges when I'm in bed, so I try to use this technique, this isn't always so effective if I'm busy doing something else. Perhaps you can try implement it and see if it works for you.  I try picture some activity that I do often and can picture many details about, eg driving to school or going for a run. I think of what the weather is like, which houses I'm passing, when I'm speeding up, when I'm slowing down. Where my hands, my feet are, the turns I'm making etc. I find by filling my mind with a vivid experience, it clears my mind, I think because we can't think of multiple things at once very easily. #Looking_to_improve<ref>https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/355893-Observations#355924</ref>
+
* Practice: None
 +
* Urge Strength: Weak, Medium, Strong
 +
* Customization: LOTS - TBD
 +
* Materials: None from GYE, Person Yes
 +
* Type: Countering
 +
* Brain Effect: Strong
 +
* Easier with Time: Medium
 +
* Editors choice: Yes
  
 
[[Category:Urge Management Strategies]]
 
[[Category:Urge Management Strategies]]

Latest revision as of 16:23, 18 January 2021

References

  • Metcalfe, J., & Mischel, W. (1999). A hot/cool-system analysis of delay of gratification: Dynamics of willpower. Psychological Review, 106(1), 3–19. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.106.1.3 (has very good resources)
  • Do something else. Find some activity that you can do immediately that will take your mind off drinking. Distracting activities can be pleasurable (shc as shooting hoops or watching a video) or involve a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction (such as getting the bills paid or the shopping done). When urges are particularly strong or persistent, it helps to involve a sober person as a support in the activity, ranging from simply socializing with sober friends or talking it over with your sponsor. These activities should occur in a safe place (e.g. don't go bowling at a place that servers beer) and occupy your mind enough that you will be distracted from the urges. Once you are involved in another activity, urges are likely to decrease rapidly. Monti (2002) p. 99[1]
  • Have you ever noticed, when you experience an urge to drink or use, that the longer you spend thinking about it, the harder it is to resist it? This is a very common experience, so if you’ve had it, you are not alone. In a way, thinking about drinking or using is like entertaining a fantasy, and the more invested you are in imagining how it will play out, the more you want it. The more you want it, the less you are able to weigh the pros and cons and make a rational decision about it. With this knowledge, you can choose to distract yourself from the urge before your imagination runs away with it and leads you to a relapse. Here are some ways that you can distract yourself early on, when you first notice the urge: Glasner-Edwards, Suzette. The Addiction Recovery Skills Workbook: Changing Addictive Behaviors Using CBT, Mindfulness, and Motivational Interviewing Techniques (New Harbinger Self-help Workbooks) (p. 122). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.
  • Don’t! The secret of self-control. (see also Positive Vision Day 23 and Day 24)
  • Mischel (1981) has shown how children learn self-control by increasing the skill with which they deal with tempting situations. Very young children have greater difficulty coping with temptations than do older children. What do older children do that younger ones don’t do? Children who successfully resist temptations tend to think about the tempting object—for example, a marshmallow—using “cool” thoughts. “The marshmallows are puffy like clouds.” Children who are less successful tend to think about the tempting object with “hot” thoughts. “The marshmallows taste yummy and chewy.” “Hot” thoughts make it harder to resist temptation. Children who successfully resist temptation distract themselves from “hot” thoughts. Or they avoid thinking about the tempting object altogether and think about other irrelevant objects. Watson David L., T. R. G. (2013). Self-Directed Behavior: Self-Modification for Personal Adjustment. Cengage Learning. p.10
    • What was their secret? A large part of it was strategy—the ways that children used their limited mental control to shift attention. In later studies, Mischel discovered that the successful children were those who looked away from the temptation or were able to think about other enjoyable activities. [For a review of these studies and a full account of the interplay between the hot (automatic) and cool (controlled) systems, see Metcalfe and Mischel, 1999.] These thinking skills are an aspect of emotional intelligence—an ability to understand and regulate one’s own feelings and desires. [Salovey and Mayer, 1990. Possessing emotional intelligence does not mean that one’s emotions are intelligent.] Haidt, Jonathan. The Happiness Hypothesis (p. 33). Basic Books. Kindle Edition.
  • “Perhaps engaging in distractions or alternative behaviors despite having an urge to view pornography is the key to reducing addictive pornography viewing behaviors” Minarcik (2016), Proposed Treatment of Problematic Pornography Use: A Cognitive-Behavioral Approach
  • Behavioural techniques We teach a number of behavioural techniques to help men to learn how to control the urge to act out. These include distraction techniques, such as music, counting backwards, reading, studying, noticing all the colours in a room, visualisation of fighting off the urge, ‘safe place’ visualisation and compassionate mindfulness exercises. Birchard, Thaddeus. CBT for Compulsive Sexual Behaviour (p. 29). Taylor and Francis. Kindle Edition.
  • Distract Yourself from Self-Destructive Behaviors McKay, Matthew; Wood, Jeffrey C.; Brantley, Jeffrey. The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and ... (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) . New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.
    • Distract Yourself with Pleasurable Activities - big list of ideas (loc. 223)
    • Distract Yourself by Paying Attention to Someone Else (loc. 245)
    • Distract Your Thoughts (loc. 268)
    • Distract Yourself by Leaving (loc. 291)
    • Distract Yourself with Tasks and Chores (loc. 303)
    • Distract Yourself by Counting (loc. 324)
    • Create Your Distraction Plan (loc. 336)
  • You need a tools that directly speak to the motivational/dopaminergic system to address Excitation. Choosing an alternative behavior that is 1) novel and 2) exciting to respond to a unwanted sexual urge would speak to the dopamine system (i.e. watching a comedy instead of porn). @Florin
  • (d) writing in a journal or filling in the Daily Craving Record; and (e) reading recovery literature for information or inspiration. Dennis C. Daley;G. Alan Marlatt. Overcoming Your Alcohol or Drug Problem: Effective Recovery Strategies Therapist Guide (Treatments That Work) (Kindle Locations 793-794). Kindle Edition.
    • Journal. Jot down some notes about how you’re feeling as your experiencing the urge.
    • Get Inspired. Read some encouraging articles on the GYE website.

Implementation

Do something else

Make a list of possible distracting activities you can engage in when you have an urge, and add it to your plan. Find something that you think can really distract you. It needs to be something interesting that will grab your attention. Pacing back and forth in the room will not do the trick... Since your mind cannot think about two things at once, the distraction will redirect your attention away from the urge and into something else.

By the time an urge kicks in, it will be hard to come up with ideas of how to distract yourself. But if you plan in advance exactly what you will do and include them in your plan, you can start a distracting activity the moment you get an urge.

Some examples are calling a friend or family member, playing a game, reading a good book exercise, or going for a long walk. Be realistic, for some people a sefer can be distracting enough. For others, they’ll need a good (kosher) movie to do the trick.

Think about something else

In contrast to the distraction technique mentioned earlier, this one is about redirecting your attention by using your mind alone (cognitive only). This seems to be more helpful for low intensity urges. The benefit of this is that since it's all in your head, you can do it immediately, no matter what situation you are in. Here are some suggestions on how to do this:

Decide on three substance-free things that you will begin thinking of immediately whenever you experience a craving or urge. These will be your fallback or go-to responses whenever cravings/urges arise and can be the building blocks of a new habit. These thoughts can be of events, people, songs, phrases, or even places that are special to them in some way. Examples could be the birth of a child, earning a raise or promotion at work, or simply a loved one.

Group Treatment for Substance Abuse

What is the happiest place you can imagine? Think about being there. Think of every sensory detail—see, hear, smell, taste, and touch these.

The PERFECT Program

In The Porn Trap, the author suggests:

A simple sensory awareness exercise can help you shift your attention away from what you’ve been thinking about and on to something else in your environment. Begin by saying the phrase, “Now I’m aware of…,” and then complete it by stating something you see in your environment. For example, “Now I’m aware of the sun coming through the window.” Repeat and complete the phrase “Now I’m aware of…,” until you have identified five different things that you see. Continue the exercise stating five different things you are aware of hearing, then five things you are aware of touching or feeling in side your body. This exercise can help center you sensually in the reality of your present environment and take you farther away from the fantasy world of porn.

Dr. Thomas Horvath in his Workbook for Overcoming Addictions writes:

Deliberately shift your focus to something that is easy to stay focused on. For instance, look around you. Is there something in the room that you could count? It might be ceiling tiles, floor tiles, designs on wallpaper or paneling, window blinds, leaves of a plant, or something that you can observe through a window outside the room. Count the objects that you see as rapidly as you can. For instance, count the number of blinds that you see on a window. If you count very rapidly and as accurately as you can, you will find that other thoughts that were on your mind go away, because you are focused on the counting.

Horvath also gives the following examples:

  • Subtract numbers (for instance, subtract 7 from 1,000 and get 993, subtract 7 again and get 986, subtract 7 again, and so on)
  • Say the alphabet backwards
  • Read words backwards (say the word correctly but read the sequence backwards: "backwards words read")
  • Play the "alphabet game" by looking at license plates, book titles or a printed page and find an A, then a B, then a C, etc.
  • Tighten the muscles in your body in a particular sequence, over and over (tighten your feet, then your calves, then your thighs, then your pelvis, then your stomach, then your chest, then your shoulders, then your neck, then your face, over and over again) / reach into your pocket or purse and attempt to identify coins or other objects there just by feel.

Urge Control Practice

Based on Anger (Negative Impulse) Control, Donohue & Tracy et al. (2008)[2] partially based on Azrin et al (1994)[3].

This can be done as daily practice, and also implemented in real time.

Identify a recent situation that led to an urge, then imagine doing the following:

Step 1: Stop![4]

  • Interrupt the narrative by saying "No! or "Stop!" (Azrin, 1994)
  • Other phrases or visual images (e.g., ‘‘cut it out,’’ image of a red stop sign) may be used instead of ‘‘stop!’’ to mentally disrupt anger (Deffenbacher,1996)." Donhue (2008).

Step 2: State one negative consequence for self and one for others if impulse is acted on.

  • Followed by brief phrases describing the negative consequence of drug use as identified ... as the predominant negative consequence (consequences rated at least 90 on a 1000 of aversiveness) (Azrin, 1994).

Step 3: Relaxation, deep breaths.

  • Self-relaxation consisting of muscular relaxation, breathing smoothly and slowly, sand saying "Calm" and "Relax" for about 5 sec. (Azrin, 1994)

Step 4: State four or more behavioral alternatives that are incompatible with [P&M].

  • This is not included in Azrin.

Step 5: Imagine doing a behavior that is incompatible with anger [P&M].

  • Imagine initiating an overt reinforcing activity ("fun or functional" that would compete with the drug urge and described in complete sentences, without pauses, the action and the indented benefits (reinforcement) thereof.

Step 6: Imagine telling friends or family about doing the behavior, and imagine their positive responses.

g. State positive things that will happen because the behavior is performed.

Common Distraction Ideas

  • Learn Torah (listen to a good shiur, meet up with a Chavrusa, learn about a new topic, recite some Torah that you know by heart)
  • Call a friend or family member
  • Call a supportive GYE partner
  • Read a book, magazine, or sefer
  • Take a walk or drive somewhere
  • Play a game (Get games on your computer/phone that will fully engage your mind, and your hands…).
  • Watch a Kosher (non triggering) movie
  • Do some exercise (exercise also has additional benefits)
  • Journal about how you're feeling
  • Listen to a good music, a shiur, comedy, the radio, or chizuk.
  • Visit GuardYourEyes.com
  • Spend time on a hobby (write, play music, paint or draw)
  • Learn something new and fun (a new skill, new language, new subject, something that can help your career or personal growth)
  • Do some errands or todo's
  • Do some Chessed (an act of Kindness)
  • Do something relaxing (progressive muscle relaxation, belly breathing, gratitude breathing, mindfulness practice)
  • Have a snack (or go buy one)
  • Make yourself a delicious meal
  • Reduce sexual tension: Take a cold shower[5]. Then take another.

Other examples in Steinberg et al, Brief Counseling for Marijuana Dependence: A Manual for Treating Adults Form 1A:

  • Change your physical position. Stand up and stretch, walk around the room, or step outside.
  • Carry things to put in your mouth: toothpicks, gum, mints, plastic straws, low-calorie snacks
  • Carry objects to fiddle with: a rubber ball to squeeze, a small puzzle, a pebble, worry beads.
  • Have a distracting activity available: a crossword puzzle, magazine, book, a postcard to write.
  • Distraction: Focus on something different: the task at hand, a daydream, a fantasy, counting backwards from 150 by 3s.

Lots of ideas in Distract Yourself Glasner-Edwards, Suzette. The Addiction Recovery Skills Workbook: Changing Addictive Behaviors Using CBT, Mindfulness, and Motivational Interviewing Techniques (New Harbinger Self-help Workbooks) (p. 122). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition. .

Torah References

Distraction is known as היסח הדעת.

Redirecting attention to neutral things

ספר חסידים אות ד' וראה שם סי' תתרמה

טעמי המצות להר"ר מנחם ריקאנטי בל"ת צ"ד

כתר ראש להגר"ח מוולאזין אות קל"ו

לקוטי מוהר"ן ח"א סי' רלג

קריינא דאיגרתא ח"א סי' טז

שם חלק א' סי' קט

שו"ת אדרת תפארת ח"ג סי' ל"ב בשם בנין יוסף פ"ד

שבט מוסר פי"ב

חובת התלמידים פי"ג[6]

הכשרת האברכים פ"ט[7]

תניא פרק יב

Redirecting attention to Torah

בבא בתרא טז, א וברש"י ד"ה משכהו לבית המדרש

זוהר ח"א קצ, א

רמב"ם הלכות איסורי ביאה פרק כב הלכה כא: וכן ינהוג להתרחק מן השחוק ומן השכרות ומדברי עגבים שאלו גורמין גדולים והם מעלות של עריות, ולא ישב בלא אשה שמנהג זה גורם לטהרה יתירה, גדולה מכל זאת אמרו יפנה עצמו ומחשבתו לדברי תורה וירחיב דעתו בחכמה שאין מחשבת עריות מתגברת אלא בלב פנוי מן החכמה, ובחכמה הוא אומר אילת אהבים ויעלת חן דדיה ירווך בכל עת באהבתה תשגה תמיד.

שו"ע אבן העזר סי' כג סעיף ג

צל"ח ברכות ה, א

תניא פרק יב ופרק כח

שמועה בשם הגר"א - והאר עיננו עמ' ב

קריינא דאיגרתא ח"א סי' טז

תורת מנחם - אגרות בריבוי מקומות

שומר אמונים יד, ב

דרכי החיים ח"א ע' תה

והאר עיננו עמ' ב: ולכן יעצו לנו רבותינו להתרגל בצאתינו לקבוע לנו על מה לחשוב, אם על איזה קושיא שנשארה בצ"ע או לחזור על המו"מ בסוגיא שעוסק בה או לחשוב על איזה מאמר חז"ל.

Positive Vision Day 23 and Day 24 - Emphasizes the benefits of Torah both as a distraction (quotes Ramchal that this is THE cure), and also that it repels Tuma.

Learning Torah by Heart

  • ובחרת בחיים (להר"ח מאליק מסאטמאר) היצר אין לו בושה להביא הרהורי עבירה אפי' לגדול בתורה, ע"כ העצה היעוצה לכל מי שרוצה לזכות במלחמה שיקח כלי זיינו בידו. היינו התורה כי בראתי יצה"ר בראתי לו תורה תבלין, ולהבין מה זה הענין שהמשילו התורה לתבלין אפשר לומר כי התבלין ממתקין הקדרה ומהפכין מרירא למתקא, כן הוא מי שלוחם עם המחשבותו רעות ובכל פעם שהיצר ממציא לו הרהורים רעים תיכף מסיח דעתו מהן ובורח במחשבתו לדברי תורה, וכ' בלק"א הנ"ל דבכל פעם שמסיח דעתו מהן ההרהור אכפי' לס"א וסליק נהורא מגו חשוכא ומתהפך מרירא למתקן, וגורם נחת רוח גדול לבוראינו ית"ש ע"כ נמשלה התורה לתבלין כי ע"י התורה נתהפך מרירא למתקא. עכ"ל. על כן נכון הדבר שכ"א ילמד עצמו איזה דבר בע"פ משנה או גמרא, שיהי בפיו ובמוחו היטב שיוכל תיכף כרגע להרהר בדברי תורה, ונכון הדבר שיהיה לו איזה משנה מיוחדת לזה, כדי שלא יצטרך לחפוש במוחו איזה דבר תורה, כי הדבר תלוי ברגע, ובכל פעם שמסיח דעתו מן ההרהרו כ' בלק"א הנ"ל שמקיים בזה הלאו של ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם, ונכון לכוין בשמחה עצומה שמקיים זה הלאו, וגורם נחת רוח גדול בעולמות עליונים ע"י כפיות הס"א.

Further reading

  • See Zos Brisi Ch. 16 - The Purifying Power of Torah for a big collection of sources.
  • Cheshbon Hanefesh Lapin Ch. 108. Discusses how distracting thoughts can help (מלאכת מחשבת שיש בה תועלת). Implies that Chazal suggested focusing on Torah, because that is something that is always available.

Hesech Hadaas

  • The Torah concept of Hesech Hadaas is more than just distraction, it's also a general attitude of not putting too much focus on this topic. For more on this see Hesech Hadaas.

From GYE Members

  • I don't think the urge is necessarily to seek, rather it's to satisfy my craving for feeling good about myself or feeling good and productive in general. For this we tend to turn to our tried and true method, not because it's the answer but because it's what we've always done. In reality we have to just get up and do something productive, until then, no matter how hard we try to fight, the urge will just grow and grow. I have many project for when opening the gemara just wont cut it. Working out, reading, learning something lighter or a topic that interests me, spending time with a friend, spending time with family, and so on. #wilnevergiveup[8]
  • Personally think that distraction is a powerful tool against the yetzer. using tools like Torah, positive relationships and chores (which will do wonders for the relationships with the people around the home) are the keys that I have tried to use and Baruch Hashem have been the key to the control for myself. @Misgaber96
  • I would think about sex all the time... during business meetings, lust; on the subway, lust; on the street, lust; even during learning or davening, and even when I was with my wife I would fantasize... I changed that for the sake of the chart.... I knew that if I wanted to stay on that chart I would need to stop lusting... And sometimes I white-knuckled it to get through another tough day and stay on that chart. But as I continued and worked on not lusting, I didn't need to white-knuckle as much anymore.... [...] I let go of lust... I just don't think about sex... When a sexual thought comes up, I make it go away, whether through prayer, rage, jokes, or something else... I don't let it linger and fester and grow... #RATM
  • Thinking about something else: This is some_guy's idea here to use his words: I came up with a really good trick. Think of something interesting right now. I really like science, so I think of a theory or paradox. Make sure you really like the subject. If you need help, think about explaining your subject to a child. Once you have decided on a topic you are truly interested in, stop thinking about it. Whenever you see women on the street, or anything like that, the Yetzah Hara will always puts ideas and desires into your head. When that happens you need to remember that curious topic you picked earlier. Because you genuinely are interested in this idea, your mind naturally starts pondering it very deeply. This drowns out the Yetzah Hara until the moment has passed. I suggest thinking about your topic for a while to make sure the you have calmed down. @Inastruggle

Cognitive Distraction

I'll share a technique that works for me, often I get urges when I'm in bed, so I try to use this technique, this isn't always so effective if I'm busy doing something else. Perhaps you can try implement it and see if it works for you. I try picture some activity that I do often and can picture many details about, eg driving to school or going for a run. I think of what the weather is like, which houses I'm passing, when I'm speeding up, when I'm slowing down. Where my hands, my feet are, the turns I'm making etc. I find by filling my mind with a vivid experience, it clears my mind, I think because we can't think of multiple things at once very easily. #Looking_to_improve[9]

Summary by @Howard

How it Works: it helps to defuse the power of the temptation by not paying attention to it.

The Nobel prize winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman states “nothing is as important as when you attend to it.”

Human beings can only pay attention to one thing at a time. Multi-tasking is rapid task switching. Whatever has your attention tends to be overvalued or exaggerated.  This means that temptation is empowered once you are aware of it – which is why having strategies to deflect attention is important.

Distracting yourself from temptation can therefore be important behaviorally and  cognitively. Behaviorally you can resist the temptation, which will increase your self-confidence and belief. Cognitively you can begin to reduce the power of the temptation and see it as manageable.

What to do: Identify a number of different actions that you could use as distractions. Ideally, these should be engaging activities that you enjoy. These might include:

  • Playing a favorite game
  • Speaking with a friend
  • Going for a walk
  • Reading a book
  • Watching a movie

Activities that require action are likely to be more helpful but solitary activities can also work if you enjoy them and can get fully engaged in them.

Specs

  • Learning Curve: Very Easy
  • Practice: None
  • Urge Strength: Weak, Medium, Strong
  • Customization: LOTS - TBD
  • Materials: None from GYE, Person Yes
  • Type: Countering
  • Brain Effect: Strong
  • Easier with Time: Medium
  • Editors choice: Yes
  1. ↑ Monti, P. M. (2002). Treating alcohol dependence : a coping skills training guide. Guilford Press.
  2. ↑ Cognitive behavior therapy: Applying empirically supported techniques in your practice, 2nd ed. (2008). In W. T. O’Donohue & J. E. Fisher (Eds.), Cognitive behavior therapy: Applying empirically supported techniques in your practice, 2nd ed. John Wiley & Sons, Inc. p. 20. "The urge control procedure employs components of each of the preceding anger control methods in sequence (see Chapter 67). The procedure was originally developed to assist adults and adolescents in preventing urges to use drugs and alcohol (Azrin, McMahon, et al., 1994) and was later modified to address all impulsive behaviors that result in troublesome behavior, including those elicited from anger (Azrin, Donohue, Teichner, Crum, Howell, & Decato, 2001).
  3. ↑ Azrin, N. H., McMahon, P. T., Donohue, B., Besalel, V. A., Lapinski, K. J., Kogan, E. S., Acierno, R. E., & Galloway, E. (1994). Behavior therapy for drug abuse: A controlled treatment outcome study. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 32(8), 857–866. https://doi.org/10.1016/0005-7967(94)90166-X, p. 860.
  4. ↑ See ibid p. 18 regarding thought stopping: "Thought stopping is a method that may be utilized to interrupt undesirable or unproductive thoughts that often lead to anger. The method is particularly effective when the level of arousal is relatively weak (i.e., first recognition of the stimulus eliciting anger) (Tyson, 1998). As exemplified by Wolpe (1990), the procedure begins with the patient closing his or her eyes and verbalizing a thought that has been associated with negative arousal or anger. The therapist consequently shouts, ‘‘stop!’’ and then points out to the patient that the thought has actually stopped. After practicing the termination of similar thoughts in separate trials, the patient is encouraged to practice the termination of thoughts subvocally. Other phrases or visual images (e.g., ‘‘cut it out,’’ image of a red stop sign) may be used instead of ‘‘stop!’’ to mentally disrupt anger (Deffenbacher,1996). Thought stopping is conceptualized to work because thought inhibition is reinforced by the arousal reduction that occurs each time the individual successfully stops an undesirable thought (Tyson, 1998). The procedure has demonstrated effectiveness in decreasing negative thinking (Peden, Rayens, Hall, & Beebe, 2001; Peden, Rayens, & Hall, 2005). However, it is important to note that thought stopping is not a primary method of intervention. Rather, the procedure is used as an initial component (Deffenbacher, 1996) because it does not alter the situation or environment or teach coping skills."
  5. ↑ ספר חסידים (מרגליות) סימן תתקצב: מעשה שבאו בחורים מארץ מרחקים לפני רב אחד נתן להם חדרים וקבע להם כלי מלא מים אצל מטות של כל אחד מהם אמרו מה טיבן של מים הללו אמר להם אין אתם מלאכים כשיגבר יצרכם עליכם הרי יצר יכלה מכם כי אין דבר שמבטל יצר כמו מים קרים, תשבו עד שיכלה יצריכם ויכבה הרי תורתכם טהורה וכתיב (תהלים י"ט י') יראת ה' טהורה וכתיב (שם י"ב ז') אמרות ה' אמרות טהורות. (והובא בחוקי דרך אה"ע סי' כג ובמחצית השקל שם.) וסיכם דבריו במדרש תלפיות אות יוד ענף יצר הרע, "כשאדם מתגבר ביצרו בתוקף ישב במים קרים או ישליח עליו מים קרים שאין דבר המבטלו כזה."
  6. ↑ Quoted in Positive Vision Day 55. עיי"ש.
  7. ↑ קח לך במחשבה איזה ענין הנוגע לך יותר, אם איזה דבר האהוב לך או שאתה שונא ומתירא ממנו. חשבון מסחר כו'ו ומחשבזו הנוגעת לך הרבה, תפסיק אותך מן התאוה זו על איזה רגעים ואז תוכל אח"כ לחשוב אודותה ולא בה. עיי"ש.
  8. ↑ https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/356766-Lust-counterattack#356796
  9. ↑ https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/355893-Observations#355924
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