Urges

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ― Viktor E. Frankl

See Dealing with Urges

Definition

Allan Marlatt distinguishes between Urges and Cravings:

Craving is defined within this theoretical framework as the degree of desire (incentive value) for the immediate positive outcomes one expects as function of engaging in the addictive behavior. IN this sense, craving refers to the subjective desire for immediate gratification (the Problem of Immediate Gratification [PIG] phenomenon). An urge is defined as an intention to engage in instrumental activity designed to gratify or satisfy craving (thus a distinction is made between craving as subjective motivation state and the urge as behavior intention that "translates" the craving state into a potential overt act of indulgence). IN the material to follow, we use the term urge as general catch-all phrase to represent positive outcome expectancies and craving experiences.

In the SMART Recovery handbook it says:

Triggers are the things that lead to cravings (I want to), which can lead to urges (I need to)

In Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Rethinking Sex Addiction, it is defined as followed:

• Sexual urges are the embodied sensations and activation that motivate sexual action. Nancy Raymond, coauthor of the Sexual Symptom Assessment Scale, describes urges as “having both a visceral and affective component” (N. Raymond, March 19, 2014, personal communication). An urge may be generated before or after a thought or behavior, but is not dependent on either (N. Raymond, March 19, 2014, personal communication). A sexual urge can feel like a force pushing the self from within or like a force pulling the self from without.
• Sexual thoughts are the ideas, mental pictures, and fantasies that contain sexual themes. Sexual scenes run through people’s minds in response to a limitless supply of external and internal stimulation. Sexual thoughts are can also be the stimulus that evokes sexual urges and behaviors.
• Sexual behaviors are outward sexual expressions and are not limited to the actions that surround sexual intercourse. Any sexual expression involving one or more people is subsumed under sexual behavior (e.g., masturbation, sensual touch, intercourse, oral sex, online sexual chatting, etc.). Sexual behaviors are also not dependent on sexual thoughts or urges. They can precede and follow or influence and be influenced by urges and thoughts.

Sexual urges and thoughts are products of a person’s mind and are understood as subjective internal experiences. Sexual behavior is the observable action with oneself or others.

Duration

• Might peak in the first 5 minutes
• Can persist for at least 15 min
• Recovery websites also suggest a 15-30 min. duration

Torah Sources

• המספיק לעובדי ה' (לבן הרמב"ם) פרק י: וכן בעל אשה יצטער אם יתאחר משגלו אפילו שבעו אחד, ואלו הרוק שהזנות אסורה עליו וכן מי שנוסע רחוק מביתו לא יצטערו אפילו יתאחר שנה תמימה, וכל זה מכח ההרגל. ועיניך הרואות כי הצם הרבה ימים רצופים יתענה ברעב ביומו הראשון יותר משיתענה ביום השני, ובשני יותר מבשלישי, עד שיעשה לו הצום טבע שני ולא יהא חושש לו, כדרך מי שרגיל בתעניות. (ובהערות המהדיר: וכן בסנהדרין ק"ז איתא אבר קטן יש באדם משביעו רעב ומרעיבו שבע. ובשו"ע ר"מ א כתוב, "אך יותר טוב היה לו לדחות את יצרו ולכבוש אותו כי אבר קטן וכו' עיי"ש).
• Cheshbon Hanefesh Ch. 107 talks about 4 levels: קליטה, עיבור, לידה, וגידול. He says the first one is impossible to prevent, and it's called הרהורי עבירה. However the others can be dealt with ifw we catch them on time.