Pause

This entry will discuss what to do before doing a technique.

References

• Big Index > Step Back
• Self Control Triad
• Azrin (1994)
• Thought-stopping. Tell yourself loudly to STOP; get up and do something else. Steinberg et al. Brief Counseling for Marijuana Dependence: A Manual for Treating Adults. Form 1A.
• Imagine a big, red STOP sign as soon as you feel the urge. Hold that image in your mind for as long as you can. [as a distraction] Glasner-Edwards, Suzette. The Addiction Recovery Skills Workbook: Changing Addictive Behaviors Using CBT, Mindfulness, and Motivational Interviewing Techniques (New Harbinger Self-help Workbooks) (p. 122). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.
• A most important tactic for rescuing behavior from an undesirable automatic condition is to insert new antecedents at the very time the old antecedents are about to begin their work. Self-speech antecedents are particularly useful when the “automatic” cue is also self-directed language. For example, you might stop saying to yourself, “I can’t resist eating this,” and say instead, “I can resist this.” Watson David L., T. R. G. (2013). Self-Directed Behavior: Self-Modification for Personal Adjustment. Cengage Learning. (See there for an explanation about why self-talk works)
• The next time you have a sexual urge, wait 60 seconds and  evaluate your options. You could look at pornography, you could work  on your homework, you could eat a banana, you could go to the gym,  you could read your favorite novel, you could talk with a friend, you could plan a date, you could study for an exam, you could apply for  your dream job, you could take a nap, you could practice mindfulness,  you could identify your emotions, or you could simply breath.  Now, evaluate which one of these options will move you toward  the life you want and which one will steer you away from what you value most. Viewing pornography is a passive way to live your life  attempting to avoid uncomfortable feelings and sensations. Staley, Cameron. Beginning Your Life After Pornography: Overcoming Your Struggle with Unwanted Pornography Viewing (p. 15). The Life After Series. Kindle Edition.

Recipes

• Escape
• Acknowledge the Urge. Check in with your values. Then Surf the Urge The Happiness Trap (pp. 116-117)
• Stop - Shift out of Autopilot. Observe your thoughts and feelings. Focus on your breathing for a few breaths. Expand your awareness to your whole body. Choose which action you want to do. SOBER
• Acknowledge that you don't need to give in. Gratitude breathing. Tell yourself that your urge wants you do something which is only good in the short term, but you won't do it since it's bad in the long term. Then Connect via an act of kindness. FRC
• Step back and observe. Realize what is happening. (i.e. be on the alert for urges, so that you catch them early.). Take a few breaths. Connect to your values. Respond in a healthy way. STAR
• Stop what you are doing and admit you are in a danger zone (e.g. say "This is porn and I need to stop!"). The get as far away as possible. If it's just a thought, shift your attention. Maltz (2008) See Escape.

Analysis

• Required: Shifting out of autopilot is a recurring theme, this can be done acknowledging the urge, or by just thinking STOP.
• Optional: Escape.
• Optional: Relax
  • Option 1: Become present (observe thoughts and feelings, focus on breaths, expand awareness). SOBER.
  • Option 2: Gratitude Breathing. FRC
  • Option 3: Just take a few breaths. STAR.
• Optional: Connect to your values. The Happiness Trap, STAR, in FRC this is done with prewritten statements.
• Required: Respond, choose an action that you want to do. SOBER, STAR. In FRC, this is called Connect.
  • This can also be a distraction (Maltz), or Urge Surfing (The Happiness Trap).

Bottom line

There are elements here that can mix and matched with any of the techniques:

• Acknowledge the urge. ("I have an urge")
• Stop. Shift out of auto pilot. "STOP!") or Escape.
• Focus on breathing to relax, or do the full SOBER breathing space.
• Connect to your values, ask or remind yourself what you really want.
• Then proceed with your favorite strategy.

Cue Exposure

By Dr. Howard

One variable in this tactic is how long you confront your temptation for.

For example, as you feel a moderate urge coming on, you might focus on it with a strong mindset and a mantra, like, “I’m not going to let you control me!”

You might do this for 2 minutes before leaving the situation and distracting yourself with a different activity (see above).

Over time, you will be able to increase the length of your resistance, to the point where you will have retrained yourself and your brain and resistance will become a lot easier.

This strategy is called Cue Exposure and Response Prevention and it is a great, and proven way to develop your self-control. As well as confronting temptation itself, you can confront the cues or circumstances that can bring on temptation.

From GYE Members

• Today I started getting a slight urge ... I banged my hand against the table in a gesture of "NO! not going there" , all my good ideas are very good after the initial decision that it's not even a remote option to let the urge go further. The sefer divrei yechezkal (shinev) says by yosef hatzadik on the word  וַיְמָאֵ֓ן ‎(he denied to be with the wife of potiphar)   the reason there is a shalsheles there is that when the yetzer comes to a person to tell him to sin, don't start to argue and explain to him why not to do it, he's much smarter than you and you'll lose...just say NO!!!!!!  3 times!then you can start having discussions and telling him the reasons... @DavidT