Talk:Shame

From: https://healthland.time.com/2013/02/07/being-ashamed-of-drinking-prompts-relapse-not-recovery/

Shame, however, shouldn’t be confused with guilt. While the two emotions often occur together, they are distinct and have different effects on motivation. Shame is the sense that you are a bad person, while guilt is remorse over bad behavior. “Guilt is much better,” says Tracy, noting that unlike shame, having a sense of guilt when you do wrong tends to be associated with good mental health rather disease.

“When you feel shame, you feel that who you are as person [is] bad and there’s nowhere to go with that, there’s no solution,” explains Tracy. “With guilt, you did a bad thing, but you can fix it.”

To help overcome shame, those who are depressed and people with addictions are often taught to essentially “hate the sin, not the sinner.” They are encouraged to take responsibility for their actions but to avoid seeing themselves as having a fundamentally bad character. Instead, they’re helped to interpret what happened as bad behavior that they can choose to avoid in the future and for which they can make amends. By reducing shame, they can then reduce the pain that is likely to lead to relapse and perpetuation of the vicious drinking cycle.

Not only can understanding this connection help alcoholics to recover, but identifying those who are more embarrassed by their drinking may help counselors focus on people at high risk of relapse, who may need extra help in overcoming their addiction. That could help make treatment more effective.