Distraction

Distraction - by doing something else

Make a list of possible distracting activities you can engage in when you have an urge, and add it to your plan. Find something that you think can really distract you. It needs to be something interesting that will grab your attention. Pacing back and forth in the room will not do the trick... Since your mind cannot think about two things at once, the distraction will redirect your attention away from the urge and into something else.

By the time an urge kicks in, it will be hard to come up with ideas of how to distract yourself. But if you plan in advance exactly what you will do and include them in your plan, you can start a distracting activity the moment you get an urge.

Some examples are calling a friend or family member, playing a game, reading a good book exercise, or going for a long walk. Be realistic, for some people a sefer can be distracting enough. For others, they’ll need a good (kosher) movie to do the trick.

Distraction - by thinking about something else

In contrast to the distraction technique mentioned earlier, this one is about redirecting your attention by using your mind alone (cognitive only). This seems to be more helpful for low intensity urges. The benefit of this is that since it's all in your head, you can do it immediately, no matter what situation you are in. Here are some suggestions on how to do this:

Decide on three substance-free things that you will begin thinking of immediately whenever you experience a craving or urge. These will be your fallback or go-to responses whenever cravings/urges arise and can be the building blocks of a new habit. These thoughts can be of events, people, songs, phrases, or even places that are special to them in some way. Examples could be the birth of a child, earning a raise or promotion at work, or simply a loved one.
Group Treatment for Substance Abuse
What is the happiest place you can imagine? Think about being there. Think of every sensory detail—see, hear, smell, taste, and touch these.

The PERFECT Program

In The Porn Trap, the author suggests:

A simple sensory awareness exercise can help you shift your attention away from what you’ve been thinking about and on to something else in your environment. Begin by saying the phrase, “Now I’m aware of…,” and then complete it by stating something you see in your environment. For example, “Now I’m aware of the sun coming through the window.” Repeat and complete the phrase “Now I’m aware of…,” until you have identified five different things that you see. Continue the exercise stating five different things you are aware of hearing, then five things you are aware of touching or feeling in side your body. This exercise can help center you sensually in the reality of your present environment and take you farther away from the fantasy world of porn.

Dr. Thomas Horvath in his Workbook for Overcoming Addictions writes:

Deliberately shift your focus to something that is easy to stay focused on. For instance, look around you. Is there something in the room that you could count? It might be ceiling tiles, floor tiles, designs on wallpaper or paneling, window blinds, leaves of a plant, or something that you can observe through a window outside the room. Count the objects that you see as rapidly as you can. For instance, count the number of blinds that you see on a window. If you count very rapidly and as accurately as you can, you will find that other thoughts that were on your mind go away, because you are focused on the counting.

Horvath also gives the following examples:

Subtract numbers (for instance, subtract 7 from 1,000 and get 993, subtract 7 again and get 986, subtract 7 again, and so on)
Say the alphabet backwards
Read words backwards (say the word correctly but read the sequence backwards: "backwards words read")
Play the "alphabet game" by looking at license plates, book titles or a printed page and find an A, then a B, then a C, etc.
Tighten the muscles in your body in a particular sequence, over and over (tighten your feet, then your calves, then your thighs, then your pelvis, then your stomach, then your chest, then your shoulders, then your neck, then your face, over and over again) / reach into your pocket or purse and attempt to identify coins or other objects there just by feel.

Urge Control Practice

Based on Anger (Negative Impulse) Control, Donohue & Tracy et al. (2008)^[1] partially based on Azrin et al (1994)^[2].

This can be done as daily practice, and also implemented in real time.

Identify a recent situation that led to an urge, then imagine doing the following:

Step 1: Stop!^[3]

Interrupt the narrative by saying "No! or "Stop!" (Azrin, 1994)
Other phrases or visual images (e.g., ‘‘cut it out,’’ image of a red stop sign) may be used instead of ‘‘stop!’’ to mentally disrupt anger (Deffenbacher,1996)." Donhue (2008).

Step 2: State one negative consequence for self and one for others if impulse is acted on.

Followed by brief phrases describing the negative consequence of drug use as identified ... as the predominant negative consequence (consequences rated at least 90 on a 1000 of aversiveness) (Azrin, 1994).

Step 3: Relaxation, deep breaths.

Self-relaxation consisting of muscular relaxation, breathing smoothly and slowly, sand saying "Calm" and "Relax" for about 5 sec. (Azrin, 1994)

Step 4: State four or more behavioral alternatives that are incompatible with [P&M].

This is not included in Azrin.

Step 5: Imagine doing a behavior that is incompatible with anger [P&M].

Imagine initiating an overt reinforcing activity ("fun or functional" that would compete with the drug urge and described in complete sentences, without pauses, the action and the indented benefits (reinforcement) thereof.

Step 6: Imagine telling friends or family about doing the behavior, and imagine their positive responses.

g. State positive things that will happen because the behavior is performed.

Common Distraction Ideas

Learn Torah (listen to a good shiur, meet up with a Chavrusa, learn about a new topic, recite some Torah that you know by heart)
Call a friend or family member
Call a supportive GYE partner
Read a book, magazine, or sefer
Take a walk or drive somewhere
Play a game (Get games on your computer/phone that will fully engage your mind, and your hands…).
Watch a Kosher (non triggering) movie
Do some exercise (exercise also has additional benefits)
Journal about how you're feeling
Listen to a good music, a shiur, comedy, the radio, or chizuk.
Visit GuardYourEyes.com
Spend time on a hobby (write, play music, paint or draw)
Learn something new and fun (a new skill, new language, new subject, something that can help your career or personal growth)
Do some errands or todo's
Do some Chessed (an act of Kindness)
Do something relaxing (progressive muscle relaxation, belly breathing, gratitude breathing, mindfulness practice)
Have a snack (or go buy one)
Make yourself a delicious meal
Reduce sexual tension: Take a cold shower^[4]. Then take another.

Other examples in Steinberg et al, Brief Counseling for Marijuana Dependence: A Manual for Treating Adults Form 1A:

Change your physical position. Stand up and stretch, walk around the room, or step outside.
Carry things to put in your mouth: toothpicks, gum, mints, plastic straws, low-calorie snacks
Carry objects to fiddle with: a rubber ball to squeeze, a small puzzle, a pebble, worry beads.
Have a distracting activity available: a crossword puzzle, magazine, book, a postcard to write.
Distraction: Focus on something different: the task at hand, a daydream, a fantasy, counting backwards from 150 by 3s.

Torah References

Distraction is known as היסח הדעת.

Redirecting attention to neutral things

ספר חסידים אות ד' וראה שם סי' תתרמה

טעמי המצות להר"ר מנחם ריקאנטי בל"ת צ"ד

כתר ראש להגר"ח מוולאזין אות קל"ו

לקוטי מוהר"ן ח"א סי' רלג

קריינא דאיגרתא ח"א סי' טז

שם חלק א' סי' קט

שו"ת אדרת תפארת ח"ג סי' ל"ב בשם בנין יוסף פ"ד

שבט מוסר פי"ב

חובת התלמידים פי"ג^[5]

הכשרת האברכים פ"ט^[6]

תניא פרק יב

Redirecting attention to Torah

בבא בתרא טז, א וברש"י ד"ה משכהו לבית המדרש

זוהר ח"א קצ, א

רמב"ם הלכות איסורי ביאה פרק כב הלכה כא: וכן ינהוג להתרחק מן השחוק ומן השכרות ומדברי עגבים שאלו גורמין גדולים והם מעלות של עריות, ולא ישב בלא אשה שמנהג זה גורם לטהרה יתירה, גדולה מכל זאת אמרו יפנה עצמו ומחשבתו לדברי תורה וירחיב דעתו בחכמה שאין מחשבת עריות מתגברת אלא בלב פנוי מן החכמה, ובחכמה הוא אומר אילת אהבים ויעלת חן דדיה ירווך בכל עת באהבתה תשגה תמיד.

שו"ע אבן העזר סי' כג סעיף ג

צל"ח ברכות ה, א

תניא פרק יב ופרק כח

שמועה בשם הגר"א - והאר עיננו עמ' ב

קריינא דאיגרתא ח"א סי' טז

תורת מנחם - אגרות בריבוי מקומות

שומר אמונים יד, ב

דרכי החיים ח"א ע' תה

והאר עיננו עמ' ב: ולכן יעצו לנו רבותינו להתרגל בצאתינו לקבוע לנו על מה לחשוב, אם על איזה קושיא שנשארה בצ"ע או לחזור על המו"מ בסוגיא שעוסק בה או לחשוב על איזה מאמר חז"ל.

Positive Vision Day 23 and Day 24 - Emphasizes the benefits of Torah both as a distraction (quotes Ramchal that this is THE cure), and also that it repels Tuma.

Learning Torah by Heart

ובחרת בחיים (להר"ח מאליק מסאטמאר) היצר אין לו בושה להביא הרהורי עבירה אפי' לגדול בתורה, ע"כ העצה היעוצה לכל מי שרוצה לזכות במלחמה שיקח כלי זיינו בידו. היינו התורה כי בראתי יצה"ר בראתי לו תורה תבלין, ולהבין מה זה הענין שהמשילו התורה לתבלין אפשר לומר כי התבלין ממתקין הקדרה ומהפכין מרירא למתקא, כן הוא מי שלוחם עם המחשבותו רעות ובכל פעם שהיצר ממציא לו הרהורים רעים תיכף מסיח דעתו מהן ובורח במחשבתו לדברי תורה, וכ' בלק"א הנ"ל דבכל פעם שמסיח דעתו מהן ההרהור אכפי' לס"א וסליק נהורא מגו חשוכא ומתהפך מרירא למתקן, וגורם נחת רוח גדול לבוראינו ית"ש ע"כ נמשלה התורה לתבלין כי ע"י התורה נתהפך מרירא למתקא. עכ"ל. על כן נכון הדבר שכ"א ילמד עצמו איזה דבר בע"פ משנה או גמרא, שיהי בפיו ובמוחו היטב שיוכל תיכף כרגע להרהר בדברי תורה, ונכון הדבר שיהיה לו איזה משנה מיוחדת לזה, כדי שלא יצטרך לחפוש במוחו איזה דבר תורה, כי הדבר תלוי ברגע, ובכל פעם שמסיח דעתו מן ההרהרו כ' בלק"א הנ"ל שמקיים בזה הלאו של ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם, ונכון לכוין בשמחה עצומה שמקיים זה הלאו, וגורם נחת רוח גדול בעולמות עליונים ע"י כפיות הס"א.

Hesech Hadaas

The Torah concept of Hesech Hadaas is more than just distraction, it's also a general attitude of not putting too much focus on this topic. For more on this see Hesech Hadaas.

From GYE Members

I don't think the urge is necessarily to seek, rather it's to satisfy my craving for feeling good about myself or feeling good and productive in general. For this we tend to turn to our tried and true method, not because it's the answer but because it's what we've always done. In reality we have to just get up and do something productive, until then, no matter how hard we try to fight, the urge will just grow and grow. I have many project for when opening the gemara just wont cut it. Working out, reading, learning something lighter or a topic that interests me, spending time with a friend, spending time with family, and so on. #wilnevergiveup^[7]
Personally think that distraction is a powerful tool against the yetzer. using tools like Torah, positive relationships and chores (which will do wonders for the relationships with the people around the home) are the keys that I have tried to use and Baruch Hashem have been the key to the control for myself. @Misgaber96
I would think about sex all the time... during business meetings, lust; on the subway, lust; on the street, lust; even during learning or davening, and even when I was with my wife I would fantasize... I changed that for the sake of the chart.... I knew that if I wanted to stay on that chart I would need to stop lusting... And sometimes I white-knuckled it to get through another tough day and stay on that chart. But as I continued and worked on not lusting, I didn't need to white-knuckle as much anymore.... [...] I let go of lust... I just don't think about sex... When a sexual thought comes up, I make it go away, whether through prayer, rage, jokes, or something else... I don't let it linger and fester and grow... #RATM
Thinking about something else: This is some_guy's idea here to use his words: I came up with a really good trick. Think of something interesting right now. I really like science, so I think of a theory or paradox. Make sure you really like the subject. If you need help, think about explaining your subject to a child. Once you have decided on a topic you are truly interested in, stop thinking about it. Whenever you see women on the street, or anything like that, the Yetzah Hara will always puts ideas and desires into your head. When that happens you need to remember that curious topic you picked earlier. Because you genuinely are interested in this idea, your mind naturally starts pondering it very deeply. This drowns out the Yetzah Hara until the moment has passed. I suggest thinking about your topic for a while to make sure the you have calmed down. @Inastruggle

Cognitive Distraction

I'll share a technique that works for me, often I get urges when I'm in bed, so I try to use this technique, this isn't always so effective if I'm busy doing something else. Perhaps you can try implement it and see if it works for you. I try picture some activity that I do often and can picture many details about, eg driving to school or going for a run. I think of what the weather is like, which houses I'm passing, when I'm speeding up, when I'm slowing down. Where my hands, my feet are, the turns I'm making etc. I find by filling my mind with a vivid experience, it clears my mind, I think because we can't think of multiple things at once very easily. #Looking_to_improve^[8]

References

Don’t! The secret of self-control. (see also Positive Vision Day 23 and Day 24)
Mischel (1981) has shown how children learn self-control by increasing the skill with which they deal with tempting situations. Very young children have greater difficulty coping with temptations than do older children. What do older children do that younger ones don’t do? Children who successfully resist temptations tend to think about the tempting object—for example, a marshmallow—using “cool” thoughts. “The marshmallows are puffy like clouds.” Children who are less successful tend to think about the tempting object with “hot” thoughts. “The marshmallows taste yummy and chewy.” “Hot” thoughts make it harder to resist temptation. Children who successfully resist temptation distract themselves from “hot” thoughts. Or they avoid thinking about the tempting object altogether and think about other irrelevant objects. Watson David L., T. R. G. (2013). Self-Directed Behavior: Self-Modification for Personal Adjustment. Cengage Learning. p.10

Summary by @Howard

How it Works: it helps to defuse the power of the temptation by not paying attention to it.

The Nobel prize winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman states “nothing is as important as when you attend to it.”

Human beings can only pay attention to one thing at a time. Multi-tasking is rapid task switching. Whatever has your attention tends to be overvalued or exaggerated. This means that temptation is empowered once you are aware of it – which is why having strategies to deflect attention is important.

Distracting yourself from temptation can therefore be important behaviorally and cognitively. Behaviorally you can resist the temptation, which will increase your self-confidence and belief. Cognitively you can begin to reduce the power of the temptation and see it as manageable.

What to do: Identify a number of different actions that you could use as distractions. Ideally, these should be engaging activities that you enjoy. These might include:

Playing a favorite game
Speaking with a friend
Going for a walk
Reading a book
Watching a movie

Activities that require action are likely to be more helpful but solitary activities can also work if you enjoy them and can get fully engaged in them.

Specs

Learning Curve: Very Easy
Practice: None
Urge Strength: Weak, Medium, Strong
Customization: LOTS - TBD
Materials: None from GYE, Person Yes
Type: Countering
Brain Effect: Strong
Easier with Time: Medium
Editors choice: Yes

↑ Cognitive behavior therapy: Applying empirically supported techniques in your practice, 2nd ed. (2008). In W. T. O’Donohue & J. E. Fisher (Eds.), Cognitive behavior therapy: Applying empirically supported techniques in your practice, 2nd ed. John Wiley & Sons, Inc. p. 20. "The urge control procedure employs components of each of the preceding anger control methods in sequence (see Chapter 67). The procedure was originally developed to assist adults and adolescents in preventing urges to use drugs and alcohol (Azrin, McMahon, et al., 1994) and was later modified to address all impulsive behaviors that result in troublesome behavior, including those elicited from anger (Azrin, Donohue, Teichner, Crum, Howell, & Decato, 2001).
↑ Azrin, N. H., McMahon, P. T., Donohue, B., Besalel, V. A., Lapinski, K. J., Kogan, E. S., Acierno, R. E., & Galloway, E. (1994). Behavior therapy for drug abuse: A controlled treatment outcome study. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 32(8), 857–866. https://doi.org/10.1016/0005-7967(94)90166-X, p. 860.
↑ See ibid p. 18 regarding thought stopping: "Thought stopping is a method that may be utilized to interrupt undesirable or unproductive thoughts that often lead to anger. The method is particularly effective when the level of arousal is relatively weak (i.e., first recognition of the stimulus eliciting anger) (Tyson, 1998). As exemplified by Wolpe (1990), the procedure begins with the patient closing his or her eyes and verbalizing a thought that has been associated with negative arousal or anger. The therapist consequently shouts, ‘‘stop!’’ and then points out to the patient that the thought has actually stopped. After practicing the termination of similar thoughts in separate trials, the patient is encouraged to practice the termination of thoughts subvocally. Other phrases or visual images (e.g., ‘‘cut it out,’’ image of a red stop sign) may be used instead of ‘‘stop!’’ to mentally disrupt anger (Deffenbacher,1996). Thought stopping is conceptualized to work because thought inhibition is reinforced by the arousal reduction that occurs each time the individual successfully stops an undesirable thought (Tyson, 1998). The procedure has demonstrated effectiveness in decreasing negative thinking (Peden, Rayens, Hall, & Beebe, 2001; Peden, Rayens, & Hall, 2005). However, it is important to note that thought stopping is not a primary method of intervention. Rather, the procedure is used as an initial component (Deffenbacher, 1996) because it does not alter the situation or environment or teach coping skills."
↑ ספר חסידים (מרגליות) סימן תתקצב: מעשה שבאו בחורים מארץ מרחקים לפני רב אחד נתן להם חדרים וקבע להם כלי מלא מים אצל מטות של כל אחד מהם אמרו מה טיבן של מים הללו אמר להם אין אתם מלאכים כשיגבר יצרכם עליכם הרי יצר יכלה מכם כי אין דבר שמבטל יצר כמו מים קרים, תשבו עד שיכלה יצריכם ויכבה הרי תורתכם טהורה וכתיב (תהלים י"ט י') יראת ה' טהורה וכתיב (שם י"ב ז') אמרות ה' אמרות טהורות. (והובא בחוקי דרך אה"ע סי' כג ובמחצית השקל שם.) וסיכם דבריו במדרש תלפיות אות יוד ענף יצר הרע, "כשאדם מתגבר ביצרו בתוקף ישב במים קרים או ישליח עליו מים קרים שאין דבר המבטלו כזה."
↑ Quoted in Positive Vision Day 55. עיי"ש.
↑ קח לך במחשבה איזה ענין הנוגע לך יותר, אם איזה דבר האהוב לך או שאתה שונא ומתירא ממנו. חשבון מסחר כו'ו ומחשבזו הנוגעת לך הרבה, תפסיק אותך מן התאוה זו על איזה רגעים ואז תוכל אח"כ לחשוב אודותה ולא בה. עיי"ש.
↑ https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/356766-Lust-counterattack#356796
↑ https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/355893-Observations#355924

[1] Cognitive behavior therapy: Applying empirically supported techniques in your practice, 2nd ed. (2008). In W. T. O’Donohue & J. E. Fisher (Eds.), Cognitive behavior therapy: Applying empirically supported techniques in your practice, 2nd ed. John Wiley & Sons, Inc. p. 20. "The urge control procedure employs components of each of the preceding anger control methods in sequence (see Chapter 67). The procedure was originally developed to assist adults and adolescents in preventing urges to use drugs and alcohol (Azrin, McMahon, et al., 1994) and was later modified to address all impulsive behaviors that result in troublesome behavior, including those elicited from anger (Azrin, Donohue, Teichner, Crum, Howell, & Decato, 2001).

[2] Azrin, N. H., McMahon, P. T., Donohue, B., Besalel, V. A., Lapinski, K. J., Kogan, E. S., Acierno, R. E., & Galloway, E. (1994). Behavior therapy for drug abuse: A controlled treatment outcome study. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 32(8), 857–866. https://doi.org/10.1016/0005-7967(94)90166-X, p. 860.

[3] See ibid p. 18 regarding thought stopping: "Thought stopping is a method that may be utilized to interrupt undesirable or unproductive thoughts that often lead to anger. The method is particularly effective when the level of arousal is relatively weak (i.e., first recognition of the stimulus eliciting anger) (Tyson, 1998). As exemplified by Wolpe (1990), the procedure begins with the patient closing his or her eyes and verbalizing a thought that has been associated with negative arousal or anger. The therapist consequently shouts, ‘‘stop!’’ and then points out to the patient that the thought has actually stopped. After practicing the termination of similar thoughts in separate trials, the patient is encouraged to practice the termination of thoughts subvocally. Other phrases or visual images (e.g., ‘‘cut it out,’’ image of a red stop sign) may be used instead of ‘‘stop!’’ to mentally disrupt anger (Deffenbacher,1996). Thought stopping is conceptualized to work because thought inhibition is reinforced by the arousal reduction that occurs each time the individual successfully stops an undesirable thought (Tyson, 1998). The procedure has demonstrated effectiveness in decreasing negative thinking (Peden, Rayens, Hall, & Beebe, 2001; Peden, Rayens, & Hall, 2005). However, it is important to note that thought stopping is not a primary method of intervention. Rather, the procedure is used as an initial component (Deffenbacher, 1996) because it does not alter the situation or environment or teach coping skills."

[4] ספר חסידים (מרגליות) סימן תתקצב: מעשה שבאו בחורים מארץ מרחקים לפני רב אחד נתן להם חדרים וקבע להם כלי מלא מים אצל מטות של כל אחד מהם אמרו מה טיבן של מים הללו אמר להם אין אתם מלאכים כשיגבר יצרכם עליכם הרי יצר יכלה מכם כי אין דבר שמבטל יצר כמו מים קרים, תשבו עד שיכלה יצריכם ויכבה הרי תורתכם טהורה וכתיב (תהלים י"ט י') יראת ה' טהורה וכתיב (שם י"ב ז') אמרות ה' אמרות טהורות. (והובא בחוקי דרך אה"ע סי' כג ובמחצית השקל שם.) וסיכם דבריו במדרש תלפיות אות יוד ענף יצר הרע, "כשאדם מתגבר ביצרו בתוקף ישב במים קרים או ישליח עליו מים קרים שאין דבר המבטלו כזה."

[5] Quoted in Positive Vision Day 55. עיי"ש.

[6] קח לך במחשבה איזה ענין הנוגע לך יותר, אם איזה דבר האהוב לך או שאתה שונא ומתירא ממנו. חשבון מסחר כו'ו ומחשבזו הנוגעת לך הרבה, תפסיק אותך מן התאוה זו על איזה רגעים ואז תוכל אח"כ לחשוב אודותה ולא בה. עיי"ש.

[7] ttps://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/356766-Lust-counterattack#356796

[8] ttps://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/355893-Observations#355924

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