Shmiras Einayim

Torah sources

• ספר החינוך פרשת שלח מצוה שפז - שלא לתור אחר מחשבת הלב וראיית העינים: ודע בני ותהא מרגלא בפומך מה שאמרו זכרונם לברכה [אבות פ"ד מ"ה], עברה גוררת עברה ומצוה גוררת מצוה, שאם תשית דעתך למלאות תאותך הרעה פעם אחת תמשך אחריה כמה פעמים, ואם תזכה להיות גבור בארץ לכבוש יצרך ולעצום עיניך מראות ברע פעם אחת יקל בעיניך לעשות כן כמה פעמים. כי התאוה תמשוך הבשר כמשוך היין אל שותיו, כי הסובאים לא תשבע נפשם לעולם ביין אבל יתאוו אליו תאוה גדולה, ולפי הרגילם נפשם בו תחזק עליהם תאותם, ולו ישתו שם כוס מים יפוג יקוד אש תאות היין ויערב להם. כן הדבר הזה, כל איש בהרגילו בתאוות ובהתמידו בהן יחזק עליו יצרו הרע יום יום, ובהמנעו מהם ישמח בחלקו תמיד כל היום, ויראה כי האלקים עשה את האדם ישר והמה בקשו חשבונות רבים ללא תועלת של כלום.
• ר' חיים פרידלנדר זצ"ל כתב עצה נפלאה לשמירת העיניים (ראה 'שפתי חיים' מועדות, בפרק 'דרך של עליה' ח"א). הוא אומר שאם הברירה שאנו מציבים בפני עצמנו היא האם ליהנות מהסתכלות על אישה או להימנע מן ההנאה הזו, אנו נקלעים למאבק: ליהנות או ליהנות? גביע גלידה או גביע ריק? במקום זה עלינו לזהות את הרווח שבשמירת העיניים שלנו, לזכור את הזכות והקדושה העצומים שאנו יכולים להשיג משמירת העיניים. אם ננהג כך, הבחירה תלבש אופי אחר: האם לבחור בהנאה זו או בהנאה אחרת, בין גלידה לא-כשרה נהדרת לבין סעודת שבת מענגת בחיק המשפחה. זוהי בחירה הרבה יותר קלה.

From GYE Members

Importance

• Guarding your eyes is the foundation of every tool. Without it, the building is going to fall. Not doing so is feeding the lust(and the more you feed it, the hungrier it gets). #battle-of-the-gen
• My personal experience, that although I have a good filter etc if not for being very careful with shmiras ainayim whilst walking in the street, no way will I be able to stay clean, past few days it's getting Abit weaker by me but iyh very on top of it again! #Shnitzel and kugel

Looking Away

• One of the big problems I always had was Shmirat Einaim in public. One of the best things I saw on GYE (and heard from Duvid Chaim) is that the first look is on God and the second look is on me. If I notice a pretty woman, I accept that I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m still clean. I have to concentrate on not staring and not looking a second time. This is much more difficult on a bus or train when the woman is standing next to me or sitting across from me. In these situations, if I’m having a hard time, I say a quiet Tfilla to Hashem (from the GYE Handbook), “Hashem, I cannot control my lust. I ask you to take it from me.” It works! My next trick when in a public place is to take off my glasses. It works wonders in a restaurant or when going for an exercise walk. @Anonymous
  • One of my biggest challenges with Shmirat Einaim was the thought that it was impossible to keep this up forever. In the past, I have tried to control this, especially around Yom Kippur. However, inside, I would always think that it's impossible to do this forever. This would eventually lead to a few failures and finally giving up. I want to relate this to driving. First, driving has always been a trigger point for me. When I would be driving around in town, I would always be looking around to see if there were pretty women walking on the sidewalk, crossing in front of me, etc. My point is that when driving, you always have to watch where you're going. You have to watch for other cars, traffic signs, and pedestrians. I would never say that I can't forever watch where I'm driving and I'll just have to give up and drive without looking. It's the same with Shmirat Einaim. In the same way, I realize that I will always have to watch where I'm going when I drive, so I realize that I will always have to be careful about my eyes every time I leave the house. @Anonymous
• When I am in the street and I see something, I know that I need to find something else to look at immediately, no questions asked. Then when the urge comes to have a second look I try to take a few deep breaths and think about what will happen if I don't look again. It's sometimes hard to look away but I won't have to look at the sidewalk forever, as with most things, gam zeh ya'avor. This is not very difficult when I am strong, but when I am in a lustful state or feeling down emotionally it's very difficult to put up the fight. When I am seeking, and then I see something, it's like "mazal tov I can now feed this monster..." obviously makes it that much harder to look away. For this the only thing that works for me is to decide before I go out that even though I am not feeling my best, this is yehoreg v'al ya'avor, this takes priority. It doesn't always work but nothing else has worked better. #wilnevergiveup
• There is a saying here. The first look is on G-d the second look is on you. #Hakolhevel
• As for walking in the street, I'v found if you ignore and dont linger on a sight, it cant control you. If you're in a pretty bad part of the neighborhood (e.x. Manhattan) then try to walk looking down, yeah yeah "I look so stupid", "that's not for me, thats for the big Gedolim". Say whatever you want but it works #Meyer M.
• The eyes and mind are the two most important filters there are. Yes, you will see attractive women and some of the time they will be dressed immodestly, but it's how you react that will make all the difference. As addicts, we tend to fixate on things we shouldn't, we tend to think that if we look away we might be missing out on something... but the truth is there is no real enjoyment to be had from this filth! The sooner I realized that and the more clearer that has become, the better and longer I've remained sober. #Haleivi76

Davening for the Person

• My favorite tool for getting the thoughts out of my head is ignoring them. I have discovered that I really am the ba'al habos of my head...sometimes. If that' does not work, I make sure to try and do the diametric opposite of whatever my lust is: Meaning, instead of worshipping or sexually devouring the person or image or whatever, I pause and pray (with actual spoken words, in private) for the person or institution involved me'umka deliba as best I am able right then. Not for them to 'finally see the light and stop being so provocative or promiscuous` - that judgementalism poisons me no matter how much my morality agrees with it. It is more than useless. Rather, I daven that Hashem should give them health and comfort in this life and whatever is afterward, and that He grant them a progressive awareness of Him and of all the good in their lives, and that He give them clarity in how all the good in their lives comes from Him, and that he even grants them acceptance that all the hard times they may have in their long futures is a gift from Him somehow, and that they also have peace of mind to really do right by themselves and by G-d. Then I may ask for all the same for me: Health, Comfort, Progressive awareness of Him in my life, and Peace of mind.

• I also tried the davening approach; so I prayed for her, but I was praying that she and I would be holding hands by the Kosel (thru the mechitzah of course), both of us fervently praying that this relationship should last.
• Before I started the 90 day challenge whenever I saw a woman, only one thing popped into my mind which was driving me crazy, now after joining the 90 day challenge I don't have that problem as much. If I happen to see a woman in my mind I think to myself that  I just need to look away and that's it. Although sometimes these thoughts do come into my mind, it's much less. #Shnitzel and kugel

Daily Chizuk

• DAILY CHIZUK. I think this is HUGE. So much of the battle of GYE/porn/mast is done consciously, but so much of it is subconsciously. It's just the natural stirring of the mind that makes you really wanna jerk off, and eventually you just really need to do it. Daily chizuk, imo helps on both fonts. It obviously helps on the conscious level- on days that were struggling and feeling weak, it gives us that boost to get at it. But I'd like to venture to say that even on clean days or seemingly easy days, that you feel like you don't need the chizuk, that daily dose has its affect sub consciously and helps keep those stirrings at bay. It makes it harder for that beast in you to rear its head. I may be wrong, but this is what I think. #battle-of-the-gen
• The YH is constantly upgrading and refreshing his attacks, so we gotta do the same. Daily chizuk keeps us fresh and our head in the right direction. SO crucial because after a while of being clean, sometimes we forget how bad our falls can be. Gotta keep that daily juice. (Also my pointer from yesterday) GYE has many tools for chizuk from the forums(such amazing people) to Q and As etc Just one point which seems important, better to read a small amount and focus to internalize that rather than a bunch of things. Thinking deeply on one small thing can have a longer and stronger effect. #battle-of-the-gen

Other tips

• If you wear glasses and are courageous enough to remove them, do so. Before you go outside, daven to Hashem that He protect you. If you do see something triggering, remind yourself that you did not see a toy, but rather a real live person who has bills to pay, may not feel well, and no one has any right to "use" her for their fantasies. #HashemHelpme
• I am aware of a couple of different behaviors you can use there. If you became aware that a woman is there but have not seen anything that arouses you yet (hair, skin, shoes ...) then you can think "I cannot really know for sure that she's a beautiful woman." If you think that you will no longer want to check her out, so to speak. The emphasis in that thought is on the "for sure". The point is that you don't really, truly know the future (will she turn out to be beautiful?) On the other hand if you already saw some part of her that arouses you, then the typical behavior on GYE is to use surrender. #mzl

Surrender

• See Surrender.

Notes

• It seems like the model of how lust works is. You see (העין רואה), which leads you to crave (הלב חומד), which leads you to act. (See פוקח עורים פרק ח).
  • However, there's some more to it, see Urges. (Thoughts can be triggered by internal stimulation, and behaviors can sometimes precede urges)