Shame
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We generally use the words “shame” and guilt” interchangeably. One may say, “I am ashamed of what I did”, meaning “I feel guilty over what I did.” Technically, however, the two terms are different. Guilt is about what a person did, and it can be a constructive feeling in that it can lead one to Teshuvah, to take corrective action. Shame, however, is what one feels he is. In other words, guilt is “I made a mistake”, whereas shame is “I am a mistake”. If one feels that he is inherently flawed, that he is made of “bad stuff”, there is nothing he can do to change that. With guilt there is hope of improvement, but not with shame. --Rabbi Twerski, GYE Handbook
References
- Maia Szalavitz, “Being Ashamed of Drinking Prompts Relapse, Not Recovery,” Time, February 7, 2013, http://healthland.time.com/2013/02/07/being-ashamed-of-drinking-prompts-relapse-not-recovery. See Discussion page for more quotes from that article.
- The Weight of Negativity. Peele, Stanton; Thompson, Ilse. Recover! (p. 104). Hachette Books. Kindle Edition.
- The Concept of Shame; Digging Deeper into the Concept of Shame; Positive Shame; Pelcovitz, Dr. David. The Ultimate Guide To Achieving Maximum Personal Growth . Kindle Edition.
- Before we can start changing faulty core beliefs, we need to recognize what they are. Below is an exercise that can be helpful to complete to identify the most common ones. Hall, Paula. Understanding and Treating Sex and Pornography Addiction (p. 114). Taylor and Francis. Kindle Edition. (Nice assessment for identifying shame)
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From GYE Members
- Just one more thought, I have been searching for something like GYE for a long time now (I don't have google search with my filter) because I was not willing to share my suffering with anyone. The feeling of being alone in the world with these challenges and no one to share them with was extremely overwhelming. Finally finding GYE gives me a feeling of relief, like "wow this is exactly what I need". @wilnevergiveup