One day at a time
See also the metaphor in http://wiki.guardyoureyes.com/Rational_and_Irrational_Beliefs
Torah Sources
- לקוטי מוהר"ן סי' רעב
- חפץ חיים אהבת חסד פ"א בהג"ה
Definion
- One Day at a Time. Recovery is best thought of as a journey that is undertaken one step at a time. The goal is to avoid taking the first drink and to stay sober a day at a time. Anniversaries of sobriety are important, but ultimately what is most important is whether you drink today, not whether you drank yesterday or will drink tomorrow. Nowinski, J., Stuart Baker, M. A., Carroll, C. A. C. K., & Mattson, M. E. (1999). TWELVE STEP FACILITATION THERAPY MANUAL. National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism Project MATCH.
The GYE Handbook
From Attitude Principles for Addiction
Take the struggle only “one day at a time.” Try never to focus on the future or wonder how we will manage. We must learn to live in the present only, focusing on staying "clean" or "sober" right NOW. When we focus on the future, we can easily fall. It’s like someone walking a tightrope; if he looks down, it becomes so much harder not to fall. Therefore, when feeling weak we can tell ourselves, “just for today, I will stay clean” or “Just for this moment, I will stay clean.” The past and the future are out of our hands and belong only to Hashem. When we feel that we are about to fall, we may even tell ourselves that we reserve the right to act out tomorrow. We are not making a decision now for life. However, just for today we will do whatever we can to stay clean. In the same way that we can’t sleep or eat for tomorrow, we can’t stay clean today for tomorrow.
One guy writes: When I get up in the morning after saying Modeh Ani, I always pray to Hashem in my own words and say something along these lines: "Hashem, I cannot control this without your help. I am willing not to act out on lust today, but I cannot promise about tomorrow. Just for today Hashem, please help me succeed."
This is one of the big Yesodos in the 12-Step program as well. On any given day, if we do what we are supposed to on our side to try and stay "sober" and sane, we trust completely in Hashem that He will give us 24 hours of relief - for that day only.
We see this idea in regards to the provisions of the B’nei Yisrael in the desert. Hashem gave them relief for one day at a time. Whether they gathered a lot or a little, they only got 24 hours of sustenance and relief.
The phrases "Hayom al l'vovecha – today on your heart" and "asher Anochi metzaveh es'chem Hayom – which I command you today" in kriyas sh'ma are both explained by our sages to mean that Hashem’s proclamation here is new - today is the first day we have heard of it! Hashem is telling us to live one day at a time. This is an approach to life in kriyas sh'ma itself. It reminds us each time we say it, that Hashem is concerned with how we do today. Not yesterday, nor tomorrow. So if even Hashem asks for only one day at a time - should we ask for more?
Teshuva is only relevant inasmuch as it affects today's avodah. The Chovos Hal'vavos says (right at the start of sha'ar hateshuvah), that the definition of Teshuvah is behaving correctly right now, even though we have messed up badly in the past. It is not about fixing anything. (It’s Hashem’s business to fix us, not ours).
And remember, today is the first day of the rest of your life! So let’s do our very best to stay clean just for today.
From Dov
[..] Gevalt. You may be suffering from what I and others here and everywhere suffer from, at times that the belief that the motto "one day at a time" is smart, sweet, nice, and encouraging - but not really reality. That is is a gimmick.
That's too bad. See, there is no looong road ahead. There is only today. As long as we smile wryly when we hear that, and pretend to agree to just focus on today - just cuz it makes things easier - we still don't get it. Gimmicks do not make for a new life. There are no gimmicks in this business.
Only confrontation with reality.
From GYE Members
- I learned from Dov, the awesome super sober guy, one day at a time is b'kitzur, I can't stay clean from yesterday's shower, there IS only today. Not that I can hold on for today, then tomorrow, then the next day and poof 10000 days, no it's that the reality is all I have is today. #Singularity[1]
- 90 days isnt easy though. Esp to someone who cant imagine more than a week or a couple days clean. Takes mental fortitude and planing. It need chizuk and a support system. Takes the right mentality of 1 day at a time. IDK whats going to happen tom and I dont CARE whats going to happen tom, but today I gotta fight my tuchus off. So start a thread, and shmuzz with chaveriem and get those engines revved. #battle-of-the-gen[2]
- I just wanted to share a couple of ideas that helped me make it this far in my journey. The fist thing I did was take it one day a time. I read this statement from the Klausenberger Rebbe, I think on gye. It said the following "In my youth, I was considered a bright and diligent student. How did I accomplish this? I tricked my yetzer hara. Other children had great plans at the beginning of the school year for the whole year, but in the end, they failed. I said to myself, "I am going to plan just for today - and set the goal for this day only". The Satan, not being interested in a single day, left me alone. The next day, I again just made plans for that day, and so on until the end of the year." - Klausenberger Rebbe. That is what I tried to do. When I felt an urge I would tell myself not today maybe tomorrow but definitely not today. Slowly days turned into weeks and weeks turned into a month. I saw in a book from Rabbi Twersky that in AA people count their sobriety by the day. He told a story of someone who said that another participant was sober longer because she had woken up earlier and was still sober. So that became my model one day at a time. #Onestepatatime