Coping Statements

Positive affirmations

See also Mantras, FRC.

Coping / Mastery Statements

This strategy is really simple, it involves telling yourself that you can handle the urge without acting on it. Here are some examples of coping statements:

• "Even though it sucks that I have to deal with X problem, [porn] isn’t going to help me.” (This instead of thinking, “I deserve [porn] because I have to deal with X problem,” — SMART Handbook
• "I can do it". —Hester & Miller p. 228
• “Yes, I can.” (Remind yourself in no uncertain terms that you have resisted successfully many times before. Affirm your resilience.)  —Changeology
• Recognize that it's possible not to give in. Think: "I don't need to do this". —Condeo
• "I can handle this, the urge will pass soon"

Here's another bunch from A Workbook for Overcoming Addictions (Horvath):

• This craving will go away in a while if I don’t act on it. If I do act on it, it will return shortly, and probably be even stronger than this one.
• If I don't act on it, this craving will go away, and eventually all of them will go away or become so small as not to be a bother.
• The craving itself won't hurt me.
• It's normal to have a craving for now, because I just began changing. In time they will be gone.
• This craving can’t force me to do anything, I’m the one in control.

You can also come up with your own...

• This is only a nisayon, I can handle it.
• Hashem knows I can handle this urge. It's hard but I can do it.
• I've handled many urges already -- I'm __ days clean on the 90 day chart! I can do this!
• This urge is super uncomfortable, but it's not unbearable. I'm not gonna die from it. It will soon go away... and I'll feel great about myself for resisting.
• Let me just focus on today. I can stay clean one day / hour / minute / at a time.
• I just got an opportunity to develop self-control. (Each time you successfully resist temptation you are developing self-control - @Howard)

How to use this technique: Choose or compose a statement based on the ideas above and tell it to yourself next time you have urge. You can memorize it, or write down somewhere and keep it handy.  

Tip: "Carry a written reminder, which includes one or more of the statements above, and pull it out when craving occurs."   Horvath p. 156.

From GYE Members

This is a test!

• I just had a fight with my wife and she went storming out the door.... The first thing I did, was rush to an unprotected computer and type in very bad website. I didn't actually get to see anything in the site and I quickly remembered that this is a test. I also remembered that I am registered on the 90 day journey! So I shut off the website before any images came on. #Anonymous

I'm a fighter

• Aside from God,  torah and mitzvos, i suddenly remembered something else, and thats what gave me the strength to hold my horses for a moment. I remembered 'one piece' cartoon series and the great swords-man Roronoa Zoro. [For those who isn't familiar with the series, i won't recommend it. Its a long and time consuming saga with too little good content to learn from. But for those who did watch it, i think it may give some chizuk and yeah, sometimes cartoons can teach us a good thing or two :] Actually anything we experience is there for a reason (since we have Hashgacha Pratit).] So Zoro's character is definitely the strongest among all the super powered heroes that showing up there by the dozens. Yes, he is just a man, but what makes him the strongest is his resolve. It doesn't matter how hopeless his cause would seem, no matter how many times he falls or how many wounds he would receive, he would stubbornly go on, become stronger, fight harder, and eventually win. You cant beat a man like that. I definitely wish i had a willpower like that. And so i thought, still half asleep "it doesn't matter that right now my cause seems so stupid, hopeless, idiotic and frustratingly frustrating to me. I dont care. I DONT CARE!!! If i decided, I will go on. I wont give in. I will not break my resolve, because thats who i wanna be. A fighter." thats what i thought, and B"H, the lust attack passed in a few moments. I won this time. My moto from now on is: never give up. Never stop fighting, whatever is your way, whatever tools you have to use, Head on or under and over it, Hashem is with us. He gives us power. He won't leave us, and eventually we WILL become the MASTERS of the yetzer hara. We will prevail! Be like zoro :] !!!!FIGHT!!!!! @Ftndrug

It's healthy Pain

• @YS: The uncomfortable painful feeling when u have an urge. Feel that the yetzer hara inside you is dying within you.
• No Pain No Gain - See GYE Handbook Attitude Principles #5
• The pain we feel when not looking is HEALING pain, like the pain from surgery. The pain is healing us. On the other hand, the spiritual pain of looking is the pain of the disease getting worse. Which pain do we choose? - GYE Handbook, Progressive Tools for Breaking Free
  • The pain we feel when not looking is not really our pain at all. It is the pain of the Yetzer Hara in his "death throes". He is screaming that we are hitting him hard. So we can actually enjoy the pain! We are feeling the pain of our enemy as he gets weaker! Ibid

The Battle of the Generation

[p. 231]

You can build on your enthusiasm and etch it into your essence. First, increase your excitement to accomplish by remembering that victory brings you your greatest wish — greatness. Next, transform that energy into determination by firmly thinking, “I will not do that!” Think or say this repeatedly with gusto, each time pumping your fist or doing whatever makes you feel confident. The enthusiasm and determination will give you incredible strength.

Determination must come from you wanting to succeed. This comes from contemplating the thrilling payoff. When you fight, you accomplish unique feats that you will take pride in forever! You will make Hashem so happy and proud! You will act with self-mastery, and you will continue to move closer to becoming the person you want to be.

Here are some statements to repeatedly think about and say confidently before a challenge:

• “I want to succeed and reach greatness.”
• “I will not do that no matter what!”
• “I know what I need to do and I will do it! I will make myself really proud.”
• “I’m going to show myself what I’m capable of!”
• “Though I desire to do something and it is enjoyable, it isn’t worth it and I won’t do it. I will choose greatness over cheap thrills!”

Say these statements with excitement. It is best to choose one statement and repeat it over and over confidently, rather than cycling through the different statements. Use whatever phrase speaks to you best, and experiment with the others or make up your own later on.

In The Battle of the Generation Ch. 32 he elaborates on what he thinks is the most powerful phrase:

• "I don't do that"

Specs

• Learning Curve: Very Easy
• Practice: Occasional
• Urge Strength: Weak
• Customization: What will you tell yourself?
• Materials: None
• Type: "Face It"
• Brain Effect: Medium
• Easier with Time: Medium
• Editors choice: No